Scene 7.21 - The Village People
EST: EXT. Jungle - Morning.
(CAMPY wakes up to the loud snoring of MONTY. Both lie on the grass in the middle of a peaceful grotto. CAMPY tries whispering to MONTY, and less than whisper, then nudge, then kick-)
MONTY
(Up; disoriented, slashing sword wildly-about and resting in a crouching tiger stance with dragon eyes upon a crane head posture as he looks wildly-about; the sound of butterflies' wings fluttering being the only other ambient noise around them:) Wha- Ho! Wha- who?! Wha- what'z-iz... everything cool, Campy?
CAMPY
So far, 'cept there's those two guys over there-
MONTY
Those- those aren't- come on!
(The two run to two mannequins perched-upon poles, peeking over the grass from the edge of the grotto. The woven-branch dummies display two wardrobe sets; one for a General and one for his Man-At-Arms. The fashion is clearly Greek, with a deco-twist and an Olmec influence. For the older man: A maroon cape, a white-and-turquoise toga, a golden length of braid for a belt; gold-embroidered leather sandals, a smoothed face mask of a smiling, vampire-fanged-skull; made from gilded bark. There is also a gold-plated, bronze helm with an armored mask, also in the likeness of said skull. Leaning upon this wooden statue is a polished, tin-plated shield and an odd-shaped sheath of polished leather. The second mannequin is equally-interesting -- wearing a black-and-gold pull-over tunic with a deep green, vine-like, serpentine belt; stretched-leather, waterproof sandals; a face mask of lead-coated raven feathers in the likeness of a fierce gorilla's face. Leaning against this statue is a small golden helm, an arm bracer and a long pike -- a pike quite-unsuitable for quick-and-silent navigation through a thick, jungle forest.)
MONTY (Cont'd)
Looks like theyz specktin' us. Best to play it their way.
(They don the masks and attire. The sword-key fits perfectly within the sheath.)
CAMPY
How am I to carry this thing around? It's as heavy as I am.
MONTY
Drag it, I guess. If'n they think I'm their "white god" come back to free them from tyranny and what-not, they'd better think again.
(They proceed in the direction of the trail leading from the fashioned statues. A masked man greets them. He is surrounded by buff, masked natives. He speaks in Ancient Greek and his words are subtitled.)
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"We have awaited your return for many generations, Lord, and many have come in your guise, but none have carried the sword of Cassandra as the prophecy said would be your beacon of truth; Lord, it is our mating season; we must celebrate your return."
CAMPY
What's he sayin'? What language is that?
MONTY
Ancient Greek; keep quiet, one wrong word and they might kill us both- "I am Casino, not Cassandra, thank you for your welcome. Who is this before me who has preserved the legacy of Cassandra with such unyielding vigor and steadfast loyalty?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"I am Forgivnyegaga, keeper of the Helm, King of the Fish People. Welcome back, Cassandra, all is as was foretold. You have arrived as a naked fish and shall depart as a bird and all will be prosperous again. We must celebrate your arrival, Cassandra."
CAMPY
What's he sayin? Whatchoo sayin'?
MONTY
"Groovy, but ya know I ain't really Cassandra or Alexander or anyone like -- I'm just Casino, and I bleed as easy as the next guy."
(To demonstrate his humanity, he cuts his hand on his serrated sword and gets a huge reaction from the natives -- but instead of dispelling the prophecy as he had hoped, it seems apparent that he unknowingly-fulfilled one. The tribal elder bows to a knee.)
TRIBAL ELDER OF THE SEA
"You carry the sword of Cassandra, you are the one; even if you are now Casino. Come! We have awaited you for a long time."
CAMPY
Where are we going?
(They proceed as if he hadn't spoken.)
CAMPY (Cont'd)
I said, where we goin'?
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Pardon me, Lord Casino-"
MONTY
"Please, just Casino- my friends call me Cass..."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Casino-"
MONTY
(Clasps an arm around him:) "Cass-"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Cass, I don't mean to tell you how to run your business, but apparently my lamest javelin-thrower on his worst day would be better than this screeching sprout would be on his best day -- he's dragging the Holy Lance Of Cassandra -- your lance! My youngest daughter, all sixty-nine pounds of her -- she could lug that thing better than he carries it-"
MONTY
"Good help is hard to find-"
(They walk through the outskirts of an Egyptian-Greek-Olmec-Tiki-Deco village. Kinda like Apocalypto meets Metropolis.)
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Hahaha! True that!"
CAMPY
Are you all talking about me?
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"He squawks like a parrot that lives with deaf bats. Brave, I'll admit, but foolish in the tongue. I could easily have him replaced-"
MONTY
"Aw, I've grown attached to him. He makes good coffee."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Wait until you sample ours... We grow the best here. Hand-picked by Juanguanisqtl Valedezzerquatlvctlaxipa."
CAMPY
What's he sayin'?
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Even a percolator makes less noise. I could have his tongue cut out; it would be a good start-"
CAMPY
You are talkin' about me, whatchoo sayin'?
MONTY
"He doesn't understand a word we say, and what he thinks he understands becomes perfect misinformation. Should he ever be captured, he'll confuse and surprise my enemies more than I ever could."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"He shall find talents within the talentless... again, the prophecy."
MONTY
"What's up with this prophecy, is it bad news or what? If these naked chicks with masks are laying all these flower petals in our path and all and it's all really cuz we're being led-up to the top of that ziggerat on yonder just to have our hearts cut-out on a stone slab so you can sacrifice our souls to your pagan god; let me know, you can keep the kid in the dark, but really, I can take it..."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Hahahahah! You are a funny one, Casino. You will enter the vault with your key, as many who tried before you and failed, you will finally break the seal -- in time, of course. For now, we go to the central plaza, where we feast, and eat, and drink and pierce and lose a few masks and the three tribes will all chant their legacy to you."
MONTY
"Legacy? Chant? Don't you write this stuff down?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Of course not, you forbade it; as Cassandra. Only the nobles may write and only you, Cassandr- Casino, only you may open the sealed Vault of Knowledge. Tomorrow, you shall fulfill our prophecy and make our dreams alive again, tomorrow is the day we-"
MONTY
"Yeah man, we'll go check this vault thing out in the morning, cuz it's probably best as my boy's pole is suddenly lighter now that all them naked virgin chicks are dancing around him, so maybe feastin's a good idear. How long them stories of ya'll run?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Well, Tribe Elder Of The Mountain's first, just because he's the biggest tool of us and if we don't let him go first- plus, he's got stage-fright and is usually done after about five or six hours -- then there's the Tribal Elder Of The Sea -- that's me -- and then there's the Tribal Elder Of The Sky, and even if I keep my own stories down to a flat eight hours, Tribal of The Sky gets a little long-winded; he ain't called the "chair of the air" for nothing -- so about a full day if you allow for fifteen-minute bathroom breaks."
MONTY
"Can't we just have a grand orgy and a killer toke-fest and just let nature take its course? The boy's been shackin'-up with nothing but sea men since puberty, and it's high time he got acquainted with women-folk like the nekkid ones all dancin' 'roundeer..."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"My Lord Casino, on the oral intercourse over oral discourse argument, I duly concur, as as far as the cannabis supply goes -- well this IS Columbia-
(They enter the small city. Many women greet them with smiles and adornments while priests chant "Cassandra" curbside.)
MONTY
Hey Smarts! You catchin' inny of this?
CAMPY
(Covered in naked flesh and amorous smiles from naked, stoned pubescent native women. Pole held high.) It's all Greek to me.
MONTY
Okayden.
(The mob splits, separating MONTY and CAMPY. MONTY with the warriors, royalty and the city's officials, and CAMPY being carried, mosh-pit style by an army of revelry: A throng of naked, stoned, tattooed, masked, drunken-and-pierced party people.)
TRIBAL ELDER OF THE SEA
Lord, if you would like one of our more delicate flowers to favor your place of slumber tonight to prove our acceptance of your bleached condition-"
MONTY
"Nah, I'm cool- My heart's got all the company it needs. I gots a one and only. (Pause.) What's with these masks? Why do I-?"
TRIBAL ELDER OF THE SEA
"All will be known after you have smoked the sacred herbs of Cassandra and drank from the nipples of Roxanne. An intoxicating experience, I assure you... Come! Let's get this party started! We feast! Cassandra has returned! (Claps.) Come, ladies!"
(The jolly, yet not overjoyed group seems to be familiar with the agenda; as if this were not the first time Cassandra's returned.)
MONTY
(To us:) Ever have that sinking, elusive feeling of something not being right? You immediately dismiss it; but later, you say...
WIPE TO: