Scene 6.06 - The Real World, Part 2
ANIMATION STYLE 2
EST: INT. Sick Bay, The U.S.S.S. Enrapture
(WELLS guides RONNIE into a massive, dark chamber, we hear a faint hum. Subtle colors in the room shift from maroon to red.)
WELLS
And this, milady, is our sickbay. This machine is our Prismatic Quantum Array Photocizer.
RONNIE
Oooh! This. An extension of the flat prism, inclusive of infra red and ultrtaviolet, yet separate -- a division of zero actualized as particle energy. Oh my goodness, possibilities so much more vast than-! How wondrous! Is it safe to operate, Doctor?
WELLS
(Pushes a button, the room becomes maroon-red, as filled with blood.) Allow me, Admiral.
(Ghosts and phantasms flood into the room from multiple dimensions, seeking escape to a better place.)
RONNIE
What are those... things? People?
WELLS
Perhaps some were once. Ghouls, wraiths, spectres -- souls lost in paradox. Events that might have happened, but didn't. Occasionally, I even see my own face -- or myself, post-mortem. It can be quite disjarring -- especially when they smile at you.
RONNIE
These phantasms can't hurt us, can they?
WELLS
Oh no! They're only here to help us, and in kind, we help them move to a better state of existence -- a little farther from whatever they're running from, in any case. They're reading our thoughts; a reality for us -- with the help of my subconscious mind, of course.
RONNIE
(Enjoying it:) Really? Wow! This is quite a spectacle, Doctor!
(A stream of St. Valentine hearts flow by RONNIE, some stopping by to kiss her on the cheek.)
RONNIE (Cont'd)
Oh my! You're quite the romantic, Georgie.
WELLS
I must confess, I have a soft-spot for women in uniform.
(She kisses him on the cheek, in return.)
RONNIE
(Stops. Hearing something faint, whispers in his ear:) What's that sound?
WELLS
Echoes. Of us.
RONNIE
Oh!
(He turns to her, she steps away a touch.)
RONNIE
Pudding, I hope I wasn't being too bold just now.
WELLS
Not at all. I may never wash this face again...
(They embrace. Pause. Why not? They kiss.)
RONNIE
Ooo! Your mouth is super-sweet, Georgie! (Excited sigh:) I'd love to take time in here to know you more intimately, but unfortunately, I have another, more urgent problem that needs your attention.
WELLS
(Holding her.) Anything, Admiral.
RONNIE
It's about my patient.
WELLS
Deyeegamay-
RONNIE
My patient is suffering from a terminal illness. Every procedure known to medicine has failed. So far, cloning hasn't been an option; the array is too massive -- and a brain transplant is -- well, ludicrous. I fear that even perhaps the legendary capabilities of the quantum array on this vessel may not even be enough to delay the inevitable. Yet, when I heard I'd be aboard your vessel- well, naturally, I feel I must ask, if not insist.
WELLS
I'm honestly not sure if this device can save your patient's life, but I'm certainly willing to give it a try, Admiral. I've seen failure, but I've also seen success when all other avenues of hope were lost.
RONNIE
Yes! Yes! Oh, thank you, Georgie! Thank you! How early can we perform surgery?
WELLS
(She showers him with hugs and kisses. Beat:) Depends: How much time does your patient have?
RONNIE
At this rate? A few days, maybe a week at most.
WELLS
A week in here is about an hour out there, roughly. It's a 169:1 ratio or something. Depending on the operation's complexity, it may take us longer than a virtual month, plus healing and recuperation if we're successful. We could use up a week before we know it. We should operate as soon as possible. It's a two-day journey to Halceron and that delay alone-
RONNIE
She's not on Halceron; not yet -- she's my companion, Commodore Zale.
WELLS
The Commodore? She's your patient? She looked so healthy!
RONNIE
Looks can be deceiving. She suffering from a brain disorder, giving rise to the symptoms of a small tumor near the sleep center of her brain. Yet there is no tumor. Every time she becomes unconscious, I fear there is a greater chance that she may never wake up again, like Ondine's Curse, but much, much trickier, much more complex. She also says she hallucinates frequently. Her spells are getting worse.
WELLS
Spells?
RONNIE
Fainting spells. Similar to narcoleptic seizure, only longer and much more severe. I've never encountered anything quite like it in all my years as a physician. I think she knows she's slated to die. She recently brought up the topic of euthanasia. I wanted to slap her. I think I cried the most that night.
WELLS
It never an option I consider. No hope is the only false hope. By all means, Doctor, I fully support your efforts in this case. Let's get her in here and on a table A-S-A-P.
(Kisses him.)
RONNIE
Thank you, Georgie-Porgie-Sweet-Lips. I will owe you a big one forever!
(More kisses.)
WELLS
Sounds reasonable to me. What type of operation? What kind of treatment?
RONNIE
Perhaps a little cloning- I can't be concise- I'm talking complex, quantum neurosurgery.
WELLS
Then you'll want Captain Sickle; he's the best. He's our specialist. You couldn't have a better man assisting you. He's the best neurosurgeon I know, bar none.
RONNIE
Oh! He must assist me then.
WELLS
Best Captain, too. I won't speak for him, but I imagine he would be honored to help, Admiral. I'd also be honored if I could assist -- as well?
RONNIE
Oh yes, of course! Could you be my anesthesiologist?
WELLS
That and more. The scalp just requires a local; I'm sure I could be useful in other ways.
RONNIE
I'm sure you are useful in many ways, Doctor.
(Kisses him again. Nice one. They both let their hands roam.)
WELLS
We'll need to get them in here.
RONNIE
After chow, after her magic act, we'll prep. I'll speak with her about the operation.
WELLS
What magic act?
RONNIE
She's been called the best illusionist this side of the Milky Way. She's quite famous back at home. She made the moon disappear and brought it back on the other side of the Earth once with her face on it.
WELLS
Oh yeah? How'd she do that?
RONNIE
I don't know. All she'll tell me is it had something to do with smoke and mirrors and a little mass suggestion. Magic, she says.
WELLS
Well maybe we can do a little magic of our own that can amaze her.
RONNIE
Yes. I'm very hopeful, and excited.
(That makes two of them... She kisses him a little more lovingly.)
WELLS
About the operation: Think tomorrow morning is too early? Premature?
RONNIE
No, not at all. We're out of options and very short on time.
WELLS
I'll brief the Captain after his afternoon latrine run, you brief the Commodore as planned.
RONNIE
Can do. Want to kiss some more?
(It begins to rain small, soft, light and very fluffy heart pillows. The pillows all have heartbeats.)
WELLS
Does that seem to answer your question?
(They kiss again. The phantasms in the room smile, signaling their approval. Hearts abound.)
SAPPY MUSIC UP
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ENRAPTURE, HALLWAY
SEGUE: Mood music suddenly becomes moody.
(VERNE is walking down a long hall, he's speaking to the ship's computer, annoyed.)
VERNE
Didja try the mess hall? That's where I always go after using the john...
FEMALE COMPUTER
Commodore Zale is not in the mess hall, sir.
VERNE
Blast it! Did you check the astrolab already?
FEMALE COMPUTER
Commodore Zale is not in the astrolab, sir. She's not aboard, sir.
VERNE
Nuts! She's gotta be somewhere. She went to the latrine; not to the shuttle bay. (Pause.) Is she in the shuttlebay?
FEMALE COMPUTER
No sir, she is not there, either. Records show that she did visit the shuttlebay earlier, however-
VERNE
Keep looking; I'm pretty darn sure that she didn't just jump out of an airlock-
FEMALE COMPUTER
Commodore Zale is not aboard this ship, sir.
VERNE
(Stops, looks up.) Horse-hockey; I just beamed her aboard -- where could she be if- wait. Computer, what's the location of Mr. Roberts?
FEMALE COMPUTER
Mr. Roberts is in his quarters, sir.
VERNE
Oh yeah? Who's he with?
FEMALE COMPUTER
Mr. Roberts is alone, sir.
VERNE
Hmmm. Hey- How about that little dog of hers... and where's Mr. Isaac?
FEMALE COMPUTER
Mr. Isaac isn't aboard the ship, either.
VERNE
(Pause, big tilt, lean, smile. Never believing it; ultimate sarcasm:) Really?
FEMALE COMPUTER
Really. As far as looking for the Commodore's pet, I detect canine life signs in the sub-level three cul-de-sac, perhaps it is the dog you are looking for, since it is the only dog I detect onboard.
VERNE
Uh-huh! Yes! Yes! Of course! (Enters turbolift.) Engineering; sub-level three.
CUT TO: EXT. Jiffy Tube.
(Where else could they be? There is a long line of men and women, all facing forward, waiting for their turn on the officer-ride. VERNE walks up to the back of the line.)
VERNE
What's this about?
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
(Not looking back, tilts head:) A zero-g spin with an officer. It's awesome! Two minutes apiece, first ride free!
(VERNE walks to the opening of the tube and waits below, noting the dog and her tell-tale purse -- both tethered to a safety rail. He faces away from the line, looking up the shaft.)
CAMEO EIGHTEEN
(Almost halfway back in single-file line, pops head out:) Hey, buddy, wait your turn like the rest of us.
VERNE
(Turns.) Excuse me?
CAMEO FIFTEEN
Attention on deck!
VERNE
(Red-faced, on top of it:) When I said no fooling around, this is EXACTLY what I was talking about! I don't know what's going on here, but I want ALL of you to report to your duty stations and I don't want to see ANY of you until chow -- in FULL dress -- swords, gloves and all! If even ONE of you fails to report to your duty station in two minutes, I give you my word that EVERY one of you will be sleeping in my brig tonight. Dismissed!
(The crew hastily find the exit. VERNE waits patiently below the tube's opening while we hear squeals of delight and laughter echo from above. Woooo! Wooo-ie! Hahahahaha. Nemo's look sours. A few seconds pass and the laughter gets louder. Suddenly, ASIMOV and AZALEA slide from the tube, in a tight embrace. On seeing the Captain, ASIMOV comes to attention, lipstick smacks across his face. His hair is a mess, his uniform is quite out of place, and AZALEA has a bra-strap showing and she has somehow lost a shoe, which tumbles out of the tube a few seconds after the pair. She dons the shoe, and leans against the wall, studying VERNE.)
AZALEA
Whew! That was WAY fun! Who's next? Hey, where'd everybody go? (Looks around, offers piggy-back ride.) Guess it's you, Cupcake. (Pause. Looks back.) Hop on, already. You and me -- how much you weigh, Tubby?
VERNE
Commodore, please, compose yourself.
AZALEA
Whazzup? You don't want a ride? That Jiffy Tube's a riot! Come on... (Looks at his rank, doesn't remember him from earlier...) Captain... dance with me in frictionless, zero-g. With your big belly, I bet we can spin at twenty rotations a second! Come on and set a new ship-wide record with me. Come on, muffintop, hop on! It'll be a blast!
VERNE
I don't want a ride, Mam. I want you to-
AZALEA
Hey! Ain't you that one freaky-lookin' big-eared dude on that old plaque at the Academy flight school mess hall? You look like him except way older now; soawere you the guy who beat the Kobe Bryant-Magoo test?
VERNE
Yes, Mam, I was. It seems my reputation precedes me.
AZALEA
Man, that test so wasted me! How'dja do it? The Academy ain't tellin'. I'm a magician, I could swap you secrets, you know.
VERNE
Commodore, I think swapping spit with my crew is enough for today.
AZALEA
Aw, jealous? (Kisses ASIMOV'S cheek.) I can show you how to make a moon disappear.
VERNE
Commodore, I don't want to see a moon disappear, I just want my headache to disappear. (Sniffs.) What's that smell? Is something burning?
ASIMOV
(Yeah, the captain's appearance kinda wrecked his high...) Nyet innymoor.
VERNE
Ensign, I want you to report to the bridge. (Pause-and-a-half.) Right now.
ASIMOV
Yiss sear, iftear ill, rink doth hivv eets preevleegis.
VERNE
And you can bet, that I won't use those privileges to taking your kind of advantages.
ASIMOV
But sear-
VERNE
Dismissed.
(He's out, hesitantly.)
VERNE (Cont'd)
Well, Commodore?
AZALEA
Well, what, Captain? You want me to apologize for havin' a little fun on this cold-ass ship? You ordered no drinking and you put my living quarters all the way on the end of the main hall away from everyone -- that ain't livin'! Come on! Lighten up, already. Can't a girl have any fun?
VERNE
You're a senior officer. Those are our V-I-P quarters. I am extending you the greatest courtesies. (Pause.) Commodore, don't you get it? Don't you see the big picture here?
AZALEA
Not your picture, Captain. All I see is a big party-pooper who's afraid to have a little fun with his guests before chow. But you're the host... (As he was about to speak-) Maybe it's constipation, dunno, N-O-M-B -- bet this can help, tho: (Puts rear out to him, hunches over, reaches back with both arms.) C'mon, hop on, jelly-belly, I'll take you real slow if you got a queasy stomach...
VERNE
Commodore Zale, I have absolutely no intention on indulging you for a two-minute piggy-back ride in zero gravity. Ever. For your own security and my own piece of mind, I am asking that you go to your quarters and remain in your quarters until one-eight-zero-zero sharp, where we will discuss this matter more fully over a bottle of Merlot, two antacid tablets and my leather-bound copy of The Officer's Handbook.
AZALEA
Hmmm. (Untethers her purse and her dog.) Everything's always so cut-and-dry with you.
VERNE
Commodore, I've got sixty perfect specimens of the finest men and women on board with an average age of twenty-one point five, men and women who have been locked-up in hyperdrive for the last three hundred and forty-five days, men and women whose hormones are boiling hot. I won't have any hanky-panky on board, not from my junior navigator and not from the Commodore of our Nevada Shipping Fleet! You're on my ship, Commodore; we have rules! (Cools.) Now, go -- go to your quarters, Mam. You'll be safe there. And for your safety, you can BET I'll be putting guards on your door -- and then I'll put more guards on the guards!
AZALEA
Hmmph. You're all charm, Commander. (With a wave of a finger, effortlessly closes Jiffy Tube hatch. Slam.) Come, Nippi!
(She exits in a huff, the dog barks and scowls back at the captain. Nemo, Nemo, Nemo.)
FTB