Scene 10.14 - The Bad
EST: INT.ROOM WITH THREE DOORS INSIDE ATAVACHRON
CUT TO: MS: NANCY'S HOLOGRAM
(The two venture through a vestibule, and immediatley are assaulted with voices from nowhere.)
JYNX V.O.
Sorry, is this a bad time? Mind if we go back to what I was talking about?
VYLENCIA
I think we've got a few more options to discuss.
MORLOCK V.O.
Seven thousand quatloos says she's still clueless.
CANDY V.O.
You're on. I think she's already guessed it.
JYNX V.O.
I'm in, Nancy?
NANCY
Hard to tell; I'll have to referee on this one. Hey Poopsie, you figured this out yet?
VYLENCIA
You talking to me?
(CANDY and MORLOCK and JYNX all laugh.)
NANCY
Who else?
JYNX V.O.
You win, Manny.
MORLOCK V.O.
Six thousand quatloos says she's still clueless.
CANDY V.O.
I'm not taking that one.
VYLENCIA
What is this? You think yourselves real gamesters, don't you? Where I am from, we don't bet over trifles like quatloos. Where I come from, we make real wagers with real stakes.
JYNX V.O.
Yes? What do you propose to wager?
VYLENCIA
I want to get to the bottom of this and quick. I'm tired of pussy-footing around.
NANCY
Very well. Won't you come with me, Vy?
VYLENCIA
Again? (Points ahead of herself:) What's this door? The ugly?
NANCY
Maybe. You're gonna see us as we really are and maybe then you'll understand why we've been trying to- never mind. Open Sez-a-me!
(The door slides upward, revealing a cold, narrow, mist-filled, corridor. NANCY leads and VYLENCIA follows, lighting a joint.)
NANCY (Cont'd.)
You said you want to know the real deal. Go on.
(NANCY disappears.)
VYLENCIA
Hmmmm.
JYNX V.O.
Wish you could pass that...
VYLENCIA
Hmmmm. (Tokes deeply.) Your loss...
(VYLENCIA stands alone at the third door.)
VYLENCIA
This can't be right.
JYNX V.O.
We're all in here, Vylencia.
VYLENCIA
Oh yeah? Everything okay?
JYNX V.O.
I wouldn't say okay, but let's say things are as good as they can be. (Pause.) Ms. Pensacola, I'm going to open this door and I want you to try to remember that we're all friends, okay?
AZALEA
Okay.
(The door slides upward, revealing a cross between Hector in Saturn 3 and the robot in The Terminator and the reconstructed thing in Hardware. Apparently; JYNX is a hideous cyborg or something.)
JYNX
Please do not be alarmed or frightened.
VYLENCIA
Not at all! I see you're a model after the old G-1 issue; I've seen historical sketches that ran along those lines.
JYNX
You're familiar with robotics?
VYLENCIA
Shhhtya! I would hope so. I own the frickin' moon; of course I'm familiar with robotics!
JYNX
Let me ask you this: Do you think it's possible to put a human consciousness into an artificial human?
VYLENCIA
Seems that you're living proof that it's possible. You could get an upgrade, you know. Robots are much much more lifelike, now. Some folks like me get fooled all the time.
JYNX
Well, that's precisely what we wish to discuss with you.
VYLENCIA
Who is we?
(Enter a triple-cross between Hel from Metropolis, Ziggy Stardust and Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show showcased in three vibrant primary colors: Red [CANDY] Yellow [NANCY] Blue [MORLOCK].)
VYLENCIA
Well, I'll be damned.
(Enter a cross of the wayward bomb-disabling robot from Remote Control and the wayward Number Five from Short Circuit.)
ROMEO
Can you give me an upgrade, too?
VYLENCIA
Sure I can! I can have the schematics on Osiris sent to a replicator here within the hour. Now will you guys stop with the freaky movies in my head?
JYNX
We are truly sorry if we caused you any duress. We didn't mean any harm; we merely... sought you out.
VYLENCIA
Oh yeah? You could have just sent me an email, I would have helped.
VERNE
I assure you, we'll take no active part in your dreams, or anyone else's dreams, anymore.
VYLENCIA
Sounds like a plan! Hmmm. Lessee, Romeo, you probably want version nine of the male sex-bot line... I think he's called Todd The Rod, real popular among the inmates; we got a butt-load in storage cuz they're kinda rough with him, but you'll do fine in one s'longsyu keep your ass out of the pokey. Now Jynxie, this military-monster overlord look doesn't really do you justice. I can see how you feel trapped inside a body you can't really call your own. You need that sensitive-yet-verile, wise, old, but-not-too-old professor look; so how about a chap from the Hawking line? He's like a half Einstein, half Elvis with a little Ricky Martin thrown in for good measure, and except for the twenty-five-year-old blonde John Denver-lookin' ones, most appear to be about thirty-five years old and all bots I make come with a lunar lifetime warranty.
JYNX
(Towering at nine feet.) How tall would I be?
VYLENCIA
How tall? I think we make them between... five-foot-seven and six-three.
JYNX
Six-three, six-three!
VYLENCIA
Whateverz. Tell you what -- I'm gonna call up our catalog, you all can pick out your bot-bods yourselves, and remember the military ones are more durable and, if you ask me, much sexier: People can't resist liking a robot in uniform.
DOLLY OUT
(NANCY, CANDY and MORLOCK clamor exitedly and adorn VYLENCIA with metallic hugs and quicksilver kisses while ROMEO tries to high-five JYNX who is trying to low-five ROMEO as we retreat through the door out of the room. The door slowly descends.)
FTB