Scene 7.22 - The Forbidden Vault
EST: Central Plaza, West Side Market, Cell #7, Roxanopolis - Morning, April 4, 1813
(MONTY and CAMPY are still armed, wearing their Greek clothes. They both have light facial tattoos and piercings and their masks lie on the ground. They are in a large cubic cell of stone with small square holes, adjacent to the foot of the large ziggurat. There are two doors; one door is large and made of bronze and leads to the outer courtyard and the marketplace, another door is of massive stone split down-the-center with a key-hole opening, a smooth, black, obsidian-and-granite block at the foot of the massive, vine-covered ziggarat that dominates the heart of the city; littered with Art-Deco obelisks. Hundreds of Siamese and Persian cats fill the streets and regardless of breed -- all seem feral. Otherwise, the busy courtyard continues with unchecked commerce, oblivious to the two men kept in one of the forty-four cells at the foot of the city's most prominent-and-unused feature.)
MONTY
I knew it! I knew it! I knew something was up! Nobody just lets two posers with a lance and a sword waltz-right-in and take over their city! Not without money they don't! We were so set up! They put a mickey in my drink! Beware of Greeks bearing gifts!
CAMPY
They're not Greeks, they're Olmec. And can you keep it down? I'm seriously hung over. Yeah, keep standing there, willya?
MONTY
Look around you! See all them bones? Those were some other guys who tried to get in this vault. Guys like us. I knew it!
CAMPY
(Getting up.) There's dead people in here?
MONTY
Long gone. Odd though. The bones -- usually gnawed by rats -- no rats here -- only, cats. Egyptian cats. Persian cats. Big Cats. Tame, yet, not trained. Very strange animal behavior- Obelisks. Marble streets. The influences in the marketplace.
CAMPY
Are we gonna die in here?
MONTY
About twenny-some years ago Master Poke was put in a cell just like this one and if that blind old man could get out, surely we can, too. (Pause.) Sometimes being in a cell is the best place to be, getting into a cell is not always easy as getting out and believe me, that's illustrated here -- it's not about time, but about endeavor, placement -- come here, look!
CAMPY
It's too bright out.
MONTY
If'n ya want to be a Shower-Lynn, you gotta learn to never miss an opportunity, even if you're hung over and jones'n.
CAMPY
(Bleary:) What is it?
MONTY
The influences in the local culture -- no written word, yet: Industry from Persia, architecture from Egypt, fashion from India, music from Africa, art from Greece and it's all saturated with a local Olmec flavor - this advanced society must have flourished across the entire continent at one time -- yet, in its Dark Age, perhaps only a few thousand remain, tens, perhaps thirty thousand-
CAMPY
I didn't even get to sleep with none of them hotties. They toked me up all fine and I was lernin' their words, but then they gave me a drink of somethin' that tasted like goat urine and salt and next thing I knew I was hearing you snoring in here and my head hurts.
MONTY
I am quiet as a rabbit -- I don't snore.
CAMPY
Says you. You don't have to hear it, so whatchoo care? Hey, under your eyes -- I thought that was dirt or a shadow or something but somebody done marked-up your face with one o' dem Celtic tattoos. You look like one them 'Gyptions on them spincterixes.
MONTY
A what?
CAMPY
Sphincter-rex'xs...
MONTY
A Sphinx?
CAMPY
Yeah, wonna dem!
MONTY
Really? You mean I got a tatt like you did?
CAMPY
What do you mean, like you did?
MONTY
You got a Celtic-lookin' facial tatt with little stars and it looks all gangsta-and-ghetto, but hell, I thought you already knew about it.
CAMPY
Why would you think I would suddenly have a facial tatt and not mention getting it to you?
MONTY
I dunno, you young kids, all into your fads, I thought all them tatts and piercings was jus' something you did on a drunken dare to impress them virgin ladies or maybe you axed them to do to that so yas could look more like 'em or somethin'...
CAMPY
All them tatts and pierce- You mean I got piercings all in my face like you do?
MONTY
What do you mean like you do? They pierced my face, too?
CAMPY
Kinda all-over, man. Like a weird pin cushion.
MONTY
(Finds the numerous barbells and studs about his face.) Wow. Does yours even hurt?
CAMPY
Nah, that's funny. Don't feel nuthin' on my face.
MONTY
Me neither- Well, lookee there, if it isn't ol' Chicken Of The Sea himself.
(A flamboyant, blue-silk mumu wearing, double-aught-pierced TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA is carried under a teal canopy, sporting a mask of a jaguar.)
CAMPY
Why I outta wring his-
MONTY
(Lights a blunt.) Patience, Campy, he is of much use. Kicking his ass might be necessary later, but for right now, it's best to-
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Good morning, Lord Casino! I take it that you slept well?"
MONTY
"It was courteous of you to find lodgings for us, but surely, you see we have business elsewhere..."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Yes, in the Vault Of Knowledge, surely. You've brought the sword that has been lost for ages, it was only natural we supplied the other props: The Holy Lance and The Holy Helm. I can't help but notice the helm doesn't quite fit your head."
MONTY
"These costumes; kind-of thrown together from this marketplace. Similar to what I'm sure these guys wore when they still had skin. (Passes blunt to TRIBE ELDER -- no hard feelings, I guess.) You don't believe I'm gonna get inside this rock, do you?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"No, I don't."
