Scene 3.17 - The Cubs
EST: INT. Black Caves - Day.
CU: Marshall Law
(He is flabbergasted. The entire cave is illuminated, and it reflects across MARSHALL LAW’S head, now that he holds his hat in his hand, blown away by what he sees.)
MARSHALL LAW
Why, I've seen a fallen Confederate camp, nine state fairs and a monkey that smokes and I sure as heck ain't never seen nuthin' like this!
POCACHICALOT
Told you so.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Why it's, it's the lost city of gold!
(A panorama reveals a sun-lit cavern with cliff dwellings completely adorned in gold. There is gold everywhere, both in raw form; spilling from the cave walls, and gilded; hammered across the walkways and doorway arches. Two large beasts are at the foot of the dwelling, one prone, one kneeling over the prone one. Glowing eyes peer from inside various, gilded dwellings in the cliff face on the East wall of the cave. A very thin crevice allows light and drops of fresh water to seep-in from above.)
TEX RANGER
The beast! There's two of 'em!
SUMMER RAIN
Tex, no! Don’t shoot!
POCACHICALOT
Put away your gun, Tex Ranger. It is forbidden to kill while inside this cave.
TEX RANGER
But the beast!
POCACHICALOT
Olly-olly-oxen-free!
(The beasts come out from their hiding places and look at the white folks curiously. They attend the beast lying on the ground.)
MARSHALL LAW
I'm truly at a loss for words. What is this?
SUMMER RAIN
The Smokey-on-anabolix are among the most sacred animals of our creator. They guard our burial grounds. They're friends.
COMMONWEALTH
Friends?
POCACHICALOT
Shoop-de-doop-rhyma-lyma-ding-dong!
(The beast approaches and roars. He hands POCACHICALOT his tomahawk.)
SYNDEE SNOW
You kin talk to them, chief?
POCACHICALOT
Yes. I speak their language. They are an ancient cousin of the bear and are very intelligent. They are friends to our people.
TEX RANGER
But I saw you attack one...
POCACHICALOT
Chief tell him to fake a hit and make run for it. Watch. (To beast:) Simon-says, care-bear-barney-rubble!
(The beast howls, pretends to be hit and scampers away, howling.)
MARSHALL LAW
I knew there was something fishy about the way you told that story 'bout killing-one-off. So that was all jus' cock-n-bull, huh?
POCACHICALOT
We injuns are pretty piss-poor liars. Lying's something only whitey seems to do well.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Now I'm really confused. If these beasts are friendly, why did you go through all the trouble bringing us down here to hunt them down?
POCACHICALOT
The one lying over there, she is in labor. A very difficult labor. She hasn't been thinking or acting right in weeks.
RUSTY
Well that explains all the cattle manglin' goin' on. No one kin expect a gal to keep her head on straight if'n she's all knocked-up wit young 'uns and they ain't comin'-out right, kin they?
SUMMER RAIN
No, they can't. Being pregnant can put a woman in all sorts of moods.
COMMONWEALTH
You should know, Summer.
SUMMER RAIN
Shh!
POCACHICALOT
Hmmm. (Puts tomahawk to his head, thinks.) What does Commonwealth mean by that, Summer?
SUMMER RAIN
Welp, I spose the secret's out so you might as well know, Poca. I'll be comin' back to this cave alone next year.
(POCACHICALOT howls repeatedly. The band of beasts take momentary notice, then go back to ministering support for their own expectant mother.)
POCACHICALOT
My heart is too small to contain my joy! Poor Pocachicalot thought Summer Rain didn't love him anymore! To know it was like bartender said -- plumbing issues --oh, Pocachicalot is so happy! Yes! Yes! I will be a father! (Embraces Summer, lifts her and spins her around.) We're having a baby!
SUMMER RAIN
I'll be doing most of the work, at-first. Can I count on you to be there for him? (Looks down to her belly.) Or her?
POCACHICALOT
I am so overjoyed. A baby! Now we can really be a family. (To the white men, like they say it:) Official-like.
