Scene 5.10 - Miracle Man
INT. St. Martin's Hospice For Our Lady Of Mercy
EST. St. Martin's Clinic And Hospice
(WELLS at a nurses' station for a very understaffed clinic and a very busy barrio hospice. Faintly, one can hear the oom-pa’ oom-pa’ oom-pa’ oom-pa’ of Norte-Latino music covering the neighborhood. Actually, many casas are having a fiesta and doing a custom day-of-the-dead-kind-of-celebration in an odd way now that work is over and done with and the various tones of several brassy bands meld into a common background beat for all to enjoy until the wee hours of morning. Occasionally, you hear a wailing man singing of love and devotion and being macho in fluent Spanish from some truck passing by. Everybody’s Hispanic; the staff, the patients, the janitor. Some are a mix of many races, like a one-fourth African, one-fourth Puerto Rican, one-fourth Haitian, one-fourth Guero, for instance. Whatever the mix, ensure that WELLS is the only pure Caucasian in the scene.)
WELLS
No mam, I'm not here as a patient, I'm here to volunteer my services for the patients.
CAMEO TWENTY
(Eyeing his jester costume, she’s seen 'em wear more ludicrous outfits in the past, so maybe:) You're a doctor?
WELLS
That's what I've been trying to tell you. Went to med-school at T-I-T, top of my class.
CAMEO TWENTY
Sir, er, Doctor, this is highly irregular, which hospital are you from?
WELLS
None. I just thought I’d stop in, look at a few patients, maybe help cut some corners for some of them.
CAMEO TWENTY
(Raises her eyebrows; she hear right? Stated:) Cut corners. I'm going to get Doctor Twenty-Five. He might be with a patient, so it may be a few minutes, okay? Have a seat, I'll be right back.
(WELLS sits and picks up an old, ratty copy of Highlights. He laughs at Goofus and Gallant. It seems that Goofus goofed again.)
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
(Seated next to him.) Mi hombre, you really a doctor? I been waiting here all day.
WELLS
What's the trouble?
CAMEO TWENTY
I got this broken wrist, and my boss won't let me back to work until it's in a cast.
WELLS
(Dropping the mag, amazed, like witnessing a decapitation, gingerly-cradling the wrist:) Good grief, man, how long has it been broken?
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
Since last night, I punched a wall instead of my wife. Hit a stud. Gotta patch a hole, now. Can't do it with my wrist b-
WELLS
(Gingerly touching it, relishing the moment of seeing severe bruising:) I- I've never seen one broken for this long! Haven't you taken anything for the... pain?
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
No. Well, there was an ice-pack after; and aspirin after my wife and I had our make-up sex.
WELLS
Okay, what I normally would prescribe is for you to smoke a hefty blunt for the next few minutes, but you'll have to settle for doing a stiff shot of whatever's in your liquor cabinet as soon as you get home, ok? Call it treating for shock -- Doctor's orders. You may feel a jolt.
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
Okay. But what about my arm?
WELLS
(Smiling:) What about your arm?
(WELLS set it and healed it with a mere laying-of-the-hand.)
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
How did you do that? (Shows the others a perfectly mobile, more-faintly-bruised wrist, no more pain:) It's magic!
(A few take notice and continue to watch the two.)
WELLS
No, it's science. It's all how you look at the bone; it's mostly all in the same dimension, right?
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
But I didn't feel a thing!
WELLS
That's because I did it in a virtual dimension, so I could do it from the inside.
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
But it's completely healed!
WELLS
(Makes a fist, raises and shakes it slightly on strong:) I also gave your arm a few extra virtual-healing years to get it good and strong. I'll admit, combat surgeons usually only give it a few virtual-healing months, but me? I like to be sure. You still gotta wanna use that wrist for at least few more hundred years, right? Why worry about it aching?
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
(Shakes WELLS’ hand with it.) It's a miracle! (Reaching for wallet.) What do I owe you for this, Doctor?
WELLS
Compliance. Go buy yourself a punching bag, or take up yoga, but no more throwing fists at the wife, you get me?
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
Si! Loud and clear!
CAMEO TWENTY-TWO
Hey, hey Doctor, I- I got this tumor in my belly and I'm in here today to check on a spot in my lung.
WELLS
Get over here.
CAMEO TWENTY-THREE
I got shot in a drive-by last night!
WELLS
(Employing the craft of triage expertly:) Stay seated, young man, you'll be next, okay?
WELLS (Cont'd)
(At CAMEO TWENTY-TWO'S lung:) Oh, that? Just that? Huh, a few benign tumors and a load of arterial sclerosis. Totally natural from this polluted planet. It's only cancerous -- they must be trying to milk your insurance company.
CAMEO TWENTY-TWO
(Head down:) I don't have any insurance.
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS
Shhya... you don't have any cancer anymore, either.
