Scene 6.14 - When It Hits The Fan; or, Little Judas
MS: SHOUT-OUT GAPES MOVES ALONG PASSAGE
INT. PORSCHE'S SUB-BASEMENT ROOM - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
DUKE CHEETO'S VOICE
Guard. Open the door.
(PORSCHE is in a fitful sleep, facing away on his bed. CHEETO, seeing PORSCHE in convulsions, misinterprets the motions.)
DUKE CHEETO
(Turning, sheilding face:) Whoops! My bad, should-a knocked! Don't sweat it, son! It's a natural thing to do! We all do it, even your old Aunt Gracie! Oh, son, just forget I mentioned Auntie Raisin at all, you probably don't want the image of her wrinkly, half-naked, pruny, tattooed, Narc-On-Em skeleton in your mind right now... Don't even think about that biker tatt on her shoulder that says "Born To Ride" -- Forget I said anything.. Anyway, don't wanna wreck it for ya, so I'm outta here! Sleep well... my son!
(The Duke leaves the room, but after he goes, PORSCHE strains with all his might to lift himself to call out.)
PORSCHE
(Struggling painfully:) No, father!... father... I've been drugged! Prescription meds, Loogy's scrip -- allergic reaction! Father! Father!
INT. BARON'S QUARTERS - NARC-ON-EM SHIP - NIGHT
(The BARON'S face -- expressionless. The sound of his ship screams in the background.)
INT. SUB-BASEMENT PASSAGEWAY - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(CHEETO walks down the steps to a very narrow passageway. The passageway becomes very dark. Suddenly CHEETO hears a strange bong-gurgling sound. He turns down an even darker passageway. He can hear the shield buckling in the distance. He almost has to feel his way. He gets a handful of something very nice-)
DUKE CHEETO
Wow! Pardon, me Mam, it's quite dark in here... I didn't mean to-
(He sees SHOUT-OUT GAPES, leaning against the wall, breasts still in the hands of the Duke, dying in the darkness. She tries to speak but cannot.)
SHOUT-OUT GAPES
Uggg-uuuuh Accck!
(She falls to him, he catches her. He pulls a bloody highpipe from her back. Suddenly the Duke hears ripping and crunching sounds from the shield generator.)
DUKE CHEETO
What happened? What? (As GAPES dies:) The shield!
(The Duke gently drops GAPES and reaches to activate his stoning-shield but a large dart is shot into his shoulder. The Duke lurches upwards then tumbles to the ground. Out of the darkness comes LOOGY. The dart drops and clatters as if a dream.)
DUKE CHEETO (Cont'd)
(Mind racing -- struggling:) Loogy! (Inner voice:) He's sabotaged the house generators, we're wide open.
LOOGY
(With self-disgust:) I've brought House Mercedes down. I've destroyed the new army's weirdo modules.
DUKE CHEETO
(Hoarse whisper:) Why?!?
(The generator comes to a stand-still; like how a helicopter sounds when crashing against a glass cliff.)
LOOGY
I wish to kill a man... not you, my dear Duke, but the Baron.... You were dead already... but you will be close to the Baron before you die. You will be tied and drugged but you can still attack. When you see the Baron you will have a poison capsule, an Angorian Seed. The Baron will want you close so he can gloat over you. One bite on this seed and a strong exhale...
DUKE CHEETO
Refuse...
LOOGY
No! -- You mustn't... for in return I will save the lives of your Porsche and Jezebel.
(LOOGY removes CHEETO'S signet mood ring and shows it to him.)
LOOGY (Cont'd)
For Porsche...
(He puts the seed in CHEETO'S mouth. LOOGY becomes more and more blurred. His image begins to fade. His lips move in the darkness. The roar of Narc-On-Em ships are heard flying-in from the distance.)
LOOGY (Cont'd)
When you see the Baron, remember the seed! The seed!
INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(MERCEDES GUARD #1 comes running down the steps and up to the CAPTAIN and a TECHNICIAN.)
MERCEDES GUARD #1
The shield is down! The shield is down!
MERCEDES GUARD CAPTAIN
Narc-On-Ems! (Turns and shouts:) Get that shield up!
EXT. LANDING FIELD - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
(A warning tone begins. TROOPS begin pouring onto the field.)
EXT. ROCK/LILY PAD - LANDING FIELD - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
(Troops race toward their ships.)
INT. GUARD HOUSE - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
MERCEDES GUARD
The shield! The shield!
INT. PASSAGEWAY - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(A loud warning tone vibrates. SURFER turns away from the doorway of a small room where he's horrified to see...)
INSERT
(... a plasma fire consuming the thousands of Mercedes weirdo modules.)
EXT. PALACE - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
(A thousand [or so] Narc-On-Em ships dive over Darakkeen and the Palace. Giant deep thunderous explosions shatter the land, yet all the flames are immediately extinguished.)
INT. PASSAGEWAY - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(Troops are running through the passageway, right and left. The horrible sounds of the explosions continue. The sounds of stone crunching, shifting, and breaking. Screams. A wall of stone suddenly cracks open. A burst of air and dust shoots out, hissing.)
EXT. NARC-ON-EM SHIP - LANDING FIELD - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
(Sativa Warriors rush out of a Narc-On-Em ship. They run screaming toward us.)
EXT. LANDING FIELD - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
(Narc-On-Em hammer ships thunder the ground, sending cracks and fissures throughout the landing field. Narc-On-Em Banshee scare-sirens wail away.)
EXT. HAMMER SHIPS - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
(Mercedes soldiers run from the hammer ships.)
EXT. GROUNDS - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(Screams. A MERCEDES SOLDIER'S head is hit with a large white-hot piece of explosion. Large SATIVA WARRIORS chase after THREE SOLDIERS with hydraulic knife-guns. One blade enters the back of one man. Tremendous noise of battle. SMARTY and a squad of TROOPERS climb through bodies. SMARTY reaches safety behind some rock. SMARTY and his squad see see thousands of Sativa Warriors fighting.)
SMARTY
LONG CHONG DUKE CHEETO!
TROOPERS
Long chong Duke Cheeto!
(The cry from the men rings-out as they attack with frenzy equalling that of the SATIVA WARRIORS.)
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DARAKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(The distant HAMMERING of the NARC-ON-EM hammer ship. JEZEBEL'S eyes open and she sees two big boots but they seem to be floating above the stone floor she is lying on. She is gagged and tied. She looks up. She sees the huge Baron Narc-On-Em staring down at her. In the distance she hears the battle raging.)
BARON
The drug was timed. Dr. Loogy has been very valuable to us.... What a pity you must remain gagged. We can't let ourselves be swayed by your witch's Tongue, now, can we?
JEZEBEL
(Inner voice:) Cheeto... where are you?
INT. A ROOM - DARAKKEEN PALACE - DAY
(DR. LOOGY covers his face with his hands in a darkened room... sobbing.)
BACK TO SCENE
(The BARON floats across the room with suspensor-borne lightness.)
BARON
Goodbye, Jezebel, and goodbye to your sweet son.... I want to pass gas; to fart right in front of you -- oh, what a luxury.
(He exudes probably the longest, wettest and smelliest flatuation the 100th Century has ever known. JEZEBEL groans.)
BARON (Cont'd)
I'm afraid I can't leave you with a nose plug or a stick of Nag Champa, so please, savor the aroma before my friend Pitter-Patter comes to play with you. It should reach you any second now. Adieu. (Sniffs, gruesome reaction.) Oh, farting is such sweet sorrow!
(He exits, aftershock farts spurting out the whole way before the air-tight door slams closed.)
FTB