Chapter 90

Nan Yi was stunned for a moment. Xie Que Shan gave her a fierce look, and for a moment, she almost forgot that he had this side to him. His eyes were bloodshot, and the darkness in them was as deep as the ink in a landscape painting, completely erasing any trace of compassion.

No, this had always been his true face, that of a demon.

But now, she was not as afraid of him anymore.

“Speak. Why?” His patience was nearly exhausted.

“You told me, didn’t you? That I can go wherever I want? So why can’t I return to the Xie family? What are you afraid of?”

Xie Que Shan was breathing heavily. What was he afraid of? How ridiculous. What was there for him to fear? He had shown mercy by letting her go, paving a way for her, even willing to step back in front of Zhang Yuehui, and yet, she was ungrateful!

Didn’t she just want to survive? He gave her a way out, and she rejected it! Was being around Song Muchuan making her lose her mind?!

“Staying in the Xie family is a dead end. Didn’t you hear what Zhang Yuehui said?”

“Xie Que Shan, you’re really something,” Nan Yi, trapped in this small space, didn’t feel fear. She tilted her head and looked straight into his eyes. “You already know that I’m working for Bingchu Si. Shouldn’t you be keeping me by your side to watch me, just like how you had me watch Xie Xiao Liu back then? Why are you letting me go out and stir up trouble? Isn’t that dangerous for you? Who are you really working for?”

“Isn’t it obvious who I’m working for? Do I need to send you right into the hands of the Qi people before you understand the danger?”

“I don’t believe you!” Nan Yi shouted at him.

The room fell silent for a moment.

“You’re quite the actor, Xie Que Shan. I don’t know when you started calculating things, but you betrayed the princess, and yet she was still saved. Everything’s been like this! Yes, I’m not as clever as you, but I can still see that your words and actions don’t match. I don’t trust what you say. I want to stay here. I want to see with my own eyes what kind of person you really are.”

He hadn’t expected that this would be her reason.

It felt like being hit by a huge wave. He panicked, both startled and fearful. His first instinct was to struggle and deny. He punched the doorframe, trying to force her into submission with a more vicious face. “I gave you a way out, and you really think I’m a saint? If I’d known you were this naïve, you wouldn’t have lasted long outside. I should have let you die honorably in the Xie family’s tomb!”

Her eyes lifted, shining brightly as she caught a piece of logic. “So, from the burial incident, that was your plan all along? You’ve been trying to save me from that time?”

Xie Que Shan was suddenly speechless.

He had shot himself in the foot, struck at the most hidden part of himself.

He had a deep dilemma, one that had become inseparable from who he was. If that layer of skin was peeled away, he would no longer be the upright young man, but something bloodied and unrecognizable. He didn’t know how to live in a way that would align with himself, so he wrapped himself in a way that almost seemed self-destructive.

It was best if no one ever found out.

But had she lost her mind? She actually wanted to touch that truth… He could no longer predict her actions. Her intelligence and quick thinking made him feel like everything was slipping further out of control.

Nan Yi didn’t struggle or avoid him. Her hand reached out to his, trying to loosen the hand that had struck the doorframe.

Her cold fingers slipped into the gaps between his, and he felt a faint pain—a sensation that nearly drove him mad. He didn’t dare to let go, but he knew deep down that he was losing this confrontation.

Yes, this was what he feared—he feared his will would falter, that she would completely conquer his heart. He feared she would find every weak point, causing him to gradually give in, to surrender, until all he was left with was his vulnerable body, empty-handed, fighting against a collapsing world.

Chapter 91: The Moon in the Water

He feared being swallowed by the monster called “love,” and in the end, losing everything he wanted to protect.

“Nanyi, don’t test the little mercy I have left. You can’t bear the consequences.” The harsh words he spoke felt more like a powerless plea.

He was pleading with her—pleading for her not to move any closer. He wanted her to stay far away, to walk a safe, well-paved road. That was the best he could offer her.

The closer she got to him, the more wounded he became. He was willing to remain in the darkness, but why was she coming to walk alongside him?

“You don’t want to tell me? That’s fine. I’ll find out for myself. If you’re a complete traitor, one day, I’ll drag you down with me. But if you’re not...” Nan Yi finally couldn’t resist his strength any longer. She gave up, gazing at his eyes with a mix of helplessness and determination. “Then let me come to your side.”

This was a kind of sweet rain.

But he feared his barren land couldn’t give her even a single oasis.

Xie Que Shan released his grip. He took a step back, closed his eyes, and tilted his head upward, his throat convulsing. Something seemed to want to burst out, but he could no longer hold it back.

In a hoarse voice, he said with the last bit of rationality, “I’m giving you one last chance. Leave. Leave the Xie family, and never show your face in front of me again.”

“I said I won’t leave.”

At this moment, the silence was so thick it felt like the beating of hearts could be heard.

He slowly opened his eyes, and they suddenly became calm, as if something had changed. “I’ve given you a chance. You’re the one who rejected it.”

Only then did Nan Yi realize how afraid she truly was.

— It felt like cold water splashing onto a piece of red-hot iron. The surface cooled down, but a stronger fire began to burn from within, layer by layer, the heat spreading back out to the surface.

And she didn’t know what had ignited inside of her, but she sensed something familiar in his eyes.

The memory of that snowy mountain, that wooden house, was filled with obscure, unrecognizable past events.

She couldn’t deny it, nor could she dare to confirm it.

After a moment of silence, he spoke: “You’ll die by my hands. Don’t even think about running away.”

Xie Que Shan pressed his hand to her neck and brought her close, kissing her roughly on her sharp, thin lips.

Everything that had been denied came rushing back, like an avalanche triggered by a single scream. At first, it was silent, but soon it crushed everything in its path.

Greedy sucking, twisting and turning, heavy breaths filled the air.

His sleeve brushed against the cups and bowls on the table, the tassels and silk cloth slipping off. He sat her on the wooden desk, his body suspended behind her. She could only hold onto him tightly, unable to escape.

Her body’s instinct had accepted him before her rational mind could catch up. When he lifted her, Nan Yi felt as though the ground beneath her no longer existed—it suddenly became a treacherous sea. All she could see was the vast ocean, with only him beside her, and she could only cling to him.

In the midst of his reckless assault, she forgot to resist, or perhaps she didn’t want to resist. She felt they were both losing their minds, but some answer was becoming clearer.

He tore off her outer robe, the knot in her clothing was ripped apart with a harsh sound, spurring his disordered movements. The coldness immediately pierced her back like needles, but his burning hands followed quickly, smoothing out every trembling pore beneath his touch.

He had played the part of a madman, and now he had truly become that madman. He had given up struggling, stopped hiding, and let the monster inside consume him.

Let it be. Let them both fall into ruin together on this solitary boat.

Down into the eighteen layers of hell, through mountains of knives and seas of fire, deep in sin. No one could let go. No one could escape.

...

Knock, knock, knock — an untimely knock on the door interrupted.

Nan Yi startled, but Xie Que Shan impatiently pressed her neck, not allowing her to lose focus. But the persistent knock continued.

A voice from outside the door came: “Nan Yi, I have something I want to say to you.”

Nan Yi’s face immediately flushed. She tried to push Xie Que Shan away, but he wouldn’t let go, biting her lips roughly before releasing her.

In a hoarse voice near her ear, he said, “Tell him to get lost.”

Nan Yi, embarrassed and angry, hurriedly tried to dress, but he held onto the hem of her clothes, preventing her from putting them on or even getting off the table.

“I...”

Nan Yi had no choice but to speak toward the door, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she realized her voice had become weak, as if she couldn’t summon enough breath, soft like a puddle of water.

“Nan Yi?” Zhang Yuehui’s questioning voice sounded again.

Nan Yi closed her eyes, panicking, and said in a hurry, “I don’t want to see you. Go away.”

“Then I’ll wait here.”

Zhang Yuehui wasn’t that easy to dismiss.

Nan Yi’s face was flushed red. She whispered desperately to Xie Que Shan, “Let me down.”

The room was pitch dark, and only a faint light from a lantern outside the window shone through the carved wooden patterns, casting shadows in his dark eyes.

“Do you still like Zhang Yuehui?”

Her mind was in turmoil, unable to think clearly, not knowing how to answer.

Her silence made him angry. He lifted her hairpin, letting her black hair fall loose over her shoulders, then pressed his body against hers. She almost gasped in surprise, biting her lip to hold back a cry, swallowing the words she was about to say. Only half a moan escaped her as she lay on the desk, her face red as she looked into his eyes.

“Answer me,” he murmured against her lips in a low voice, persistent, suddenly acting like a child.

Nan Yi’s mind was full of embarrassment and anger. When someone was outside, she finally returned to reality from the daze, realizing they were in Wangxuewu. She felt the absurdity of everything that was happening.

What were they doing? If someone walked in... and saw this shocking scene?

They had truly gone mad.

She tried to push him away. “Xie Que Shan, calm down...”

His eyes were filled with disappointment, like a tiger still trying to roar. His voice dropped, as if struggling in his throat, like a river that couldn’t flow.

“But I kind of like you.”

Nan Yi was stunned. She hadn’t reacted in time before Xie Que Shan suddenly stood up, pulling her up as well, and in her dazed state, he helped her put her robe back on.

Then he turned around without a word and left.

By the time Nanyi reacted, she couldn’t stop him. Flustered, she quickly tied her clothes and hastily pinned up her hair.

He pushed open the door, meeting Zhang Yuehui’s gaze head-on.

In a show of defiance, he raised a hand and wiped the remnants of red lipstick from his lips as he passed by Zhang Yuehui.

Zhang Yuehui’s eyes widened, and he stood frozen for a moment, then rushed into the room like a madman. With his sharp eyes, even though Nanyi had fixed her clothes and pretended to be calm, he immediately noticed her swollen lips and the loose strands of hair that had fallen to her side.

He was holding something in his hand, which he placed on the table, then rushed out to catch up with Xie Que Shan.

He grabbed the hem of Xie Que Shan’s robe and swung a fist at him.

“Bastard!”

Xie Que Shan dodged sideways, raised his elbow in counterattack, and knocked the disoriented Zhang Yuehui against the wall.

He straightened his robe, his expression grim. “If you want to marry someone from the Xie family, you better ask properly. With sincere efforts, even gold and stone can be moved—Boss Zhang.”