Scene 7.06 - The Real World, Part 6
ANIMATION STYLE 2
EST: INT. Mess Hall, U.S.S.S. Enrapture
(RONNIE, BUNION, AZALEA, and two beef-cake security-officer cameos [CAMEO NINETEEN and CAMEO TWENTY-FOUR] are all getting hammered at the bar. Well, the security officers aren't drinking too heavily; because despite their interest in the women, they're still trying to look official and at-watch and all that. No one, however, can pass-up BUNION'S Triple-Trifecta-100%-Angorian-Blue-Hair-Blunt that seems to have a mysterious quality of slow-burning that allows it to be toked constantly throughout the scene, yet is only an inch shorter at the scene's end.)
AZALEA
(Going to stage-platform, fiddling under the bunting, then up on stage, messing with the hinges of the magic closet door.) Just one more minor alteration and I'll be all set for the show.
RONNIE
Okay, I think I've got how this is going to go. I just say that one line and-
AZALEA
Just stand on this mark, and when the shuttle comes 'round, act surprised. Don't move and the holograms will-
RONNIE
So that's really kind of like a time-closet?
AZALEA
(Crosses to bar. Tokes.) The British call it a police box, and Americans call it a phone-booth. No clue why. It's- huh, well, a good magician never reveals her secrets, but yeah, there's a relative-time-suspension field in there that lets me-
RONNIE
Think I could try it out?
AZALEA
Try it out?
RONNIE
Yeah, you know, me and these boys might have to go in there and take a gander at it, just to be sure it's safe.
AZALEA
Safe? There's nothing that special about-
RONNIE
(Touches AZALEA'S arm:) You know, it might really be dangerous in there and all, perhaps I should go in there with a security team and check it out for you, just to be sure it's working properly.
AZALEA
Wha? Why of course! You're right! Better make sure that the interior is sound -- and with these two, big, strong security dudes escorting you-
RONNIE
(To the guard who hesitates only because he was guarding AZALEA:) Right, right... Come on, she's not going anywhere. Bring that bottle, too. I need to be topped-off.
BUNION
(Could care less about where the bottle is going. Looks to the blunt in RONNIE'S hand.) Ah! Uh-uh, that stays here at the bar.
RONNIE
(One last, quick toke. Passes to BUNION:) Oh, yes. How careless of me. Come on, boys. Hmmm... Also, I think my uniform may be a little out-of-place, perhaps one or two of you can help me adjust it to fit right-
(The two "red-shirt" men look at one another, and a beat later they both dash to open the closet doors for the curvy lady Admiral-)
RONNIE
Back in a few, Love.
AZALEA
More than a few, I imagine. (Waves a hand, sipping a Cosmo:) Take your time. Two minutes in there is ten seconds out here. In an hour, I'm going in to drag you out if you haven't come-
RONNIE
I don't think there's gonna be a problem with any of that, catch you on the rebound; my love.
AZALEA
Have fun.
RONNIE
I shall! (Seeing the doors opened for her, she smiles. The men slightly bow:) Oooh! What gentlemen!
(She winks to the ladies at the bar and the three go inside the small closet -- from the outside, it would appear to be large enough to only hold one person comfortably, but from the echo-sounds as she enters and exclaims her excitement by whistling, one can infer that the interior is massive, like a large sound stage. The men follow and the closet door slowly closes. Click.)
BUNION
Good, I've gotten you alone.
AZALEA
What do you mean?
BUNION
(Taps head:) Power of suggestion. The Admiral considered a randy notion on her own, so I nurtured an opportunity. (Pause.) Commodore, I need to be able to speak with you alone.
AZALEA
Really? What do you need to talk with me about?
BUNION
A trick of a different type. Your show this evening-
AZALEA
Yes?
BUNION
I want you to do something special for me.
AZALEA
What's that?
BUNION
(Produces a small box with a digital display of marked coordinates on a map with a blinking cursor, denoting a target.) I want you to take this box to the shuttle you will be using tonight. From the shuttle, I want you to beam the box to these coordinates on Tellusia.
AZALEA
What's in the box? Why?
BUNION
(Pause.) I want to destroy something, and I believe I can only rely on you.
AZALEA
I'm not following you, what is it that you want?
BUNION
I'm not sure if you know this, but my home world was destroyed by a collective of alien bureaucrats called the Board. They destroyed my home planet and made my race an endangered specie.
