Scene 6.18 - Hail, Titan!
INT. Oblivion
(A rough, open-air encampment has been established. As there is an absence of weather, the shelter does not take the elements into account and is spacious and comfortable. Crew members are playing games and sport activities and someone got a replicator working with SIMAK’S buzz instruction, which is being conducted in one area, so everyone’s drunk and plenty stoned. It’s quite a party. With the reverie, you’d almost forget they’re in Oblivion were it not for the black floor and white ceiling stretching to a distant horizon. HEINLEIN alone is sober, hitting his one-hitter every time both his hands are free, which is unfortunately seldom. Idle hands... HEINLEIN is quite industrious and this impresses RONNIE, the inebriated acting-commander. He is building a smaller, two-person-occupancy version of his Aladdin’s Elevator, so finishing takes little time, as he’s going over covered ground. RONNIE, smoking a blunt, stands near HEINLEIN, interested.)
RONNIE
You sure are busy, Mr. Roberts. (Offers blunt.) Whatcha doin’ there?
HEINLEIN
(Takes it while using a ratchet:) Thank you. (Hits. Hits again. Passes.) I’m making a little sports car so I can cruise around a bit.
RONNIE
Well, that’s really neat. Where can it take you?
HEINLEIN
I thought I’d explore the surrounding area. See if there’s something else.
RONNIE
That could take some time.
HEINLEIN
Time seems to be all we have.
RONNIE
Let me know when you’re about to go on your maiden voyage, I’ll have you take a High-corder. There might be something else out there, and if there is, I want a full record of your discoveries.
HEINLEIN
Yes, mam. I’m almost finished now. Maybe a few more minutes, and I’ll go.
(Building something the second time is always easier to do. Other thoughts pine away in HEINLEIN’S brain. Is this real? Is this right? What about Smokey?)
RONNIE
Really? Very well. Keep the blunt. I’ll go see Mr. Ford about that High-corder.
(HEINLEIN nods. RONNIE crosses away to SIMAK, where he’s conducting a class of Red-Eye training. Various cameos have little things levitating and they’re all doing headstands, handstands, one-leg-stands, ballet poses and the like.)
SIMAK
Aye, good. Good now. Such fast learners, ye are. Okay, hold it a second now. Aye, Miss Ronica, er, Admiral Jeremy, I mean, well, what do I owe ya for this visit, eh?
RONNIE
It seems your Red-Eye training is coming along well. I need a High-corder.
SIMAK
(Starts looking for one among the junk piles.) Aye, whatcha need a High-corder for now, eh? I kin save ye the trubble now -- there’s nothing out here, Lassie.
RONNIE
Mr. Roberts is building a transport in order to scientifically confirm that.
SIMAK
(Pause.) Is he now? (Finds it. It looks just like a tri-corder, leather strap and all.) Aye, I’ll take this to him, wish the laddie a good bon-voyage now with a nip of the good stuff... Think you can take over the class for me, Admiral?
RONNIE
(Glowing red.) Certainly, Mr. Ford.
SIMAK
Aye. Thanks, Ronica.
(SIMAK quickly moves away. RONNIE notices sweaty, red-faces still straining to hold posture and the levitating items are all wavering in the air.)
RONNIE
Okay class, relax!
(Everyone collapses.)
RONNIE
(Sparks a blunt.) Anyone opposed to taking a toke break?
(A bush-whacked and tired crew offers no dissent.)
CUT TO:
SIMAK
Going somewhere now, Rio?
HEINLEIN
(Sees that it is Smokey, after all:) Aw, I knew it! No. Nowhere in particular.
SIMAK
Aye, I thought you’d already checked the area.
HEINLEIN
Maybe something new has- hey!
(SIMAK has picked-up the rattle. He inspects it as he tokes his pipe.)
SIMAK
Now you wouldn’t go and lie to the man who taught you to bluff at Fizbin now?
HEINLEIN
It’s a long story, Smokey.
SIMAK
(Passes pipe:) We’ve got time, laddie, we’ve got time.
