Scene 5.24 - Pumping Iron
EST: INT. Empress’ Terrarium
FADE IN:
(The Empress is prone on a couch, snacking from a tray of fruit and crackers and dip, posing for an erotic artwork while SING paints her. BUD is pumping iron on a make-shift bamboo-and-stone weight bench, uninterested in KIM’S sexy pose, which reveals a lot of leg and a little cleavage to boot.)
SING
Empress, please eat from the royal plate with your left hand. I don’t want to paint your breasts all lopsided.
KIM
Our breasts are perfect. Wouldn’t you agree, Bud?
BUD
Mmmmm? Yeah, sure.
KIM
I grow tired of this.
SING
Empress, just a few more seconds, and we’re done.
KIM
Tell me about the otto mobill again. Tell me, you can make this device?
BUD
Yeah, I’m gonna have to reinvent the wheel, though, cuz that’s what I think’s happened around here. We’re back in the stone age, if not even earlier than that. No wonder none of you understand horsepower, you all don’t even ride horses.
KIM
(Curious:) What’s a horse?
BUD
That’s exactly what I’m talking about. We’ve obviously gone insane. (Curt:) I’ll make you a deal, if I build you a car, will you stop using me to get at Mary Jane?
KIM
(She is surprised at his candor.) That will be all, Sing.
(SING departs.)
BUD
And it’s going to have to run on grain alcohol. I don’t have time or resources to engineer a turbo engine with fuel injection or nothin’ like that.
KIM
What did you mean by saying We’re using you to get at Mary Jane?
BUD
That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it? Everyone’s supposed to have a fair-share of everybody and I’ve only been with you since I got here. Why are you doing this?
KIM
Perhaps We are being a little selfish with you. We’re not like her. She doesn’t know what it’s really like to be without a man. You can’t miss what you’ve never had, and believe me We miss plenty. We really just want to know that We’re still looked at as a woman.
(HE sits with HER.)
BUD
I’m not saying I’ve got all the answers, but I do know you can’t make yourself feel better by making other people feel worse. What do you say we go find Mary Jane and invite her to be with us tonight?
KIM
She’ll come. She always attends the Sundown Celebration.
BUD
No, I mean, be with us tonight.
KIM
(Looks at him for a moment.) Perhaps you are wiser than We thought. Are We to lose you if We go along with this?
BUD
If anything, all three of us will gain. We’ll gain in trust and respect for one another.
KIM
What an uncommon man you are, Bud Green.
(YIN suddenly enters.)
YIN
Empress-
KIM
What is it, Yin?
YIN
The Witch of The Northern Wind, Aurora, seeks your audience.
KIM
(Stands, shocked:) A Witch of the Wind? Here? Where is General Jane?
YIN
We do not know, my liege, she was last seen in the Imperial Temple.
KIM
Do not keep Our sister waiting. Send in Aurora. Give her full access. Light the seven sacred candles to honor her presence. Do this now, and have no one disturb Us!
BUD
What’s going on, is Mary missing?
KIM
Oh, no, nothing like that. She’s probably moping around the temple. (Smells air unconsciously.) It is Aurora.
BUD
Who is Aurora?
CUT TO: AURORA floating across the floor, hearing the dialog echo.
KIM
The Empire of Kron was once ruled by seven sisters -- The Seven Winds: The North, the South, the East, the West, the Cyclone, the Draft, and the Still. These sisters once called-out to the Goddess and she manifested herself. The Goddess granted them immortality and hidden wisdom, but at a price. Because they misunderstood a passage in the ancient text, they were banished from the palace and forced to live out their existence with mortals in the world. They were cursed to know and protect the secrets of the Empire they once ruled. The Goddess allows them to see the future and to control the elements, but at a very heavy price. All this occurred before We became Empress and long before the witches were given dominion over the dragons of this world. Currently, they are employed as spies.
BUD
They work for you?
KIM
In one way, yes. We trade heirloom seeds and information with them. But they are more than spies to us...
BUD
But if they are spies for your empire, why are you so concerned about her arrival now?
KIM
If a Witch of the Wind is inside Our palace gates, then it means the Goddess has lifted the curse on them and an ancient prophecy has been fulfilled.
BUD
Do you think they may want to take back the throne?
KIM
We do not know what to think. We trust the Goddess will watch over Us.
(A heavily-veiled AURORA enters. The room becomes cold and dark. A cold breeze wafts-in. KIM bows to her.)
AURORA
(SHE grandly bows and the wind stops. Both resume posture.) Greetings, Empress Chi.
KIM
Welcome, sister Aurora. You look well, especially now, within your own palace gates.
AURORA
Your palace gates, dear Empress. This is your empire now, child. Our curse was lifted by the Goddess long ago. We have no ambition to regain your throne, our lessons have since been learned. I am here merely to report to you that our sons have once again tried to return to the fold.
KIM
The DEA?
(BUD reacts, tries to follow the dialog.)
AURORA
What they call themselves over the years is unimportant. A bad breed of man who invokes his will upon a woman uninvited is an abomination, no matter what he calls himself. It is a vile bloodline of our own bosom that, at this moment, is marching headlong through the Painter’s Pass.
KIM
An invasion! Goodness! How many men?
AURORA
Thirty-five thousand men march this day, hoping to storm this temple and enslave all within.
KIM
Their entire force! We can’t fight against that! (The worst:) They will torture us! They've vowed to make us scream-
AURORA
(SHE cackles.) Have no fear, dear Empress. Did I mention that the scouts, upon looking at the map that I provided them, a perfect map, written in perfect hand -- did I not mention that they immediately tried to second-guess it? Is it no surprise that they cut to the shorter, easier path on the right side of Beggar’s Hill instead of the much steeper, longer path on the left?
KIM
Beggar’s Hill? That’s the entrance to the Desert Labyrinth!
AURORA
They have already marched down twenty miles into fog-filled damnation and don’t even know they are lost!
(The women laugh. BUD looks to KIM.)
KIM
Only three things come from the Desert Labyrinth. The Yeti, dragons and summer storms. Those men will be wandering for years.
AURORA
Perhaps centuries. Perhaps they may even settle there and forget about what made them venture there in the first place. Who knows? Maybe they know something I don’t. Maybe they saw something I couldn’t see from the back of Mephir’amora, flying overhead. I don’t know. They sure looked confident that they were going the right direction, not that the cloud cover could tell them otherwise...
KIM
Oh, this is joyous news, indeed! Sister, you must stay for our celebration, and tell the news to General Jane in person! She will be overjoyed!
AURORA
I must respectfully decline. My sisters are waiting for me to go observe the commotion in the labyrinth and also, your fire sticks not only frighten away ghosts, but make dragons in flight very disagreeable. (Chuckles.) ...One other thing, your sisters who were held captive have returned. They’re in your mess hall, feasting. Apparently they were starving themselves in protest.
KIM
They have returned to Us? Oh, this is joyous news, indeed. (Sees AURORA’S departure.) As you wish, you have my leave. Thank you for such glorious news, my sister. Please feel free to visit anytime.
AURORA
Your hospitality is noted, dear Empress. May your reign be long and prosperous.
(Exits like smoke billowing away. The room brightens.)
BUD
Is what she said what I think she said?
KIM
Yes, the DEA are no longer a threat. Our captives are returned. We can turn our attentions from our wartime resources toward building and growing. I will declare a state of peace tonight!
BUD
Peace is good for an economy.
KIM
An end to the war to end all wars.
BUD
Mission accomplished.
KIM
With such great news for our Empire, We can hardly contain ourselves! We just want to shout it out to the world! We are at peace!
BUD
Yeah, I know the feeling!
CUT TO: CARMELLA observing the two, blatantly eavesdropping, not noticed by either.
KIM
Oh! But We mustn’t tell a soul, not even General Jane, it will be Our little secret until We declare peace and prosperity for the palace tonight! Once the Holy Candles Of The Virgin are lit, we’ll even tell the Goddess herself.
CUT TO: