Scene 3.10 - Madman’s Mine
EST: EXT. Mine - Morning.
(DOC BONEBRAKE is happy to borrow the class from SUMMER RAIN. He has the undivided attention of the studious and eager-to-learn sophomores in his company and he’s living it up. He leads the pack like a tour guide, regarding every crevice and rock feature as if they were local monuments. The class follows his every digression with intense interest while the rest of the group examines the mine entrance. POCACHICALOT and TEX RANGER are examining markings on a nearby tree, suggesting a very tall creature with very sharp talons has made the tree its scratching post.)
DOC BONEBRAKE
Here, smell these! Notice how good they smell? These are aster oblongifolius, the Aromatic Aster.
(The class smells the flowers. The girls put other flowers in their hair. SUMMER RAIN, concerned about her lack of menstruation, morosely sits alone and inadvertently overhears the conversation between COMMONWEALTH and MARSHALL LAW.)
COMMONWEALTH
You lied to me, Daddy.
MARSHALL LAW
I didn’t lie to you, I just didn’t tell you the whole truth. There’s a difference.
DOC BONEBRAKE
And this is mimosa quadrivalvis, the Cat-claw Mimosa.
COMMONWEALTH
I’m nearly fifteen years old! When are you going to stop protecting me?
MARSHALL LAW
I suppose I can never stop worrying about you, but you’re right. You’re a woman now. You were always smarter than the other girls your age. Your momma called you her little songbird, cuz you could make up songs like a minstrel and sing them like a canary. I sure miss your singing, Common.
DOC BONEBRAKE
Why that’s a liatris punctata. A Dotted Gayfeather! To find one so late in season! And what do you have there, my dear?
(POCACHICALOT sides up to the two, studying the ground.)
MARSHALL LAW
We’ll talk about this later, honey. Whatcha say, chief? You think that thing’s in there?
POCACHICALOT
Pocachicalot thinks we men should go in cave and find out.
TEX RANGER
Well, I’m ready.
DOC BONEBRAKE
See that white stripe? It’s called euphorbia marginata -- Snow On The Mountain! Ha ha!
MARSHALL LAW
Let’s go. Doc! Cut the class short, we’re going to need you.
(The men enter the cave, the women start to follow.)
POCACHICALOT
Chief thinks it better for women to stay outside.
SUMMER RAIN
Chief’s part-time squaw thinks it’s better for chief to keep quiet about what chief thinks women should do or chief sleeps in his own tee-pee tonight.
POCACHICALOT
Chief says it’s okay for women to come along in big, dark cave.
SANDEE SNOW
We ain’t scared none. You men folk lead the way, we’re right behind you.
SYNDEE SNOW
I got chore back, Doc. Ain’t no monster gonna sneak-up behind yuhs.
(They go farther-into the cave. Soon, the walls fade away as the cavern expands. The dim light of the lanterns are all that is seen.)
TEX RANGER
Everybody stay there for a second. I wanna get a picture of us in the cave.
MARSHALL LAW
You gonna use that flash-pot?
TEX RANGER
Yep. Now hold it-
(He snaps the photo. We see a still-frame vista of a large cave whose walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of bats. Slowly the image fades to black, then dissolves back. Sporadic sounds of rustling echoes through the large chamber.)
MARSHALL LAW
Blind us, whydontcha! Common?
COMMONWEALTH
I’m right here, Daddy. Do you hear that?
MISTY SUMMERS
Autumn, your hair is moving.
HOLLY MEADOWS
Summer, there’s something moving on your head.
SPRING BLOSSOM
Doc, could you come over here with the lantern a second?
DOC BONEBRAKE
Sure, what is it?
SPRING BLOSSOM
Over here, look.
(SUMMER RAIN is kneeling down. A large, green, pus-exuding bat is in her hair. The other girls are leaning over to look. Each of them unknowingly have one or two green-and-black-and-brown-and-red mutant bats on their heads. Seeing each other, they react.)
DOC BONEBRAKE
My goodness!
(Steps back as the bat leaves SUMMER RAIN’S head and goes toward the lantern. The other men turn around, and as their lanterns show the bats in the hair of the other girls, DOC BONEBRAKE back-trips over a rock and drops his elephant gun. It goes off, thundering, sending sparks away from the crowd and across the cavern. Immediately, thousands upon thousands of bats fly past the group, away, and out into the sunlight. The women turn tail and run, covering their heads. Soon the men follow, helping-up the women who fell running-blindly in the dark. The men, holding their lanterns high, guide the women to the cave entrance as bats stream from the cave in a screeching blur of black and green.)
TEX RANGER
(Pulling a screeching bat tangled in the hair of COMMONWEALTH and beats its head against a rock, killing it.) Are you ladies all right?
SUMMER RAIN
Misty bumped her head. Holly scraped her knee. (Kisses MISTY and HOLLY'S boo-boos.) You okay, Commonwealth?
COMMONWEALTH
Yeah, but I think I’ll have to visit my stylist. I got alotta split ends.
(The women look at their hair and agree. The twins pull their hats off, scratch their buzz-cut heads and look at each other.)
SUMMER RAIN
Class, the field trip’s over. (Hands out bierocks.) After lunch, we’re all going down to Todd Sweeny’s Sassafrass Tobacco Parlor and Mystic Palladium and we’re all getting a hot-oil treatment and scalp-massage. Then Syndee and Sandee can give us their martial arts demonstration while we all make mobiles together.
MARSHALL LAW
That sounds best, ladies. You’ve all had an excitable morning.
TEX RANGER
Doc, now whatchoo make of that there critter there?
DOC BONEBRAKE
(Examines the deat bat pulled from COMMONWEALTH’S hair.) This is certainly a strange specimen, indeed. I should take it back to my laboratory for furthur examination. Look at this pelt -- it seems less like the greasy cur killed at the Black Prairie and seems more like the beast that attacked the cattle at Rusty’s Ranch. An autopsy of this creature may reveal clues on how we may track and defeat the monster killing our livestock.
TEX RANGER
You know best, Doc. Sheriff, perhaps we should check in on the saloon while the girls get their hair permed and the Doc does all his cuttin’ and slicin’ and what-not.
MARSHALL LAW
Yes, good idea. Whiskey’s been complaining about a lot of riff-raff coming in there lately.
TEX RANGER
Oh, really?
MARSHALL LAW
Yeah, I had a pull a real fighter out of there single-handed yesterday. (Clasps TEX RANGER'S bicep.) Just in case some more strangers show up -- perhaps a strong law enforcement presence would deter any future incident, you figure?
TEX RANGER
Sounds reasonable. (Pause. Looks at POCACHICALOT.) Perhaps we should have a native liason, in case the stranger is ethnically diverse. We wouldn’t want to be accused of profiling, now.
MARSHALL LAW
Good point. Pocachicalot?
POCACHICALOT
Chief have much excitement today as well. Flying mouse with fangs also get in Pocachicalot’s hair. Many split ends.
MARSHALL LAW
You sayin’ you want to stick with the ladies?
POCACHICALOT
No, Pocachicalot want get drink-on. Bison bierock, though very delicious, cause much heartburn in chief’s big belly. Chief need many foamy white-man brewski to forget about chief’s acid-reflux and fly-away hair.
SUMMER RAIN
Great! Then it’s settled. The doctor will curl-up with a cold corpse in his clinic, the men will get stinking-drunk at the saloon, while we ladies will go to the stylist and discuss foreign policy and solve domestic affairs. Ladies?
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