Scene 5.08 - On The Lam
EXT. Back Alleys, Los Angeles, California
(VERNE and CLARKE are walking along the top of a hill. VERNE is fascinated by the view of the beach below.)
VERNE
Keep your eyes out, look for components necessary to construct a Zeta counter. Whoa! What an outstanding view!
CLARKE
If we had a green room, we could simply call up a Z-counter. This however, is futile. Yes, I agree, the view is quite nice.
VERNE
So much for making a Z-counter; you're right, it's hopeless, this time period is barely ahead of bear skins and stone knives. It would take a man with twice our mettle to be able to construct one.
CLARKE
I concur. Making one here is impossible.
VERNE
Only a dedicated genius or a fortuitous madman could stumble on the right ingredients to make a Zeta counter. It's the chicken before the egg, we'd have to be mighty lucky to... Look out!
(A car briefly careens off the road onto the sidewalk, causing people to scatter, a jogger knocks a woman pushing a baby carriage to the ground. The baby carriage starts to roll down the hill.)
CAMEO NINE
My baby! My baby!
VERNE
(Melodramatic; Dudley Do-Right to the rescue:) Fear not, madam!
(VERNE runs along-side the carriage, climbing and running over parked cars and hurdling construction pylons and eventually comes to a bunch of men moving a piano up some stairs. The furniture mover, or skate, a small, square, carpeted, plywood platform on rollers, is haphazardly left at the foot of steps on the sidewalk. VERNE steps on this and skates his way down the hill, bouncing off a garbage can and dodging startled pedestrians. As he gains speed, he moves alongside the carriage, rolling downhill in the middle of the street, narrowly missing horn-blasting, oncoming traffic. VERNE gets ahold of the carriage as he gets to the bottom of the hill and rides to the end of a short pier. As the carriage tilts to tip over the side, VERNE valiantly catches it and rolls it back to safety. We never see the baby.)
CLARKE
(Out of breath.) Wow, that was something!
VERNE
Luckily, tragedy was averted this time. Now to check on the little rug rat; hey little fella, hey poopie pants, are you asleep?
CLARKE
Hmmmm. That's odd.
VERNE
What is this? There's no baby in here! Just a bunch of little sacks of flour and a greasy lunch bag.
CAMEO NINE
Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you for saving my baby!
VERNE
About that: What's all this stuff?
CAMEO NINE
Uh, my baby?
VERNE
What's in the bag, lady?
CAMEO NINE
You the fuzz?
VERNE
A what?
CAMEO NINE
You Johnny Law?
CLARKE
I think she's inquiring whether you are an officer of the peace.
VERNE
Oh no, nothing like that. What, is this stuff stolen?
CAMEO NINE
Stolen? Oh, no this stuff's mine. They're my party favors, ai't? Thanks, I'll be going.
VERNE
Oh, I see, this what you people use to party in this time period?
CAMEO NINE
(Stops, tilts head, her dark brown eyes glare at him:) What do you mean, you people?
VERNE
Bacchian hedonists who care not for work, only for idle pleasure. Is this contraband?
CAMEO NINE
It's what I party with, yeah. Can you put that back where not everybody can see it?
VERNE
(Weighs its heaviness:) You should bring some to a party a friend of mine is having tonight.
CAMEO NINE
Sorry, I got plans. Put it back, already, you wanna get us busted? (Looks behind her.) Or robbed?
CLARKE
Captain, I'm sure Leah has plenty of party supplies of her own.
CAMEO NINE
Oh, a girl's throwing the party? There's gonna be girls there?
CLARKE
We hope so. We at least know Leah and her friends will be there.
CAMEO NINE
Who's this Leah chick? She ain't your Mom or nothing, is she?
VERNE
Her name's really Azalea, but here she's going by the name Leah Zale.
CAMEO NINE
Leah Zale? Leah Zale? Well, why didn't you say so? I met that chick back in re-hab; she gave me this locket and a way-cool straw. Yeah, yeah, she’s way-cool. All my friends will die of jealousy when they hear I'm going to party with Leah Zale.
CLARKE
(Fondles his key. Happy to have solved his locket-key quest, for this is no mop man:) Bring your friends along, the more, the merrier.
CAMEO NINE
Really? Okay, I will, and uh, I think I can walk this by myself, thanks, tho.
VERNE
Now I wouldn't be a gentleman if I made you push this all the way back up that hill.
CAMEO NINE
Oh, I'm only a block away from where I'm going, thanks tho. Where's this party?
VERNE
See that ivory tower at the top of the hill?
CAMEO NINE
Where's it at? Oh, it's in that building? Is seven too early?
CLARKE
Twelth floor. The party's at eight-o’clock. Show up in a costume and the doorman will let you in.
CAMEO NINE
Cool, I like you guys, you're all right. Catch you 'round.
VERNE
See ya later, alligator.
CAMEO NINE
After a while, crocodile.
VERNE
I- I didn't know there was a reply to that. Am I supposed to say something else?
CAMEO NINE
You're funny. Better lay low, tho. You keep smoking those cowboy killers out in public, you're bound to attract some attention.
VERNE
You can't even smoke tobacco here?
CAMEO NINE
Not if you don't want cops doing a Rodney on you.
VERNE
What's a Rodney?
CLARKE
We're not from around here.
CAMEO NINE
(From Miss Native L-A herself:) No! I never would have guessed. A Rodney is like a deck of cards that's all black. One spade, fifty-one clubs, a couple-a jokers in the jury. It means you didn't get away with squat while the system still gets to beat the living tar out of you. On the other hand, a Scooter means you got caught, but they couldn't muster the strength to even slap your hand, and an O-J means you got away with murder, that is, if you did it...
CLARKE
I'm thoroughly confused, Captain, are you?
VERNE
Confusion permeates my pores. I don't know why everyone's so paranoid about police in this era, it's not like they really kick down your doors or point guns at you or anything.
CAMEO NINE
How long you been in L-A?
VERNE
About six hours now.
CAMEO NINE
You're lucky you ain't met the wrong side of a cop yet. Then again, you're white, whachoo got to worry about?
VERNE
I'm sure the constables of this era are like any other, once you have all the facts laid out on the table, even the most ludicrous situation can be easily explained with logic.
ACTOR BRAVO
(The actor who plays SIMAK is in a cop uniform, tazer drawn:) Masked man, put your hands in the air and step away from the baby! No sudden moves!
CAMEO NINE
(Takes carriage from VERNE.) See, told ya! That's my cue. Later, masked man, see you tonight at the party!
(She quickly scurries away with her carriage of goodies.)
ACTOR BRAVO
Masked man: Throw your gun belt to the ground, face away from me and drop to your knees.
CLARKE
Don’t taze me, bro! (Aside:) You said this could be easily explained?
VERNE
You're a police officer, I recognize the traditional accreutements.
ACTOR BRAVO
Face away from me and keep your hands in the air! Drop to your knees!
VERNE
(Going to one knee:) When you're running short on explanations, use improvisation.
CLARKE
I don't follow you.
VERNE
Exactly. Like Demosthenes...
ACTOR BRAVO
Last time, man with the pointy-ears; drop to your knees or you will be tazed!
VERNE
When I move, run the other way, cuz he who smokes and runs away lives to smoke another day.
CLARKE
(Going to one knee as well:) Understood, sir.
ACTOR BRAVO
Adam 13 requesting back-up. Two caucasian men, early-twenties to mid-thirties, one dressed as the Lone Avenger, possibly armed. Sit tight there, you. And hey, Cowboy! I said to drop to your knees and put the guns to the ground! Keep those hands where I can see 'em!
VERNE
What do you want me to do? Keep my hands in the air or drop my gun belt?
ACTOR BRAVO
Drop to both knees! I'll get the gun belt, you keep them hands flying! (Takes unloaded-but-recently-discharged gun from its holster -- Jessie, but Jennie stays.) Whatcha doing with these guns and why are you wearing that mask? You plan on trick-or-treatin' some banks?
(A bus races by just behind ACTOR BRAVO. Instinctively, he turns just enough to be distracted, no hesitation-)
VERNE
Now!
(They bolt in different directions, VERNE jumps-off the boardwalk and runs underneath. Like an ingenue in a horror flick who goes upstairs when there’s a killer in the house, CLARKE tries to take the hill. ACTOR BRAVO, after a bit of hesitation, runs after CLARKE while calling-in his position and requesting pursuit assistance. CLARKE gets tazed as he almost clears the crest of the rise.)
MS: VERNE
ACTOR BRAVO
(Off:) Don’t move! Don’t move! Let me see those hands!
VERNE V.O.
(Sirens sound nearby. Spoken to himself, slightly echo-ey:) There's more of those noisemakers; must be coming for me, better keep moving; this is a police-state; what kind of place is this? What lunatic from this era could have come up with the means to utilize Zeta, much less find it in this insane, barbaric world?
(He leans on a support to the pier and briefly catches his breath; use a neat lighting effect.)
FTB