Scene 5.11 - The Cop Shop
INT. Precinct 17, Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.
EST. Precinct 17
(The cop-shop has seen better days. It's survived riots, disasters and bugetary cut-backs.)
CUT TO: INT. Busy hall to the booking room, near CAMEO TWENTY-SIX'S desk, near evidence cage.
(CAMEO TWENTY-SIX looks through the one-way mirror at CLARKE, who sits handcuffed to the interrogation table. The detective is eating a glaze with-sprinkles donut as he talks to a gum-chewing ACTOR BRAVO.)
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Disguises? Hardly the crime of the century, Actor B. After all, it is Halloween.
ACTOR BRAVO
The guy that got away was A-and-D. This guy tried to run up a hill, so I tazed him.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
You tazed him? He looks pretty scrawny.
ACTOR BRAVO
Them scrawny ones can run like the wind. At my age I don't need to be chasing anyone up a steep hill. I think it was that robe that slowed him down.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Halloween, sure enough. Even you. What's this about? A suit?
ACTOR BRAVO
Had to do some leg-work, check-up on a couple things. Couldn't be flashin' a badge everywhere.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Good, for a second I thought you were bucking for my job. I just got it, don't apply.
ACTOR BRAVO
Count me out, I don't dig the hours, plus, they have to take wisecracks in doses; it’s unfair for us to gang up on them.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Well now us is you and me and I am them and you're right about everything as usual. Thanks for coaching me. It’s tough, just like you said it would be.
ACTOR BRAVO
Anytime, Bucky-boy, anytime. Say, uh, think you can help me keep this one in my playground? Recess is kinda over on this one.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Maybe? What's he in for?
ACTOR BRAVO
So far, just questioning. Some tourist got pinched at the beach, I was responding to that when I see an armed man and our suspect smoking at the pier, threatening some lady and her baby.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
An attempted kidnapping?
ACTOR BRAVO
Dunno, the vic got away before I could question her. Caught this guy with six pounds of grass on him. Wish I’d have got them all together-
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Naw, the baby's safe, that's the important thing. Maybe she'll call in.
ACTOR BRAVO
Doubt it. Makes you wonder; what animal would try to mess with a-? What are we dealing with, here?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
It's a new century, and you know history kinda repeats itself if we, uh-
ACTOR BRAVO
Take a look at this, pulled it off the perp. It’s been fired. Log entry D-Z-C-L-A-1011, ever see anything like it?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Huh-uh, whew... that's quite a barrel. You could sure stop a man in his tracks with that. Lab see it yet?
ACTOR BRAVO
Prints on it say Actor Alpha, and though he sure fits my description, it's likely that he ain't my perp. Security video at his apartment complex confirms he was in the laundry room of his apartment complex at the time of incident, and lobby footage confirms that he never left the building until just before I got there -- he can’t be my masked man -- unless some body double or a stuntman was there. Or it could be a frame-up, anything's possible. The strangest thing I found out from the lab boys and girls is that this gun’s been... uniquely modified.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Uniquley modified? What the hell does that mean? Who’s it registered to?
ACTOR BRAVO
Unregistered. Nothing like it. Anywhere. Get this: The manufacturer is a fictional name. Not on the internet; tax rolls; nowhere.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Fictitious, eh? (On barrel:) Out-Of-Hat Manufacturing Company, since 1826. The pearl handle says Jessie, huh, it says this model was manufactured in 1871. It can't be an antique. No way. A replica? A prop gun from a studio?
ACTOR BRAVO
Maybe; it's made with a titanium-gold alloy; 1971 maybe, but certainly not 1871. Flintlocks, black powder cannons, Harper's Ferry Armory rifles -- Outside of civil war re-enactors, nobody uses 69-caliber bullets for anything, yet that's what it takes.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Hmmm, it may be disguised somehow. Didja check for nearby theft?
ACTOR BRAVO
Way ahead of you, went personally to the museums and brokers and even a few not so above-the-table fences. There's nothing missing. They all wanna buy it.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Oh yeah? So is this real gold alloy? Did they say how much-
ACTOR BRAVO
Dude, heavy-five-figures when I could drag it out of 'em; and some made threats to me like the thing was already theirs -- they really wanted to know where I got it; how it was made. I’m surprised they didn’t follow me back, they didn’t want to let it out of their sight. Then I heard from the lab. They were also blown away by it. The handle and barrel; it's all one piece; seamless. They also tell me that the pearl handle is bonded with the trigger guard at the molecular level. Apparently, it also doesn’t use gun oil for lubrication --they tell me it’s lubricated with some unknown water vapor and seed extract that looks a lot like balls of clear gelatin -- like see-through marshmallows under the microscope. Everyone I’ve shown it to wants to know who made it, and it makes me think we're onto something.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Or on something. We outta give Chief a heads-up on this lead. This looks really big. Maybe too big for us.
ACTOR BRAVO
Never too big for us. I want to bag this one, see it all the way through.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
We're onto something that smells all right, but I got my hunches plenty and this one's got a five-star rating. It reeks of organization, conspiracy.
ACTOR BRAVO
Count me in, partner.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Sad to say, we ain't partners anymore. (Beat.) What about your new partner? Just-waiting-for-retirement-day?
ACTOR BRAVO
She's on vacation.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Of course. Who they got you stuck with now?
ACTOR BRAVO
Some quasi-rookie who’s still running errands for his old precinct; I hardly see him.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Is he cool?
ACTOR BRAVO
Clean-cut, but ain't had his cherry popped if that's what you're askin'. Not nearly as cool as you are.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
We can have him run a few errands for us; like at my desk. Let's keep him out of this.
ACTOR BRAVO
Will do. What about this clown? What now?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
What we got to do is get into the mind of this man, see it with his eyes...
ACTOR BRAVO
I'm with you. I can keep my questions low-key, inform Chief right after and maybe, maybe have a warrant by dinner.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Yeah, but this might take some serious time. He's cold. Is the camera in the interrogation room still broken?
ACTOR BRAVO
Shpahha! They'll never replace it. I put the work-order in a month ago. Nobody gives a damn around here.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
I know. Sorry, I guess I forgot to turn your form in. It's somewhere at my house; I'll find it when I clean out my closet.
(Starts to go into interrogation room door, pauses at the doorknob.)
ACTOR BRAVO
If we're gonna get any warrants, we gotta see the judge soon, or we’re stuck with Judge Alpha. She don’t like surprises, ya know. And she'll hit us with follow-ups all week.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Hmmmm. Let's kill two birds with one stone, literally. This guy obviously isn't their ring leader; I want the top dog; their number one. You still on our narc roster?
ACTOR BRAVO
Yeah; you want some undercover work?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
No. Good-cop, bad-cop. Our own unofficial strike team. You say he had six pounds of grass under those robes?
ACTOR BRAVO
Kinda. That's what I thought initially, it sure looks like weed. But our lab boys and girls say it ain't, and they say that it's some unknown specie and looks, smokes and perhaps may get you high like weed does, but it ain't weed.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Some geneticly-mutated strain of marijuana? Some relative plant from East Asia or something? Maybe some Golden Dawn strain?
ACTOR BRAVO
Fluff if I know. It's loaded with something like T-H-C, but the assistant D-A says we'll have trouble telling a jury that it's a controlled substance if we can't even pin-point it's evolutionary origins or give it a real name in Latin. Towards conviction, it might as well be parsley. Or catnip. Or-
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
So it ain't really weed, it's just some herbal-cigarette tobacco or something like the schwag you can mail-order from the ads in the stoner mags.
ACTOR BRAVO
Nah. It's dank, no matter what the lab tells me. I've seen the best and this is some primo stuff. Even if it's some modified strain that has got the lawyers and scientists all scratching their heads, I bet we could still pin him for intent-to-sell; you know it's illegal to sell anything presented as a narcotic, even if it ain't. We got coke-heads doing time for selling baking soda and vanilla pudding mix, and the jury might bite, but I dunno, really; I want a charge that will stick.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Me too. So you haven't booked him with anything, right?
ACTOR BRAVO
Nah, I read him his rights and all, but so far, he's just in for questioning.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
You're brilliant. I sure miss being your partner.
ACTOR BRAVO
Nah you don't, you don't miss one thing about workin' the street.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Maybe you're right. You, you live for the scent of the criminal, I live for the scent of the crime scene. You got any rolling papers?
ACTOR BRAVO
(Believe it or not, he does. Gives him a pack:) Yes, you’re like the bloodhound and I’m like the... pit bull.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Yeah, I guess. Hey, when you're talking to Chief, could you grab me a cup of joe, extra black?
ACTOR BRAVO
Sure, Boss. I'm glad that getting promoted to detective hasn't gone to your head or anything.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Hey, lay off, you got me here. Tell Chief you're gonna smoke summa that schwag, for interrogation purposes.
ACTOR BRAVO
Of course. Consider it completely logged. Like our last-and-only movie together, I'm the good cop, right? Figures.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Hey! You know I’m really sorry that they didn't cast you for the sequel, but they said it was too much like the beat you were working, it was to protect you -- you know how touchy Hollywood is about mirroring reality. I protested.
ACTOR BRAVO
Yeah, yeah, I know. No cream or sugar as always?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Of course not. Extra black.
(C-26 enters the interrogation room.)
CLARKE
Why am I here?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
I'm asking the questions, Lucky Charms, you wanna work with me and be back on the streets by dinner or you wanna play hardball and sit in lock-up all night?
CLARKE
Am I being charged with a crime?
(C-26 takes his revolver out of his shoulder-harness, slides a chair, moves it to under the camera, steps-up and violently and severely bashes the camera with the butt of his pistol into many hundreds of shards and plastic electronic part-housing things. The lens shatters on impact with the floor below.)
FX: SLOW MOTION - 4 fps
ECU: LENS SHATTERING
LOSE FX
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
(Clacks cell phone to table. CLARKE doesn't know what to make of it.) If you wanna call someone, I gotta phone. We can sit here all night if you want that, too. Better start talking; I got you for as long as I want you.
CLARKE
I have monitored the amount of time which has elapsed since my arrival. By your laws, unless I am informed of the nature and cause of the accusation, you may only detain me for questioning for another twenty-nine hours, twenty-nine minutes and twenty-nine seconds... mark.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Well aren't we just the perfect little time-keeper? You should re-check your facts. Welcome to the world of the Patriot Act and the New World Order, Frodo. If I even think you could be a terrorist, we got you for up to twenty-eight days, or, the Feds may wanna take a crack at you, so hope it's not that time of the month for you in Hobbit Land. You know, Mr. Time-Keeper, you outta start figuring how many seconds you're gonna get for attempted kidnapping, possession with intent-to-sell and criminal evasion. That's plenty criminal nature and plenty cause to charge you.
CLARKE
You mean I'm being accused of possession with intent-to-smoke? Criminal Drug Evasion? Kidnapping? That's nothing; you've got nothing on me, copper.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
(Picks up and plops monster, six-pound capsule-shaped bag of weed onto the table.) What do you call that?
CLARKE
I am in the military. That is part of standard issue. My prescription shows I have not excee-
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
I'm not interested in your war stories or what you get issued by the Feds... unless you're one of them -- you're not really a Fed working undercover, are you?
CLARKE
No.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Of course not! So what's some military guy doing all dolled up like one of Santa's helpers and carrying enough high-grade schwag to start his own little cartel? Gonna help pull a heist?
CLARKE
I believe I recall the arresting officer mentioning that I have the right to remain silent.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Sure, sure. Just know we haven't charged you with anything... yet.
CLARKE
Then I'm leaving.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
You'll leave when I'll say you leave! Now I've got an officer of the court saying you and an accomplice attempted to kidnap a young woman and her baby. Wanna shed some light on that?
CLARKE
We did nothing of the sort. My companion thought he was saving a baby, instead he saved about four pounds of white powder and a greasy, taped-up lunch bag.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Powder? Now we're making headway. What kind of powder?
CLARKE
The owner said the bags were hers, I don't know what you call it. Party favors, I guess.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
What about this party favor? (Twists:) Lab says it ain't grass, and I s’pose I should let you keep it, but I ain't so sure.
CLARKE
Eight-thousand years of controlled cultivation incited the plant to evolve. It's still ganja.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
I'll bet! So was it an attempted buy that went sour? What went down? Who's the masked man?
CLARKE
I think I shouldn't say any more. Everything I’ve said so far has been taken completely out of context.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
No, no! We were just starting to get along. I want to help you. Let's start over. My name's Cameo 26, I'm a detective here, and I just want to get this cleared-up. What's your name?
CLARKE
My name's Arthur.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Got a last name?
CLARKE
It's Clarke.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Well, that's cool. We're making progress here, Arthur. You seem like a clean cut, intelligent guy who knows how to play ball. So while we’re ironing out a few creases in your story, Arthur, you wanna tell me what you're doing with six pounds of dope?
CLARKE
It was a mere 17 micrograms fully compressed until Officer Frisky Feelgood did precisely the opposite of what I advised him from doing and completely decompressed it.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Huh?
CLARKE
It’s my medicine, a pill, a broken capsule, decompressed and open; your partner did that while probing for needles or something equally illogical. I assure you, I have no weapons nor narcotics in or around the area of my genitalia and furthur examination of that region will be completely unnecessary. I am not sure why this one parcel of my inventory has caused such a commotion. Only one factor has seemingly become evident: You, your partner and this entire society does not understand the vitality of that capsule to the model human condition: Whether you realize it or not, we all need marijuana to stay sane.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
We?
CLARKE
You, your world, myself and the members of my crew.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Your crew? An organized gang, huh? What are you up to? What are you planning to do?
CLARKE
We're just trying to get back home.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Home?
CLARKE
Back to the future.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Now you're playing games with me. I don't have time for stories.
CLARKE
I am a Virginian, I am incapable of lying.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Bull-hockey; I’ve seen plenty of dishonesty in Virginia.
CLARKE
Are you gonna blaze one of those up or are you gonna just tease me all night?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Oh, these? What's wrong? Jones'n? (Teasing him:) Needing some blunt-force trauma to the head?
CLARKE
In the future, all humans need marijuana to survive. I can't imagine a world without it.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Ever hear of jail? There's a world without it. So what's gonna happen if you don't get your fix?
CLARKE
I'll eventually discorporate and evolve into pure, psychic, phantasmic energy. It isn't pretty, I assure you.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Doesn’t sound like it is. I can't wait to see it.
CLARKE
What do you want?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
I want a full confession, I want to know what you're up to!
CLARKE
It's hard to confess to something I haven't done, I told you we just want to go back to the-
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Oh, stop it already. Are you really willing to take the fall for this friend of yours?
CLARKE
I am willing to give my life for the mission.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Mission, huh? What's this mission?
CLARKE
I'm done talking. This sucks. Either blaze one up, lock me up, or let me go.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Oh, I'm not letting you go, not 'til I have some names, dates, times, places. I want it all.
CLARKE
Putting a pen and paper in front of me does nothing to motivate me to talk. I’ve said enough.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Well you'd better think of something else to say, because you haven't said diddly. You just sit there and think of your involvement in all this and really consider whether this companion of yours is worth your freedom. I'm sure I can find a few things to put you away for quite a while if you don't start coming up with some relevant information.
CLARKE
You are urinating counter to gravity across a woven stretch of twine.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
What?
CLARKE
You are salivating into the air currents.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Am I hearing right? Did you just tell me I'm pissin' up a rope and spittin' in the wind?
CLARKE
Yep.
(It's all CAMEO TWENTY-SIX can do to not hit CLARKE. He keeps his cool, maintains restraint.)
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
(Placing the joints and stash just out of reach.) Oh, I'm done here. I tried it the nice way.
(CAMEO TWENTY-SIX exits. ACTOR BRAVO gives him a steaming hot cup of coffee in C-26's own mug that says “I [heart] donuts!”)
ACTOR BRAVO
Anything? I caught a little of it. His name's Arthur?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
(Sips:) Perfect. Mmmm. He's the right-hand man to some other guy. Maybe foreign operatives, maybe militant. Some major drug-deal or something else big is going down, he's in some sort of gang, but he's keeping mum as to the identities and whereabouts of his associates. He's hiding something, alright.
ACTOR BRAVO
I'm not so sure now. I wonder: Maybe he doesn't really know anything.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Yeah, that's what he wants us to think. I've seen enough of his type to know that if we play hardball, he'll eventually spill his guts and sing like a canary. He seems to be hooked-on that dank. He was droolin’ and talkin’ all-crazy while I was rollin’ the joints. Some of these hemp-heads are so wacked-out, for a toke, they'd sell their own grandmother down the river.