MARSHALL LAW
Careful, Poke, it sounds like you're proposin'.
POCACHICALOT
Yes. I am. Let us marry, Summer. Be my full-time squaw. Right away.
SUMMER RAIN
I can't say I'm not happy you've finally come-around, Poca, but we've got other problems to attend to right now.
(ALL look to the pregnant beast on the ground, howling unnaturally.)
DOC BONEBRAKE
Chief Pocachicalot, ask them if it is okay if I examine her.
POCACHICALOT
I will not, they are sacred to us. I will not have you putting pins into our guardians!
SUMMER RAIN
Poca, let him. He's a doctor. Trust him. Trust me.
POCACHICALOT
Very well. (To the beasts:) Super-calla-fraga-listic-ex-pee-alley-doe-shuss!
(The beasts move away and let DOC BONEBRAKE examine the patient. All gather around, fascinated.)
DOC BONEBRAKE
Why, these creatures are as tame as kittens! Oh, yes, it looks like a troublesome labor, all right. She's lucky to be alive. This ol' gal musta been in pain for weeks, no wonder she's been so violent. Good thing we came along, she's about to give birth. Looks like I'll have to give her a C-section...
SUMMER RAIN
You're going to operate? How can we keep her still? We could all climb on top of her and she could still get up. They may be tame, but this one isn't thinking straight. I don't think she's gonna let you cut her, Doc, even if Poca tells her it's gonna be okay.
COMMONWEALTH
I know! Here, take this travel pack. Have her breathe in some of the powder. She'll think straight. It will clear her sinuses.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Why, this is pure, uncut Columbian blue-leaf! (Rifles through medical bag, pulls out syringe and spoon, samples a snort. He is impressed at its quality.) There's almost no cut to it... Why I'm sure I could give her the equivilent of an epidermal. You must have nearly a pound of this. Where did you happen across this, young lady? Why, this isn't your regular street-grade cocaine atall.
MARSHALL LAW
Well, the barber's practically giving the stuff away... So can it help stop her pain? (Takes off his hat again.) I mean, is it good for anything else except fer growing your hair back?
(Rubs scalp, feeling for a difference. Finding none, replaces hat.)
COMMONWEALTH
We had more, but a bag got spilt.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Never mind, this will certainly do. Now hold her still. (Sticks her, she yelps. The girls assist him in cooking a second helping.) Okay, now the second syringe. That's it, cook it until it liquifies. Okay one more. She's a big girl, but that should be enough.
(The beast smiles and appears to be in euphoria, cooing.)
TEX RANGER
She's a happy girl now, ain't she?
COMMONWEALTH
Look, she's smiling!
DOC BONEBRAKE
Okay, now for the incision...
POCACHICALOT
Chief thinks he's gonna pass-out.
SUMMER RAIN
Oh, Poca.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Okay, here's the first one! A little boy cub!
(DOC BONEBRAKE lifts a cute, squealing beast cub for all to see. Gasps and amazement.)
RUSTY
So Marshall, all this talk of marryin' and family and such got me to thinkin' 'bout chore courtin' me.
MARSHALL LAW
Why, the moon's the limit if'n we get outta this cave alive.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Here's number two! A lil' girl cub!
RUSTY
I'm shore we will, but I don't think I wantcha courtin' me after all.
MARSHALL LAW
(Dejected, deflated:) You don't? (Bows his head.) Well, a woman's got a right to change her mind, I s'pose.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Number three! Another boy! Right after his sister!
RUSTY
I think we outta jus' skip the courtin' altogether and move onto an engagement, what with you knowin' me so well and all.
MARSHALL LAW
(He alights.) Why, yes, that would be just fine, indeed! When wouldja like to git hitched, Rusty?
RUSTY
Maybe Summer and I could both be brides at the same ceremony.
COMMONWEALTH
Oh Daddy! You're gonna get married again! And to Rusty! Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy for you!
MARSHALL LAW
Now hold on, it jus' ain't right fer me to marry a second tmie, not to a woman past her teens, no, not with my daughter past her prime and still unwed-
TEX RANGER
Well Marsh, remember that lil' talk we had?
MARSHALL LAW
The offer still stands, deputy, long as you don't ever call me "old man" again.
TEX RANGER
Well, I was a little hot, Marsh. Sorry about that. So Commonwealth, would you care to be seen in the company of a newly-deputized freelance photographer from New York Sitty?
COMMONWEALTH
Did my Daddy put you up to this?
TEX RANGER
(He drops to a knee.) Nuthin' o' the sort. This is all my doin'. I know it's a little sudden, and I hardly know you a-tall, but I jus' gotta feelin' that you're the one fer me, if'n you'll have me. Will you marry me, Commonwealth?
COMMONWEALTH
Why, yes, Texas Ranger, I would love to marry you. As long as we can get married with Summer and the Chief and Rusty and Daddy.
TEX RANGER
Sounds perfectly okay by me.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Another girl! And she's a big 'un!
POCACHICALOT
If we keep the wedding party to the tribe, we could all get married in here, our most sacred of places.
COMMONWEALTH
It sounds wonderful. But who's going to do our hair?
SUMMER RAIN
I know just the person.
POCACHICALOT
I see where this is going. Are you sure the Barber of Many Rainbows can keep this place a secret?
SYNDEE SNOW
Sure he can.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Last one! Another boy! The runt o' the litter. My! He's a cute one!
POCACHICALOT
But can they keep a secret? I know many white men who say one thing and do another. Our history proves this fact. I know I can keep secret, but can they?
SANDEE SNOW
Shucks, Chief, you act like you're the only one who's got a secret. Betcha didn't know the Doc and I been foolin' 'round fer the past year...
(Gasps abound.)
SYNDEE SNOW
Sandee! Doc!
(The runt gets away and scampers across the cave, the following dialogue is over the chase scene where the beast slips by everyone, only to join his brothers and sisters at one of his mother’s teats.)
SPRING BLOSSOM
Little-critter!
SANDEE SNOW
Aw, don't get so riled up, Syndee. After all the scrappin' we do, the healing touch of a doctor mendin' my wounds-
SYNDEE SNOW
No! I mean, he's been messin' around with me, too!
(ALL look at DOC BONEBRAKE.)
DOC BONEBRAKE
(Stitching:) You're twins! I can't help but like you both! You're both more than an ol' lonely country doctor can resist!
MARSHALL LAW
(The runt goes between his legs.) Well, I guess there's some things that marriage can't solve. Girls, I didn't know. Doc! You ol' rascal!
TEX RANGER
It sure gits rid o' all my fears 'bout growin' old...
HOLLY MEADOWS
While we're all coming clean on who we wanna get engaged to... I'm seein'... Whiskey.
MARSHALL LAW
The bartender?
SPRING BLOSSOM
Me too.
AUTUMN BREEZE
Count me in...
MISTY SUMMERS
That makes four of us.
SUMMER RAIN
Girls!
SPRING BLOSSOM
Well, he always cards us at the door just to say something sweet.
HOLLY MEADOWS
And he's really muscular.
AUTUMN BREEZE
And he sings so well...
(The native girls exclaim in agreement. The runt starts running in circles, having escaped everyone once.)
SUMMER RAIN
All of you? What about the young men in our tribe? Were there not enough men to go around?
MISTY SUMMERS
You know what they say -- once you've been with a freed slave, you can't settle for a brave.
(Little-critter has returned to his mother.)
POCACHICALOT
No. Never hear that one. Who says that if Pocachicalot don’t already know? Hmmm. Is there no one that hasn't kept a secret from me?
MARSHALL LAW
Now you're one to talk, Poke. You went along with us huntin' down this creature and even helped us seal it in. Now if'n you were jus' tryin' to protect it, why all the secrecy? Why didn'tja jus' ask for our help?
