Scene 7.05 - A Badly Needed Break
EST: INT. SECTOR DELTA 9
CG: Delta 9 - Information, monitoring and archival wing, U.S.S.S. Roanoke
MS: HALLWAY
(VERNE is delicately browsing through an obscure, bound thing containing sheets of paper-thin material with static pictoral shots. Jagged pieces of paper are glued throughout the thick, heavy object. The object unfolds, in just the opposite way of a window shutter, bound with three large titanium rings symmetrically hovering and centered, over a larger, sturdier base for the examination of the leaflets within. The item is very, very old. He is walking down a brightly-lit, spotless hall. Everything is in perfect order. He plods along, keeping pace with something unseen. He walks by a dark, three-foot gap in the immaculate wall and hear a voice calling his name a moment after he crosses. He stops, steps backward three steps and pauses, completely engrossed at gazing at the object with pictures and words-in-paper-form upon them.)
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Hayzickogimmeyamintwillya?
VERNE
I'm kinda busy, Turnkey...
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Eyegotsdachanelzolsetbutnothinzapinnin.
VERNE
(Turns, walks into darkness:) What is it now, Turnkey?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Whateyezezbeefor: Eyegotsdachanelzolsetbutnothinzapinnin.
CUT TO:
INT. LT. TURNKEY'S SILO - DELTA 9.6
(A la The Matrix, or a techno-studio, upon a thirty-foot-by-twenty-foot flat-screen [intended for use to monitor the ship's functions] are wallpapered with thousands upon thousands of small windows, each containing a woman or a group all respectively 29 frames shy of indecency.)
VERNE
Good Graces! I was giving you a hint to tap into sleeping protocols to help you sleep, T, I wasn't telling you how to bog down the ship's mainframe with a collection of SETI-Sleaze!
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
DeezareallIcouldfindbutnoneofzemvillziprite.
FX: Display Monitor
KEY: Ship bluebrint, SETI-Sleaze
VERNE
That's because you're trying to download them all at once, bro -- you got to do it in packets. Here. (Gently closes the odd object and brushes dust from CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE'S workstation and places the heavy leather-looking box with words softly upon the stainless titanium surface. On the display monitor, he quickly groups collections by subject and pauses them, merely by pointing, or gesturing -- as if by magic. The thumbnails group and one in each group expands slightly and receives "tiles" of thumbnails in the same group lining in order behind the lead, with CG headline obscuring those tiles behind and his actions slowly reveal the schematics of the United States Space Ship Roanoke, Quantum Class 9, Transport/Scouting Freighter, United States Navy.) Okay, this sci-fi stuff? See this stuff? Chicks doing aliens, demons, all that hentai-tentacle and zombie crap? Throw that right out, and stay logged-on when you do it -- that way it looks like your visit into the mainframe is for maintenance -- being the guy who deleted it keeps you blameless, see? And this amateur stuff, where the guy's talking through half of it, or where these gals spend twenty minutes talking about it before doing it for five minutes -- these upskirt, celebrity and tease vids with all the graphics -- lame -- and these dilettante mash-ups with all the ads -- more lame -- heck, that's half of your cache and we haven't even sifted through your vintage category, and half of that is taken-up with European countryside -- and this latex and leather and ball-gag stuff? You really into that?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Nah. Nuh-uh.
VERNE
Eighty-six. Oh, and see all this webcam stuff and striptease and college girls showing off their boobs at Mardi Gras -- leave that for the casual collector to download -- and all this homemade stuff -- bad audio, bad lighting, one or two terrible shots, pale skinny guys or fat and hairy ones and rotten, rotten sex -- really, lose that category altogether, see? More terrabytes of RAM free -- heck, now the food replicators in Bravo section are working out of 'safe mode" again -- huh, no wonder they were giving me that tofu tuna... Yeah, all right! That frees up half of it. There. It should have it all downloaded in about another -- two weeks? Nah, nah... Here, let's streamline the download priorities. Let's put, like, put all that Bukkake on hold, save it for later, and seriously downgrade these threesomes, foursomes and more-somes -- keep 'em all ultra-low priority in this lame dummy address, see? And all this lesbian gang-bang action... I mean, how much does that really ever happen?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Yeah....
VERNE
Plus, even if someone finds this dummy file among all those bland registry entries and sees beyond its appearance as a routine maintenance protocol, all they see is this juvenile run-of-the-mill crap deleted and might snicker, but they won't bother to see what and how much is behind it -- like this folder of goodies: You got your grade-a sluts here and then your bulky-but-cute-enough semi-amateurs over there. The sure-fire-pop line-up; like this quick terrabyte's worth, keep right here, right on your table top, for easy access and super-quick boss key for cover-up, see? Use a graphic like this wrench and bolt so it looks mechanical and engineering-like, and unless you double click it right-off or hit control-Z, it brings-up this lame-looking schematic of the mess-hall latrine, see?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Yeah! Uhuhthatsrillycoolwannablazewunwhylyurear?
VERNE
I don't really have time, but- (A monster blunt is produced.) Well, I guess I do.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Unotheyonleecallyouszickocuszethinkyurachoadandatoolandamoochandanoitall, buddeyenobettayudonoitallatall.
VERNE
I appreciate that, Turnkey. Others might call you Turkey, but you're the Keymaster to me.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Hoocallzmeeturkee?
VERNE
Oh, I dunno-
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Hoo?
VERNE
Chewy said it but it might have been a slip of the-
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
(Ironically, the only person who pronounces Chewy's name correctly, although the computer is close to saying it right later:) Chewellueyecalledmeturkee?
(CHEW-EL'-YEW"-LIE)
VERNE
Maybe he said, "The Turk." Maybe I got it mixed up with someone else... Relax, Turnkey, I'm your friend, man. I ain't stopping by to gossip-
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
(Moves into a different mode, still guarded. Casual:) Whazzat?
VERNE
That? That's Arcana Obscura, sister scrapbook to Antiqua Obscura.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Whazzascrabbewck?
VERNE
A scrap book? It's a book -- full of photos and fabric and clippings from newspapers and- you don't know what I'm talking about?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
No.
VERNE
You know what a newspaper was?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Huh-uh.
VERNE
You ever heard of a scrap book?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Huh-uheyenowhatscrapzar.
VERNE
You never heard of a book?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Whazzabook?
VERNE
(Pause.) A book was a thing people used-
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Likebaseballcards?
VERNE
(Resigned, distant, slow, cracks a half-smile:) Yeah... like baseball cards...
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Whachoosedatfor?
VERNE
I replicated it in the white room from a latent memory I had as a young man... (Lost him.) I'm researching something I remember reading when trying to expand my collective works and while trying to note the positive aspects of my affliction -- (Still lost.) I found an example -- it was a flu strain discovered on old Earth in 1940...
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Youworkinondabug?
VERNE
The bug?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Younodahushushbugproject.
VERNE
The bug project... of course I am... I'm a doctor, ain't I? I don't concern myself with what command calls the mission, it's the results I'm looking for. A cure.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Goodcuzeyefeelikedonkeydungandeyemalwaysthirstyandeyetrytosleepbuteyewakeupmoretired.
VERNE
Try to stay awake more, only take naps, it may delay your symptoms and reserve your strength. Keep relaxed- (looks at screen) -keep doing whatever you're doing... If I do find a cure, I'll be sure that you're the first one to know.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Sankyueyeppreciadat. Wannablazeupanudder?
VERNE
Nah, I gotta run this up- to- the astrolab.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Whyugoddagotodasstrolab?
VERNE
Just want to verify some figures, it's a race against time, you know, and I gotta know how long we got, because I need every waking moment I have to work on the problem.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
Ihereyadonletmestopyuihopeyuhavegoodluckinfindingacurezicko.
VERNE
Thanks, T. Thanks for the smoke, bro, it was the toke-break I really needed.
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
(Slow, watching him depart, effortlessly flicks and suddenly a window on his screen is following VERNE'S progress -- as VERNE leaves CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE'S sight, he tokes, turns to the screen and observes the engrossed man walk right past the astrolab onward to the un-observable observation deck and the candid camera moment stops once VERNE enters the room:) Anytimebroanytime.
FTB