DISSOLVE TO:
FLASHBACK SCENE
(HEINLEIN creeps away to his secret project -- Aladdin’s Elevator -- while VERNE, CLARKE and WELLS are asleep. SIMAK’S on watch.)
HEINLEIN
Hi Smokey.
SIMAK
(Testing-out a tasty bud from his secret project.) Well hello, there, Mr. Heinlein! (Offers blunt.) Up a bit early now, aren’t we?
HEINLEIN
(Sparks it.) Mmmm. I need to test my science project.
SIMAK
Aye, your levitating platform now?
HEINLEIN
How did you-
SIMAK
Robbie, my lad, I always peeked at my Christmas presents. Doctor Wells is making a barber’s chair now, lessee, Mr. Clarke is making a robot sex toy and the Captain’s making us a time-portal out of here.
HEINLEIN
A way out? Really?
SIMAK
Ah no, he won’t-a get it to work- he needs a flux capacitor, and those don’t just grow on trees now. You need a spaceship for one of those-
HEINLEIN
I thought I’d explore a little today. Would you like to join me, Smokey?
SIMAK
Nay, I’ll just park it ‘ere and sit in dry-dock a wee while longer. I’m almost through with me guard duty now. Finding nothing shouldn’t take too long at all, so Doctor Wells should still be on duty when you get back. I’ll keep him quiet about your little project. I know you want it to be a surprise and I can’t-a wait to get a close look at her, cuz she’s one fine piece of engineering there!
HEINLEIN
Thanks, Smokey. I won’t be gone long. Like you said, it don’t take much time at all to find nothing.
DISSOLVE TO:
OBLIVION, Previous scene
SIMAK
Aye, no dry-dock now. I think I’ll be a-goin’ with you this time, laddie.
HEINLEIN
You may not want to go when I tell you the really weird part.
SIMAK
There’s a weird part now?
HEINLEIN
It’s how I knew you’d be coming along, why I built this co-pilot seat.
SIMAK
I think you’d better tell me what you saw out there, lad.
DISSOLVE TO:
FLASHBACK SCENE
(HEINLEIN is racing across Oblivion at tremendous speed, although with no reference point, it seems like he’s hardly moving at all. He sees a small dot on the horizon and slows down, changes direction and starts toward it. As he gains speed, we see the spires of a monstrous, art-deco sand castle perched upon an art-deco mountain on the horizon. He slows down and sees a black dot in the mass of white to his left. He eyes it and tries to grab at it. No, it’s not a flea, just a dot in the sky. His attention goes back to the castle as his craft approaches the mountain. Tiny grains of sand litter the floor and as HEINLEIN approaches the castle, he sees the amount of sand under him increase to wisps, then small dunes, then large dunes, then sand pebbles, then sandstone, then sandstone with tiny grains of sand. He stops the craft, hops off and looks about. Catching him almost completely off-guard, the former flea-speck on the horizon has nearly reached him, and suddenly skids to a stop fifteen feet away. SIMAK and another Heinlein [RIO] are aboard the two-seater craft. HEINLEIN is quite amazed, and was about to address the men, when the massive wall of sandstone in front of the trio takes on life, and has the inverted visage of a huge, sand-dripping face. The face is upside down and his eyes and mouth are inverted, like the classic Scheibe illusion. We recognize the visage to be that of a seemingly-smiling VERNE.)
THE BARON
Hail, Titan! Hail human! Hail, Titan! While I am honored to have so many guests at once, one of you must leave. I cannot allow paradox to enter my gates.
HEINLEIN
Who are you? What is this?
THE BARON
I’m the Baron Of Oblivion. I’m a Titan, as you. This is my home.
HEINLEIN
(To the others:) Are you me? A future me?
SIMAK
Aye, Laddie. Best to go back to the others and forget you saw us here, now.
HEINLEIN
Is this a conundrum?
RIO
It won’t be if you get back on Aladdin’s Elevator and scoot your ass back to camp. You gotta make sure not to say squat about this to the others -- especially Jules -- don't say nothin' to nobody if you wanna ever get out of here. Don’t make me ask you twice.
THE BARON
(Very interested:) Jules?
SIMAK
Our commander. Julian is his name.
THE BARON
(Even more interested:) Julian? Could it be... (Patient exhale of dust-) Julian Sickle?
HEINLEIN
Yeah. How did-
THE BARON
Hahahahahahahaha! (Long pause-) Don't you understand? I AM Julian Sickle.
HEINLEIN
Nah, nah, you're something else. You ain't our captain.
THE BARON
Captain? Captain of a spaceship? Really? (Suddenly, it dawns on him, too good to be true?) Is- Is this Captain Julian Sickle here with you?
HEINLEIN
Yes, yes, we're all here.
THE BARON
Here? (Smiling, almost chuckling:) He’s trapped? He’s trying to escape?
HEINLEIN
Yes, he is. We all are.
THE BARON
Ah! Hahahahahahahaha! (The laughter goes on. Pause, sigh.) Here, give him this, he’ll need it. (A flux capacitor is chucked-out of the sandy wall and flies to HEINLEIN’S feet. As HEINLEIN retrieves it, THE BARON'S visage rotates counter-clockwise, now upright, showing the illusion's gorier side of displacement.) Tell him it’s a present from an old friend. (Smiles.) Tell him it’s a present from his boo, The Baron. The Baron Of Oblivion.
RIO
Rob, you don’t tell him nothin'! And you, you hang tight, I got a lotta questions for your sandy ass. Take the flux capacitor, Rob, and remember what I'm saying now, because you'll be saying it soon enough. Keep that thing close. The captain will need that, but don’t just give it to him or he’ll get too suspicious. Bury it in the scrap pile, so when he’s looking for junk metal, he’ll stumble across it and just think he over-looked it -- do that and everything will be hunkey-dorey.
HEINLEIN
Who are you? Are you a clone? Have I gone crazy? Is this the Devil’s Dementia?
RIO
Yes and No. I’m you, much later, more real -- get over it.
HEINLEIN
You’re bald!
RIO
I’m older.
HEINLEIN
(Picks up flux capacitor:) So is this. This predates every- There’s no way he’s gonna-
THE BARON
(Pause. His eyes and mouth rotate clockwise. He now appears more normal.) I cannot have paradox enter these gates. One of you must leave. Now.
RIO
When they ask you if you saw anything, you play stupid and you tell them no. If you tell them the truth of what’s here, we’re all gonna be in a world of hurt.
HEINLEIN
I don’t know if I can lie about-
RIO
Do it! If they investigate this, they’ll be no getting out of here for either of us!
(HEINLEIN gets on his elevator with the flux capacitor. He listens to himself.)
HEINLEIN
You know I don’t like long goodbyes.
SIMAK
(Hands HEINLEIN a monster phatty of double-s.) Then take a present from me and go, lad. Share this with the good doctor, and know it’s not ye mind playin’ tricks on you, it’s for real. You might wanna open up to him, or lie on his couch, but you gotta keep quiet for the good of all of us, lad. You need to keep quiet about this whole mess now.
DISSOLVE TO:
OBLIVION, Previous scene
HEINLEIN
That’s all I know. I’ve kept quiet. It’s time I knew what this was about.
SIMAK
Aye. What if we don’t go? What if I don’t go with ye?
HEINLEIN
(Produces blaster, sets it on dash with an unlit, monster joint of Simolean Spice.) I’m afraid that won’t be an option, Mr. Ford. I’ve learned not to test the quantum-waters. I hope I don’t have to persuade you with this; I'd rather persuade you with this.
SIMAK
Rest ye head, lad. I’m with ye. Brandishes his own blaster (Sparks the joint with the right controlled squeeze of his own blaster's trigger -- too cool!) I was only posing a question for the curious. I can’t figger out this mess any more than you can from here, and if you say the Captain’s out there making sand castles, I’m just as anxious as you are to go see him and find out what it’s all about now.
DISSOLVE TO: