Scene 4.04 - The Confession
INT. Nazi Interrogation Room.
(Two hideously-masked Nazi officers are giving VERNE a good spanking. He sits tied to a chair and the light bulb is swinging and his cheekbone is already quite reddened and a drop of blood threatens to creep out of the side of his mouth. His pilot jacket is off, his leather helmet is off, his hair is a mess and he just keeps giving them his most-violent-and-stern Captain Nemo look.)
CHANCE
You vill tell us vaht we vant to know!
(CHANCE smacks VERNE across the other cheek. VERNE spits a hocker of blood to floor.)
VERNE
Look, fellas, if it's about the money I owe-
COINCIDENCE
(Smacks him across the back of his head:) Ve don't care about chore money! (Laughs.) Now tell us vaht ve vant or ve vill be forced to use uhzzer mezz yours!
(With a cane, COINCIDENCE gives him another smack elsewhere more painful. Note: Never the family jewels, he needs those for later.)
VERNE
Ow! What do you want to know already?
(Let's just say there's a lot of one-way smacking going on in spite of the deteriorating Nemo look. Use mild hazing to punctuate sentences, or nouns. Or articles, for that matter.)
CHANCE
Ve are asking ze questions here! (Smacks him twice.) Who are you veely? Vy does your identification and passport say you are Mr. Charles Lindburgh, famous American pilot, eh? Vere is Ze Speerit Of Saint Louis, eh?
VERNE
What's The Spirit Of Saint-
COINCIDENCE
Quiet! Ziss ees not ze Ladies’ Literary Book-Club! No voom for discussion here! Ziss iss not an open forum. Forty-two gorgeous blocks or not, ve are not reveiwing ze finer points of Ze Kitchear En Ze Rye, Mr. American Pilot. Ve are not valking back to ze hotel and ve are not paying forza throw just to learn everybody's phony. Who are you veally, Meester Limburger?
VERNE
Uh, it's Lindburgh, I think. At least, that's what the helmet says-
COINCIDENCE
Silence! Ziss girl, ze von zey hazz taken to ze interrogation voom, you say she izz your co-pilot. If zatt izz so, vy does her paperverk say she's Amelia Earhart, eh?
VERNE
(Remembering the lecture from his least-favorite professor of Second Millenium History at the end of the semester when everyone had Senioritis and he bothered to pay attention anyway:) Uh, Earhart. Yeah. We were... flying around the world... yeah, that's it, and, and we got lost!
CHANCE
(An "A" for effort, gets a lighter smack:) Shut-up, Dumbkopf! Ve know vaht you veely are, ve know vaht you vere trying to do!
VERNE
Uh. You do?
COINCIDENCE
Two aeronautical Jews trying to see your famous American showgirls! Jews trying to spy on us!
VERNE
Jews? Is that what this is all about? I can't even spell Barmitzvah; like, what's Yom Kippur all about, anyway?
CHANCE
Quiet! (Doesn't punctuate with a smack for once. Lights a smoke. Thank goodness the mask allows it. All this violence is getting exhausting. Starts to play with the cherry, dancing it around VERNE'S exposed flesh.) Of course, if you von't cooperate vith us, ve kin try uhzzer messuhds. (Leans in, cigarette holder in mouth.) Ve have vays to mick you tock.
VERNE 1 V.O.
(Echo chamber:) Use the buzz, Verne!
VERNE
Eh? Okay! Okay! I might have made a few mistakes here and there, who hasn't? But it's really the crew! I like to run a tight ship, and they got sloppy!
(One last hit on zip it, so make it a good one, but, again, avoid the family jewels.)
COINCIDENCE
Zip-it! Tell us about ze American showgirls zatt have come in Der Eliza! You must know zem!
VERNE 1 V.O.
(Echo-chamber:) Trust your instincts, let go!
VERNE
(Nostrils flaring at second whiff, eyes hazy and blurry:) Four-twenty? T-K? T-K is that you?
CHANCE
(Looks at COINCIDENCE who looks back curiously:) Vaht did you say?
SPECKLES V.O.
(Faint, slightly echo-ey:) Smoke, yes, smoke, breathe in the buzz, you must. Free yourself, feel it. Yessss.
VERNE
(Squinting, delirious:) Speckles?
