Scene 4.21 - Love?
EST: INT. Central Command Headquarters - Night.
(The team of ninjas, command officers and slotbots are unarmed and kept under watch in a tight circle by SILICA, who has obviously demonstrated the power of her weaponry. Everyone looks morose and defeated, except DIABLO, who paces gleefully.)
DIABLO
And as your new Galactic Empress, I mandate that Central Command will now be called Diablo Command, and that Neon City is now Diablo City.
CENTRAL COMMAND
What's that?
DIABLO
What's what?
WILLIE
Up there!
DIABLO
Do you really think I'm foolish enough to fall for that one? (Pause. Double-take.) Holy smokes!
(The large glass canopy of the headquarters building high above reveals a streak of color that suddenly stops, revealing, in focus, the STAR DESTROYER SATIVA hovering above, off-kilter, ship’s canopy toward the ground’s canopy. It hangs in the air for a timeless moment, then slowly falls into the canopy at 1/6th the rate of falling to Earth, sending glass and debris slowly falling to the floor below. Everyone rushes into different directions, bouncing. Ejecting from the cockpit, JOHN THOMAS and PATCH fall faces-first toward the camera's POV.)
DIABLO (Cont’d)
Kool!
(The SATIVA crashes to the floor, exploding. Air and debris rush out of the airlock through the hole in the canopy. Spiderbots quickly crawl across the canopy and trail webs made of expanding foam, hoping to eventually seal the hole.)
ELIZA
Warning! Pressure breach in canopy twelve. Deploying all available resources. Central Command headquarters, prepare to evacuate.
DIABLO
That voice! She’s perfect! (Rhetorical:) Could this be love? (Back to reality.) Silica! Stop him!
SILICA
(Sings:) Oooooooooooooooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
JOHN THOMAS
(Falling to the ground like the all the others without headphones.) Aaaargh! Patch! Now!
PATCH
(Howling:) Wooooooooooooooo-Ahhoooooooooooooooooo! Bark!
(SILICA falters and sparks begin to fly from her in different locations. She drops to the floor, out cold.)
DIABLO
No! It can't be!
JOHN THOMAS
You've played your last tune, Diablo! Now it's time to pay the piper!
DIABLO
No, you won't get me! (Pulls an emergency rip-cord and rockets away with a self-contained levitation device in her cape. It is far from gracefully executed. She somersaults the entire way through the rapidly-sealing hole in the canopy above and quickly darts backward out of sight.) Another time, Kool! I’ll be back!
(The foam seals up the hole, the ship's wreckage is extinguished by firebots, and the room pressurizes. The alarm stops.)
ROD
Think she'll make it?
WOODY
Luna’s atmosphere is a work-in-progress at best, the air's still pretty thin out there. She's only got two or three minutes before she'll pass-out.
ROD
If she's gained control of her trajectory, she could get back to-
(The reflective ORB OF DOOM flies overhead and out into space.)
DICK
Yep, that answers the question. We'll have to watch our backs in the future. She looked pretty upset.
JOHN THOMAS
Just a lump of coal in her stocking this year. She’s been pretty bad lately. Santa sure won’t be happy.
ROD
J.T., about Santa Claus...
JOHN THOMAS
Look, I won’t stay-up this year, I swear! I only thought I saw him two years ago, but that was just the robotic janitor, so that shouldn’t count against me, right?
DICK
Let it go, Rod, it’s my turn this year.
WILLIE
What about this one, Jon-Tom? Her damage is minimal, she'll be up and walking around again in a few minutes. What should we do with her?
JOHN THOMAS
We'll have to destroy it. Its weaponry is too powerful. We’ve seen what happens when it's in the wrong hands.
WOODY
(Steps in from paces away, adjusts safety glasses-) Uh, Chief...
JOHN THOMAS
What, Woody?
(The slotbots all slide-up to the men, amorous. DICK and PETER get the extra girls.)
WOODY
How long has it been since you've been on a date?
(Repeatedly pumps Ganjaray, chucking out old rounds from both barrels individually. He reloads. Before sighting, blows infinitesimal dust from telescopic sight port, expertly-precise and exacting.)
CUT TO: ECU JOHN THOMAS
JOHN THOMAS
How long? (Pause, suddenly:) Maybe I’m just too picky. I’m waiting for the right one to come- (Pause. Looks around.) I think it's time for that explanation you promised me.
ROD
(Pulls JOHN THOMAS aside.) Let's just say we'll both be skipping the next golf lesson.
(WOODY fires rifle at SILICA, off. Flash of green light. COPPER puts her arms around ROD.)
JOHN THOMAS
(Turning, to camera, unknowingly:) Well, a true gentleman does have his priorities.
(Looks at SILICA on the ground, looking sexy as a passed-out sorority girl in her prone, unconscious position. As she awakens, it is as if she just had a double espresso and can say it all in one breath. Moon Unit would be proud.)
SILICA
Oooooooh. I had like this feeling that was like, ugh! Grody-to-the-max, I mean like, gag-me-with-a-spoon, but now I like feel like so totally-tubular, like totally-awesome! Fer-sure! So what, did I like catch some Z’s or what? Babe?
PATCH
(Goes over to SILICA, wagging his tail and licking her face, all while she pets him-) Bark!
WOODY
Still think she might be a threat?
JOHN THOMAS
No, Woody, I'd say we've all got our problems licked.
(ALL laugh as a giggling SILICA pets a happy PATCH, who unmercifully licks her face as she pets him.)
THEME MUSIC CLOSE
FTB
RUN END CREDITS VOLUME ONE, CHAPTER FOUR