Scene 3.04 - ‘Til Dinner
EST: EXT. The surface of planet Tellusia
(VERNE roughly throws AZALEA aside from his back into exotic, moss-looking haystack.)
VERNE
Whew! Remind me to get you on a diet, sweetie.
AZALEA
(Hello Jane Russell!) You just need to work out more, stud. (She points, he looks.) Your arms are getting flabby.
POV: From behind reeds, watching the pair.
CUT TO:
CU: The pair
AZALEA (Cont’d)
Hey! You got this funny feeling? Like we’re being watched?
VERNE
Yes. I sense something. A presence I’ve not felt since...
(He quickly walks off into the exotic rushes, tentacled reeds and a forest of multi-colored bamboo.)
MUSIC UP
AZALEA
Zero? Zero? I’m scared -- honey? Where are you? Where’d you go?
(She hears movement in the rushes, walks over to the reeds. Sees movement. She pulls the reeds aside and sees the back of VERNE 1'S pulsating-vein butt-head. AZALEA screams. VERNE quickly shows up as VERNE 1 slowly turns around -- he’s dressed like Obi Won Kenobi from Star War: Episode IV - A New Hope.)
VERNE
Azalea! Darling, what’s- Oh. It’s you again.
VERNE 1
I’m afraid so. I see you’ve managed to scrape a life out of that little surgical disaster you left on your ship, after all. Couldn’t live without her, huh? Had to get the other one going?
AZALEA
(While sparking a joint that she had hidden in her replicated bra-cup with a make-shift flame sputtering from VERNE’S butane lighter, borrowed from his utility belt, next to his replication flask:) Knock it off. fly-boy. It’s me: Your Buttercup Of The Drifting Sands.
VERNE 1
What? Buttercup? (Pause.) How did you-
AZALEA
Long story. (Clacks butane lighter shut:) It requires an attention span of more than two minutes. (I don’t think she was really referring to VERNE 1'S attention span. She doesn’t take her eyes off of VERNE 1, hands lighter to VERNE, who absently replaces it, still surprised she lifted it from him so easily.) Maybe in another eon, I’ll take the time to tell you.
VERNE 1
Hmmm. Has he evolved, too?
AZALEA
No. (Passes the joint to VERNE absently:) I like him just the way he is.
VERNE
Excuse me, for a second I thought you all were talking like I’m not here or something.
VERNE 1
If he hasn’t evolved, then he can continue to work on the problem.
AZALEA
He’s not gonna work on anything; we’re on vacation from you and your mumbo-jumbo physics stuff.
VERNE
(He tries not to exhale the hit, but it’s some seriously-killer, creeper Yog-Soggoth, so he squints his face and pounds his chest, and gingerly passes the joint to VERNE 1:) What problem?
AZALEA
Don’t go there, honey. It’s everybody else’s problem -- his problem; not yours.
VERNE 1
(Looks briefly at VERNE, takes it, but doesn’t hit it, just holds it with all five fingers, cherry-up, like it’s never graced his lips before:) Just because he didn’t have a hand in it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have to work on it. (Passes it to her, awkwardly, now seeing she’s paying more attention to the burning joint than what he was saying:) Remember, he’s the one who put The Universe on hold, I think he should be the one to resolve our present, dire situation.
VERNE
How do you know about-
AZALEA
(She keeps joint in mouth, takes VERNE’S arm with hers, slides up to him, and hugs his arm.) Nah, I don’t think so. Get one of your other goons to help you. He’s with me.
VERNE 1
(He touches AZALEA’S arm, she doesn’t flinch. Sotto:) Azalea, I may not know how you got inside that corpse or how you plan to have any sort of vacation on this sphere, or what in heaven’s name you’re up to with this guy, but you’re involved in our mess, like the rest of us. (She blows the smoke through her nose.) If you think jumping into a fresh corpse gives you a clean slate like a new-born babe, think again, lady. You’re still embedded in the problem as much as the rest of the crew. We need Zero. He’s the only person we can call-on who's operating red, and the only other division who can even be here, outside the Q-S-I-2-
AZALEA
(Suddenly pushes joint into VERNE’S hand. Now VERNE isn’t smoking it.) Okay.
VERNE 1
What?
VERNE
What?
AZALEA
Okay. Take this stupid dog-collar off of me and get me a water-slider and he’s all yours 'til dinner.
(AZALEA'S collar shatters to pieces, apparently caused from an effortless gesture by VERNE 1.)
VERNE
What?
(VERNE 1 quickly dashes behind the reeds and soon returns from the other side of the clearing.)
AZALEA
(Takes joint back, thinking he hit it already.) I’ll go check on your crew, throw a meat loaf in the microwave and get in a hot shower. (Hits it earnestly and quickly puffs it:) This body hasn’t had one in months. (Holding in hit:) I got that not-so-fresh feeling, baby.
(She earnestly puffs again.)
VERNE
What- what does he want me to do?
AZALEA
(Holding it in:) Oh, solve it all back to the big paradox- you know, the one with us under the Guardian's infl-
VERNE
Guardian?
AZALEA
(Surprised, pauses, smirks at his innocence. Remembering he doesn’t know:) Oh honey, you don’t want to know, it will just make you feel powerless. (She reaches around him, he thinks she’s embracing him and he puts his hands on her soft shoulders. She retrieves his pistol belt and lashes it around her waist in a scant second, joint in mouth all the while.) Speaking of which, I might need your blaster. Thanks.
VERNE
The paradox, what is it?
VERNE 1
(Running up to them:) Hey there!
AZALEA
It’s- Tsk. (She waves it off, smiling, passes joint to VERNE.) Better let him show you.
VERNE 1
(Holding map, shows AZALEA:) Okay, your slider’s on the tarmac in the clearing over there. We’re in the Play-Doh-Bah Swamp, near mile-marker 17. The Eliza’s drifting to Heinlein’s Oasis, so skirt the tsunami by going around the Simak Mountains on Asimov’s Island. Remember how to get there?
VERNE
(Tries to look at map, eyes AZALEA. She looks up at him.) You’ve been here before?
AZALEA
(She snatches the map, it folds by itself! She pockets it. To VERNE 1:) Yeah. Got the keys?
VERNE 1
(He dangles the keys with an upside-down Enterprise-in-plastic keychain [Ref: Star Trek: Cat’s Paw] like a father before a teen’s first date:) Now, be careful, those water-sliders are only tested up to two-hundred knots-
AZALEA
(Swipes the keys away from him and walks off.) Thanks, Daddy-o. Later, Zero.
VERNE
(What, no kiss? He half-heartedly waves.) Uh, bye honey.
VERNE 1
(He squints with his darkened eyes:) Zero.
VERNE
(He squints back:) Verne One...
VERNE 1
About that... (Dismisses it.) later. Hurry, a tsunami is coming this way. There isn’t much time.
VERNE
Where are we going?
VERNE 1
A shelter. Come, it’s close.
VERNE
Last time I followed you into a building, you took me prisoner.
VERNE 1
It isn’t a cell, it’s a shelter. Come, you can call your ship from there.
VERNE
My ship?
VERNE 1
Yes. You need to call them. It’s vital that your crew doesn’t leave The Eliza.
VERNE
Why?
VERNE 1
They crashed outside our quarantine area. They may not find the environment to be very hospitable.
VERNE
What do you mean?
VERNE 1
We’ve allowed Earth life to propogate here. It’s taken several evolutionary paths we’ve never before considered possible.
VERNE
Really? Like what? Monsters?
VERNE 1
Something like that. Monstrosities of mayhem. Careless deviance. Irresponsible growth. Things that should never have been allowed to reproduce. Things that don’t play well with others. I tell you, things that fail to meet our test of worth should just be eliminated. Yes, eliminated!
VERNE
(VERNE’S eyes widen, moved by VERNE 1'S passion:) Tell me how you really feel about it...
VERNE 1
(A la the Darloks on Dr. Who:) Eliminate! Eliminate!
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