AZALEA
Oh yes! I'm quite aware of that! I'm no friend of the Board. My fleet has fought with the Board on many occasions. You know, I'm aquainted with another survivor from your home planet. A Commodore Kira...
BUNION
I- sensed the presence of the... culture of my people within your memories. I believe I can trust you.
AZALEA
Of course you can!
BUNION
The Board used an ancient weapon -- stolen from a conquered race of benevolent beings -- to destroy my world. Although your famous Nevada Shipping Fleet managed to remove the Board's threat by eliminating all known elements of the Board in this quadrant, they overlooked destroying its most powerful weapon, which is right at our doorstep as we speak. The immediate threat of the Board is gone, but the weapon they used to destroy my homeworld remains. It's here, I feel it. It's on Tellusia right now, fifty thousand miles below us... (Points.) that way.
AZALEA
Yes! I- I see it!
BUNION
I'm sharing the images in my mind with you. I hope you don't find it to be too intrusive.
AZALEA
No, not at all -- quite the opposite -- very stimulating! What a trippy perspective you have!
BUNION
This weapon is elusive -- it can blink in and out of this Universe at will and if I try to destroy it myself, it will sense my presence and simply blink away, unharmed.
AZALEA
Why not tell your Captain? He has this big, scary warship at his command and the Board is a sworn enemy. As much of an asshat as he is towards me, It's obvious by his demeanor that he cares about his crew -- he would help you, I'm sure. Believe me, there isn't a soul in the fleet that doesn't want to get rid of the Board.
BUNION
No. This has to be between just you and I. My enemy is sentient; and is very cautious.
AZALEA
If I was a sentient weapon of mass-destruction, I guess I'd be pretty paranoid, too. So, you're suggesting I change my act around tonight in order to send this thing off?
BUNION
Yes, but I want you to do it willingly, with no mental persuasion from me. I want you to do it because you know it's the right thing to do.
AZALEA
Of course it is. You have my help. You don't need to persuade me.
BUNION
(Pause, sips, tokes, passes, sips again -- a bit more this time.) I was away when my planet was destroyed, but the sum telepathy of our planet's demise was felt by all the survivors of my planet, across The Universe. Images of that time.. ghost dreams... they flood my mind late at night when I'm alone, and sad...
(Receives. Downs the rest. Tokes.)
AZALEA
Nightmares! How terrible!
BUNION
(Passes.) My dreams will be less terrible if I know I destroyed the machine that killed my people.
AZALEA
How do you want me to help? You have a plan?
BUNION
Yes, I do. A very good plan, but I can't reveal all the details to you, or the Guardian will catch wind of it and run.
AZALEA
The- Guardian?
BUNION
That's what the evil machine calls itself, although it safeguards none. It is a device borne of pure evil; a soulless machine of no value.
AZALEA
(Tokes. Passes. Glances back as there is an interior knock and her time-closet rocks starboard-aft one time. Pause. Taps glass to be refilled.) I'll help you, Bunion, just tell me what you need me to do.
MS: BAR
JUMP CUT
CU: BABE WITH BIG... DRINK
FX: FRUITY, MULTI-LAYERED, FLA-VOR-ICE COLORED, ZOMBIE-ESQUE DRINK REFILLED AND ICED WITH COOL COSMIC UMBRELLA -- AS IF BY MAGIC -- ONLY THE MAGICIAN'S EYE CAN SEE ALL...
SOUND: BIONIC EYE BEEP FROM 70s TELEVISON SERIES
POV: AZALEA'S MAGIC-TRAINED EYE -- [INSERT BIONIC EYE-SEQUENCE HERE, IF APPLICABLE -- reference: The Six-Million-Dollar Man: The Secret Of Bigfoot.]
(AZALEA'S not greatly impressed; but luckily, it plays out because BUNION wasn't trying to impress, only to follow her planet's former credo: "To best be as she can be at her best, while toking frequently." BUNION added the last part herself, in the manner of how people append their fortune cookie readings with ", in bed." Strangely enough, the communal mindset of all the other survivors of her planet also appended the credo in similar fashion; in that, it is what remains to be known, so, in effect, it IS their credo. Cool slow-mo.)
BUNION
I'm glad I could count on you. (Cradles box. Passes joint and refilled drink.) The plan is tricky; it might take me some time to explain it in detail.
AZALEA
(Looks back to the closet. Silence.) She'll be in there a while. (Tokes, passes. Her chest is prominent.) I'm all ears.
BUNION
(Smiling.) That, and more...
FTB