Scene 6.19 - The Real World, Part 5
ANIMATION STYLE 2
EST: EXT. Tellusia
(VERNE is approaching a clearing on an island of the watery planet. The shuttlecraft is landing itself. VERNE spies a large, silvery cliff-face through the trees and comments as the shuttle begins landing.)
VERNE
What the-?
(He blinks his eyes. Is he seeing things? Descending, a small hill obscures the view -- can't be sure -- was that a waterfall? Over the roar of the landing craft, he hears a tingle of a transporter operating inside the craft- looks behind him, draws blaster. VERNE walks to the back of the craft, where the tingling chime is sounding and receding, as if someone were beaming-aboard the moving craft through the ion storm above and was having great difficulty doing so effectively.)
VERNE
(Mutters:) Huh? (Pulls back a privacy curtain aside and catches a glimpse of a form attempting to materialize and it drifts and fades off, the form unsuccessful in the attempt to beam aboard - for a brief second, we see a flash of an amber amulet worn by the traveler almost completely materialize before phasing-out completely with the rest of the- Shakes head, inner voice, small echo:) No! Someone was trying to beam in! I really saw that! I'm not imagining this-
(The small shuttlecraft lands softly on Tellusia in a small clearing within a small grove in a small valley surrounded by gentle hills. Pause. VERNE opens the main hatch and gets a full breath of the Tellusian air.)
VERNE
Hmmm. Smells like teen spirit.... Tastes like... cherries...
(We hear the firm gallop of horses as the ship's engine slowly winds-down to a gentle, high-pitched hum. VERNE tries his communicator.)
VERNE
Sickle to Enrapture. Sickle to Enrapture. Come in.
(Slowly cresting the distant hill, THE BARON is quickly approaching on a horse at full gallop -- another, rider-less horse follows, and stops at the treeline. THE BARON continues to gallop at full speed until he is about two hundred yards away. Estimating the distance, he suddenly stops.)
THE BARON
Whoa, Heather! Whoa!
(THE BARON'S horse stops. The horse stopped at the treeline slowly walks-toward the other horse and rider.)
VERNE
(Tries shuttle's communications panel.) Sickle to Enrapture-
THE BARON
Hey, come on out!
(There is no wind. THE BARON'S voice carries across the glen. The shuttlecraft gives-off a gentle, high-pitched hum. It's nice outside. Birds are chirping.)
VERNE
Just a minute! I'm callin' my ship!
THE BARON
Communications are worthless here, outside of shoutin'! Come on over here, your machine is scarin' the animals!
VERNE
(Kills the engine. Shakes head.) The things I do for-
THE BARON
(Dismounts, holds the horses reins, lashes them to nearby branch, checks watch.) SICKO! It's been ten minutes! Get over here and talk to me face-to-face!
VERNE
Come in Enrapture! (Impatiently taps the communications relay.) Come in! (To THE BARON:) I'm comin'!
THE BARON
Get on out here, you gotta see somethin'!
VERNE
Hold up!
THE BARON
Sickle! Now!
VERNE
(Turns, yells:) I'm coming already! One sec! (To self, getting a lung-ful of air as he steps out of the craft, sees perfect panorama of beautiful, lush, phosphorescent landscape; inner voice:) What's with this planet? What's in the air? What am I on?!?
(VERNE deliberately steps toward THE BARON and his pair of horses. His walk is quite brisk and resolute.)
THE BARON
Over here! Hurry!
VERNE
I'm movin' already!
(VERNE gets within ten feet of the man and keeps approaching, not slowing a bit-)
THE BARON
(As VERNE approaches him quickly, he extends a hand for VERNE to shake; smiles; calm:) Well, hello, Julian. Last time I saw you, you were on the Roanoke, making pizza-
(VERNE decks him right across the jaw and cheekbone. THE BARON wasn't completely cold-cocked only cuz he kinda saw it comin' in the very last second and VERNE'S approach was kinda brisk and to the point, yet truly a first for THE BARON, a bit unaware and a wee bit overconfident and yet he had just enough time to turn his head a just wee little bit- CAWRAP!!! The horses whinny. We're not sure of the horses' take on the violence, but it was sure a sarcastic-sounding pair of whinnys.)
THE BARON
(On ground:) Wha- what was that for?
VERNE
(Lights a Lucky-Star filterless square. Flat:) Call it instinct.
THE BARON
(Cradles jaw. Lights a joint before getting up.) Jamie, I'm not your enemy.
VERNE
That's still to be decided. (Helps him up.) I want to be sure we're on even ground.
THE BARON
I agree- (Punches VERNE in stomach, a good, solid hit, yet undamaging because VERNE knew it was coming; probably because out of all fairness VERNE knew he had it coming. He was kinda expecting it in the jaw, cuz that's where he would have hit.) There's a few things about this place that need to be explained.
VERNE
(A tad wee little bit winded; over the whinnys:) What are the horses for?
THE BARON
For us to ride. I want you to see all the clues.
VERNE
Clues? Naaaahhh.... We can take my shuttle.
THE BARON
Forget the shuttle for a second. Lemme show you how I got here from New Trinity -- a way you've never seen. This is about why we forget we're immortal and we're divided and- (Scopes distance between VERNE and his craft-) ...more. Come, it's right over here-
VERNE
What about it?
THE BARON
I'll explain everything once we're over that hill. Isn't it kinda funny how I was around at the Protector's Office to receive your call? New Trinity is a huge planet, you know.
VERNE
(Unconsciously follows as THE BARON walks the horses away a few meters, as not wanting to shout, of course.) Before I go anywhere with you, where's Danny-Boy?
THE BARON
(Sparks a blunt, mounting up -- truly, the first he's heard that one:) Who?
VERNE
Captain Gregory of the Archemedes.
THE BARON
Oh. Yeah, yeah... They're enroute to your ship via shuttle to discuss the situation with your crew as we speak. They scuttled their ship. I pulled all the strings I could -- you're stuck with them like they are either way.
VERNE
What do you mean "like they are?"
THE BARON
Eternal occurence. We're all trapped in a convulted nightmare where we all unknowingly live everything over and over-
VERNE
What?
THE BARON
Everyone's caught in the paradox- Except you, maybe- You're not what I expected, you're different than what I thought- come, you've gotta see this-
VERNE
Hmmm. (That was unexpected.) I'll go with you once I talk with my ship. (Walks toward him, thumbs back, stops.) Then we'll take my shuttle.
THE BARON
Communicators are worthless on Tellusia -- and we can't take your shuttle.
VERNE
Why in blazes not?
THE BARON
'Cause I'm not particularly suicidal. (Looks at odd pocket watch, looks up, notes VERNE'S placement. Pause.) 'Cause I hear-tell that it's 'bout to explode anyways.
VERNE
What?!?
FX: PYROTECHNICS
(Suddenly the shuttle explodes into a million fragments and the men are just outside the blast-radius of the explosion. The horses are startled, yet are acting pretty chill, considering the circumstance. THE BARON is not surprised, yet shakes his head, amazed -- not at the explosion itself -- he's amazed about something else. VERNE, however, totally freaks-out for the next few seconds/minutes. [Milk it! Pyrotechnic scenes are costly...] It's Chris Crocker meets Herbert Morrison.)
VERNE (Cont'd)
What?! How?!? Why?!? Why!?!
THE BARON
It was sabotaged -- not by me. I don't know by who, but I was warned about it -- come, there's a body over the hill that you need to see.
VERNE
A body? (Looks back and forth between the wreckage and THE BARON.) What body? Who?
THE BARON
I need you to help me find that out. Hop on Honey and come with me.
VERNE
I- I don't know how to ride a horse.
THE BARON
(???) Are you kidding me? Honey Myrtle's as tame as horses can be. (His mount snorts, he pats her.) As tame as Heather, anyway. Put your foot in the- yeah, now swing your leg over and- yeah, a born natural. We'll go real slow over the rise, yeah, you got it.
VERNE
(Surprisingly, he is a natural horseman -- still with training wheels, tho:) Wow, this is pretty cool!
(A horseman would say "real slow over the rise" was an understatement. Glaciers move faster. We crawl over the hill. The horses like Sickle's pace.)
THE BARON
I thought you might like it. It's how we get around on New Trinity -- and up here.
VERNE
How long have you been in this system? How did you know my ship was sabotaged? Who warned you? What's this anomaly thingy all about?
THE BARON
I've been caught in this anomaly for almost eight hundred years, I arrived here shy of two hundred years before that -- I don't know why it's happening. We suspect-
VERNE
Is that why I feel delirious? Like deja vu?
THE BARON
Yes. It's the anomaly- (Whiffs and tokes and whiffs again:) Plus, there's a little something in the air-
VERNE
Yeah, what's with the air? It smells like strawberries and tastes like black cherries.
THE BARON
The natives call it "Tran-ya." I analyzed it a long time ago -- It's in the water vapor -- there's a high concentration of an alien, organic spore on this planet -- kinda like a fungus -- a micro-organism that produces a neuro-toxin that stimulates certain parts of an evolved brain; it's pretty technical, I don't wanna bore you with it-
VERNE
Try me. I'm sure I can comprehend the technicalities, Doctor. (Smiles, they both get it.) Ummm. Hardly boring at all; it's actually quite pleasant.
THE BARON
Yes, it is.
VERNE
(Deep breath.) I like this- "Tran-ya." (Pause.) Sorry I cold-cocked you.
THE BARON
I'm sure you felt you had your reasons.
VERNE
What's with this- body? What's that about?
THE BARON
She's a girl. Over this rise. She's dead. The body beamed-in a few feet from where I was waiting -- at the foot of the Guardian -- at the end of the peninsula.
VERNE
What?
THE BARON
The causeway, it's just up ahead.
VERNE
A dead girl?
THE BARON
Exsanguination, by all appearances. She's dead; that's all that's certain.
VERNE
Who's this... Guardian?
THE BARON
He's what I really want you to see. (Shakes head and cracks a sad smirk:) I- I think he's an alien.
VERNE
An alien?!?
THE BARON
Or something. We think there might-a been aliens here, long ago, we've found signs of- something odd. He's all that remains of what was here before us. (Shakes head, calm, almost humored, abstractly shakes it off:) I don't know. You'll meet him soon enough.
VERNE
How do you know all this? What about the body you saw? What killed her?
THE BARON
A transporter accident, by all appearances. I sure wasn't expecting to see her, and when I asked the Guardian about her, he instead told me something queer like "She is what was" and some garbage about restoring a balance and saving your life and he told me that he detected a bomb on your shuttle that was set to explode -- he knew the exact time... he's always right about those things -- Come, let's talk to him, get this resolved-
VERNE
You still haven't explained why you appear to look and talk like me.
THE BARON
I'm your clone.
VERNE
The hell you are.
THE BARON
We need to reassimilate.
VERNE
Huh? What're you talking about?
THE BARON
Us. The Roanoake. We were made in the white room, don't you remember?
VERNE
What's a "white room?"
THE BARON
Faggetaboudit. Let's focus on the girl first-
VERNE
The corpse: Where is she?
POV: Middle of the road.
MS: Two mounted horsemen going over dusty rise as a gargantuan thundercloud looms in the air. The ion storm above engulfs New Trinity and all surrounding space in view. A plasmic sky.
THE BARON
Right up ahead.
VERNE
I think someone was trying to beam aboard my shuttle, minutes before it exploded-
THE BARON
Yes. Apparently, the signal was affected by the ion storm, and she beamed-in over the rise, at the foot of the monolith.
VERNE
The monolith?
THE BARON
The Guardian. He's a chrome slab of liquid granite. (Pause.) Or something like that.
VERNE
A sentient being. Hmmmm. Capable of misdirecting a transporter beam?
THE BARON
No. It's- not his style, he's more into... juvenile pranks... He's more like a moon-a-lith...
VERNE
So what is he? Machine? Life form?
THE BARON
We- we don't know, he's evasive... and pretty weird at times. He won't leave me alone -- he's bothered me for a thousand years off and on -- he thinks he owes us a life-
VERNE
Us? (Tokes.) This clone thing again? I'm not following you.
THE BARON
He wanted to save your life, restore some kind of balance in The Universe. He told me to drag you out of the shuttle if I had to- You should be grateful.
VERNE
If he's the reason my shuttle exploded, I wouldn't say I feel very grateful. How did he know when my shuttle exploded if he didn't put the bomb there himself?
THE BARON
You don't know if it was a bomb-
VERNE
Whatever it was-
THE BARON
It wasn't him. He's not maelovent. He just has a sense of those things --
VERNE
What about a body beaming-in at his doorstep? Does he have a sense about those things? What happened?
THE BARON
You'll see soon enough. Lemme warn you: The sight's going to be graphic; have you ever seen the results of a transporter malfunction?
VERNE
(Exhales. Flat, reserved-) No.
THE BARON
Knowing anatomy like you do, you may find it a little disturbing to see everything so out-of-place. Her torso, anyway. Fortunately for us, her head and neck is intact. We can still tell who she is. -Was.
VERNE
Who does she look like?
THE BARON
You'll see. She's pretty. Well, she was pretty, before. (Tokes.) I think her death is a clue to what might have happened; why we're trapped in time.
VERNE
Trapped in time?
THE BARON
Well... sort of.
VERNE
Your buddy, this, this- Guardian: Is he creating this paradox thingy?
THE BARON
No, no, the Guardian is only apparent because of the paradox. He says my arrival here freed him from the world of Nevermore or something like that. He doesn't make sense very often, but sometimes he has some good insights -- All I know is that he isn't the cause of the paradox itself -- and according to the Guardian, the ion storm that haunts us is also from the paradox, caused by another event, eight hundred-odd years ago.
VERNE
Really? Do tell...
THE BARON
The storm appeared in normal space on September Eleventh, Ninety-one-eleven.
VERNE
(Realizes that the time anomoly's appearance coincides with his longest-lasting narcoleptic seizure.) Forget it. (Pause. At a time when all the facts need to be rephrased and a cursory review is in order, VERNE has the perfect, iconic solution. He pulls out an anomaly of his own, lifted from his shuttle scant minutes earlier. It is seven-and-three-quarters-of-an-inch long. It is tapered at both ends. It is dark purple, like an African Violet. It has little sunshine-yellow bumps of an unknown psychotrope painted along its long, dotted, cylindrical surface, looking like little polka-dots of little magic lemon-drops. If one looked closely, one would see three prececeding bumps under the yellow -- one of red, one of white and one of blue. If it were not fully rigid and would have a head, one would think it was a monster catepillar or an exotic dildo.) Try one of these. (Hands him what he now christens as the official Captain Julian Oberon Tiberius Ignatious Rodham Sickle 100% Organic Blue Angorian Diplomatic Alien-And-Clone-Encountering Blunt. [Slogan: "Soap" - Strong On Any Planet!] VERNE inwardly sighs as THE BARON sparks the leviathan; carelessly-chucking aside his schwag-ful, 89% Coyote-Ugly-'Bacco-Wrapped, Dirt-Plain-River-Bottom-Moss-Twined, Tellusian Chapparal-Gold Rag-Stick:) Toke it up! Meeting a thousand-year-old clone of myself, riding a horse, seeing my absolutely-mostest-favorite customized pleasure-shuttle go up like a Pinto in a parking lot, hearin' I'm gonna see a dead girl while I may or may not be caught in some cosmic merry-go-round paradox thingy, riding-up to see a sentient-something-something that looks like an electroplated tombstone- Why, I've been savin' this one for a perfect occasion just like this. (Pause.) I'll need to contact my ship.
THE BARON
The Guardian can help us.
VERNE
I'll call for my crew to help us. I have suspicions who I may see when we clear that rise-
THE BARON
I know; you're a doctor, you've seen it all. (Mondo hit. Wow!) No, don't call your ship, not yet. Keep mum. We can't involve others; I've seen it all-
VERNE
(Tokes.) Look, a transporter malfunction is one thing, and I'm sure it can be really messy -- there's an ion storm above us, who knows how messy she is; (Tokes again, passes back:) but aliens? Knowing something is going to explode before it explodes? Telling me to keep mum about it? You know I know you think that you're me, but, well, everything about you suggests- complicity-
THE BARON
(Heavy duty! Heavy-lidded! The horses, hoping for more than a whiff of that particular second-hand smoke, slow to a near stop.) I'm not complicit in either event other than knowing that both events always happen and that neither event can be changed. I leave myself signposts, unconscious clues-
VERNE
I don't need your riddles, I need answers -- and what's all this malarky about clues?