MONTY
"Why didn't you just kill us?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Interfere with our customs, our religion? Not me. They believe you could be the one, and that's enough to keep you alive for a day or two. My people are quite used to being disappointed, so don't burden your heart with worrying about us and our hopes."
MONTY
"If we're not the ones who are gonna open this vault for you, then just who are we to you?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"I know who you are. You are yet another theatre-troupe of treasure hunters come to exploit our land by pretending to live up to a prophecy that everyone knows from sea to sea. Your antics may impress the yokels, but not me or anyone that matters. You are now here to entertain us all until we tire of you, nothing more. Some before you could sing or dance and that kept them alive until they were allowed to escape, so it may work for you, too. Our people are known to pity and give charity to thieves, liars and tomb robbers, as evidenced by the lavish jewelry on your unmasked faces -- surely a maiden took fancy to you, young man."
CAMPY
Your mom... Talking about me again, I see.
MONTY
Apt response, but he means nothing personal, I'm sure.
(CAMPY stubbornly-relaxes and absently-plays with his piercings, waiting for the blunt to come his way again.)
MONTY (Cont'd)
"So it's like that, huh? We either find a way into this here vault from the other door in this cell and prove we're the real deal or we just rot out here and beg for scraps from these street people just to stay alive, is that what you're saying?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"You speak the second language; I imagine they'll want to keep you alive just out of novelty. There was one who escaped once who could speak it, but he was cursed, so... Now if the young boy there could manage to grow and braid his his hair like a girl-"
MONTY
"Forget it, Forgivnyegaga. We came to open that vault, and you might not believe it, we're gonna do it and you all will eat crow."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"My people have seen many of you try over hundreds and hundreds of years and although you may have brought the sword of Cassandra with you, Casino, you will learn that even having both keys to enter the vault won't be enough to gain entrance."
MONTY
"In time, all things are possible."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"You don't have that luxury, Casino. I got dibs; I get to keep the sword of Cassandra if you fail, so I'm afraid you will fail -- soon."
MONTY
"What's inside the vault, Forgie? Come on, you've seen lotsa guys try it, risking their necks to fulfill a prophecy; what's in there?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"Ruler-ship; tho not even a scarab has gone in or out since Cassandra left our shores in the grasp of a large bat, centuries ago."
MONTY
"Look, I'm the one after the treasure, my friend isn't. Let the boy go; adopt him as one of your own --- your beef's only with me."
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"You both came to our village to enter the vault and here you are, at its door. Good luck, men. Pray I don't hurry your time along by adding a hungry puma to your cell..."
MONTY
"Forgie! Hold up and bring that blunt back! (He does.) Answer me this-"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
(Bored:) "What?"
MONTY
"How are you so sure we're not the ones in your prophecy? What tipped you off to think we're not? What was so different?"
TRIBE ELDER OF THE SEA
"You may have learned about how Cassandra would show himself on his return as a mortal by cutting his hand on his sword, you having the sword, no doubt you may have heard of its role in our prophecy. You may have learned he would come alone, only aided by his lance-bearer -- that is also in the passage that tells of Cassandra freeing the Gordian knot. However, that same passage also reads: Two men, strong as ten. And the two of you are hardly strong as one, much less ten, of my warriors. Farewell, Casino. Remember to wear your masks; it's impolite to be in public without them. Even our children know that..."
CAMPY
Casino?
MONTY
The lock to this outer door is simple. I could pick it in a matter of minutes.
CAMPY
Then let's do it and get out of here!
MONTY
No, young friend, that isn't the door I wish to use, though I'll teach you how it works so you may help me solve the riddle of its mother -- this monstrosity. This other lock is older, much more profound, and it seems nearly-impossible to pick. It is probably a trap-latch; perhaps poisoned. Inside appears to be a small chamber and knot of strands of wire with a slot on the opposite wall, about twelve feet in -- perhaps it is a keyhole to another door... Yet, he says I have both keys to this door, it doesn't make sense. I shall carefully study its interior mechanism and somehow find a way to open it from this side.
CAMPY
(Milks the blunt roach, living up to his name:) As opposed to finding a way to open it from the other side?
MONTY
Nobody likes a smart ass, Campy.
CAMPY
(Smoke rings:) Beats being a dumb ass.
MONTY
If you don't think I can't give you a time-out and make you stand in a corner and count blocks of stone, you are sorrily mistaken.
CAMPY
Right, cuz you're the cell-block stone-counting expert, the king jailbird, yeah I heard it all from Poke. Save it, Hippie-Dude.
MONTY
Watch it, Campy; in my current mood, I'm liable to-
CAMPY
Liable to what?
MONTY
You're cruisin' for a bruisin'-
CAMPY
Cruisin' for a bruisin'? Did you just make that up? That's silly! That's so funny soundin' it don't even sound insultin'!
MONTY
You wanna time-out?
CAMPY
A time out? Are we in preschool? Hey piss-pants, bring it on -- I'd sure like to see you try to give me a time-...
MONTY
One...
CAMPY
Now you're counting... I'll help.
MONTY AND CAMPY
Two!
CU: Campy
CAMPY (Cont'd)
Three, then what?
SOUND: GONG!
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