Scene 8.06 - Summer Vacation
EST: INT. Estate Beau Monde - July 1st, 1815 - Early Evening
(MOE is reading a newspaper, the Tribuna de la Havana, written in English with actual stories concerning these topics written upon the page with hand-drawn advertisements for Bling-Bling Kush and Lord General Casino's South Beach concert. The headlines are stories about pirates and a story about a coup de etat in South America. ALBERTA is pouting and pacing quickly, very upset. MISTY is trying to calm her daughter. MOE is wearing a turban, and has re-decorated his study to reflect the Ottoman Empire; and has adopted a Turkish 'stache.)
ALBERTA
(Almost in tears, voice wavering-) It's not fair! I've been home all year!
MOE
I said no.
MISTY
It's only for two days!
MOE
And two nights. It's too short of notice. You're too young to go off by yourself. And haven't you read anything other than that Cowbell-Covered Magazine you make me pay ten-bucks-a-week for? There's pirates nearby. It is out of a father's natural concern for your safety that I insist that you stay home. You know what pirates would do to a pretty girl like you?
ALBERTA
You never let me do anything. I never got to go sailing with Veronica either time, and now you won't let me go on a class trip-
MOE
(Beat.) I think a clothing-optional, July 4th beer-bash in South Beach can hardly be called a class trip.
MISTY
Please, Moe, all of her friends are going-
MOE
You mean both of them? A wannabe porn star and a clumsy, misfit? Really, Misty, I think the pale one who likes all that water volleyball might be one of them lesbian girls.
(He goes back to his paper, re-crosses his out-stretched legs on his divan, and tokes his very-long-stemmed pipe, smug.)
MISTY
Moe!
ALBERTA
You're terrible! And mean! What did my friends ever do to you? What did they do but be nice to everybody? You're so mean! How are you my father? Why are you my father?
(ALBERTA dashes upstairs, crying.)
MISTY
You are incorrigible! You go and apologize to her!
MOE
When you are the head of the household, I'll take that into consideration. No sense in lying to her -- the world is a hard place.
MISTY
You don't need to make her miserable to show her that, she sees it plenty by how you treat me. Her sixteenth birthday is coming up...
MOE
I know; it betrays your age...
MISTY
And yours. Give in, just this once, and it will save you much down the road -- you don't want her to learn to hate you.
(Sparks a joint from her silver, monogrammed cigarette case; a belated birthday present from years' past. Yep, he's all charm.)
MISTY (Cont'd)
(Inner voice:) Like I do.
MOE
She wouldn't be the first person to hate me -- If she would ever choose to hate me, what would that get her? A dry dowry.
MISTY
She doesn't care about those things. She's like her mother -- marriage isn't her goal.
MOE
Oh? Then what is her goal?
MISTY
I'd like to think she is hoping to have someone good in her life -- a man that will be there and show her that being a man is being more than a person who imposes irrational restrictions only to flaunt his power that he uses to make up for his lack of manhood-
MOE
All right, that's enough -- I'm going out. Let her go! Haiti, Arruba, I don't care -- let her get assaulted by a group of sophomores, let her sell etchings of her breasts in exchange for beads. It worked for the Manhattan Indians -- Hell, go with her... be their chaperone, go tonight, I'll sponsor it! I just want peace and quiet when I return. Presumably, that will mean that both of you will be absent.
MISTY
Very well, I will go! I might have some fun for a change. I might find a handsome young man out there and have me a good time!
MOE
Surely you would want to break yourself from your daily grind while on vacation, darling... They only say you are pretty so you wi...
MISTY
You spit venom and reek of dead things. I truly loathe you.
MOE
You love me. No one else will take you.
MISTY
(Inner voice:) She could live with Uncle Jack while I found work -- no, no, without her friends, she'd be crushed... (Aloud:) I- I never have loved you. I've tolerated you, your pitiful display of being charitable; my punishment for desiring a comfortable life.
MOE
(At safe.) Be gone when I return. (Pockets a little.) Five days, no more. (Throws MISTY a huge wad of cash.) At least there's one sign of love between us, we share our daughter.
(Safe slam. Exits. Double door slam, front door slam.)
MISTY
(Inner voice, factual:) No, we don't.
FTB