ACTOR BRAVO
I see where you're going with this; you want me to lay it on?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
As thick as you can; he's gonna crack, I feel it; he's anxious, talking about the future; see what's going down.
ACTOR BRAVO
I gotcha.
(ACTOR BRAVO enters the room.)
ACTOR BRAVO (Cont'd)
I’m sorry about having to taze you, but when a police officer says to stop, you need to stop, man.
CLARKE
Like I told your partner, I'm not saying anything more.
ACTOR BRAVO
It's cool, no sweat; I'll probably have you out of here in a half-hour or so.
CLARKE
You're letting me go?
ACTOR BRAVO
The detective's sure you're in some kind of racket. Me? I'm not so sure. You seem okay.
CLARKE
A racket?
ACTOR BRAVO
Guilt by association. You and I both know it's that masked man I want to talk to, not you.
CLARKE
Then why am I here?
ACTOR BRAVO
Because you're the only link I have between the masked man and this.
(Tosses unloaded gun onto the table.)
CLARKE
You know that's not mine.
ACTOR BRAVO
Oh, I know. I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding. Hey, those look tasty. You mind if I spark one of these?
CLARKE
(Is that a Nemo-look?) Please do.
(ACTOR BRAVO lights it like a pro, yet doesn’t really inhale. He offers the joint to CLARKE at the end of his line and doesn't hit the pinner again -- CLARKE bogarts it. No one seems to mind either way. It frees ACTOR BRAVO to get up and move around a little -- takes that scratchy jacket off, loosens that stuffy tie...Note: It takes a special kind of cop to be able to reside undercover on the narc roster in Hollywood and be a uniformed cop with a beat -- especially if you star in all the cop movies that call for an undercover action hero that’s maybe dirty and maybe isn’t... I mean, if you’re caught being a narc anywhere there’s packin’ going on, either the entire precinct had better be waiting outside or you have got to be the best street-performer in The Universe that unanimously convinces each and every bad guy that you’re really not on the level... yet. Talk about Advanced Acting; who says the MFA is a terminal degree, anyway? [Aye, let’s not short-sheet ACTOR BRAVO here and give him short-shrift, now.])
ACTOR BRAVO
I gotta theory, Arthur, it is Arthur, right? Cool. Anyway, I got this theory that you got mixed up with some fellas who are up to no good. I know they're the bad guys, but you think they're your friends. Listen: They're not your friends. You need to get better ones.
CLARKE
I will never betray my captain.
ACTOR BRAVO
I'm not asking you to betray anyone. And I'm not so sure he's really guilty of anything yet.
CLARKE
He has saved my life on many occasions; he is the most lawful man I have ever known.
ACTOR BRAVO
I'm glad to hear that, I was hoping that was the case and this is all a big misunderstanding. If I could just talk five minutes with this guy, I'm sure we could easily clear all this up and all go home and call it a day.
CLARKE
Why can't we just do that now?
ACTOR BRAVO
You wanna tell me where this gun came from, who it belongs to? Come clean now, and I promise you, you'll get the best deal I can offer. Level with me, and if you’re completely blameless, I’ll let you go.
CLARKE
If I told you the truth, you either wouldn't believe me or you would think I was joking.
ACTOR BRAVO
So you think this is a joke?
CLARKE
I am a Virginian. Virginians never joke.
ACTOR BRAVO
No, I don't suppose they do; so, while we're being honest; what do you know of this gun?
CLARKE
It is a phantasmic replica created by the psyche of my captain to help rationalize his para-temporal presence in this paradox.
ACTOR BRAVO
There it is again. Captain. Captain who?
(ACTOR BRAVO pulls out his trusty pen and notebook.)
CLARKE
Captain Jules Rodham Tiberius Verne The One Seventeenth. He is my commanding officer.
ACTOR BRAVO
The one-seventeenth. Tiberius with a Y or an I? So you're acting under orders, then? You in a sleeper-cell or something?
CLARKE
T-i-b-e-r-i-u-s. Mind if we blaze that other one up? This one's getting kinda tiny.
ACTOR BRAVO
That's the problem with Detective 26, he always rolls them damn pinners. Me? I like hog legs. I’ll twist one for ya.
