Scene 6.02 - Last Laugh
INT. Leah’s Luxury Suites
(As the CG goes up, a time-compression of the entire last chapter occurs, showing several random frames from each scene, too quick to discern with the naked eye, senseless to the person pausing and using slow-motion effects to somehow piece it together. After about six seconds or so, we reach the party at the apartment, minutes before the ending of the last chapter.)
CG: In case you were too cheap to see the last movie, here’s what you missed...
INT. KITCHEN
(VERNE and RAMONA exit from the portal.)
RAMONA (Cont’d)
That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, you’ve gotta tell everyone about that!
VERNE
Oh, no. Just me and The Baron know that one. I like it that way.
RAMONA
But everyone’s gonna know how to do it when they see our movie.
VERNE
OUR movie!?
RAMONA
The movie. Relax, well add a cliff-hanger, make them wonder.
VERNE
You still haven’t told me what that means.
RAMONA
Hey? You hear how quiet it is? What’s going on?
(The beer portal evaporates. We follow them into the next room. The room is barren, empty and it seems like the entire party vanished at-once.)
VERNE
Oh no!
RAMONA
What the happened here? Did we do this when we went into that portal?
VERNE
Oh no, no, nothing like that. This is someone-else’s distinctive handiwork. If anything, the serendipity of us being in that portal at the exact time of their visit has saved us from the fate of everyone else in this room. Or maybe not. Tell me, is there still an outside world? Is it still Halloween night?
RAMONA
Yeah, everything’s still out there, spooky as- What happened to the people in here? Where is everyone?
VERNE
They’re gone. They musta been picked up by the Time-Police. The way they trashed this room is clear evidence that it was the time-cops. (Smears and plays with some dust.) It’s like their calling card.
RAMONA
Where did they go?
VERNE
The right question is more when did they go. They went about a million years into the future and were all questioned or given a trial and then either sent back to yesterday or will be back tomorrow.
RAMONA
This is insanity. Where’s my wife?
VERNE
Who’s your wife?
RAMONA
Z-girl, who else?
VERNE
Azalea?
RAMONA
Yeah.
VERNE
You’re married to her?
RAMONA
(Gestures with ring:) It’s not legal or anything yet, but one day...
VERNE
Hmmph. We’ve got to find her and get this all straightened out...
RAMONA
How are we gonna do that?
VERNE
I’ll make another beer-portal and we’ll work around their defenses. I’ll need you to stick with me; help sort this mess.
RAMONA
Where are we going?
VERNE
Mona, again, it’s not where we’re going, it’s when we’re going. Hope you’re packed, cuz I got us two tickets first-class to the most wonderous planet in The Universe, the planet Zeta. Cheers.
(He makes another hidey-hole. We see a mountain view within.)
RAMONA
Another planet? Cool. What about the movie?
VERNE
I’ll sweeten it up and all. Maybe make one of those sequels before the movie things.
RAMONA
You mean a prequel.
(Thundrous noises and vibrations of buildings collapsing in the distance.)
VERNE
Right! And we can end it right-before the beginning with one of those question-mark endings you were talking about.
RAMONA
You mean a cliff-hanger.
(There’s a big, vibratory thud. Another one follows.)
VERNE
What in Halceron’s Heavenly Hostel is that? Is this one of those earthquakes or something? Is this normal?
RAMONA
No! Nothing’s normal about that! Look!
(We hear a noise in the manner of every beast known.)
DUMPLIN’ HEEP
(Off:) SCREEEEAAAAURRRCH! HNNNNNGH!
VERNE & RAMONA
No way!
BLACKOUT