Scene 6.19 - The Seed
EXT. PALACE - DARAKKEEN - NIGHT
CU: Chaos, disorder.BACK TO SCENE
(FUBAR exits - TWO NARC-ON-EMS wheel in the stretcher, and swing it round - one of the GUARDS hands PITTER his knife back - the Guards exit and the door closes - PITTER moves up to CHEETO and leans over him, moving his knife across the Duke's face.)
FUBAR
I'll be outside, it stinks in here. Holler if you need me.
PITTER
(Not looking up:) Thanks, Fubar, we'll take it from here, stay clear. If we need you again, we'll give a shout. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
(FUBAR shakes his head. He exits. The BARON flies down to the stretcher.)
BARON
Duke Cheeto Mercedes. Someone's torn the insignia off your uniform. Such carelessness.
(CHEETO shows no sign that he has heard.)
PITTER
It was Frayed. It's how he got paid.
POV: CHEETO
(The BARON and his Mental are only dim, faraway shapes. Their voices reach CHEETO as if travelling across a greater distance. The BARON looks to CHEETO and then moves to him, looking him over.)
BARON
It was Frayed? (Laughing:) How he got paid! Yes! Yes! Of course! Hey! Where is the ducal signet mood ring? I must have his mood ring.
PITTER
The ring?... Must I locate everything? Something's amiss, we got him as-is. I...
BARON
You killed the doctor too soon, you fool!
WAVY, DREAMY DISSOLVE TO:
POV: CHEETO
ZOOM OUT
OBLIQUE: LEVEL
DOLLY OUT
TRUCK LEFT
PAN RIGHT
TILT UPFREEZE
(He's hallucinating. He's back on Calderon, happily making love to his beautiful concubine. We move from staring into JEZEBEL'S face to seeing their shadows on the wall and their silhouettes against the raging lava outside the darkened room. He's atop her, having a really good time as lava explodes in the background, seen through slatted window shutters.)
CHEETO
(Inner voice:) Yeah baby, yeah, baby... Say my name! Say my name!
(CHEETO grunts and stirs a little...)
BACK TO SCENE
PITTER
Cheeto! Oh neat-o. He's coming 'round, tho his ring ain't found...
(The BARON moves from behind a table stacked with dirty dishes and foodstuffs and goes to CHEETO.)
A FASTER WAVY, DREAMY DISSOLVE TO:MS: CALDERON BEDROOM
(Now he's riding her like a horse, we see the shadow of a whip. She's moaning as if it's a good time, anyway...)
CHEETO
(Inner voice:) Who's your daddy? I own you, you're mine, baby, mine. Take it! You've been bad! Bad girl! Bad girl! Big Daddy Cheeto gotta spank you good! Say my name!
BACK TO SCENE
BARON
Cheeto... Cheeto.... Where is your ring, Cheeto?
(The BARON'S face is now very close to CHEETO'S.)
BARON (Cont'd)
You do not answer!
THE FASTEST WAVY, DREAMY DISSOLVE TO: MS: CALDERON BEDROOM
(Now the shadows show her riding him like a horse. Lava bubbling abounds outside. Her whipping is much more controlled, more direct and certainly more painful.)
JEZEBEL V.O.
Naughty boy! (Whack!) Naughty boy! (Using the Tongue:) Kiss my toes, kiss them!
BACK TO SCENE
CHEETO
(Very faint, smooching the air:) Yes, Mistress... Anything you say, Mistress...
(The BARON briefly wonders at these words and then turns to PITTER.)
BARON
Huh? (Looks:) He's aroused! (He hits CHEETO:) He's aroused! He's got wood, Pitter! What's going on here? Just what drug is he on?
(PITTER moves forward. The BARON sees a succulent piece of chicken skin on the table. He picks up the plate, then the chicken skin. The BARON is beginning to move away, reaching for the small piece of chicken skin, licking his lips and all. PITTER leans close to CHEETO.)
A KINDER, GENTLER WAVY, DREAMY DISSOLVE TO:MS: CALDERON BEDROOM
(Now we see a more prone display of shadows, like a climax to a bad movie, which, when reading this, isn't too hard to imagine. CHEETO takes a big monster hit from his pipe as he lays pipe like a master plumber.)