CLARKE
Cool, where was I?
ACTOR BRAVO
You were telling me about where I can find this Captain Verne fella.
CLARKE
His whereabouts are unknown to me, although if I had a Zeta Counter I could find him for you.
ACTOR BRAVO
A Zeta Counter, what's that?
CLARKE
It is a device that detects the signature of objects and entities that are dusted with Zeta.
ACTOR BRAVO
Dusted? (Dares to shoot a glance to the mirror.) Zeta? What's that? Somethin' like this stuff?
CLARKE
Raw Ellisonium, near-matter, phantasmic plasma. The people of my time are inundated with it.
ACTOR BRAVO
In-un-dated; that spelled like it sounds? What is this El Sony Um, is it a pharmaceutical? A plant?
CLARKE
To understand the nature of Zeta, you must first accept the premise that all I say is true.
ACTOR BRAVO
Go ahead, shoot. You got an honest face; what reason would you have to lie to me?
CLARKE
Exactly. I don't have any need to lie. I am Lieutenant Commander Arthur C. Clarke The Eleven Eighty-First from The United States Warship Eliza, I have gone from the year 9969 to the year 1939 and forward in time again to this time period to stop our captain's evil clone from creating a Zeta Bomb, a device that spells Armageddon to us all. So far, and luckily perhaps, Zeta is still unknown to this world.
ACTOR BRAVO
A bomb? Some terrorist plot? (Glances to mirror:) You talkin' a dirty bomb or something?
CLARKE
The dirtiest of them all. Let us assume I am from an alternate world, one with a different time-line, a different history. In my world, a dark, rogue asteroid from the planet Zeta was discovered orbiting in the Oort Cloud at the edge of our solar system. The military industrial complex attempted to harness this asteroid and bring it into orbit around the Earth. This, unfortunately was a miscalculation, for the asteroid's bulky form shattered and it fell to the Earth's atmosphere where it became many large, rogue meteorites that destroyed most of the Western United States.
ACTOR BRAVO
Most of the Western U-S? Wow. Now that's quite a bomb.
CLARKE
That's not the half of it. The unique property about the material extracted from the asteroid, known as phantasmic matter, is that it can respond and interact with conscious forms of life.
ACTOR BRAVO
You're starting to lose me, you need to put that out for a minute?
CLARKE
Oh no, this is what I've needed. The scientific term of the raw element refined from this phantasmic matter is called Ellisonium, and is the chief source of power for all our devices; our creations.
ACTOR BRAVO
(Writing in notebook:) Your devices from the future. Gotcha. El Sony Um. Is it radioactive?
CLARKE
Yes and no. It becomes whatever the user of the material needs it to be.
ACTOR BRAVO
Better give me another hit there; you're starting to lose me again.
(After lightly hitting the pinner and passing it back, ACTOR BRAVO continues twisting the hog-leg like a pro.)
CLARKE
The gun, my costume, even the weed we are smoking at this very moment are all comprised of a single, unstable grain of Ellisonium. It is the most powerful element in The Universe.
ACTOR BRAVO
(Reads notebook:) And you can only get this El Sony Um from this Zeh-tah meteor that's still an asteroid somewhere outside our solar system and still hasn't killed us all yet, right?
CLARKE
Currently, it is a dwarf planet. It will never become an asteroid or a meteor crash because it was never discovered. Seemingly, in this temporal branch of the cosmic tree, we're safe from its phantasmic plasma.
ACTOR BRAVO
Okay. (Licks it. He’s quick.) How does all this tie to what you were doing today at the pier?
CLARKE
We were looking for elements of a Zeta Counter, to detect any unrefined Ellisonium that may be present on the planet.
ACTOR BRAVO
I thought you said this thing was in space? (Waves joint and blows on it, passes pinner roach.) A secret planet we don't know about in some fart-cloud or something.
CLARKE
Hundreds of meteorites containing phantasmic matter have crashed to Earth over the billions of years of the Earth's geological history. If versed in historical Terran Geology, traces of Ellisonium can be found in some remote places on Earth if one knows right where to look.
ACTOR BRAVO
And I suppose, you, being from the future, you know right where to look.
CLARKE
Negative, I have never needed to study Earth Geology beyond the Appalachians. Ensign Asimov is our ship’s geologist. He knows where all of the Zeta deposits are on Earth.