CAMEO TWENTY-TWO
My breathing, it's perfect!
WELLS
It's natural, we're supposed to evolve, ya know? 'N don't keep toxifying yourself with those heart meds you're taking.
CAMEO TWENTY-TWO
But I need my heart meds-
WELLS
Not anymore, I got it all clean in there now. Take up jogging, and stop eating all those spicy foods and level your salt intake or all will be undone. No extra habaneros, Doctor's orders! Next!
CAMEO TWENTY-THREE
Well, I really didn't get shot in a drive-by, I was just kidding, 'bout that, truthfully, I just-
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS
I know, I know -- how is your sprained ankle feel now?
CAMEO TWENTY-THREE
Oh wow! How did you do that? You didn't even touch me!
WELLS
Not on the outside. Tell me how you sprained it, I'll tell you how I fixed it.
CAMEO TWENTY-THREE
I was practicing my lay-ups, fell flat on my face; Coach is worried plenty, I gotta game Tuesday, you saved me, Doc.
(WELLS does perfect laying-of-skin and respect and disrespect knuckles over the next line.)
WELLS
Well, most doctors just want to give you treatment, I want to give you improvement.
(A line has formed and nobody cares if he's a real doctor or not, he's free and cures.)
CAMEO TWENTY-FOUR
Cure me! I have cancer!
WELLS
Lemme see.
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS (Cont'd)
Oh, that? That's so common, that's nothing, that's so rouitine! Here, here, say ahhhh...
CAMEO TWENTY-FOUR
Ahhhhh...
WELLS
Now say it with me, ahhhhhhh....
CAMEO TWENTY-FOUR
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS
Ahhhhh-ll gone. Okay, next!
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
What's going on here? I'm Dr. Twenty-Five, can I help you?
(The mob excitedly tells the doctor with excitement what they've seen.)
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE (Cont’d)
What kind of cruel jokes are you playing on these people? They're sick.
WELLS
Not anymore. It's no prank, no hocus-pocus, just some good old-fashioned doctorin' and some bedside manner.
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS (Cont'd)
Lemme see, now you, you've been “treated” for colon cancer, and you got a nasty, nasty, inoperable brain tumor.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
I'm an oncologist; I know what I've got. Who are you?
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS
What you had. I'm nobody special. Good thing I caught that before it got too tricky, that brain stuff is way delicate and my cohort is really the specialist in that arena and he's somewhere else doing who-knows-what.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
(Not believing it; despite the undeniable fact that the thundering, pounding headache he has endured for eighteen months is suddenly absent. Like the end of a toothache with a swift pull and twist, the removal of the pain itself is always pleasing, yet numbing, and the euphoria and exhilaration is always wholly temporary. The knowledge of its absence is absolute and permanent:) Who are you, do I need to call the police?
(The mob silences that notion. People are calling relatives, talking about the cures to their ailments.)
WELLS
This isn't a stunt, I just look at the human body a little differently, kinda from another angle, that's all. I'm a doctor, not a miracle-man. I sure as heck can't cure everything...
INTENTIONAL JUMP CUT
WELLS
(To CAMEO TWENTY, playful, like he's talking to the baby and can see it inside her womb, patting her belly, even though she's barely showing:) ...Mmm, I don't know his name, but I know he's gonna be a bouncing baby boy!
CAMEO TWENTY
(Smiling now:) It's a prank you're playin' on me, for my baby shower tomorrow, did you set this up, Doctor?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
I've never seen this man before in my life.
CAMEO TWENTY-THREE
Hey, you wanna open your mind a little, Doc? This guy's the real-deal! I feel perfect!
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
(Ever-skeptical; it’s Halloween after all. It’s got to be a very unfunny trick:) Why are you doing this?
WELLS
I took an oath. It's my mind; (Taps head-) mind technology. Wanna show me what chore workin' on back-there?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
You're lucky. (Not a trace of the headache, and his breathing is easier, much easier; he is personally moved by it:) I actually believe in miracles, or I'd have already thrown you out.
WELLS
Just give me another ten minutes or so, then I'll be on my way. Just a little look at any of the people that I can help.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
(Compassionate, yet strong:) Give him a mask; I'm not gonna entertain this any longer. If you're a charlatan, I'll see to it that charges are brought against you and that you lose any medical license you claim to have. If you're not a doctor, I'll personally make you a patient. Come, but don't touch anyone. (Takes a breath, a tear forms but does not fall. Inwardly, he knows -- the cancer is gone; he will live on. Resolute:) If you are some kind of... faith-healer, I wanna see what you do in my terminal ward.
(He boldly strides down a long hall with a checkered linoleum floor. WELLS receives a surgical mask from CAMEO TWENTY and follows CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE, bells jingling all-the-while.)
DISSOLVE TO: