Scene 7.15 - Escape
EST: INT. Tunnel, Geronimo Bay Asylum, December 21, 1812
(The two men are tunneling. They've made great progress over the last few years.)
POKE
Grass-Burner, we're near the surface -- only a few more feet and we shall be past the guard shack; then no more digging!
MONTY
Cool Beans! So how many more weeks will that take, Old Man?
POKE
Weeks!? Oho! My boy, we're talking days! This latest rainfall's made the topsoil as soft as German Chocolate Cake...
MONTY
Please Master, you know how ill I become when I visualize brown food...
POKE
Oh yes, that's right, Mistress Sadie's old-school warterboarding session back in the day -- she only poured water on your head, you know, she ain't that gross, so hopefully you'll get over it, eventually -- why, if we keep digging like this, we should be out before your next annual torture session, far less than a month to reach the air above.
MONTY
I dunno if I'll ever see Mistress again. I haven't seen her in over a week, and I still gotta put the eyebrows on her ankle-frog tatt...
POKE
She hasn't seen you at all? Really? What about your... extra-curricular activities?
MONTY
Nothing! We were right in the middle of practicing the reverse-lotus position and I withdrew before climax just as the scroll instructed and then she became all cold and told me to return to my cell. That was twelve days ago. I haven't seen her since.
POKE
If'n ya don't mind hearsay in this lonely place, how long you been bangin' her steady now?
MONTY
Fwww! Who kno- Years, I guess. We've done everything the books illustrated and a few things they didn't -- everything but zero-gravity. We were working on that one; using water pressure....
POKE
Mistress Conn has shared everything freely and has done much for you; what have you ever done for her: The Khan of Cons?
MONTY
What can I do? What does she want that she does not already have? She knows I've given my heart already to another...
POKE
I wasn't speaking of your heart- Aaaaaahh!
(There is a cave-in, POKE is buried.)
MONTY
Master! Master! Master! (Long silence.) Master! (Scraping sound.) Master?
(Suddenly, a huge arm reaches through the dirt and pulls MONTY violently-upward.)
MS: Guard shack
(OLAF has rescued POKE, who is sitting on the floor, smiling, covered with dirt, no worse for the wear.)
OLAF
You boys are early! Mr. Poke, Ms. Sadie said youse weren't supposed to show-up with Bjork-Rat fo' anudder week or so.
MONTY
What?
OLAF
I don't even have the paint dry yet; you can't take her yet. I have anudder six days with a Y to finish the third coat of paint on it.
POKE
On what, Olaf? What in the Hell of Upside-down Underwater Tortures are you talking about?
OLAF
(Counting fingers to string-ring on other thumb:) I can't tell you cuz it's gonna be a surprise from the Mistress in... six days.
MONTY
Well, we're early so you can surprise us now and maybe we can surprise her with a double-surprise later by leaving sooner.
OLAF
I've been workin' on it fo' a long time, even befo' you was relaxin' with the Mistress and takin' up all her time, Bjork-Rat, I think she knew you was gonna finish this tunnel afta all and leave us here all alone by ourselves anyways. She's real smart, she is.
MONTY
What are you talking about?
OLAF
It's all done and reddy to sail, but the paint on the front needs at least a day to dry real good.
POKE
Sail?
MONTY
Sail?
OLAF
U-S Molly May: Mistress Sadie had me pull it up wit de winch a long time ago. I just finished fixin' 'er. She's gonna be your boat.
POKE
We have a boat! We have a boat!
MONTY
I don't believe it! Mistress Sadie wants us to sail out of here?
OLAF
Yes, why, she used to say it would be the only fitting thing to do -- but last week, she just say that the sooner you re gone the better.
MONTY
What?
OLAF
I agree, the sooner the better. She say, she want to forget about the Bjork-Rat and just go back to just Sadie and Olaf. I'm Olaf.
MONTY
Why is she mad at me, Olaf?
OLAF
She's not mad at you, she jus' wants you to go away, like I do. I'll help you go away, Bjork-Rat. I fixed the boat up -- come see!
MONTY
Well, maybe I should tell her good-bye or something.
OLAF
She don't want to say good-bye. She say to make sure you leave as soon as I see you come out of the ground, Bjork-Rat.
POKE
Olaf, if you want to help us leave, you could go with me down to the boat and help me rig it for sailing while Grass-Burner goes back to the Castle to get our things for the voyage.
OLAF
Noooo.... augh. No, Mistress Sadie said-
POKE
Well, we could all go back to the Castle together and get our things, but if Mistress Sadie sees all of us together and learns we haven't even got the boat ready, why, she might change her mind! Women do that all the time! You've seen her change her mind, haven't you, Olaf?
OLAF
(Frown, somber:) Ja.
POKE
Maybe we should all go back right now in case she did change her mi-
OLAF
No! You, go get Mr. Poke's stuff, and don't dally, Bjork-Rat. I gotta start collecting this weekend's dinner for the chef today and I want you two gone before that. Ja. Two less plates, two less people fo' me to hafta visit on days ending wit' a Y...
POKE
(Sotto:) Go! (To OLAF:) All right Olaf, show me how you got this boat all rigged up -- this way? I bet you did a great restoration job, I mean, you're so diligent, so... you got tenacity, that's what counts my boy...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. Castle, First Floor.
(MONTY is walking down a long corridor carpeted wall-to-wall with long sheets of hemp paper, disturbing none of it; almost floating on air. He momentarily stops, steps once backward, slowly forward and back again. We don't hear squat; not even a paper crinkle. He regards the wall's crevice. He takes a torch from the wall, waves it in front of the crevice. Yes, a draft coming from the crack -- a secret hallway. He lightly feels the crevice, finds a worn spot, searches, finds a knobby bump in the stone, pushes it -- whalla! The door silently-opens inward, revealing a small walkway that sharply turns left. He enters the secret room.)
MS: Nursery.
(It is a room decorated to-the-hilt for a baby of undetermined gender -- a little pink, a little blue, nothing too masculine or too girly -- a baby room. Thoroughly pastel; there's a crib, playpen, mobiles, cool balloon and zoo-animal wallpaper, soft carpets, fuzzy fur rugs, toy boxes, diaper-changing station, etc. MONTY picks up a rattle and holds it in his hand. A cute, blue-and-pink baby rattle. It seems SADIE has a soft side.)
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SADIE'S BEDROOM
(SADIE is combing her hair; dressed in a sexy, silky nightgown at her vanity mirror, morose, trying to resist eating another chocolate from her chocolate box. She can't resist. She hungrily downs one, and when that one doesn't taste so hot, she absently reaches for another, accidentally spilling the box to the floor. Yet, because she is a Shower-Lynn Priestess, she at least has the wherewithal to catch at least one of the falling pieces of chocolate. She bends over to pick up the other pieces, shrugs and pops the caught piece in her mouth. Delicious! So worth it! As she picks up the third piece, another hand assists her. She is shocked and swallows -- an assassin? Who dares to sneak-up on the Mistress Of The Castle? She looks up -- it's Bureaucrat!)
SADIE
Oh! Bureaucrat! I... I've left you a boat so you may-
(He kisses her deeply. She's immediately for kissing him back; to heck with the chocolates on the floor...)
DISSOLVE
ECU: His left hand deeply clenched and interlocked with her right hand.
SADIE (Cont'd)
Yes! Yes! Oh! Yes! That's it! Yes! Oh, Yes!
(His grip tightens as hers spasms and goes limp. He rolls off of her. He looks to his left palm. There's a ganja seed in there!)
CU: Seed in hand
MS: Bed containing half-naked, dumb-founded MONTY and a sheet-covered SADIE, who points to a back exit; in afterglow.
SADIE (Cont'd)
(Intense, focused:) It is time for you to leave.
(We follow MONTY as he walks through the exit.)
CUTAWAY
MS: SADIE seeing rattle from secret room placed on her vanity dresser near the chocolate-box lid.
CU: Rattle
MS; SADIE, knowing, smiling, stretching and fully glowing; confident of conception.
MS: MONTY walking down hall.
(There is a large, carnival-glass hookah slowly-burning some high-grade schwag; blocking the exit. There are two carburetors on the hookah; one right and one left. When hitting the grand bong, one must cover the carbs with forearms while moving the bong aside to get those cool Shower-Lynn peace-sign and pot-leaf burn tatts like Master Poke and Mistress Conn. He double mega-power-hits it as he moves it aside, burning his flesh in the process. He clears the bong, then clears the door, sways and promptly passes-out.)
MS: Linoleum patterns dancing about. [What's linoleum?]
LS: MONTY awakening, shaking it off and walking away -- very, very stoned.
CUT TO:
EXT. MOLLY MAY
(MONTY walks around the guard shack. There's a boat, alright. A pink boat. A pink boat painted to look like a whale. A smiling, doe-eyed pink whale with blue eyes and eyelashes. Seems what Mistress Sadie didn't know concerning ships was left to OLAF to figure out -- yet she kept all aesthetic decisions concerning decoration up to her discretion; or in this case, her lack thereof.)
MONTY
(Muttered:) It's a pink boat! (Yells:) Ahoy!
