Scene 4.05 - Places!
INT. Green-Room
(CLARKE is massaging LEAH'S shoulders, ASIMOV is rubbing LEAH'S feet, and SIMAK and HEINLEIN are servicing the other eight women. The ladies are all getting ready for a performance and are eating chocolates and smelling flowers left backstage for them. Periodically, the entire crew hit the three remaining cacti and get their baby-powder hits of glitter and such. Periodically, you hear "Five minutes!" OFF, counting down every minute until "Places!" which ends the scene. The women tell a story visually, since, as usual, they don't really get any lines.)
LEAH
Ooooh! That feels wonderful!
LOTUS
Cliffy, could you get this spot right here?
SIMAK
Yes'm.
POPPY
Robby, my neck's a little out-of-whack.
LOTUS
Ahhhh, yeah.
(WELLS enters.)
WELLS
Well, I'll be!
(The group immediately tries to seduce him and as they are unsuccessful, they begin to chant "Herbert! Herbert!" in a taunting sort-of-way as he mists the remaining Fellopian Cacti with his aerosol can of plasmic vapor. The crew begin to cough and you can immediately tell they're over the effects of the pollen because they all go immediately to drinking, smoking and eating, as if to make up for the few hours they have denied themselves their hedonistic indulgences.)
SIMAK
(Downing his flask:) Aye, Doctor Wells. I tank ye, I was-a losin' me head fer a second there!
WELLS
I'll say! Good thing I showed up, or this might have progressed from Pediatry to Pediatrics.
SIMAK
It's got me thinkin's all clearly again! How'ja bring me back, I thought I was a goner!
WELLS
Ah, nothing a little quartrazine couldn't fix. It truly is the wonder drug, and I'm loaded!
CLARKE
Doctor, look at Isaac, he's out of it, spacey. Do you think the pollen might have caused brain-damage?
SIMAK
Asimov! (Shakes him:) Isaac! Aye, the plant’s done gone and destroyed his mind, now. Wiped it clean.
WELLS
(Using little, tin scanner device:) No, no, his brain's operating at its normal capacity. He’s fine.
CLARKE
Hmmm. We're back to sanity, or at least the closest to not being crazy as we've ever known.
WELLS
Well, there's a few lasting side effects. If anyone notices anything irregular, speak up.
ASIMOV
Dicked-her, diss hill trip his bin irregular.
HEINLEIN
Who are we? What are we doing here?
WELLS
Philisophical questions aside, you won't be carpet-farming for that bogus schwag anymore, Rob.
CLARKE
Yes. Tellusian life-forms proved to be more than hostile. (Feels like a baby kicked.) These personas, they seem natural. Fascinating. We have real, accepted identities in this world.
DAISY
Are they even listening to us anymore?
LILY
They're men, they never listen.
WELLS
The Guardian Of Infinity tried to explain it to me, but it was more up your alley, Clarke. Something about how we conform to the time-stream or something.
CLARKE
Yes. We seem to have real identities and real lives in this existence. When the Nazi soldiers were escorting us from the tarmac, I could literally feel memories of events popping into my head, giving credence to who I lend myself to be in this time-period. This warrants study.
WELLS
I suppose eventually, over time, we'd finally become these personas completely, and forget about our lives in the future. It'd seem as if we were born here, lived here all of our lives.
CLARKE
Yes, but it seems so ridiculous, yet natural. I can feel myself getting smarter as we speak.
ASIMOV
I'll listin to you leedies. Mind if I git a hit if thit?
(ASIMOV is all about the ladies. No one ever listens to him, either. They toke it up.)
SIMAK
Yes, they're touring showgirls from America, I'm their manager. Clarke's a bodyguard, Heinlein's a diplomat from Shangri-La, and Asimov is some wealthy heir from old money.
HEINLEIN
Yes, and irreverent-but-clever platitudes are quickly coming to mind. We could stay, you know.
WELLS
No hold on! We're gonna go get Verne and get back to our own time, back to reality!
CLARKE
I need to- rest, before we go anywhere. Perhaps after the ladies do their burlesque act-
WELLS
You keep touching that stomach, Clarke. I doubt that it's the quartrazine I gave you. It's probably an ulcer. Your type-A behavior has run your system into the ground. You wanna start following doctor's orders for a change? You ready for that overdue medical examination yet?
CLARKE
It's just, gas.
WELLS
If you say so. Still, no spicy foods for a week. Tell me if it the condition changes, okay?
CLARKE
Okay.
WELLS
Maybe I should look you over, Clarke. That's the first time we haven't locked horns over some trivial medical point that usually gets me hopping-mad. Maybe you're not yourself after all.
CLARKE
I said I'm okay, Doctor, and you're right, we should rescue the captain. Have you located him?
WELLS
He was taken in by two of The Baron's men for questioning, that's all I know.
HEINLEIN
The Baron?
WELLS
Verne One, or maybe someone else, I can’t keep track. From what I’d seen, someone sabotaged The Eliza, trying to get at him.
SIMAK
Sabotaged The Eliza! How is the ship, Doctor Wells? When I last saw 'er, she was a blimp!
WELLS
We lost her. It was a fiery spectacle of chaos and destruction. We'll miss the old girl.
SIMAK
(Hearing words that should never be spoken:) Lost The Eliza! I kinn-a believe it!
WELLS
Smokey, where are you going?
SIMAK
I have-a to see it for myself...
WELLS
Smokey...
CLARKE
Mr. Simak, stand fast; you shall remain here.
SIMAK
I need to go, sir-
WELLS
Aw, stay here, you shouldn't see-
SIMAK
I gotta! She's my babe!
CLARKE
Mr. Simak, you will remain with the rest of the crew, and that's an order.
HEINLEIN
(With the women, captivated:) Let him go, it's not wise to get in the way of an engineer.
WELLS
Well, no one ever cares about getting in the way of a scientist.
HEINLEIN
That's because scientists don't amend the food-replicator's matrix of your favorite chicken-soup recipe just because you welch on a bet over a basketball game that was forfeited because of point-shaving. Whether it's spicy, or even palatable, I don't think that Macadamean Slart-Wog's Pubic Hair is part of your dietary recommendation to Mr. Clarke, is it, Doctor?
WELLS
Clarke, maybe we'd better let him go.
CLARKE
You have one hour, Mr. Simak. Return here. Be sure to find us.
SIMAK
(Exiting:) Aye.
LEAH
Uh, maybe I should go with him.
WELLS
You sit-tight there, Little Miss Anomaly! The captain put me in charge of quantum protocol and I would definitely say there's something very out of place here when a hologram that shouldn't even be able to operate outside a neural-hub can suddenly get hooked to ditch-weed and go through a time-portal; not to mention that computer technology is quite different in this era. If you truly were a hologram, by all accounts, you'd just be tubes and wires by now.
LEAH
Well, aren't you clever! The jig is up! So what am I, then? Maybe I'm not anything, Doc.
CLARKE
Whoever you are, Leah, we're rational people that care. We only want to help. Let me help.
LEAH
You can't help me. I've got to do this alone. Verne is here.
CLARKE
The Captain? Here?
LEAH
He's also a ghost now, and a real touchy-feely one at that.
ASIMOV
A ghost?
LEAH
Well... Yeah. He kinda killed himself.
WELLS
What?
(The crew reacts visually.)
LEAH
Discorporated, whatever I am, okay? His spirit, if you will -- he's here with me now.
CLARKE
You mean the captain's dead?
LEAH
I dunno, am I dead?
CLARKE
You found an alternative mode of existence. Did he?
LEAH
I dunno, I just know he's here, and he wants me to go with him somewhere. He's mentally trying to undo my bra-strap with something he calls a Red-Eye mind-trick.
CLARKE
(To WELLS:) Perhaps we should let him continue, he might be trying to communicate with us.
LEAH
(Refastens strap:) The only thing he's communicating is his randiness, and all he's continuing to do is tick me off royally! Oh, he's opened a can now; ooh! He just gave me a wet-willie!
WELLS
So he's in here?
LEAH
(Points near her heart:) No, here. With me. It's like we're sharing the same womb, inside.
CLARKE
I gather you will inform me when that enlighting devolpment changes.
LEAH
No, silly. He's up to some- (Gets goosed.) Oh, he's got my attention now. I should go with him.
WELLS
Where does he want to take you?
LEAH
About fifty miles offshore, underwater.
CLARKE
How can that be?
LEAH
I told you, he killed himself.
WELLS
Even discorporated, he can't escape; we're still in a paradox!
LEAH
(A la Darth:) Escape is not his plan. I must face him, alone. (Ala Terminator:) I'll be back.
(Places! Is clearly heard OFF as she opens the door. The other girls also exit.)
SOFT WIPE TO: