Scene 6.28 - The Guildsmen
EST: EXT. DARUKKUS
(We see all kinds of odd-ball ships over Darukkus. Serious stuff be goin' down...)
INT. PORSCHE'S ROOM - TREE SABRE
(PORSCHE is sleeping fitfully. Reality rips apart, revealing another scene...)
WIPE TO:
CUTAWAY: GUILDSMEN TALKING AMONG THEMSELVES WHILE STROLLING DOWN A LONG HALLWAY IN THE EMPEROR'S GOLDEN RE-BAR AND CORRUGATED METAL PALACE
(A weird language. One carries that weird electric plate thing and it automatically catches and translates faintly, but isn't regarded much in the scene. The men are drinking heavily; so completely out of smoke. Totally subtitled.)
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Pruning has come to a complete halt on Topiary IV. We gotta scrape the bowl. We so ain't gettin' high off of anything today, bro...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Oh, like I know! It so sucks to be out and fiend-ing! I'm almost sober, man! It's that damn, red-eyed Brew-man rebel, Poop-a-doob! Man, what a serious downer! I'd so like to get my hands on him.
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
Fat chance. We so cannot see him, we do not know who he is!
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN#1
He's bad enough alone. If he were to join forces with Porsche Mercedes...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
And if Porsche Mercedes is so like the Nick-knack-paddy-wack and so like smokes the resin of fruitful life...
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
It's a remote coincidence the two should meet -- Topiary is a huge planet.
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Coincidence is Topiary's middle name. Simoleon Spice leaves so little to chance.
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN#1
I'm so jonesin' man, if that Poop-a-doob was here, I'd so give him the what's what...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Sure you would... Haven't you heard? He can so like, kill with a word...
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN#1
Well I got a few words for him... choice words...
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
He's not the problem -- a little spice interruption by a local thug like Poop-a-doob makes us all so like fiend for a while and seem so like edgy, and it might so double the price of spice on the market during the dry spell -- what is that but an inconvenience? What of the other problem, the real problem: Porsche Mercedes?
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN#1
What of him?
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
If he is so like the Nick-knack-paddy-wack and so like smokes the resin of fruitful life...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
That's what I'm saying -- it could mean like, no more spice -- like forever.
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
That so won't happen...
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
He's living with the Brew-men, is the possibility so remote? We need to so make sure it never happens. Let's go to Darukkus and pay Porsche Mercedes a personal visit...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
If we can find him, I get so confused when I'm sober. You think the Narc-On-Ems are holdin'?
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Hard to say -- seemingly, they're feind-ing as bad as we are -- er, almost as bad as we are. We'll just have to give it the college try and hope they've been holding-out.
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Man, there better be some spice all up in there or I'm going to be puttin' a hurtin' on somebody...
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
Great plan guys, but who's gonna fly us there? Knee-jerk? Cut-throat?
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Nah, we'll get Hop-head, he'll so like know what to do and he can so like keep an eye-out for Porsche Mercedes should he try to get so like all metaphysical and stuff...
OTHER GUILDSMEN
Good call...
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
We must so like ensure that Porsche Mercedes never smokes the Resin Of Fruitful Life, Hop-head can so waste him if he tries...
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
Man, are like, we even there, yet? I so feel like we've been like so walking forever...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
I think we're like so going in circles, yo...
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Man, like these Shi-It-Kan palace hallways so all look the same -- so where's our hangar at?
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
Well, there's the Emperor's Master Hallway -- we came from there -- we're going in circles, dumbass!
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Hey, don't look at me, I'm not leading this posse!
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
You're not? I was so following you, bro... Maybe we could go back and ask for directio-
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
No frickin' way! After all our tough talk about putting ol' Sh-Boom in a pain amplifier? Hell, no! No! (Pause, he's jonesing just like the rest of them.) Okay, if we do go back in there, we gotta go back in there like all mad, and like so demand that Sh-Boom like take our butts to Darukkus like personally!
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Guildsmen hitching a ride? Oh, he's gonna so know that we're lost...
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Nah, we're not lost; we just like, forgot where we like parked, so there's like a difference...
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Not really. We like say like we've like so decided to like so personally escort him, like to ensure he like so gets the job done and all...
(All seem to be in agreement with that.)
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Now if finding this Poop-a-doob were only as easy as finding the men's room in this place.
THREE-SHEETS-TO-THE-WIND GUILDSMAN #3
Yeah, like we've walked by that one twice already! Damn airport-terminal-looking-castles...
SERIOUSLY-TANKED GUILDSMAN #1
Think like maybe Sh-Boom's got like a little stash of his own on hand?
EVENMORESO TANKED GUILDSMAN #2
Yeah! (Gives it a seconfd thought.) Yeah! Like of course he does; he's like the Emperor, yo... we outta be like so demanding summa that!
(Unanimous agreement.)
FTB