Scene 3.14 -The Agony Of Defeat
EST: INT. The Shelter - Early Afternoon
(VERNE is screaming at the monitor, jumping, veins out of neck, half-empty beer in hand.)
VERNE
You idiot! Oh! He was clean as apple pie! Oh! The most disgusting call in the history of basketball goes to- (Tries to zoom in on referee’s collar, but it’s blurred out.) Oh! You know they’re gonna blur out your name, pal. Oh, there had to be a pay-off, there had to be! That’s as rigged as... a Twenty-First-Century election! Man, they should challenge, they should...
(VERNE sees the credits rolling and walks back to the E-Z chair, cooling off.)
VERNE (Cont’d)
Verne to Eliza. (No response, credits roll.) Verne to Clarke. (No response, more credits, cheering Asians.) Verne to Simak. (No response, more credits, scoreboard.) Verne to Wells. (No response, more credits, cheering Chinese team, held up by crowd and showing-off big trophy.) Verne to Heinlein.
HEINLEIN
(Coal-blackened face, welding goggles, more Beethoven heard.) Heinlein here, Captain.
VERNE
Where are you?
HEINLEIN
The Delta Corridor, fixing the gravity network.
VERNE
Where’s everyone else?
HEINLEIN
I don’t know, sir.
VERNE
Carry on. I’ll... check around the ship. Call me if you hear anything.
HEINLEIN
Aye, aye, sir.
VERNE
Let’s see, if he’s all green-room oriented, the pulminary matrix- (Sees AZALEA walking down a corridor, only in a bath-robe, carrying a towel and a little, water-proof bag.) Hey! Computer, zoom-in on that- zoom-in on Azalea.
ATAVACHRON
I am known as the Atavachron.
(The ATAVACHRON speaks like a person, not like the audio editing-nightmare computer voices of 9969 on The Eliza and Archimedes, where each word or phrase is pre-recorded and assembled together by the computer; ignorant of intention, emphasis, meaning or inflection. The ATAVACHRON has a slight echo-ey, masculine voice that is produced through a voice-box and sounds quite human, like a broadcast.)
VERNE
Okay, Atavachron, follow that girl, see where she’s going. (She joins the entire female cast, all dressed in bath-robes, in a locker-room in the brig. We get a top-down corner view of it.) Hey! That’s the concubines! They’re in the brig! I knew she would wake them up! Nobody ever listens to me. Computer-
ATAVACHRON
Atavachron.
VERNE
Atavachron, I need to get a better view, one closer to the floor. I may have a security breach and I need to monitor this very closely.
PEDESTAL DOWN: To floor
(VERNE downs his beer, opens another. The girls undo their robe belts and some playfully tease each other, revealing a bare shoulder or a leg to be whipped by a belt-less mistress weilding a terry-cloth whip. They giggle and bounce very sexily, getting out bars of soap and wash rags. VERNE snacks on a wing, and doesn’t bother to chew and swallow before barking at the machine.)
VERNE (Cont'd)
And zoom-in, I can barely tell that they’re women from back here. (Scoots recliner forward, pulls up TV tray.) All right! (The shot keeps going down and in until it rests on the floor and we see robes falling around the legs of bouncing girls and finally a robe gets thrown over the camera.) No, no! Follow the action, man, I didn’t get to see nothing! Hey, follow them to that shower! I don’t wanna see legs, I wanna see faces! (Pockets-to-headroom a playful, lesbian orgy, no breasts revealed, angle and stack appropriate to height. It’s exactly the way men imagine nine hot women would shower each other, kissing and laughing and blowing suds and such.) Yeah, no! No! No! Go back to that! No! The first shot! No, the first shot in the shower! Do I have to get up and- There! That one! That shot, the close-up on Azalea. Start recording, and zoom-out!
ATAVACHRON
I am not designed to record transmissions.
VERNE
Well, what good are you then? No, no, didja see how she moved out of the frame? You gotta follow her. And show me something! I’m still only seeing heads and shoulders! Zoom all the way out until I tell you to stop-
(The ATAVACHRON snaps off.)
VERNE (Cont’d)
Hey!
VERNE 1 V.O.
Zero, I thought you said you would visit Speckles after lunch.
VERNE
Hey! Turn that thing back on! My ship has possible hostile action!
VERNE 1
You need to solve the paradox, Zero, so we can all get on with our lives.
VERNE
Oh, I’m sorry, are we on your agenda? You spend a billion virtual years puttering around and messing up the space-time continuum, and I can’t even relax in front of the tube for a minute?
VERNE 1 V.O.
Speckles is waiting.
VERNE
Well, go get his sorry butt and tell him there’s still half a case of the Winter Ale left in the fridge. Tell him I got something way more hot than a porno.
VERNE 1 V.O.
I don’t think he wants to visit you, he wants you to go to him, deep in the Play-Doh-Bah swamp.
VERNE
Why can’t he come here? Doesn’t he like girls?
VERNE 1 V.O.
No, it’s not that.
VERNE
(Even more strange:) What, he doesn’t like beer?
VERNE 1 V.O.
No, no, it’s just that he’s well, different than us.
VERNE
Ah, I don’t care, leave the door open for him and stop playing with the remote, or I might decide to assimilate you piece-by-piece. (Manually turns on monitor, it shows the zoomed-out shot VERNE requested, except the floor is damp with suds, shower-heads are dripping and the girls have gone on.) It figures! Hey Atavachron-
VERNE 1 V.O.
Very well, I will send him. Don’t get too comfortable. He may be here sooner than you think.
(VERNE 1 “exits.”)
VERNE
The more, the merrier, right? Hey Atavachron, go back to the women’s locker-room with a shot like this one.
(It, too, is empty. The women have moved on to bigger and better things.)
VERNE
(Pouting, drops into the recliner. Opens another beer.) Hey Atavachron, what’s the most racy flick you got?
ATAVACHRON
Uh, er, Buttercup Of The Drifting Sands...
VERNE
Any nudity?
ATAVACHRON
No.
VERNE
Sex?
ATAVACHRON
No.
VERNE
Any profanity, dirty jokes or low-brow acts of juvenile humor?
ATAVACHRON
The box description says it’s a psychological thriller.
VERNE
Oh. Anybody get hacked-up in real disgusting ways?
ATAVACHRON
Er, no.
VERNE
Then why would I ever want to watch it then? Heavens, I’ve seen enough dry, art films already.
ATAVACHRON
(Ala C-3PO:) I’m only a monitoring device, I’m afraid my movie library isn’t very extensive.
VERNE
Well, you need a new line of work because you’re a real sloppy cameraman. (Chugs. Two and two suddenly add up. He knows why he’s on Tellusia, and realizes what VERNE 1 has been doing all along, and for the most part, what he’s planning on doing, there’s just an element missing from the picture; an unknown.) So, Atavachron, you can’t just be only designed for catching up on a game or for a round of amateur perv-cam. Whatcha supposed to monitor out here that’s so secret that Verne's got you all hidden away out in the boonies like this?
ATAVACHRON
(Shows on monitor:) This.
(A smooth, silver obelisk juts from the calm, watery horizon. It’s skyscraper-sized and measures 1x4x9.)
MUSIC UP
VERNE
(Leans in:) Now, what, my dear Atavachron, is that?
ATAVACHRON
The Source Of My Existence: The Guardian Of Infinity.
VERNE
No kidding? (Pulls the chair up closer, pulls up tray, sparks a joint with a book of matches he just happened to be carrying. He’s the kind of guy that always lights a matchbook match single-handed.) Hey Atavachron, hey Buddy, I want you to show me everything you know about that, and don’t skip a single detail.
FTB