COINCIDENCE
Yes, ze udder guards are probably getting tired, ve could go give ze woman a workover, eh?
(The men grunt and laugh sickly.)
CHANCE
Vair did you find zatt woman pilot, Herr Lindsverg? She's quite ze looker!
VERNE
Wait. Leave Ronnie out of this. It's me you want.
COINCIDENCE
Ronnie?
VERNE
It's not about the girl, it's about my crew. It was their plan, all along, to take my vessel...
COINCIDENCE
Now vere getting somevere! What do you and ze American spies have planned at ze Palladium?
VERNE
Ze Palladium?
(Smack! Okay, maybe not the last one.)
CHANCE
(Smacks him again:) Ve are asking ze questions, Herr Lindsverg!
VERNE
(Shakes it off, spits on floor again.) It was mutiny, I tell you, mutiny! They've got my ship!
CHANCE
Mutiny? Yes. Now, ziss is very interesting. Vaht mutiny? Vaht ship? Der Eliza?
(He had to ask. VERNE materializes two small, strawberry-red, metallic balls and begins twirling them in his right hand. They pop in with a subtle red aura, but the Nazis don't notice the glowing balls. Cut back and forth, much like The Caine Mutiny. He's sweating, animated, and talking himself into a very tight corner.)
VERNE
(Spits.) Yes. Yes. It was The Eliza, see? (Pause, distant:) We were like so outta gas -- so we took a short-cut using an old shipping route to Halceron that I knew from my days on The Nightingale, but we got ambushed by the Mongrel Expeditionary Armada outside of the Quatzequatel Supercluster and it took like nearly my whole payload just to blast a way out; back into normal space and all. We were putting along on what was left of our raw Zeta, wasting invaluable resources because we didn’t have a Zeta-cracking station nearby. It was a long, long, long voyage. It was a long, long journey at a crippled snail’s-pace, I tell ya. Slower than when I was stuck pulling temporary duty on that antiquated rust-bucket Chimera. It was like so totally like that. Like totally. We were so out of grass and we all started jones’n, 'cause like we wasted that resource too, right along with the raw Zeta. Squandered it -- I should have issued ration cards. But we were under a lot of stress then and we were smoking hog-legs like they were never gonna run out- We were all risking transpatial rolls of the dice just to find a safe harbor, a way out of the madness of staring at each other while polishing our brass and cleaning our blasters for the hundreth time, ya know? And with every dead-end or back-water bull-hockey shuckster trying to pawn-off raw, contaminated Zeta as high-grade Ellisonium, or -- cutting the stuff so bad it would wreck our motor -- why, I don’t have to tell you every time, it was harder and harder to just get to the next port. So I made a cuppala pit-stops in a few quarantined systems, so what? Like who was really around to care, anyway? Paradox, shmare-a-dox. There’s some really remote places in space, ya know? Why, I’ve passed through nearly half of them and I was just being a good captain; a good captain; a captain just trying to take care of his crew, his ship, get them all back to some star systems that we all could recognize. I just needed fuel, ya know? I was just trying to get some Mil-grade Ellisonium, like any good captain would do, and the crew, they were challenging me at every turn, hounding me with incessant, trivial questions and blowing every back-alley deal I had set up with like every other vet who owed me a favor or two and they always queered the deal with every black-market supply-sergeant I could find, ya know? I had to leave them aboard at Necronomica VII; that planet’s my baby, and they were plenty ticked at me for keeping them aboard, but blow my cover once, shame on you... Blow it twice... Clarke was seriously lookin' like a walking narc, Asimov was totally actin' like a spastic junkie, and Wells was just bein' -- well, too honest-to-redneck, I guess; and none of them could haggle, see? They always look too desperate. I had to be the one to do it. (Pause. Spits. Tilts head back, illuminating his face in the rays of the bare bulb.) Me? I like to haggle. I'm the haggle-man. I sealed-the-deal on our Ellisonium for just a pound of seeds, right? I could only trade contraband or weaponry with the Rhean Rebel Axis, and it was going to be Yog Soggoth seeds or nothing, but haggle-man had to give ‘em some Simoleon Spice buds to boot, just to keep a lid on the whole deal, see? The crew jacked-it-all-up for me, just like they had on Marmellous VI, Xenomorphus IV and Base Station X-ray. They can’t keep a lid on it, no matter what I threaten or offer; they got no game-face. Smokey’s gotta game-face, but he’s just too darn honest about it, I can never take him along-on one of my deals unless everybody’s cool and nobody gets ripped-off. Don’t ask how many fights I’ve had to break-apart because of Smokey’s honest-streak. They dunno how to play a mark, see? Haggle-man can keep a secret, but I ask ya, what good is scoring a steal if like someone in your crew sabotages the whole deal by bringing attention to your pantry? Why, it causes wars, I tell you. The Rhean Civil War -- I had to fight, see? I was like already duking-it-out with the Rheans over the rotten fruit cuz it proved I was double-dealin’ with the rebels who were supplied by the Necronomicons -- who owed me a big favor from a long time ago when nobody else involved was even born yet. But like the mole-hill over-took the mountain, see? It was Pretty Maids All In A Row until it was The Mouse That Roared, ya follow? Rhean customs officials were sounding awful-mad and wanted me to come out and talk to them about some missing fruit that was listed on the manifest but wasn’t in the cooler-cube. They called it a minor discrepancy, but I should have known by the dude's tone that he was just trying to lure me out of the safety of my ship, cuz he had already done a full (S-H-E-B: Storage, Hull, Engine, Bulkheads) sheb-scan on my ship cuz all the red flags had already gone up because of said minor discrepancy. The Z-ray composite of the pantry’s additional, secret storage space proved I had set aside an allotment of Yog Soggoth seeds, some quantum-cannons and a whole slew of ammunition for the rebel alliance in exchange for some of their gas and some of those recently-developed Crystal Ambrosia seeds -- either way, I had to fight Rheans, see? I chose to fight on the side of the rebels cuz I had to protect the good-name of the haggle-man and close the real deal. Haggle-man’s no welcher, you can putchermunneyondat. It wasn’t my fault it all went teats-up. It was the strawberries, that's what it was. The crew. The crew wanted strawberries, see? For themselves, for their ice-cream. I'm a good captain, I give them ice-cream. But they blew my deal anyway; just to spite me. They left a hatch unsecured, they know they shouldn't leave a hatch unsecured, but they did, and the heat got to the strawberries; and it looked, it looked just like- well, it was everywhere. A few jolts to the ship and a few, random bouts of zero-gravity on ten gallons of black-and-red strawberry juice puts a little splatter in every crevice, every corner -- I’ll tell you that much. It took me to when I was just an ensign on The Ro- and after I, well, I thought the crew had all gone mad- kinda crazy and somehow had gotten themselves- It looked like- it, it was red and black -- and sticky. Haggle-man don’t dig no flashbacks, Brother, he ain’t hip to that, Daddy-o. Why, I thought I was all alone again -- I made them wish they were dead, I'll tell ya. I had to clean it up, I did, and sticky, strawberry juice ain't any fun to mop, ya get me? But I had to do it -- myself. After it was clean again, I questioned them, I did; nobody wanted to admit leaving the hatch open and like nobody knew anything and so nobody would rat-out the scoundrel, and the ship's monitors of course were no help, so after the battle was over and we all had time to talk again ... I had to put them all on ice, see? It was sloppiness, I tell you, sloppiness! Can't have a sloppy ship or you'll end up like The Roanoke, yeah. Got to have, order, accountability or you get sent to someplace like Oblivion or Dark Star Niner-Niner -- that’s where you’ll go! No discipline, that's why the planetary laser got The Mental Floss; it wasn't because I tried to pawn-off some spoiled fruit to the Rheans, it's because somebody left a hatch open, don'tcha see? I had to stay and fight, the haggle-man had to make up for the rotten strawberries that blew the deal as wide-open as an unsecured pantry hatch. I like had to mop-up Rhean fighters the same way I mopped-up all that sick, red juice! I'm true-blue, the haggle-man’s word is his bond. And now it's mutiny on my vessel, mutiny! My crew's been scheming against me all along, and now they're like all hopped-up on Tellusian crack and taking my ship through a time-vortex and now they’re telling me to call someone who cares. Yeah, they think I've forgotten all about that, and if they think the haggle-man's forgotten all-about the strawberries, they'd better think again! Yeah, yeah!
(A few more seconds of the balls clacking in the silence as VERNE chews imaginary gum.)
