Scene 4.15 - Finale
INT. Palladium Theatre
(SIMAK leads ASIMOV, CLARKE, HEINLEIN and WELLS, all completely stoned, to the booth.)
SIMAK
Upstairs! Hurry! The show's gonna start! Quickly, come on! I found the crew, sir!
THE BARON
(Holding RONNIE'S hand aloft, seated next to her, massaging her fingers as she smiles at him and he stares only at her.) Fine, fine. Have a seat, gentlemen, the show's about to begin.
HEINLEIN
(Sits in a throne-looking chair, feeling the fabric of the armrests:) Wow, now this is first class!
SLAAG
Try the wine, Mr. Heinlein, it's divine, so divine!
ASIMOV
Ms. Azalea, are you going to eat zem truffles?
AZALEA
(Uses fan, crosses arms:) Have at, I've done all the eating I'm going to do tonight.
WELLS
Look! There's that annoying little man again. Why did they pick him to be the emcee?
CLARKE
For the same reason they have you eat a stale cracker before a taste-test. They show you something ugly before they show you something beautiful, so you like it more.
SIMAK
Aye, it's hard to believe that used to be a Verne clone now.
EMCEE
Now I know you fellas are still talking about that first act, but didn't I tell you that you'd see something special? (Hoots, jeers) Now if you wanna see a little bit more, and maybe a whole lot more (yowl) you gotta make these ladies feel appreciated! So show them your appreciation, fellas, as I once again present to you the one-and-only, World Famous American Pussycat Players!
(Men go crazy as the curtain goes up and the women are in 1930s swimsuits and are wearing pumps. The backdrop looks like a tropical-beach theme; before South Pacific, of course. They are lying on towels and are kicking and moving one leg to the music.)
POPPY
(Bathing cap:) Now here's a little story, that ain't happened yet.
LOTUS
(Blouse:) It ain't nine-eleven, and it's notta 'bout Tet.
IRIS
(Belt:) They came from the East, on a quiet, Sunday mornin'
LILY
(Sunglasses:) And their Zeroes sunk our navy, without givin' any warnin'
PIXIE
(Earrings:) So we went on to Midway, and got good at island-hoppin'
DAISY
(Skirt:) And once we got started, well, there wasn't any stoppin'
(The Trinity-nuclear-test film reel appears on a scrim behind them, colorized. The other women catch up with each other until all are only in swimsuit and pumps.)
ALL WOMEN ONSTAGE
Pearl Harbor musta started it all
Before that we were having a ball
We were once Hitler's best friend
He had lotsa money to spend
Our depression had us fetchin' for all
(Bikini Island nuclear-footage ignites as all ladies have a perfectly-choreographed "wardrobe accident" where all ladies are now in bikini swimsuits. They lash a fish-net across two palm trees and play with a beach ball, not caring if it goes over the net. Everyone cheers through the musical interlude; the girls are seen in the background.)
RONNIE
(Still staring, smiling:) These are the best truffles I've ever tasted, Julian.
THE BARON
(He's managed to lean in a little:) You flatter me endlessly. You like the wine? It's a special blend.
RONNIE
Mmm. It's good, really good. I'm getting tipsy. Don't lose respect for me if I lose my head and do things a good girl really shouldn't do.
THE BARON
Maybe the wine's really talking sense into you, telling you what you should have done all along.
(THE BARON tries for a kiss but RONNIE teases him away and giggles.)
RONNIE
You're bad. (She grabs the empty wine bottle and inverts it.) Oh, look! All gone.
THE BARON
Oh, there's plenty more of that.
RONNIE
Nah, you're out. No more Glacier Gold, just that sour-tasting stuff over there that you said was sparkling wine.
THE BARON
Yes. Bubble a la Vernassi, one of my lesser triumphs. It should have been called Bubble a la Vernasty. I told Lubriesco that grapefruits were no substitute for grapes. (He feeds her a truffle.) But that's another time, another place. There's more Glacier Gold back at the mansion. I got cases of it in the wine cellar.
RONNIE
(Swallows hard, pleasantly excited:) You've got a wine cellar?
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