POCACHICALOT
Pocachicalot figure if white man is so scared of beast that he go to seal-up cave, then two birds would get killed with one tomahawk. Pocachicalot thought to try white man's forked tongue for change he could believe in. Forked tongue sits not well with Pocachicalot. Liars are best kept white.
TEX RANGER
I don't follow yas.
POCACHICALOT
(A final call-back to Sign-Language:) We feed Smokey-on-anabolix and pay homage to our creator and travel here freely. Smokey-on-anabolix cannot get through skinny little crawl space that is our tribe's secret entrance to cave. If white man seals-up mine and well, then Smokey-on-anabolix cannot roam countryside and be discovered by white doctors who would cut-up Smokey-on-anabolix and put him on matboard with pins. And if the beast cannot leave, it cannot be followed back to this lair. By sealing-up the two entrances known by paleface soldiers, white man would never know of this secret cave, or of our secret burial place, or of our city of gold. Pocachicalot was tracking beast to take it home when he sees you white men talk of sealing up cave. Pocachicalot thought he would go along with it and make sure sacred cave would never be known by the white man. Pocachicalot much wiser now. Chief knows some white men are okay.
(Gives "up-yours" then an okay sign.)
MARSHALL LAW
I s'pose that makes sense in an off-hand sorta way. A lotta trouble we've been through jus' fer you to trust us.
TEX RANGER
I s'pose you know better now.
POCACHICALOT
(Not in Sign:) Yes. I know much more now. As people of my tribe, I must learn to trust you. Not all white men are like Kemosabe-Tammany-Watergate.
SUMMER RAIN
For the sake of our children, I would hope they're not.
TEX RANGER
Chief, you've seen what good can be done. Why I've seen plenty of bad things in my day, frightening even. Shucks, the notches on my belt can attest ta there bein’ monsters in the world. But these folks ain’t monsters; I'm telling you what's happenin' here is good. There's good and bad in all races, creeds and genders. And I'm tellin' ya, we're the good ones. There's no doubt in my mind what we're about is for the good of everyone, to include your tribe -- our tribe. With three deputies and a sheriff on your side, there's little doubt you'll have a full-blown casino on your land before these cubs lose their baby-fat. And as sure as I love the sheriff's daughter, I'm positive that this place will stay a secret. There's only the people in this room, the rest of your tribe and a few trusted townsfolk that will ever get wind of this place -- or of your bear-god guardians. Can ya jus' let go of what your brain is telling you to do and go with your heart?
POCACHICALOT
You speak much wisdom for a white man. I will put you on tribal council.
MARSHALL LAW
Not too shabby of an honor, Tex.
POCACHICALOT
And you, Marshall Law, you shall be the tribal defender. If I am to judge a matter of law in the tribe, I know your fair counsel and age-old wisdom could do great wonders for anyone who sits accused before me.
DOC BONEBRAKE
(He finishes sewing-up the beast.) Sounds pretty wise to me, Sheriff.
POCACHICALOT
And you, Doctor of Many Fragrances, you shall be our tribal medicine man. Saving the life of the Smokey-on-anabolix and her cubs demonstrates your compassion for all living things and your respect for sacred places and traditions.
DOC BONEBRAKE
I'm honored, Chief, I really am.
POCACHICALOT
About these others, I am not so sure. The Barber Of Many Rainbows and the Bartender Who Sleeps With Many Squaws. (Pause.) Can they be trusted to join our tribe and keep our most trusted secrets?
MARSHALL LAW
Oh, Poke, sure they can be trusted. Between a colored man and a fop, who else feels the persecution of the white man? As an Injun, I'm sure you understand.
POCACHICALOT
If you say they are to be trusted, Tex, I will believe you. Can we trust these pale-faces with our secrets?
TEX RANGER
Shore thing, Chief, they're as trustworthy as the day is long. There might be a little gossip, but no one outside of our wedding party is ever gonna know about this place, or my name ain't-
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