Scene 3.03 - Bar Fight
EST: INT. Saloon - Sundown.
MUSIC: QUICK BANJO WITH ACCOMPANIMENT
(An elaborate fight sequence with bottles breaking, chairs being thrown, people getting thrown into tables, etc. People are drawn-into the fight and take various sides, some fighting everyone. MARSHALL LAW and WHISKEY BARR casually lean against the bar and watch. As a bottle is thrown to the large mirror behind the bar, WHISKEY BARR cooly catches it before it hits, shrugs, pops the cork and pours MARSHALL LAW and himself a shot, figgerin’ waste not, want not and all. They down it as they watch TEX RANGER fight. A grappling woman and a man fly through the large saloon window somehow. Eventually, TEX is the only one still standing, no worse for the wear. He adjusts his scarf and straightens his hat. He puts on his gun belt, steps over slowly-moving bodies on the floor, picks up the foamy soda which sits upon the only undisturbed piece of furniture -- the piano in the corner -- and crosses back to the bar.)
MARSHALL LAW
(Looking over shoulder a little, sheriff's badge not in TEX'S view.) You fight pretty well, stranger.
TEX RANGER
Why thank you. You acted quite maturely, sir, when you aptly decided to stay uninvolved. The argument was merely over a particular perspective, and it seems mine was the correct one. (In the best Dudley Do-right voice possible:) Isn't that right, Trudy? (A filly winnies from off. He goes back to his normal voice and extends his hand:) Anyhow, it's truly a pleasure to meet you, sir. My name is Texas Ranger. I am a freelance photographer hailing from New York City.
MARSHALL LAW
Hello, Texas. (Shakes his hand.) Marshall Law, sheriff ‘round these parts.
TEX RANGER
Sheriff? Now Sheriff, I know I hit a lady, or two, maybe three, I can't derive much concerning gender from that one over there, however- Why, Sheriff, those girls had it coming-
MARSHALL LAW
Relax son, a man should be able to take some insultin' about his momma without losing his head, but nobody's ever gonna blame a man who defends the honor of his horse.
WHISKEY BARR
Too true. (Presents three shots of whiskey to the men from a bottle with a skull and crossbones on the label.) Hello, East Coast. Whiskey Barr, emancipated house-slave and bartender extraordinare. You're still talkin' that East-coast jive like you gotcher edjacation from some debutante's finishin’ school. Now here's an old recepie of Mojo from my Granpappy’s East Coast -- meanin' Africa's East Coast -- here's a batch th' I cook'd up jus' this mornin'. It will put to sleep the parts of your brain that do too much thinkin' already, and will wake up those spots in your head that go to sleep when you up and forget to go around walkin' barefoot in the jungle ev'ry now and then. I put a little extra ganja root extract in yours, city slicker. From the way you're talkin', it sounds like you need a double dose to fix you up fer good. Welp, bottoms up, gentlemen. To a man and his mount...
MARSHALL LAW
Here, here.
TEX RANGER
Amen to that.
(They down their shots like men -- whatever that means. TEX RANGER smiles, sways, nearly loses his ability to stand. WHISKEY BARR and MARSHALL LAW steady him as he grabs the edge of the bar. People slowly start to get up and go back to drinking.)
WHISKEY BARR
Whoa there! How was it?
TEX RANGER
(Quickly exhales a thick smoke ring as he says in a raspy voice:) Smooth.
MARSHALL LAW
How's that?
TEX RANGER
Shucks, that there drink there is smooth a'ight -- smooth as a dern belly of a Corpus Christi cottonmouth!
(MARSHALL LAW cackles and slaps his thigh.)
WHISKEY BARR
Works every time.
MARSHALL LAW
Glad he gotcha thinkin' straight. Ise about outta change fer all them ten-dollar words you was usin'.
WHISKEY BARR
Say there fella, have another, on the house. Here. You look a mite pee-kid.
TEX RANGER
Shore thing, Whiskey.
MARSHALL LAW
So, tell me Tex. You just passin' through or ya got some work lined up?
TEX RANGER
(Again, rasps and coughs, nearly collapses and rights himself. With an equally provincial nasal accent, continued hereafter:) Jus' passin' through. I hear that they're gonna make the Colorado Territory a state, and why, there's suppost to be a lot of fat-aw-graphy work all up in there. Lots of good scenery there yonder. Why heck, you should take a gander at my mezzotints of the New York Sitty Skyline.
(Starts to look for them, eventually pulls out camera and just blandly slaps them down on the bar. WHISKEY BARR looks through them with interest.)
MARSHALL LAW
Well son, you could do yourself a bit of good and settle right here in Wichita. The city charter is being drawn up as we speak. We should be a full-fledged city by this time next year. People like gettin' their pictures taken. Why, I got one at the eighth-annual state fair last year. Cost me a pretty penny tho, cuz I was posin’ in the shot with a world-famous monkey. Yes, there’s lots of work you could do here. There’s a church jus’ down the street, and even I could use a good crime-scene photographer ev’ry now and then.
TEX RANGER
Well, I axe shelly specialize in scenic fat-aw-graphy. Mountains and streams and things all like that. Natchral stuff.
(TEX Pulls out camera from saddle pack.)
MARSHALL LAW
I'll git to the point, Tex. Not only can you make those fancy mezzotints, you’re clean-cut, polite, good in a fight and from the notches on your belt it looks like even in New York City, you were quite handy with them there six-shooters. What I'm sayin', Son, is I'd like you to sign you on as my official deputy.
TEX RANGER
Shucks, I don't know nuthin' 'bout law enforcement atall.
MARSHALL LAW
What's there to know? You'll do just fine. These here are troubled times, Tex. The good people, the kind and decent people of Wichita, why they need someone like you lookin’ out for them.
WHISKEY BARR
(Pours drinks.) Yeah, with most o’ the girls 'round ‘ere in these ‘ere parts waiting until the ripe ol’ age of fourteen to get married -- Sheriff, it's a wonder you can keep the peace ‘ere atall.
(Pan across the room to the disheveled townsfolk nursing their wounds and picking up the pieces before again getting their drink-on. The men at the bar slam one after another throughout.)
MARSHALL LAW
Luckily, the state goes dry on Sundays and I get a day off like the good Lord does. (Downs his shot.) Believe it or not, there are weddings ‘round here caysion’ly, though I’ve seen ‘em git as old as eighteen before theys git themselves hitched. Shucks, the Two-Tone Twins there are almost twenny and they won’t even talk to men ‘bout courtin’ or walkin’ on the promenade, and they’re my deputies, you’d think they’d list’n ta me. They’re s’post to listen to me. See, I gotta girl o’ my own, and if I can’t convince two beautiful, young deputies to start lookin’ at men in town instead of the men in the wahn-nid posters, I wonner how my own girl fares. Can’t be rearing a spinster, now. It just ain’t natch-rual.
TEX RANGER
Mebbe a sitty vironmen’ ain’t the best place for a gal. Growin' up as an orph’n like I did, in them there streets of New York Sitty, I've never did have no mind to settle down or have no kids atall then. Why, I can't even imagine bringin' someone into a world like this 'un. There’s people getting kilt ev'ry day. It’s like a sinkin' boat that’s all filled up with rats. No respect for one another, nothin' ever peaceful-like.
MARSHALL LAW
Tex, you might find things a little different out here in these here parts. Life here is quiet ... and peaceful-like. (People are recovered, all fight in them gone, WHISKEY hands-out ice shavings, wet rags, raw steaks, etcetera, to the wounded:) People want to be where they feel it's safe. Where law and order prevails. The twins help, but if someone like you we're helpin' out, why, this little country cow-town one day could, who knows? It might even become a real city someday!
TEX RANGER
Don't put chore cart before the horse. Sure, Kansas is a fine state an' all, but dem people from Missouri, I dunno, they jus' think it's a little too liberal out here. Too much like New York, they say, keepin' the lanterns lit five hours after sundown and all that.
MARSHALL LAW
Don’t believe a word of it.
TEX RANGER
Nah, I don’t.
MARSHALL LAW
You know, a guy like you could change the way people think. Whatcha say? Give it some thought. Will you be my deputy, Tex?
TEX RANGER
This is a big town, there's plenty of other people to pick from. Didn'tcha say you already got two deputies?
(Starts taking pictures of the bar patrons. Lots of close-ups of black eyes and such. No one objects, though they don’t look too happy about it, since TEX RANGER was more likely than not the person who had injured them in the first place. Beers to jaws and heads, raw steak on eyes, mumblings, etc.)
MARSHALL LAW
Yep, the finest. The Snow sisters. Identical Twins from the orphanage. Theys ones lickin' their wounds over there. You're pretty good if you can get the best o' them both. They’re like daughters to me, in a way. Don't worry about them, they'll be fine and forget all about it by mornin’. They're always scrappin'. It's how they express their sisterly love.
TEX RANGER
Then I guess you got it all covered.
MARSHALL LAW
No, I need a third deputy. You. I got a job that needs a man.
TEX RANGER
I ain' sure I wan’ it. Like I said, I'm jus' passin' through.
MARSHALL LAW
It's great pay, got an excellent benefits package, even a pension plan. Sure you won't take me up, Tex?
TEX RANGER
I'm honored, but I can’t be a cop. Why, I’d have to bust all of my friends, eventually. I truly am flattered, Sheriff Law, but I don't think there's anything you can offer me that would ever get me to become your deputy or keep me here in these here parts.
(COMMONWEALTH enters.)
COMMONWEALTH
Daddy!
MARSHALL LAW
Common! (Embraces her.) What are you doing here? This is no place for a young 'un!
COMMONWEALTH
The folks on the street said you headed here. There's been another incident with the cattle! This time at Rusty's Ranch!
MARSHALL LAW
(Muttered:) Again? (Aware of his slip of the tongue:) Is Rusty okay? Well, I'll have to get right over there...
(Grabs his hat.)
TEX RANGER
Uh, excuse me, is this your daughter, Sheriff?
MARSHALL LAW
Yes, yes. This is my daughter, Commonwealth, all I have left of family in the world. The spitting image of her mother, God rest her soul.
COMMONWEALTH
Pleased to meet you, friend.
TEX RANGER
Likewise, Miss Law.
MARSHALL LAW
Common, This here fella's name is-
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