Scene 2.10 - It’s Unanimous
EST: EXT./INT. Motel Room - Early evening.
PANDORA
(Looking out window, from across the street:) Is that a funeral home?
CUT TO: INT. motel room, loud air conditioner on full blast, local talk show on TV.
SHARON
(Just showered, in towel, replacing jewelry throughout her many pierced areas on her face:) Egads! How morbid!
SARAH
(Showered, dressed casually, putting on her makeup:) Who cares what’s out there? Look at this place! Festus said we’d get a penthouse suite, not some hole-in-the-wall motel room. This place is over a hundred years old! (A la Bette Davis:) What a dump!
(FESTUS knocks.)
PERCY
(Braless, wearing a tank top and modern, sweat-pant shorts, drying her nails:) It’s open!
FESTUS
The vans and the road crew are back.
PERCY
(Alight:) Bobby’s here?
FESTUS
No, he’s still at the V-F-W hall.
PERCY
(Quizzical:) Still? He better not come back drunk.
FESTUS
They probably wanted an encore. He’ll be fine.
PANDORA
Yeah, but will we? What’s with us all sharing a room, Fess?
SHARON
We didn’t complain before because we wanted a shower, but we thought you were getting us more rooms. And where’s this mystery penthouse floor? This is a motel, Fess.
FESTUS
Look, the Downtown Convention and Visitor’s Bureau assured me we’d get class-A treatment. The other hotel simply overbooked. Some kind of bowling tournament going on in town. (Looks:) We’re stuck with this, it's been there all along -- amendment four on the itinerary -- no one protested before, end of argument. (Pause.) We all get a free stay next time we’re in town.
SHARON
Which will be like, never!
FESTUS
Two beds, four women, what’s the problem? Didn’t you girls ever have slumber parties?
PERCY
Uh, hello, I’m married? D’ya think I might want to sleep with Bobby?
SARAH
And since when did “lesbian” appear on my resume?
(PANDORA shoots an odd look to SARAH, as if she knows differently, and also knows better than to bring it up.)
FESTUS
Well, I got two roadies, Bobby and myself all sharing one room. You’d would think the two guys who bathe would get the beds, right? Wrong! The roadies went union on me and Bobby and I have to stake out our claim of carpet city if I don’t wanna push the issue and end up sleeping in a van full of mosquitos.
PANDORA
(Lights a joint, smiles.) Maybe there’s some justice in this, after all.
FESTUS
I’m glad you see the humor of it.
SHARON
(Looks at seriously-old-school phone, can't figure out how to use a rotary dial:) So how do we get room service in this dive?
FESTUS
Uh, you could order a pizza I guess.
SHARON
I’m vegan, baby, I’m vegan. Is there a salad bar on this side of the planet?
FESTUS
All right, tempers are wearing thin, tell you all what -- I’ll run and get some food for everybody. (To PANDORA:) I’ll even hit the liquor store. Maybe if we get few in us, we might get through this night without getting our nerves all frayed. If you can’t find anything to do in town, there’s always getting drunk, right? All right?
PANDORA
(Passes joint to PERCY.) I want chicken.
PERCY
Mmmmm. Sounds good. Me too.
SHARON
A salad. A BIG salad. No cheese, lotsa veggies. I want a big one.
FESTUS
Okee-dokee, everybody happy? I’ll get the rest of us a couple of buckets. (No protest.) Good. Now, what to drink?
PANDORA & PERCY
Beer.
SARAH
(A half-beat later:) Beer.
FESTUS
Okay, it’s unanimous. Beer.
CUT TO: