Scene 5.22 - Introductions
EXT: INT. Throne Room - Day.
(Everyone is present as the Empress enters. BUD has reunited with his friends, and is dressed to the nines. The men are obviously impressed with his costume, as their clothing and padded armor is quaint, comfortable, functional and provincial -- but not nearly as fancy, elaborate, bejeweled or as flashy as BUD'S regalia. MARY is standing across, eyeing BUD the entire time. HE doesn't catch HER eye until too it's late, when MARY glares for a second and purposefully turns to SING, HER attention swept by the action onstage. SING, attending the throne, announces the Empress and breaks into an accapella aria and ends it precisely as the Empress is seated. MARY adjusts HER shades and looks at BUD, looking back at HER out of the corner of HIS eye. HE'S uncomfortable, and keeps eyeing MARY, not seeing past her shades, unable to get a reading. MARY smiles to herself, fondling her hilt as if it were a part of HER.)
SING
The Empress Of Kron, Immortal Ruler Of The Stars and Royal Vassal To The Holy Goddess, Empress Kim Chi.
(All bow. SHE sits.)
KIM
Please, be seated. (The extras sit.) Thank you, Sing. To the business at hand. Our royal armies are vigilant?
MARY
(Steps forward, presents arms with sword, taking a knee as SHE does so, bows head.) Vigilant and ready for you to command, my liege.
KIM
I see we have recruited men to compliment our formidable forces.
MARY
Yes. As commanded by the Goddess, I have returned from the Dragonback Mountains with the warrior as ordered.
KIM
Arise, General Jane. You have done well. I am unable to promote you, as you already hold the highest positions that both military and ecclesiastic careers allow. I am unable to award you, as you have received all the commendations possible in your long and true service to our Royal Empire. Instead, in light of your service, and for being the vessel for the will of the Goddess, I will grant you a royal decree. Name it, and if it is within my power, it shall be yours.
MARY
Such a blessing is also a burden for those not accustomed to its weight of power. My liege, although I do not require such remittance, I am thankful. The weight of rule is a burden you carry perpetually. For us lesser vassals in your service, the wisdom that you naturally possess is far more remote. Please, allow me some time to decide what I may claim in royal decree, so as not to make folly of such a fragile, yet tremendous gift.
KIM
Well spoken, Mary Jane, your inherent wisdom suits you well. Take as much time to decide as you feel necessary. As for your new recruits, you may announce them so they may be entered into the royal roster.
MARY
My Lady Of Perpetual Truth, perhaps it would be best for the men to introduce themselves, after all, they are not livestock.
(Giggles, reactions.)
KIM
A stunning observation, High Priestess.
(KIM raises her eyebrows and looks to BUD.)
BUD
Bud Green, Mam. American. Pleased to be here. Nice to see you ladies. All you ladies.
(Although he's charming to the crowd, MARY isn't charmed so easily.)
KIM
What is your occupation, Bud Green, Man Of Many Dimples?
BUD
Why, Mam, I'm an engineer.
KIM
A what?
MARY
A bridge-builder.
(They finally look at each other. MARY smiles a little and BUD returns the friendly acknowledgement, obviously comforted by the assurance.)
KIM
Is that so?
BUD
Uh, yes Mam.
KIM
Enter Bud-Green, Royal Bridge-Builder on the royal roster!
(They do so.)
LONG
I'm Long Phat Dong from the country of Holland, your worship. I'm a Helicopter Mechanic.
KIM
Welcome, Long Phat Dong, Man Of A Thousand Earthly Comforts. What does a helly koppa mekinnick do?
LONG
I fix machines that fly.
KIM
Wondrous. Enter Long Phat Dong, Royal Kite Repairman, on the royal roster!
DING
I'm Ding Yling, milady, I'm a botanist. A gardener, if you will.
KIM
Yes, Man Of Amazing Craft. Enter Ding Yling, Royal Gardener on the royal roster!
HUNG
At your leisure, I am yours, Queen Kim. I'm Hung Lo, Geologist.
KIM
What does a gee-olly-gist do?
HUNG
I study rocks. Especially diamonds.
KIM
Oh! We really need someone like you, Man Of Merry Kisses! Our mines are rich with every conceivable deposit, if one but knew how to get at it! Enter Hung Lo, Master of the Royal Quarry, Chief Imperial Mason, on the royal roster!
CHIN
Empress, I'm Chin E. Chin Chinn, Computer Programmer from Russia.
KIM
Welcome. (Tries to say it-) What does that mean, Chinny?
CHIN
Just Chin, Your Highness. I'm a mathematician.
KIM
Yes, you must surely be clever, Man Of Happy Endeavors. Enter Chin, Royal Mathematician on the royal roster!
DUC
And my lady, I am Duc Yu, astronomer.
KIM
Marvelous! Man Of Mystic Charms! How quaint! Enter Duc Yu, Royal Astrologer-
DUC
No Mam, I'm not an astrologer, I'm an astronomer.
KIM
Oh. (Pause. Confused:) What do you do, then?
DUC
I observe the stars-
KIM
(Relieved:) Oh! For a moment, We thought We had it wrong! Now don't be bashful, you don't have to test Our faith in the stars -- Come, Duc Yu, tell me, do the constellations see romance in Our future?
DUC
Ah, sure.
KIM
Delightful!
(BUD glances to MARY, once again insecure -- was that a one-time thing? MARY just blankly-looks at him through her impenetrable shades.)
MARY
Dear Empress, does this mean that your Royal Astrologer will be pairing with you today?
(Murmurs.)
KIM
Oh! The pairings! Thank you, Mary Jane, I had almost forgotten! Now Gentlemen, if you are to live with us, you must abide by our customs. We do not impose hollow contracts like marriage upon our mates as the lowly heathens do. To live with us, is to pair with us. No woman is an island, and well, neither are you men. To save you the trouble of being, well, your leader has said it plainly enough. (Leader? This warrants varied reactions from the other men.) With so many women in our village, and so much love to give, we must time-share. Pick three or four women with whom you desire to share your love. I've saved you much time and trouble by restricting your selections to the members of the Royal Court.
(Murmurs and vocal opposition from every direction. We’re talking hostile.)
MARY
My liege! Perhaps our sisters do not understand that only initially, these men will be restricted to the court, as they have many customs and courtesies to learn before communing with the rest of our very large populace!
(The men look to each other -- is this Heaven, or the other place?)
KIM
(Surprised, gets it.) Why, of course. This is only their initial pairings! Thank you, Mary, for helping others comprehend the Goddess' vision. Gentlemen, let Us introduce you to the women of my court. There is General Mary Jane, whom you all know, of course. Lessee... Adjutant To The Throne and Consort To The Oracle Of Virginal Divinity. And this is Sing Song, Royal Muse and Spokeswoman for Imperial Affairs. Next to her is Lo Mein, Governor and Chief Administrator Of Justice, to her right is Terri Aki, Royal Practitioner of The Healing Arts and Chief Longevity Expert For The Empire. By the door, stands Dim Sum, who is in charge of the orchards, gardens and livestock. And to my left is Yin Yang, Imperial Concubine and Dog-Walker and ever-faithful companion to my (The pup races to HER, KIM’S voice going up a few octaves.) little-bitty, eetsy-beesty, puppy-wuppy, Hao Nao Brao Eng Cao. (HE jumps on her lap, SHE cradles him like a puppy and starts to rub HIS belly.) Heir to the royal doggy-throne! Yes, you are!
(Things get relaxed, decorum has wound down. People start milling about.)
MARY
(SHE crosses.) So, Bud Green, who do you choose to be paired with this first day?
KIM
(Still rubbing doggie's belly, not looking up.) Oh, he's already picked Us for the first day of pairings.
MARY
(Speechless:) I- Is this true?
BUD
Well, uh, she-
MARY
I was a fool. You're like all other men.
(SHE starts to leave.)
BUD
Mary, wait, it's not like you think it is-
MARY
Save it for tomorrow, cuz I'm your second day, right? (Pause. It hits her, hurt, chokes, nearly crying when saying third.) Or am I your third?
(Turns and quickly exits.)
BUD
Mary!
(The Empress has moved to BUD and takes HIS arm. The procession begins.)
KIM
Never mind her, she still thinks like a child sometimes. She's never really kissed a man before, not like We adults do anyway. I heard rumor once she practiced kissing on a mannequin just to have known the experience, but that’s just rumor and I don’t gossip, so you [shore] didn’t hear it from me. Come with Us, We will take a walk in the palace gardens, and We'll show you Our coy pond. Perhaps you can plan building a bridge for Us there.
(The men pair up and all leave with at least two women on each arm, save BUD who is flanked by KIM and HAO NAO.)
HAO NAO
Bark! Bark!
FTB