Scene 5.07 - Bus Rider
EXT. Bus Stop/INT. Bus, Los Angeles, California
(SIMAK arrives, smoking his pipe. He taps-out the ash and begins refilling it with bud.)
SIMAK
Well, hello people of Lost Angeles! (Pause.) Aye, it sure is some nice weather we're having today, now, isn't it?
(People look at him and look away, trying to seem occupied. Obviously another crazy-street-person...)
CAMEO SEVEN
(Furtive:) Say man, you got a square I can bum from you?
SIMAK
What?
CAMEO SEVEN
(Taps lips with two fingers:) You know, a smoke?
SIMAK
A smoke? (Produces a joint from a handy stash bag.) Like this?
CAMEO SEVEN
Well, hello Mary Jane! Yeah, man, great; I'll just hang-on to it and smoke it later. Thanks.
SIMAK
So-a, whatcha all doing here, just standing here looking at that wall across the street now? Must be some wall to attract you so!
CUTAWAY: Wall
(It’s a ghetto-lookin' wall with layers of graffiti. If you look closely, you can see the name “Jynx” spray-painted in the corner.)
CAMEO SEVEN
Nah, we ain't looking at no wall, we're just waitin’ on the bus, and I gotta nic-fit.
SIMAK
The bus?
CAMEO SEVEN
You know the bus. (Points to picture on sign:) Vroom-vroom!
SIMAK
Oh, omnibus? A wee-little shuttle now. Aye, where does it take you?
CAMEO SEVEN
This one crosses Hollywood Boulevard on the half-hour.
SIMAK
Oh, the boulevard now, is that an interesting place?
CAMEO SEVEN
Yeah, I guess so. Ain't you never seen it?
SIMAK
Oh, I've seen all of the streets now from all the satellite's telescopes that can see under the water now; nothing like it here on dry land like this. Where I'm from this is all long gone.
CAMEO SEVEN
Oh yeah? Where are you from where it's all long gone? Venice?
SIMAK
I’m from the wee village of Springfield, known for its Irish Spring there.
CAMEO SEVEN
Yeah, I think I know where you're from; it's pretty run down there, ain't it?
SIMAK
A wee bit, but not no ghetto now.
CAMEO SEVEN
You live in the ghetto?
SIMAK
No, can't-a say I do now. Do you?
CAMEO SEVEN
All day. Name's Cameo 7, lay me some skin, brother.
(The slap each other five and give respect/disrespect knuckles. The bus finally arrives.)
CAMEO SEVEN (Cont'd)
Hey Johnny-Marijuana-Seed, I'm going to a casting-call, wanna go? Come on, Pronto, my treat.
SIMAK
Aye, me name's Cliff now.
CAMEO SEVEN
Okay, Cliff. We'll get lunch. I know a brother from another mother that works Chico’s Taco Stand on Hill Avenue. His name is Cameo 29, you see his act? He works 'round there. You should really like this part of the city, lots of fine- (Hands bus pass to CAMEO EIGHT.) Both of us, Cameo 8.
CAMEO EIGHT
Hold up, Mr. Cameo Seven, and that's Ms. Cameo Eight to you! Ain't nobody getting on my bus with that nappy afro'd Sambo on their shirt, mmmmm-mmm, not on this bus, no sir!
CAMEO SEVEN
It's not a Sambo, Cam-8, it's a Gumbo. See the dreadlocks?
SIMAK
Aye, who's this Gumbo now?
CAMEO SEVEN
Super Spear-Chuckin' Gumbo Gonzalez! He's on every Saturday morning! Don't you watch T-V none?
CAMEO EIGHT
Ah-uh! That might might as well be the N-word written on there! Take it off! Turn it inside-
CAMEO SEVEN
Hey, I gotta right to wear it, I'm exercising my freedom of speech! I outta call the M-T-A!
(The next line is over him turning the shirt inside-out, swiping his bus card twice and the two of them sitting toward the front of the bus, defeated by the fact that what the bus driver says, goes -- or nothing goes anywhere.)
CAMEO EIGHT
I don't care if you call the M-T-A, the A-C-L-U, N-double-A-C-P, the C-I-A, the G-O-P or even the K-K-K! No self-respecting brother would be wearing that trash in the first place. I outta call your mother! Lordy! My sister-in-law's friend is Hispanic and she thinks it's an outrage, and I think it's more than that, so, go on, turn it inside-out, uh-huh, you heard me. What's with you kids today? I can't believe you paid money for- Hey! You ain't sitting in the back neither, right-there, umm-hmmm, where I can keep my eyes on you. Don't you go botherin' them nice folks either, they've been riding this bus longer than I've been drivin' it. You just keep quiet. They're exercising their freedom to not have to listen to you go off runnin’ at the mouth with all your trash-talking self. Ha! It's their right to their pursuit of happiness for peace and quiet. That goes the same for you too, Chief, doncha go lighting-up that peace-pipe.
(She's looking at the road; how did she know that was exactly what SIMAK was just about to do?)
CAMEO SEVEN
So you hungry, Cliff? My bro hooks me up with the phattest burritos, made of like, everything that didn’t fall on the floor today.
SIMAK
Nah, I just had a load of hot wings-
CAMEO SEVEN
Oh yeah? You hit a fast-food joint already?
SIMAK
Oh no, I hit the joint a-plenty but I like to be smoking me pipe nowadays so as to be a hipster-hippie-yuppie-gen-X-er-rasta-crunk-punk like yourself. (Totally lost C-7 on that one.) I was a-havin’ me wings atta Leah Zale's cool pad.
CAMEO SEVEN
Leah Zale?
CAMEO EIGHT
Leah Zale?
CAMEO SEVEN
You know Leah Zale?
SIMAK
Yes, at her cool pad, she give me this golden key and said to find a lad with a silver locket now-
(The bus screeches to a halt, people slide forward a little. CAMEO EIGHT throws it in park. Horns sound and get louder, then die-off. She unbuckles and gets up, unbuttoning her uniform.)
CAMEO EIGHT
Lemme see that-
SIMAK
What, lady!? Aye, don't hurt me now!
CAMEO EIGHT
No! The key, the key!
(She takes off a locket from around her neck and shows it to them. Others gain interest.)
CAMEO EIGHT (Cont'd)
Leah Zale, the name on the back of it. She was a passenger of mine before I knew who she was. One day she didn't have no change and I paid her ride, and she gave me this sweet locket. I almost got fired for doing that, but she musta called someone high up the food chain -- she gave this to me five years ago, I ain't never taken it off and I always wondered-
(CAMEO EIGHT places the key into the locket. A hologram appears from the back of the bus. It's AZALEA dressed as The Bride Of Frankenstein with her naturally-unnatural stripe and a modern, latex-look: Extra scars.)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
If you haven't met me in person, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Leah Zale and I would like to invite all thirteen of you to my very special Halloween party. How do I know there's thirteen of you and how is this ghostly apparition possible? All questions will be answered tonight as you are to be my special guests. Cameo Eight, I'm tasking you to bring these twelve people riding on the bus to my estate tonight promptly at eight. Please make it happen, for it will be worth your while. I have left my private charter at your terminal so you may have time to ready yourself for the world's-greatest costume party and to also pick up a few other friends of mine; in exchange for this small task, well, let us say we shall see if you have concerns of national security or sentimental bonds, where we may discuss them at length, if you later feel such dialog is warranted. As for you, individually, my random collection of unrecognized talent, you will find that under your chairs, each of you have a small wallet of cash. (Far from small, and far from a small amount -- we're talking ten thousand dollars in each wallet.) Please use it to cancel whatever other, prior engagements you have for this evening and to also create or aquire a suitable costume, although I predict most of you will go light on the costume and heavy on the engagements. See you there!
(AZALEA vanishes; the cameos are amazed to find she's right; SIMAK doesn't look for a wallet. It never occurs to him that he was included. It’s just one of those loose ends that never gets tied. So, check under the seat next time you’re riding at the front of a bus in Los Angeles. Let me know if you find a cash-filled wallet with ten thousand dollars taped under there... We’ll split it 50-50, I promise...)
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