CHANCE
Perhaps ve should give him a rest, time to sink about vaht he veelly vants to confess to us.
COINCIDENCE
Ziss iss not Doctor Phil, herr Lindsverg, zere'z no peanut gallery, zere'z no vife in ze vings coughing at evy fight anzer; zere'z no von to help you.
VERNE
Errrr.
(Struggling, VERNE crosses his brow and the smoke from the cherry of the cigarette flows into his nostrils, as if by command. VERNE'S eyes get heavily bloodshot and he begins to levitate.)
SPECKLES V.O.
Yesss, yesss, feel it, let go. Use the buzz. Let the smoke flow through you.
(The ropes binding him miraculously unbind. Note: The masked men don't hear the voice-overs.)
CHANCE
Vaht are you doing?
VERNE
You will take me to your leader.
CHANCE
I vill take you to ze leader.
COINCIDENCE
Fool! He's using an old Red-Eye mind trick. Heh! I don't have any faith in self-hypnosis, herr Red-Eye-warrior. Your tricks vill not verk on me.
VERNE
You will call me Dr. Love.
CHANCE
I vill callz you Dr. Love.
VERNE
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
CHANCE
Zeez aren't ze droids ve're looking for!
COINCIDENCE
Foolish boy, you play with cantrips, learn to fight a real force, the dark side of the buzz!
(COINCIDENCE begins to levitate and emits a green aura.)
VERNE
Oh, so it's come down to that now, has it? See the tears of joy cascading from my weathered eyes? It means I'm finally happy; just let me slip into something more comfortable, okay?
(VERNE chucks the chair and clenches his fist and emits a red aura. COINCIDENCE materializes a green light sabre out of thin air, VERNE follows suit with a red one and the two go at it.)
CHANCE
Aye-yi-yi!
(COMPROMISE enters unmasked. He is in a Nazi captain's uniform. He looks just like VERNE.)
COMPROMISE
(No more accents:) Enough!
(The boys put away their light sabres and shuck their auras and float back to the ground.)
VERNE
Another Verne! All right, all right. Now, what in Halceron's Heavenly Hostel is going on?
(COINCIDENCE removes his mask, CHANCE does not. COINCIDENCE is also a VERNE clone.)
COMPROMISE
We had to be sure you were the real Red-Eye warrior sent to help. Dr. Zero, I presume?
VERNE
(Cradles jaw in hand, moving it side-to-side.) Tell me you're all not some latent, homosexual, auto-erotic fantasy, and I'll get over the fact that we're meeting under these circumstances.
CHANCE
You know, Dr. Love, we've been hoping to find you for some time now. We're here to help.
COINCIDENCE
I'm Coincidence, that's Chance. Now that we've done our part in finding you before The Baron did, we were hoping that you could be the one to assimilate us, like you did for T-K-4-20.
VERNE
You want to be assimilated, that's what all this is about?
COMPROMISE
(Hands him an odd device of the time:) We're like you; on the good side of the buzz, Captain Verne. This should do the trick. It's set for grey-room under a red equation.
VERNE
Yeah, that'd do it, but why did you have to beat me up first? I'm not a masochist... am I?
COMPROMISE
We had to know it was really you, Zero, the one who T-K-4-20 had hidden away. The Baron has got spies, aberrations. There may even be other assemblies of us with sinister ideals here.
VERNE
You're talking about the other Verne, the creator of this quantum nightmare.
COMPROMISE
Yes, The Baron. He has gone quite mad. He calls himself The Baron, The Emancipator, The Liberator, but know this; his personality trait is far removed from that. He's the evil in us.
CHANCE
Tyranny, Slavery, Ignorance. Complacency.
COINCIDENCE
Deception, Betrayal, Chaos. Monotony.
COMPROMISE
He's all of those and many more. He's not the guy who builds a house of cards, he's the guy who knocks it down. He's the one who laughs at atrocity, welcomes it. He's de-evolution.
VERNE
The four-twenty alarm in me is starting to wake up. This Baron guy, he's Madness, Mediocrity. He's the smart-aleck who got me beat-up in school, the guy who wanted to be hall monitor-
COMPROMISE
Yes. Now you get it. You know what you've got to do.
VERNE
Bully. Why'd he choose this time period?