JEZEBEL V.O.
Oh, yeah, lover! Yeah! Oh yes, yes! Inside! Give me that shotgun hit baby, yeah! Give it to me! Yeah! Give it to me as you give me your seed! Yes! Yes! I want your seed, baby, your seed! Yeah! Oh, oh, that's perrrrrrfeeect! Oh yeeeeeesssssssss!
BACK TO SCENE
CHEETO
The seed... yes... the seed...
(We hear a crunch, hear a tumultuous rushing sound as PITTER'S face is pushed forcibly away as CHEETO delivers PITTER a shotgun hit of some seriously noxious second-hand smoke. The BARON is turning, a dumbfounded look on his face. He drops the plate, and backs away. There is a tremendous roaring. Bits of visions of his last good time on Calderon rush through CHEETO'S ever-darkening consciousness.)
NO WAVY, DREAMY DISSOLVE THIS TIME.
JEZEBEL V.O.
(Calm, in afterglow:) Oh, sweetie, that was the best, ever! I think I'm gonna be a mommy again... I can feel it. Oh darling, don't ever stop loving me the way you do...
CU: Smiling, dying CHEETO
OKAY ONE MORE: WAVY, DREAMY DISSOLVE TO:MS; CALDERON BEDROOM
(A sweet silhouetted kiss as the both take a break from toking.)
BACK TO SCENE
(PITTER looks awful as he gags and dies on the spot. The BARON is completely freaked out.)
MENTAL IMAGES:EXT. CLIFF WALL - CALDERON - DAY
(The Mercedes banner, the blue of it, then the black. The blackness flaps; then all fades to-)
SILENCE.INT. NARC-ON-EM HORNITHOPTER - NIGHT
(As they fly continue to deeper into the jungle with the ship shuddering and straining, JEZEBEL suddenly cries out with tremendous premonition and fear.)
JEZEBEL
Cheeto! Cheeto!
(Tears course down her cheeks as PORSCHE turns to her.)
JEZEBEL (Cont'd)
(To PORSCHE:) Cheeto! He's dead! He's dead...
PORSCHE
Get a grip, Mom! I knows it already! (Inner voice:) I got no feelings! Why? What am I on?
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DARUKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(CHEETO and PITTER lie dead. -- Believe me, they're not the last to die in this flick...)
INT. DARUKKEEN PALACE - NIGHT
(FUBAR enters. FUBAR sees the gory display of death about him.)
MS: FUBAR
(It just occurred to me, Oh-So Glamorous, Prosperous and Cosmopolitan Reader, that either through good breeding you may be ignorant of what the acronym FUBAR stands for, or if you are aware of its meaning, through proper education, you may consider at least one word signified in the acronym FUBAR to be patently offensive, and would regard an acronym of profanity to be as surly as using the profanity itself. I wholeheartedly agree, and I am dead-set against using any superfluous pejoratives in this book whether it's an acronym or otherwise. That's why I was absolutely sure to only use the euphemistic version of FUBAR when writing this tome. For those of you who don't know it, the euphemism of FUBAR is of course, spelled-out as: "Fouled-Up Beyond All Recognition." If there was a person who knew a good euphemism, it was my saintly father, God rest his soul. Despite having only an eighth-grade education which ended in the Early 1940s in Kenosha, Wisconsin, if you were in the wrong -- as I frequently was growing up, that man could make you feel two inches small, using words that would make you feel wholly ignorant, despite your degree of learning or high intelligence quotient. I'm just saying, if you always use the best word for the occasion, it clearly shows that you think before you speak.)
FUBAR
(A la Lurch from The Addams Family:) You rang?
BARON
What? Fubar, am I alive? Am I still alive?
FUBAR
Yes, my Baron, you're still alive. (Touches his own mouth:) You gotta piece of chicken hanging from the corner of your mouth, Baron, right there- no, other side...
(The BARON wipes his mouth with his sleeve and floats near the ceiling in a small passageway. He is ecstatic.)
BARON
(Screaming:) I'm alive! I'm alive!
FTB