Scene 9.02 - The Art Of War
EST: INT. SHIP SAILING ON A DROP OF WATER BETWEEN TWO GLASS MICROSCOPE SLIDES
(Reminiscent of Samuel Clemens' The Great Dark, JULIUS CAESAR commands a ship-of-the-line, which sails silently across complete blackness. The crew is comprised of JULIUS CAESAR [VERNE], GENGHIS KAHN [SIMAK], GEORGE WASHINGTON [CLARKE], ALEXANDER THE GREAT [WELLS], SHAKA [HEINLEIN], NAPOLEON BONAPARTE [ASIMOV].)
INT. Deck, U.S.S. Endeavor, Innerspace
(JULIUS CAESAR paces about the deck, populated by worried men -- each clothed in their traditional battle garments. JULIUS CAESAR is shouting orders in the storm as giant protoplasmic creatures swim about in a chaotic fashion -- hardly affected by the tempest -- dwarfing the formidible warship that appears like an itty-bitty crate in a Robert Turner painting.)
JULIUS CAESAR
([VERNE] Drenched, spitting into the heavy rain:) Full speed ahead, Mr. Kahn!
GENGHIS KAHN
([SIMAK] Pulling a mastline:) I'm givin' 'er all she's got, Captain!
GEORGE WASHINGTON
([CLARKE] Emphatic:) We should turn about! We may be pulled asunder!
JULIUS CAESAR
Noted. Mr. Washington... Full speed ahead, Mr. Bonaparte! We're almost there!
GENGHIS KAHN
Aye! We're at the point of no return, Captain!
ALEXANDER THE GREAT
([WELLS] Concerned:) The first mate's right! We're going to capsize, Julie!
JULIUS CAESAR
Nonsense! We're almost there! Steady at the helm, Mr. Shaka!
SHAKA
([HEINLEIN] Losing control at the helm:) Captain! Captain!
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
([ASIMOV] Looking through telescope:) Kiptin! Enudder crift izi preaching!
JULIUS CAESAR
What?!? What!?!
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
Did ahid, sear! Ipreaching et rim spid, sear!
JULIUS CAESAR
It can't be a ship... Huh-how!?! Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Shaka!
SHAKA
Aye, sir!
(He spins the wheel as the ship violently shudders across the massive wave and careens to its port side as an equally-sturdy steamship approaches from the starboard side with its cannons blazing. The galleon clips the vessel and both ships lose varied pieces. The steamship loses a railing plank and the galleon loses its figurehead. A wooden mermaid emebeds into the deck of the steamship. A heavy-lidded JOAN OF ARC [AZALEA] stares ahead as CATHERINE THE GREAT [PIXIE] signals for the women to fire the cannons.)
JOAN OF ARC
Huh? (Double-takes figurehead looking back at her. Beat. Points sword toward ship.) Fire at will!
CATHERINE THE GREAT
Aye aye!
(Women scurry across the deck, firing guns and cannons. Both ships swirl into the darkness, crashing together while the steamship pounds the galleon with gunfire.)
MS: BOTH SHIPS CAPSIZE
(Both ships succumb to a monstrous, mega-tsunami wave; washing all men and women from their respective decks like grains of salt and flakes of pepper being wiped from a messy table at a 50's-era diner by a waitress who is only scant seconds away from her long-awaited smoke break.)
ALL:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
MS: CREWS OF BOTH SHIPS UNDERWATER, SWIMMING UPWARD TO THE SURFACE
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