POKE
(Pops head out of porthole eye-of-whale window:) Ahoy! Come aboard lad! Olaf's getting some mead from the storehouse so he can see us off; all formal-like! Bash the bottle to wish safe voyage and all that! You know; cool beans!
(Double thumbs-up!)
MONTY
It's a pink boat!
POKE
Yes! She's got two pearly coats and plating below the waterline... Looks like he got her all fixed-up and sailing tight as a drum!
MONTY
It's a pink boat!
POKE
Come aboard, Captain! How else you gonna show me how to sail to Ire?
MONTY
Ire?
POKE
Yes, I thought- I would like to seek-out my brother.
MONTY
Ire's a prison island; if'n we're gonna be in a pink boat -- they's sink us fer-sher.
POKE
Well, what if we tried to-
MONTY
You'll find your brother, one way or another, Old Man. First, let's think about getting off of this rock. To hell with the Christening...
(Pushes small craft into the water, heaving bloody forearms high.)
POKE
I see you have the marks of a Shower-Lynn Master, Grass-Burner.
MONTY
(???) How do you see that, Master Blind Old Man?
POKE
The distinct aroma of A-K-A-69 on your breath. That strain is sacred to the Shower-Lynn. Call it a ... hunch.
MONTY
(Hand to mouth, smells breath. Nothing!) You're hunch is correct. (Climbs onto craft.) I just picked them up; so how long does it take to scar over? They don't seem to hurt... much.
POKE
It will take a few weeks. Tell me, G-B, Didja take a really-good, heavy, good-and-hearty bong-rip of that A-K-A and clear it on your way out?
MONTY
(Coolly jumps onto the deck:) Ain't that what it was there fo' in the first place?
POKE
Sheesh! You'd be surprised how many Shower-Lynn priests don't hit the bong.
MONTY
Shu'-up! Get outta town! A Shower-Lynn priest passin'-up a hit of the green? You gotta be kiddin' me!
POKE
I wish I was. You can spot the ones who hit it. It's the only way for a priest to get the real good-lookin' burns, the ones with all the detail. See?
(Demonstrates by holding arms aloft. Super detail, very cool; very much like how MONTY'S will look when finally healed.)
MONTY
Half-ass hittin' shallow-tatt priests, callin' themselves Shower-Lynn. To folks like you and Mistress Sadie, theys lightweights!
POKE
I know, I know, truly, it's an embarrassment, which makes it even more important we get off this rock and spread our truth -- did you pass out?
MONTY
Well, uh-
POKE
It's okay if you did, cuz I did when I did it.
MONTY
Yeah, I did.
POKE
Didja see them wallpaper patterns?
MONTY
Totally! You're like, diamond-paisley, bro!
POV: MONTY
POKE
Good visuals. Pretty vivid stuff -- enjoy the high; it really lasts; plus it's creeper. You won't get another hit like that fo' a while.
MONTY
Oh it was primo alright. So when does a Shower-Lynn priest get another hit o' that killer green? That A-K-A-69?
POKE
Only after you train an adept to become a master -- who do you think is cashing-out that big bowl as we speak?
MONTY
Sadie?
POKE
Roger that. I suppose I'm due half o' that bowl, but I'll settle for a boat ride to see my brother instead.
MS: MEN
MONTY
You'll see your brother, Old Man. I promise. Maybe not our first stop, but I'll make sure... Olaf is sure taking a while with that mead.
POKE
Probably started drinking it and forgot who he was getting it for. Like you said, to hell with the Christening. Let's jet.
MONTY
Yeah, so with you; I'm so ready to bounce out of here.
(The boat begins to drift away to the horizon as they leave the rocky, barren, island lagoon.)
POKE
I'm sure one day you will long for the peaceful memories of such an isle as this, but for now, the winds of change are upon us...
MONTY
I don't ever wanna go back there, man; it's best I stay away.
POKE
For another nine months, at least...
MONTY
Come again?
POKE
Yes... I'm sure you'll find better things to do than to come back here, Grass-Burner...
MONTY
That's right. An ocean of possibilities ahead-
(They drift out of the lagoon and hit the open sea, MONTY hoists the mainsail.)
POKE
Olaf can celebrate our departure his way, we can in our own way. (Produces blunt.) Now which one is the quick one; tack or jibe?
MONTY
Jibe. (Hits.) Look, Old Man, you're the expert on toking, philosophy, language, politics, combat and digging tunnels -- I'll give you that. Just remember tho, I'm the expert sailor. You just hold that rudder straight, and it will be nothing but smooth sailing ahead.
CUT TO: