Scene 6.12 - The Dirty Dozen: Twice Baked
INT. JEZEBEL'S CHAMBER - DARUKKEEN PALACE - DAY
(JEZEBEL trembles. It's morning sickness in the middle of the day...)
JEZEBEL
(Inner voice:) I must speak with you Cheeto!
EXT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - TUNNEL - DARUKKEEN PALACE - DAY
(The 'thopter turns slowly as it goes up into the light.)
EXT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
(From outside the Palace's atomic shield we see the blur of the hornithopter pass through a Y-shaped porthole and come out perfect like a gleaming jewel, glazed with honey.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
KIND
Southeast over the Shield Wall. That's where I told the overlord to concentrate his harvesting.
EXT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
(They crest the top of the wall which opens out into a black, level expanse of rock, cratered and fractured. On the other side is the huge, seemingly endless line of trees, the Great Jungle. In the hazy distance, flashes of light can be seen.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
PORSCHE
Will we see a worm?
KIND
Where there is spice and spice pruning there are always worms.
PORSCHE
Always?
KIND
Always.
PORSCHE
Why do they come?
KIND
To protect their territory. Vibrations attract them.
PORSCHE
(Inner voice:) I've registered him now... a pipe in a sheath on his left arm... He's strong... a person born to command... He's hiding many things. (Out loud, suddenly:) Is there a relationship between the worms and the spice?
(KIND turns instantly and stares at PORSCHE. SMARTY sees the wonder in KIND'S eyes.)
SMARTY
The young master is a trained Mental, an advanced student of Pronto Bingo has studied under some of the finest teachers in The Universe.
(KIND takes a second look at young PORSCHE.)
KIND
As I said... they defend the spice trees. As to their relationship with the spice... who knows?
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
SMARTY
Cloud ahead, Sire.
(A vast, trichome-filled cloud of crystal remnants are shaken from the buds of the gigantic leaves by the tree as a defense mechanism. The fog is slowly being ingested by the large ship that looks like a floating, portable, vaccum cleaner, mired in sap produced by the large leaf that the harvester uses for support. A second spout that looks like a soda staw with the bendy-part at the bottom cranes over and sucks-up the three-and five-foot buds pruned from the enormous plant, now embedded in the sap pools. From jagged scars on the massive branch, we notice previous, Narc-On-Em pruning efforts were far more callous; with much less respect shown toward the plant. Mercedes pruners are a kinder, gentler machine.)
KIND
That's it... spice pruning... no other cloud quite like it. See the spotters over it? They're watching for wormsign... the telltale movement in the leaves. Seismic probes on the branch, too.. Sire... worms can crawl in from anywhere and you don't see them until... Looks like a good crop of spice.
DUKE CHEETO
(Sees a rustling in the trees far below.) Wormsign? Is it wormsign?
KIND
Yes!... worm. Big one! You've got sharp eyes, Sire.... May I?
(KIND grabs the microphone and dials in the correct frequency.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER
(From the window, we see that the leaves around them are violently shaking from vibrating, interlocked branches. Above, storm clouds are gathering about them.)
KIND
(Into radio, after having found the frequency:) Calling Harvester, Spice-Pad Nine. Wormsign!
(Static... then a voice.)
VOICE
(Over radio:) Who calls Spice-Pad Nine?
SMARTY
(Quickly:) Don't mention the Duke... That's an uncoded channel.
KIND
Unlisted flight northeast of you... wormsign on intercept course... estimated contact fifteen minutes.
VOICE
(Over radio:) Have sighting confirmed. Stand by for fix. Contact in sixteen minutes minus. Very precise estimate. There's a big bonus coming for your early call -- Who is on that unlisted flight so we can make out the check-
(KIND clicks off the radio.)
DUKE CHEETO
What happens now?
KIND
The carryall will come and lift off the spice harvester. Try and get in close over the harvester... you'll find this interesting, Sire.
(The Duke accelerates the hornithopter in the direction of the harvester. PORSCHE can see...)
EXT. HARVESTER - JUNGLE - DAY
(...huge amounts of green smoke billowing-out of the gigantic stack atop the metal and plasteel harvester embedded in sap.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
KIND
They'll work until the very last minute.
(The thin, smoky cloud of the harvester envelops them. The Duke flies up to get a closer look.)
VOICE
(Over radio:) Spotter control... no sign of the carryall... it isn't answering.
(Everyone looks at one another. Distant trees be shakin' and all.)
SMARTY
The worm is eight minutes away, Sire.
VOICE
(Over radio:) Spotter control -- give me a report by the numbers.
(Over the radio MANY VOICES report they have no contact with the carryall.)
DUKE CHEETO
Damn it... Narc-On-Ems.
(He punches a control button and grabs a microphone.)
DUKE CHEETO (Cont'd)
(Into microphone:) We are rollin' down to take you off de harvesta... All spotters are ordered to represent.
VOICE
(Over radio:) Ordered by who, bro?
DUKE CHEETO
(Angrily:) That's ordered by whom and it's Duke Cheeto Mercedes, bro...
(SMARTY and PORSCHE turn to each other, worried.)
VOICE
(Over radio:) Yes... yes, Sire!
DUKE CHEETO
Quanto you rollin' wit' dogg?
VOICE
Eh?
DUKE CHEETO
How many men do you have?
VOICE
(Over radio:) Full crew -- four and twenty men -- but Sire, we can't leave this spice...
DUKE CHEETO
Damn the spice! Get the hell outta Dodge, bro! Get all up in here already now!
EXT. HARVESTER - JUNGLE - DAY
(All the spotters begin landing and the Duke descends directly in front of the harvester which has stopped pruning yet emits a tremendous rythmic GRINDING noise. No one is coming out.)
INT./EXT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER/JUNGLE - DAY
(SMARTY nervously scans the sky for enemy ships. A very low, powerful sound starts now and the ground begins to shake.)
EXT. HARVESTER - JUNGLE - DAY
(A hatch opens and MEN come pouring out.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - JUNGLE - DAY
DUKE CHEETO
(Yelling at the men:) Two men in each of the spotters... You!... Over here!... Beat feet!
(The half-mile-long leaf is really shaking now and beginning to secrete a clear, thin, flammable sap; coating the first layer of thick amber-green sap, making the leaf slick and slippery, like bubbling ice. A tremendous low thundering sound grows along with a high rasping hiss.)
KIND
(To PORSCHE and SMARTY -- yelling over the noise:) I can't see him yet but he's very close...
DUKE CHEETO
(Out loud to himself as he watches the men scrambling:) Damn sloppy -- really damn sloppy.
(FOUR MEN begin tumbling into the CHEETO'S machine.)
SMARTY
Come on boys... come on. (Then, to the Duke:) We're going to be heavy, Sire.
(The men press on SMARTY and PORSCHE. PORSCHE can feel the fear. The sound is a horrible roar and deeper rumbling and cracking of branches breaking now and the `thopter is vibrating and shaking violently. The air suddenly begins to SPARK with static electricity. Cloudburst. It starts to rain.)
KIND
(Nervous:) Here's Johnny... We gotta bounce, guys...
(The Duke closes the doorways, surveys the area one last time, then takes the controls.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
(The ship strains and lifts off -- slowly. PORSCHE sees the green sap-and-crystal-covered buds clumped on the suits of the men... their red eyes. He smells the Simoleon Spice. He begins to feel its effect.)
PORSCHE
(Inner voice as a blinding light comes and goes:) Spice!... Pure, un-refined Simoleon Spice!
KIND
(Murmuring:) Bless the Baker and his flame... Bless the coming and going of him. May his passage stone the world.
DUKE CHEETO
(Yelling:) What's that you're saying?
KIND
Nothing.
(A spice pruner turns and sees KIND, who remains silent.)
SPICE MINER #1
(Astonished:) Uncle Bud!
SPICE MINER #2
Shhhhh.
(PORSCHE hears this, then looks to KIND -- locks on his image.)
PORSCHE
(Inner voice:) Uncle Bud? These men know him like family; perhaps he's their dealer... There's more to this man than we know...
KIND
(Yelling:) You are about to witness something few have seen -- watch! Watch! (Pause. Points down.) Not me, the leaf! The leaf!
(PORSCHE looks down as the Duke banks over the harvester.)
EXT. HARVESTER - JUNGLE - DAY
(Static electricity is igniting in the air and the trees are blowing in the wind. Then they see it. A bright green-orange flame ignites across the leaf in dotted places and the plasmic flame envelops the large sap-covered leaf and we see the camouflaged-silhouette of a very large caterpillar curled upon the quarter-mile-wide leaf. The caterpillar is twice the size of the harvester. Suddenly the machine ignites and explodes, its flame extinguished by the heavy rain and lack of oxygen, while the green-and-orange flame on the leaf continues to blaze, the caterpillar-looking monster flashes several multicolored neon patterns and sends forth a second blue-green burst of flame across the sap. The resin bubbles, the sap becomes red-hot and rigid, like coal. Puffs of green and white smoke vent as the resin bubbles collapse and release their steam. The worm takes on a luminous, blue-green tint and we see the monster in full. It shoots a look to the camera and does a caterpillar-equivilent of winking. Even glow-worms know how to be a ham for the camera. Just as the sap begins to bubble and sizzle and stream jets of wicked light green smoke, the massive frame of the burning leaf falls from the gigantic branch that supported it and the harvester, the worm and the leaf all fall into the two-mile-deep, cavernous drop below. The leaf and harvester tumble-off a lower branch and fall away from sight -- deep within the planatary jungle underworld -- the resin-coated worm lands on a leaf a mile below and becomes it's camouflaged-color once again -- this time dark green -- the resin drips away across the supporting leaf. It's raining buckets. The Duke's ship is whining to stay aloft.)
INT. MERCEDES HORNITHOPTER - DAY
SMARTY
Zounds, what a monster.
DUKE CHEETO
Someone goin' to pay for this... I promise.
KIND
(Inner voice -- as he studies the Duke:) Uff-da! This Duke is more concerned over his men than the spice, doncha'-know! I must admit... against all better judgement... I dig this Duke; he seems... okey-dokey...
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