(The horses stop.)
THE BARON
Have you been to Hell lately?
VERNE
Are you trying to piss me off?
THE BARON
Our narcolepsy-
VERNE
(Quick, exasperated:) What about it?
THE BARON
It's nothing- (Exhales in his horses ear. Heather neighs happily and looks to VERNE as THE BARON passes.) -nothing compared to this nightmare.
VERNE
(Blows in Honey's ear, she neighs even more happily. Gives her a second toke in the other ear. Passes. The horses start moving again. Reflective:) Man, it's nothing no matter what you compare it to. Are we far? You could have just told me there was a bomb and I could have disarmed it, you know...
THE BARON
I know better, and it was better to let it go-off; otherwise it would have only mucked-up the masking of the crime scene and would have involved the prying eyes of our suspects, alerting them to our knowledge of-
VERNE
Muck up? Crime scene? Suspects? What suspects? All the evidence was blown to smithereens!
THE BARON
(Hits the grandmother of all blunts, still a ways to go- Coy;) Heh. Evidence of a sabotuer concerning an explosion is far easier to examine on Tellusia than in space; where perhaps the blast was intended to be -- gravity is on our side, we'll know something new. (Pause. Passes.) Hmmm. What suspects? For one, the sabotuer... The sabotuer of your craft, while being indiscriminate, may not have intended to kill anyone, he or she may have only attempted to disable the craft or indefinitely delay the pilot's return to the host ship. Then again, if we hadn't agreed to meet here, there would have been no hope of your survival...
VERNE
(Takes a mega-hit:) I suppose there is a stretch of logic there, I do have enemies-
THE BARON
It, of course, could have been a further measure to dispose of other evidence; that by the grace of Tellusian magnetic fields, we are fortunately privvy to examining. We can perform the autopsy ourselves.
VERNE
Let's get to the body first. How far away are we? Could-a walked here faster than this...
(Finally atop the hill. I told you; real slow was an understatement. Pony rides at the petting zoo move faster.)
THE BARON
Not far. We're on the causeway now, see the Guardian?
VERNE
That glint of light across them trees?
THE BARON
Yeah, that's him. (Tokes.) Logic also mandates that we understand that the sabotuer may not be involved at all; or involved for different reasons. The person who put the bomb or whatever in your shuttle isn't necessarily our killer-
VERNE
Killer?
THE BARON
(Sad, as if he's said it forever:) "There's a fair unlively lass who lies over the rise, she fell to Tellusia and met her demise. (Sigh, toke, deep breath:) With satin-wet lips and pearl-drop eyes, none can surmise what the Winter buck spies or what the crawling, sprawling Autumn katydids did scrawl, ever quite appaulled at what the Summer bird heard, a scream from her split throat sings..."
VERNE
(Sniffs air:) What are you babbling about?
THE BARON
A poem. A prophetic poem. Like a brass ring on your cosmic merry-go-round. The natives know all of them by heart. It seems that the one called "See His Redd Ruem" applies here. The transporter malfunction was not an accident. It was used to cover an earlier wound, one that looks like a razor-sharp slice across her jugular vein, which we will hopefully have ample time to inspect in secrecy, away from your ship, away from the killer. (Pause. Turns, passes. Sees his perplexed, Nemoean gaze.) My dear, long-lost brother, the body of the young lady we're about to see wasn't killed by a mere transporter accident, I only said she was apparently killed by a transporter malfunction. I've learned to never trust appearances. (Receives. Tokes.) There's no doubt in my mind that she was already dead when she beamed-in. (Sees the body in the distance in the middle of the road. Blood is soaking into the sand. Flies have begun to gather to feast, though the body is too far away to see that from the top of the small hill.) Julian -- we need to solve this, just you and me. (Pause. Spells it out:) Somebody murdered the poor girl.
FTB
END CREDITS CHAPTER SIX