CHANCE
Dr. Love, I think I can answer that one.
VERNE
Fine. Go for it, Chance.
CHANCE
He wants to stop Rostand’s Cross-Terraformation Paradox, the one that led to human captivity under canine rule.
VERNE
Spectacular. But why? It's all we've ever known! It's not so bad, really! We're the President's favorite pet!
COINCINDENCE
We could instantly know it another way, the equation proves it out. Dogs weren't meant to be in charge. Look at this outside world in this time, and you'll see how it should be! If anyone should enslave, torture or kill men it should be other men!
VERNE
Hmmm. Maybe so. I never thought of it that way. I always thought the enemy was any mongrel dog that came my way; it's all I've been taught to think. Maybe you got a point there. Nature abhors a vacuum. If it conformed to my existence in a paradox, how could nature- Energy never ceases to exist, it only transforms. We got out of the Phantom World without a scratch, but- What force is in play here? Maybe we just could survive it, maybe altered, different, like this; now. (Pause.) But if he eradicates the time-line that created a future paradox, wouldn't he eradicate our present existence, or our very birth? Hasn't he thought of this? Won't he just create another, bigger paradox?
COMPROMISE
Most likely. All signs say yes. Me? I don't know what he's up to, but he's sure of himself, I'll tell you that much. Really, your guess is as good as mine. I never gave quantum physics much more thought after my initial green-room accident back at New Trinity; and that was so long ago I can't really remember how it all went down. We're covering new ground here. Consider: Until we came here, time-travel was supposed to be impossible.
VERNE
When is here?
COMPROMISE
Nazi Germany is about twenty miles West. You're in Poland, 1939.
VERNE
Poland? The country? There's countries in Europe? We've gone back in time that far?
CHANCE
As far as I know, we have. Eight thousand thirty years, to be precise. Today's Halloween.
VERNE
Fabulous. So who from our time-period is here, mingling with all this Euro-trash?
COINCINDENCE
You, your crew, the New Trinity Rebel Alliance and, of course, The Baron.
VERNE
Capital. Just how many clones has he got with him?
CHANCE
Bou-cou.
COINCIDENCE
(Over CHANCE:) Loads.
COMPROMISE
(Over CHANCE:) Thousands.
CHANCE
Five thousand, sixty-nine. The remainder of nearly four-hundred, separate, mass-assimilations over a billion virtual years.
VERNE
Dandy. Just dandy. And this New Rebel, New Trini-Whatever Alliance.
COMPROMISE
New Trinity Rebel Alliance.
VERNE
Yeah, that. How many do we got?
COINCIDENCE
You're looking at it.
VERNE
Wonders never cease. You sure you're the last? Cuz that's what T-K-4-20 said before.
COMPROMISE
Yeah, he was technically telling the truth then. We had already gotten aboard The Mental Floss and were heading here. He wrote us off. He probably assumed we would all fail and be assimilated by The Baron.
VERNE
He also assumed I would save him 'til last. So if I successfully assimilate this blue-room baron-
CHANCE
We move on to the next paradox; whatever it is, Dr. Love.
VERNE
(Waves hand in circular motion in front of CHANCE'S face, takes CHANCE'S cigarette, still burning limply in his hand:) You will forever be immune to Red-Eye mind tricks.
CHANCE
I vill forever bees immune to ze Red-Eye mind tricks-a.
VERNE
(More subtle gesture:) Except when I'm doin' it.
CHANCE
Except-sa vehn sewer-za doin' zit.
VERNE
Take off your mask. (Another clone blankly stares back at him.) Right. You were saying?
COINCIDENCE
As you get closer to him and assimilate other clones, it should become easier for you. For us.
VERNE
Yeah, about that. I could explain it to you; about how I have a ghost giving me the slip but you'll know what I'm talking about in a few seconds anyway. Is there anything I should know now while you're at the forefront of my consciousness?
CHANCE
Probably, but I'm so exited I can't think of anything. I could just pee my pants.
VERNE
Well that's more like it! You two, you wanna be assimilated?
COMPROMISE
It would feel good. You know, the agony that we feel as we leave our phantasmic state is really just fulfillment.
VERNE
That's along the lines of what I always figured. It's too much pleasure for your mind to handle, so your physical manifestation incorporates into the most painful refuge; my body.
