Scene 7.12 - Trying Times
INT. Salvation's Path, Geronimo Bay - November 17th, 1806
MS: TUNNEL
(Here's where I venture from the traditional plot. I know: You're saying, "Yeah. Right. The fork in the road began with the ghetto rowboat.")
MASTER POKE
Dig! What is the proper way to set a table?
(They're in a small tunnel, lit with a little candle, digging.)
MONTY
Parallel - Left to right; Salad Fork, Dinner Fork, Plate, Spoon, Soup Spoon-
MASTER POKE
(Points staff at MONTY'S anus, ready to live up to his namesake.) Above the plate!
MONTY
(Smooth.) Fencing and Cutting Daggar, Throwing and Stabbing Daggar, Cigarette Case, Soup Bowl, Chocolate Tray, Dessert Plate, Dessert Fork horizontal between plates, Water Glass, Beverage Glass, Sugar Cup, Silver Spoon, Syringe, Absinthe Glass, Ashtray, Matchbook.
MASTER POKE
Correct! To be a Master, one must first learn how to serve. At a table, from which direction do you approach the guest?
MONTY
From the right; to the left, left, left, left... to the left, left, left, left...
MASTER POKE
Gender preference when taking their order?
MONTY
Ladies, boys, girls, men.
MASTER POKE
Excellent, Grass-Burner. You've done enough digging for today. Let us take a break and go to my cell.
MONTY
I'm all for that, old man.
LS: The temple.
(We crawl to his spread. It looks as if someone had converted the set of Camelot to a Bhuddist monastery. He even has access to a walled-in, outdoor plaza enhanced with a lily garden and a coy pond. The pagodas are minimal, but the bright, solid-color, silk drapes and the lit-white-candle-racks are everywhere. He has a tree of marijuana shadowing a small, cultivated Bonzai forest of bud growing in the center of the cell, where sunlight pours in. Flowers and vines that blossom adorn the walls; it's as good a cell can get, I suppose.)
MONTY (Cont'd)
I need to be nicer to the warden.
MASTER POKE
Come, Grass-Burner, our little Darling Darla has begun to bud! We should take advantage of sampling the fist bud from the cola. I've warmed it at 150 degrees all night -- it should be dry and ready to cook...
MONTY
Cool beans! I'll get the Raspberry Wine.
MASTER POKE
No, no, Monty... (Smells bud and puts in pipe.) For this day, get the Pear Wine.
MONTY
But that bottle is unopened...
MASTER POKE
This is a special occasion.
MONTY
(Thinks he gets it... it's gotta be today; his calendar is accurate... hands the bottle to POKE, who is busy loading the bowl and politely nods no, so MONTY, like a perfect wine steward, opens the bottle and presents the cork. [Treat it like red wine; served at room temperature. There's no ice within several latitudinal lines, and this ain't The Mosquito Coast.]) Not that special, we smoked the last of Darla's sister Brenda this morning. The cork, sir...
MASTER POKE
(Sniffs it, pleased.) We're due a visitor.
MONTY
A visitor?
(A raven flies in to the chamber. The bird perches in the marijuana tree above them and squawks.)
MONTY (Cont'd)
(Amazed.) How did you?
MASTER POKE
Uh- ah... (Smirks; plays-it-off:) I was referring to our friend the warden. Today's my anniversary; my day for her special visit.
MONTY
(Confused:) Of course! I thought of that this morning, but then I thought I might have been mistak- must I hide? Do I have enough time to leave?
MASTER POKE
Oh no, her near-silent footfalls are just beyond the door now. You're not leaving; not today.
(SADIE enters. Temple, check. Big Buddha statue, check. Running brook, check. Poke and Bureaucrat- Well, this is new...)
SADIE
(Okay; surprised. Immediately familiar and coy.) Oh! Say, what do we got here, Poke? Bureaucrat? What, a new apprentice? Hey Bureaucrat, he tell you what happened to his other one? So he's been the one teaching you how to groom yo-self?
MASTER POKE
Mistress Conn, you know my other apprentice took to the dark side; please do not speak of him.
SADIE
...Off'd hisself with some auto-asphyxiation S&M racket. Not the best way to go, Bureaucrat, self-pleasure has its limits...
MASTER POKE
He's a star pupil -- I've already taught him to read and write in three ancient languages -- and he can speak Latin!
SADIE
Any monkey could do that. (Swigs wine. Heavy toke.) While you were at it, you teach him how to draw a map to yer Lost City?
MASTER POKE
No. (Tokes, cashes, reloads with more Darling Darla.) Thanks for bringing that up. I won't tell anybody, Sadie. Not even you.
SADIE
Come on... It's why you're really here; you obviously want to tell me. We could both get off this rock that way. Something to do.
MASTER POKE
(Tokes, passes.) I have my own ambition.
SADIE
Digging under the plumbing to the master greenhouse- (Tokes.) Not so great an ambition.
MASTER POKE
(Passes.) Ambition nonetheless.
SADIE
While you're making a gardener out of Bureaucrat, make him an artist. If you won't have him draw a map to the Lost City for me, teach him how to draw some tatts; good ones. Bernie died last month and he was my favorite -- he did a couple of my best.
(Shows-off a colorful, gothic-font, gangsta tramp-stamp that says: Tramp4Life.)
MASTER POKE
Yes. We would require tools, a stylus, ink, and cow hides for practice.
SADIE
I'll give him the needles; sew up them clothes you got. You boys look like you've been wearing those rags for years. (Tokes.) Wear some of this silk you got all hanging around this temple... I'll get you your hides, old man, but there isn't a bull within a thousand miles of here. Boar hides, yes, bull-hides, no. You ain't told him where he's at? Where you diggin' to, Bureaucrat?
MONTY
(Pause.) Ah, uh, the outer wall; Northwest.
SADIE
Oh, oh... the shack behind the greenhouse. Give no quarter to foolish pursuits, Bureaucrat. I'll tell you straight and save you some time. Escape is impossible, Bureaucrat. Impossible. You leave when I say you leave. (Quick hit, passes.) Some scheme... the water shack, huh? I bet you he told you that there's a boat out there.
(Cold stare.)
MASTER POKE
(Shrugs it off.) There- was a boat there.
SADIE
Yeah, like forever ago... like when you first showed up. Rats got the U-S "Molly May" that winter and it sank a year after that. It's rudder was all broke and it had been scavenged long before you even got here. Good luck, Bureaucrat, there's only a leper colony or an island of cannibals within swimmin' distance of this rock, and you don't wanna see neither.
MONTY
I- appreciated the shared illusion of freedom, Old Man. I appreciate the path we have shared.
SADIE
Aw, Poke, did you get his hopes up? Hey Bureaucrat, you think you got what it takes to be a Shower-Lynn Priest? To walk through walls and stuff?
MONTY
How do you know about-
MASTER POKE
He was only a little pet project; only a prospect; I chose not to share him with you, until now -- I was not yet confident of his abilities-
MONTY
Really? Excuse me? I dig fourteen feet through solid bedrock across the courtyard for a phantom ghost ship for put-'er-near three years and now you're the one who's not confident?
SADIE
A prospect... My name is Dr. Sadie, Bureaucrat. Dr. Sadie Rachett-Conn. You're officially off of all medication, starting now.
MONTY
Doctor?
SADIE
Yes. You've were committed to my care. (Long beat.) You're in an insane asylum off the coast of South America; near South Brazil. (Beat.) This is a hospital; you're a patient of mine. (Clasps his shoulder, gently.) Relax; it's okay; we're all insane -- I'm just in charge.
MONTY
What?
SADIE
Well, there's Poke; like you, he is practically sane. Unlike you, he is free to go; but he still wants to be my patient nonetheless and I want him to tell me where the Lost City is.
MONTY
I don't understand.
SADIE
I released him long ago. He voluntarily re-admitted himself to this facility -- If he desires it, he is discharged from my care.
MONTY
What!?! You mean you can just say you want to leave and you can leave???
SADIE
Very few people are truly committed to this facility, Bureaucrat. There's you, the political prisoner on sub-level nine, oh, oh yeah, he died... the catatonic lady in the dungeon who sleepwalks -- why she's half of my day sometimes -- and then there's you, and...
(SADIE plucks a seed from POKE'S tray. She holds it in her palm.)
MONTY
Isn't there a point to this visit? Weren't you here to celebrate this anniversary by torturing him or something?
SADIE
Where'd you learn your street-wise manners, boy?
MONTY
My mutha, what's it to ya?
SADIE
Where is she?
MONTY
Dead.
SADIE
Your father?
MONTY
Pap's dead. They're all dead.
SADIE
I'm gonna burn your records, Bureaucrat. You're dead, too. You no longer exist. We're gonna violate that doctor-violating patient relationship and I'm gonna violate you as your teacher instead; and I'll train you to violate others in ways they never knew existed. Any man who would follow the aimless path of this coot deserves either sainthood or a swift end. (Extends her open palm. A cool scar of a burn in the shape of a pot-leaf dominates her tattoos on her extended forearm.) As quickly as you can, take the seed from my hand.
(He tries while SADIE is distracted, chugging the pear wine. SADIE closes her hand, MONTY looks to his palm, a little hopeful...)
SADIE (Cont'd)
(Didn't even look. Smooth:) When you can take the seed from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.
MONTY
(Bows:) I understand.
SADIE
Welcome to the Order Of The Shower-Lynn, Student. Respect your master and mistress and you will learn much; will be much.
MASTER POKE
A perfect man. (Having rolled a phantastic blunt-joint of Darling Darla in the meantime; lights it. Drags deeply.) Let's celebrate!
FTB