ACTOR BRAVO
And where is he?
CLARKE
I am unaware of the whereabouts of anyone. But I do know where some of them will be tonight.
ACTOR BRAVO
Oh yeah? A meeting? Where?
CLARKE
I think I've been very forthright with you, yet I'm still chained to this table.
(ACTOR BRAVO heats up the J with his lighter, moving it over the flame, drying it. He immediately sparks it. He crosses over to CLARKE, releases his handcuff and passes the hog leg, taking the pinner back with him and goes back to his chair to roll another joint.)
ACTOR BRAVO
Let's say that if you lead us to this crew of yours, you might go free right now.
CLARKE
I only know that there's a party tonight and everyone who's anyone is invited to attend.
ACTOR BRAVO
You think your captain might make us anyone and invite us along if he knows I'm your friend?
(He licks the paper. Again, he’s very quick.)
CLARKE
Perhaps. You seem likeable enough, but your partner may be too rough around the edges.
ACTOR BRAVO
(Twisting another hog leg. The key to the trick is to break up enough for several joints right off.) He's really a softie; you just gotta know him better. We all just want to get to the bottom of this and, like you, if there's a madman building a bomb out there, we wanna help you stop him.
CLARKE
So you will join us in our efforts to stop the construction of a Zeta Bomb?
ACTOR BRAVO
If I want to collar someone for some dank, I can hit any street corner and shake down the first hippie I see. (Licks it.) I think that stopping terrorism and bomb making is far more important than a lil' ol' drug bust. (Tosses first rolled hog leg, unlit, to CLARKE, who is still working on the first one sparked. ACTOR BRAVO hits the pinner, douses it in his coffee.) We work together, I can forget about, say, seeing a few joints of this stuff blazing at a party, ya know?
(Sparks up the second hog leg he's rolled, hits it deeply for once... what the heck? Primo stuff, all right. He passes it to CLARKE who now has three joints, two of them lit. CLARKE trades the roach of the first for the one ACTOR BRAVO offers.)
CLARKE
If you promise not to disrupt the party, I will tell you where it is, ya know?
(CLARKE hits his. ACTOR BRAVO hits the hog leg roach, savoring it. Ah, the good ol’ days. Intro To Criminal Justice, freshman year...)
ACTOR BRAVO
I can't promise you that, but I will make my best attempt to follow the spirit of what you ask, ya know?
(CLARKE does a seriously long chong. The cherry of the joint is massive. He holds it in while saying:)
CLARKE
Very well. The party is at eight tonight at Leah's Luxury Suites, ya know?
(ACTOR BRAVO doesn’t hit the roach upon hearing this, knowing he’s obviously had plenty-enough. Talk about primo stuff... did he hear right?)
ACTOR BRAVO
Heh, heh, heh-heh-heh, I suppose now you're gonna say that Leah Zale's throwing the party.
CLARKE
No, Actor Alpha is, but the woman you know as "Leah Zale" is the party's sponsor -- it's all her idea, her planning.
ACTOR BRAVO
Okayden. (Tosses lit roach onto table top in front of him and slides his chair to the table. Gestures for CLARKE to remain seated.) You've been very helpful, Arthur. Gimme a moment to talk to my partner. (Takes Jessie, slides the bag and papers to him.) Here, toke up.
CLARKE
You're all heart.
(ACTOR BRAVO leaves the room, he looks at CLARKE through the mirror.)
ACTOR BRAVO
Well? (Plays with gun, spinning the chamber, opens it, re-checks to see if it’s unloaded, the chamber’s empty.) I, for one, am on the fence. I think I’m telling myself that I really need a vacation. I mean, is that dank some killer grass or what? Maybe I got too stoned. What do you think?
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
He's a street loon. There's no party -- none that he's invited to. (Pause. Sees ACTOR BRAVO really does want to know what he thinks which means that ACTOR BRAVO really was on the fence about it:) What? You buy it? The world's greatest humanitarian and philanthropist is behind a domestic, terrorist act? Are you serious?
ACTOR BRAVO
Dunno, I can tell that at least he thinks that he's telling me straight. Maybe he IS crazy. Maybe she's not involved at all, or maybe her money's getting laundered or something; or maybe it's her gun, I dunno.
(From too fast, too loud to whispered too slow, too loud. Finally, under-breath screeching:)
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Are you insane? Do you like your job? Do you want to be the next Judas Iscariot to walk this Earth? (Beat.) Have you lost your your frickin' mind? I am not gonna arrest Leah Zale! Ever! If Ms. Zale wasn't in and out of voluntary re-hab every month, she'd give the Pope a run for his money, the lady is an honest-to-God saint! Everyone and I mean everyone loves her! Everybody! The mafia, the media, the tyrants, the terrorists, the scientists, the politicians, the homeless -- They teach kindergarten classes on how to be more like Leah Zale! I mean, she could axe-murder baby seals in Times Square and nobody would ever, ever, say they ever saw anything, you follow? (Clear:) She is spotless! Even if she IS guilty of something, nobody’s ever gonna care! She saved our entire planet! Ten times over!!! I’m not trying to preach gospel, but if it wasn’t for Ms. Leah A. Zale, none of us would be here today! You know this!
ACTOR BRAVO
We'll go in casual, check out the party-
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
We might go to her party and find some grass on her, sure, but man, I ain't gonna gate-crash this for all the tea in China! Not only does her company own the wealthiest bank in the world and maybe a few small countries to boot; she’s beyond-a-doubt the wealthiest individual living, and if you take into account the notion that she's probably the most popular woman on Earth since Mother Mary, it would be fair to say that we would be far beyond totally nutzoid to even accuse her of jaywalking! If the woman was thirty-five years old, you know as well as I do she'd be our President! I’m not on the fence on this one; there’s no doubt in my mind! We need to leave this one alone!
ACTOR BRAVO
You heard what he said, she's the money behind it all. Perhaps we should see the judge about it; cover our asses.
(Again, plays with the gun, spinning the chamber, opens it, re-checks to see if it’s unloaded. The chamber’s still empty.)
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
No way. Are you kidding? We'll get laughed out of her courtroom! And considering that Leah Zale and Judge Alpha could be the frickin' Doublemint Twins, I'm sure our lady judge would think it was all a bad Halloween prank and have our butts in jail without our badges before the bars close tonight. Leah Zale sees the future! And I still want to have one! Leah Zale’s provided the cures to at least a hundred human diseases and this is all beside the fact that everyone on Earth everywhere is still finding new ways to thank her for single-handedly-solving all global famine with that weird wheat that grows anywhere you want and never anywhere you don't want without water or sunlight...
ACTOR BRAVO
No, it needs a drop of water to germinate... Kwat-ro-trit-a-kay-lee...
(Dry-fires pistol into the ground.)
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
...Yeah, that. Whatever. Do you think we're gonna walk into a courtroom, tell a testy judge that based on some flim-flam testimony from this pointy-eared man who thinks he's from the future that we need a search warrant to find bomb-making supplies in Leah's Luxury Suites? What makes you think that pursuing this is a wise course of action?
(One last time, he plays with gun, spinning the chamber, opens it, re-checks to see if it’s unloaded, the chamber’s empty.)
ACTOR BRAVO
I dunno. (Pause.) Call it a gut feeling, but something about it all rings true.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
This is big enough to wreck both of our careers if we're wrong. I don't want to risk it.
ACTOR BRAVO
Bait Chief, see if he bites, then it’s still in our hands without risking our necks. If not, we could always run it by Homeland Security.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Not on your life! I'll run it by Chief, see if we should pursue a warrant, or drop it.
ACTOR BRAVO
I'll grease-up our mole with some more dank, he might say some more. See ya in there.
CAMEO TWENTY-SIX
Be prepared to let him go, I gotta feelin' Chief is going to throw me out of his office.
ACTOR BRAVO
Maybe not; he knows we're serious; and no matter how stoned I get, there's still this: This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen yet -- and you know I've seen plenty weird in my day. (Without looking, holds up gun, opens chamber and readily catches six unfired bullets that spill from the chamber. It seems ACTOR BRAVO has learned much about this weapon. C-26 is astounded. He reloads the weapon with the bullets created by the chamber.) Chief will bite. He’ll bite cuz he knows it’s us, the Supercops. I mean, it's not like we're still having to pull extra duty for vice.
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