COMPROMISE
There's thousands of books written on the subject, and you'll be happy to know I've not only read them all, I've written nearly half of them.
VERNE
Ah! A prolific phan! I look forward to feeling you jog my memory every now and then, what's your personality trait?
COMPROMISE
I'm Compromise. I've assimilated Sojournment, Discontent, Hypochondria, Hedonism, Agreement and Harmony.
VERNE
Wouldn't Harmony be on top?
COMPROMISE
The Baron’s got a blue-room, he's doing it backwards. Serious Necrophelia. While I spent the first million years of my conundrum jotting notes and prose on paper, he made a Q-F generator from scratch. He's got her on ice and I want to forget I saw it, so don't even ask.
VERNE
Her?
CHANCE
Don’t ask, you’ll know soon enough.
VERNE
Where did he get the Ellisonium? Quantum-fuel's not exactly easy to come by, you know.
COMPROMISE
He doesn't need Ellisonium.
VERNE
What? Great Heavens, I wondered if that was possible. It was the ace up my sleeve. How?
CHANCE
Doctor, you must remember, he has been mastering the power of the buzz for much longer than any of us. He was seduced by the dark side, and from within the sphere of his time differentials, it's been a millennia since anyone has even mentioned Red-Eye training. Anyone who defies him gets assimilated on the spot. You're it.
VERNE
What is he doing? What is he up to?
COINCIDENCE
He wants to assimilate you, first and foremost, he knows he can't escape the Q-S-I-2 until then. He's cursed. Perhaps stuck like the rest of us; it's why we must keep you hidden.
VERNE
Negative. That's what T-K tried with me. I've read Treasure Island enough, boys. I'm in charge, and we'll do it my way. Now, show me how to get this thing to work...
CHANCE
Dial grey, set red, zero.
VERNE
Oh, nice! (Smiles, cradles jaw again:) I like you guys, even if you were a little rough.
COINCIDENCE
We had to be sure it was you, Zero. You're the original, the one who binds us all together. The Baron's been looking for you for so many years, we can't afford to be fooled by anyone.
VERNE
Your Q-P analysis: If The Baron does succeed and we fail-
COMPROMISE
It's all a big gladiator-match anyway, and you gotta earn your keep. There's an escape clause.
VERNE
Interesting. Enlighten me.
COMPROMISE
Lovecraft's Law can be bent, so if you remove the other point of assimilation, say, corporal form, the consciousness remains. This either becomes insane or finds an alternative, or ‘empty’ phantasm, to inhabit. The Baron's ace in the hole is that he can take over another phan if he gets hit.
VERNE
Outstanding. A trump-card phan. (Pause.) Tell me, could this ‘empty’ phan be theoretical, like a near-matter projection from another dimension?
COINCIDENCE
No. Phantasms must be pre-existing, and no one knows the future, you can't predict a paradox.
CHANCE
Yes. A hologram or even a mental projection using Red-Eye training could envelop a sphere-
COMPROMISE
I suppose so, maybe not. That's a strange question. No one knows what happens if there is no corporal form available. I don't think it's ever been tried. Nah, it's probably suicide -- or the black room.
VERNE
Well, I'm glad I got your expert, collective agreement on the matter, and I'll take it under consideration. It may explain a lot about how things go bump in the night and all that, see?
CHANCE
You're telling me. One night on Tellusia, when there was the eclipse, I swear I saw a-
(He is overcome with joy and has an agonizing death as he vaporizes into a thin film of grey dust that dissolves exponentially to less than microscopic and then even smaller than atomic.)
VERNE
Who's next?
COMPROMISE
Not me. I still have something relevant to say.
(VERNE immediately vaporizes him. VERNE feels much stronger.)
COINCIDENCE
Do I get any last words?
(VERNE balsts him with a pleasure ray. VERNE thinks to himself:)
VERNE V.O.
You just said them. Interesting device. I'm so much more complete now, powerful. (Looks at device.) Wow, no moving parts, solid-state. It's less like a machine and more like... a crystal, a foci, of energy. My energy. Yeah, I think that's how it really works. I don't need Ellisonium. I got my mind to do the power. My mind! Yeah, I think I finally get it!
(VERNE smiles to the camera in the most jovial Captain Nemo look yet, and vaporizes himself.)
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