BO - 5

05. LOVE ME

Looking back, it’s true. He was merciless to that woman but surprisingly lenient with me. 

Watching Choi Si-baek interact with Kim Jong-seop or Cha Geon-joo, his demeanor was consistently dismissive—cold, even icy. Yet, he always responded to me. 

Even considering the people around him, this leniency seemed reserved solely for me. 

But if I were to rationalize it, it’s because I’m the chairman’s niece, and protecting me is part of his job. Given the testimonials from those around me about how no one handles tasks better than Choi Si-baek, this kindness was simply an extension of his professionalism. 

Thus, I arrived at the obvious conclusion: I wasn’t special to him, nor did he harbor any particular meaning toward me. It was a predictable answer, unsurprising in the least. 

“Ah…” 

Who would’ve thought such an unforeseen situation would give me such a headache? 

“Dr. Seo, Mrs. Kim Young-soon is asking for you to explain the surgery process again. Honestly, we’ve already explained it multiple times, but she insists on hearing it directly from the doctor.” 

“Ah, okay. Bring her over.” 

Unable to separate work from personal thoughts, my afternoon was consumed by the sudden intrusions of that man into my mind. If this were just another fleeting struggle, it wouldn’t feel so suffocating. But I couldn’t foresee when I’d finally put an end to this long, exhausting emotional journey—or how many wounds I’d endure along the way. These were things I’d only learn through experience. 

Even knowing all this, there was nothing I could do. 

I had to endure, no matter what. 

Nothing in my hands had ever been easy—not love, either. 

Damn love, damn unrequited love. 

After finishing my last scheduled appointment, I changed into the black dress I’d brought with me. 

Following the disastrous blind date, Director Jeong felt guilty, believing the blame for ruining it lay entirely on him since he didn’t know about Choi Si-baek’s involvement. Seeing him like that made me feel equally apologetic. 

“Dr. Seo, are you heading home?” 

“Yes, Director.” 

“Where are you going? You weren’t dressed like that when you came in.” 

“Today’s the anniversary of my mother’s passing. There’s a family gathering.” 

“Ah, I see.” 

His awkward smile conveyed regret for prying, and he kindly offered to drop me off if we were headed the same way. 

“No, no, no.” 

Waving my hands emphatically to decline, I saw him hesitate, wondering if he’d made a misstep. We were both acting as though we owed each other something. 

“I’m meeting someone.” 

“Ah.” 

“They’re coming to pick me up.” 

Hearing my honest response, he nodded with a smile—a gesture of understanding. Relieved, I noticed he didn’t press further and gestured for me to go ahead. 

“Then I’ll head in first. See you tomorrow.” 

A brief message from Si-baek indicated he was waiting in the ground-level parking lot. I quickened my pace slightly. 

There it was—the car arrogantly occupying two parking spaces. No matter how you looked at it, Choi Si-baek clearly relieved stress through reckless driving. Otherwise, how could someone so meticulous and neat park so carelessly? A man who wouldn’t even undo a single shirt button without deliberation. 

Was this some new fetish of his? It was baffling. 

All day, my mind had been tangled in confusion over this man. Now, my gaze melted into his figure leaning casually against the car, bathed in the amber glow of the setting sun. His eyes, reflecting the orange hues, seemed to validate the feelings swelling within me. What was he thinking? What emotions swirled behind those eyes that held fragments of me? Why did they make me delude myself so easily? 

Perhaps he harbored a small sliver of genuine affection for me too. 

Though it was nonsense, I blamed him for luring me into this illusion. I shifted the blame for my racing heart onto him—it was easier that way. 

It was just him casually sucking on a cigarette filter, exhaling smoke—simple, repetitive actions. So why did he look so damn sexy? It was unfair. 

“What time is it now?” 

With a hint of irritation, he tapped his wristwatch carelessly. 

“…The surgery ran a bit late. Are you mad?” 

“It doesn’t matter. Just get in the car.” 

Given the occasion, his outfit was all black—neatly pressed shirt, tailored suit pants, polished shoes, and a sleek tie. The tattoos peeking out beneath his collar perfectly complemented his appearance, evoking a certain profession. And then there was his face—a delicate balance of innocence and edge, like a meticulously painted oil canvas. He was unnecessarily distracting. 

“Why? Are you worried I’ll wear out?” 

“…What do you mean?” 

“Am I really that handsome? Do you lose your composure just looking at me?” 

“Y-You’re insane.” 

Honestly, after shamelessly feasting my eyes on him, I brazenly lifted my head. 

“No matter how attractive you are, it’s not like that.” 

Inadvertently, I had acknowledged his good looks. Catching this, his lips curled smugly, teasing me once more. 

“Is your mind that complicated right now?” 

“I must be losing it. Who says stuff like that? You secretly have an inflated ego. I’m just the type to observe people slowly. To avoid mistakes, I need to be cautious. And it’s not just with you—it’s with everyone. Right?” 

I lied, trying to convince my brain to agree. 

When caught in such moments, brazenness was key. Whether my strategy worked or he simply didn’t want to waste time on trivial banter, no further response came. 

That’s when I heard a familiar voice from somewhere behind me. 

“Yes, sorry about that. I should’ve come earlier. Yes, of course.” 

It was Director Jeong, talking on the phone. 

“I’ll call you later. Alright. Yes, yes, please go ahead.” 

Like a frantic colt, I dashed toward Choi Si-baek, grabbing his hand holding the cigarette and hiding behind the car. Pressing down on his shoulder, I bent over to peek through the window. The intense woody scent wafting from him pressed down on me, making my heart ache. Surely, he wouldn’t recognize me just from this smell, right? Feeling guilty as hell, my chest tightened anxiously. 

“Sorry, but can we stay here for a moment? No…” 

My whispered plea was met with his sharp, arrow-like gaze. 

“Who parked here… Why like this? Should I call the owner?” 

Director Jeong circled the car, seemingly ready to approach from the other side. 

“What are you doing?” 

I clamped my hand over Choi Si-baek’s mouth before he could speak. Cold sweat trickled down every inch of my body. 

Fortunately, the noise outside drowned out our presence, and Director Jeong seemed oblivious. 

“Please, just this once. Okay?” 

My desperate whisper earned me his steely gray stare. The sunset’s glow had faded, leaving his eyes cold and gray again—as if the golden warmth had never existed. 

Please, just leave. My clenched grip tightened around his jaw. 

Not wanting to deal with unnecessary trouble on his way home, Director Jeong soon opened his car door. Choi Si-baek dusted off his hands after neatly stashing away the brand-new car he’d purchased as compensation, but I couldn’t relax just yet. The car door clicked shut, and silence fell. Finally, the spot where Director Jeong’s car had been stood empty. 

“Haa.” 

It was a deep sigh of relief drawn from the pit of my stomach.

I was pressed close to Choi Si-baek, peering through the car window when I absentmindedly turned my head. 

There he was—too close, staring at me with those eyes that had silently captivated me, the ones that fueled my baseless delusions. 

The face I had forcibly pulled closer, his refined features now trapped in my grasp. My fingers lingered on his lips, brushing against them as they were caught between my touch. Startled, I let go of him as if tossing something away. 

He straightened his long legs and rose, stomping out the cigarette that had fallen—who knows when—with the tip of his shoe. 

“Why do you park like this? You did the same thing last time. Maybe you need a hefty fine to learn your lesson.” 

My voice trembled awkwardly, betraying my flustered state. 

“Looks like it bothers you quite a bit.” 

“Huh?” 

“Do you really hate being seen with me that much?” 

“What are you talking about…?” 

“Forget it. It’s already annoying enough that we’re at the same hospital.” 

And you—you, a man with a girlfriend, why are you so sensitive about my affairs? Again, making me delude myself. I swallowed the words I wanted to say and carefully chose my response. The agony of censoring every word I wanted to speak was unbearable. Confessing my innermost thoughts to a man with a girlfriend would only bring shame—and that was something I wanted to avoid. If it reached that point, it would truly be over for me, Jae-yeon Seo. 

To him, I was nothing more than a business obligation—a person he needed to protect because ensuring my safety was part of his job. 

“It’s not like that. It’s just... there’s no benefit in being associated with someone from my family. And it’s not like we’re just casual acquaintances. Who knows what rumors might spread?” 

In social settings, revealing personal matters never brought any advantage. It wasn’t just me; anyone who worked in such environments knew better. In a workplace where people pounced on any hint of weakness, exposing my private life or vulnerabilities would only hand them ammunition. Besides, our relationship—Choi Si-baek and mine—wasn’t something that would reflect well if exposed. Moreover, if others saw us together, baseless rumors would surely spread, becoming fodder for gossip. 

Take Kim Hee-jin, the nurse who recently revealed her relationship at the hospital. Now, every little thing she did was linked back to “that boyfriend,” and she was slowly fading under the weight of her colleagues’ chatter. 

As for me, even if I didn’t care, Choi Si-baek didn’t need to endure the endless teasing and ridicule that would inevitably follow. 

Lost in thought, I absentmindedly stared at his tie pin. Choi Si-baek sighed, his expression complicated, and opened the rear door of the car. 

“Right. There’s no upside to being discovered. Ignorance is bliss until death, isn’t it?” 

“…” 

“Get in. Unless you plan to hold the ancestral rites here.” 

“…Did I do something wrong?” 

“No. Just get in.” 

As dusk began to settle, I climbed into the backseat he had opened for me. 

When he took his place in the driver’s seat, the sharp scent of freshly smoked cigarettes mingled with his cologne and a faint citrus aroma trailed behind him. Like my tangled emotions, the mixed scents filled my nasal passages and lungs, tormenting me. His hands on the wheel turned indifferently toward our destination. 

Suddenly, I became curious. 

What kind of person was he seeing? What kind of relationship did he have? What form of love did he share with others? What words of affection did he whisper to her? 

How did he smile for her? Did he laugh loudly with her? 

Who was the woman who possessed Choi Si-baek? 

I was curious. A curiosity I shouldn’t indulge burned quietly, like embers refusing to die out. 

I want him, damn it. This… bastard. 

Meeting Choi Si-baek made me curse in ways I’d never done in my life. 

This man was turning my once desireless, passionless existence into chaos. 

I wanted to tear my hair out but instead pinched my thigh to contain myself. 

It was the hermitage I always visited on my mother’s death anniversary. Passing through the crowd of men in black suits, I saw my uncle smoking. Choi Si-baek, walking behind me, bowed respectfully to him. 

“Uncle.” 

“Go inside and pay your respects to your mother first.” 

Perhaps I had twisted my ankle while hiding earlier, as my ankle throbbed painfully. I walked slowly past my uncle. 

After lighting incense and paying my respects, I bowed to the man whose eyes met mine. That man—the executive director. Kwon Suk? No, Kwon Seok-hee. Yes, Cha Kwon-seok. 

Standing beside my uncle, he wasn’t unfamiliar to me either. I knew he was one of my uncle’s most trusted men. Whenever I visited the company to see my uncle, I often ran into him. 

“Are you coming straight from work?” 

“Yes.” 

“Before the meal, I assume. Let’s go.” 

Every year, on this day, we lit incense at the hermitage and shared a meal together. 

Walking toward the dining hall prepared at the hermitage, I slipped my arm through my uncle’s. He looked down at me with the gentle gaze he reserved only for me. In moments like these, even the imposing figures trailing behind us felt less intimidating. 

Though my ankle ached, my uncle patiently matched his pace to mine. Wearing high heels with my dress had been a mistake. 

“How’s work treating you? Any difficulties?” 

“Hmm. No, everything’s fine for now.” 

“Ah, how did the blind date go? I heard he was decent-looking. President Yoo was quite boastful about it.” 

“He’s handsome, but someone I know showed up—our hospital director.” 

“Oh? How did that happen? Are things going well?” 

“Not yet. But…” 

Fiddling with my uncle’s arm, I glanced back pointedly and declared, “I’m trying my best. As you said, maybe this way I’ll meet someone good soon and achieve the stable life you want for me. Oh, and our director—he’s a good man too.” 

Yes, I reminded myself again: this game ends if I simply let go. 

I held the key to this game. Yet, the more I played, the more I felt like a fool, the more miserable I became. 

Hiding my unease, I smiled brightly, linking arms tightly with my uncle. He melted easily under my charm, perhaps becoming the one person who bent entirely to my will. Even Sung Hwi-jong, the mighty chairman, softened completely before me, the weakest person alive. That’s why I couldn’t resent him. 

I’m still afraid. Can I truly protect myself? Deep down, I’m scared. 

Looking up at my uncle with conflicted eyes, I became acutely aware of the men walking behind us in sync—Executive Director Cha, Choi Si-baek, Kim Jong-seop, Cha Geon-joo. Amidst them, the only person I could rely on was my uncle. 

“I’ve been doing well lately. Really. My appetite’s improved, and I’ve been sleeping better too.” 

Even as I spoke, I could read the lingering worry in my uncle’s expression whenever he looked at me. 

Between us, the incident from before had become an unspoken taboo. Yet, he feared it might happen again. Perhaps he carried the weight of that day more heavily than I did, constantly vigilant. Uncle and I were each other’s only bloodline, pillar of support, and burden. Our bond was both sorrowful and precious, tied by family. 

“Don’t worry too much. I’m fine. Besides, Director Choi has been so kind, guarding me so well.” 

With exaggerated emphasis, I glanced back slyly. My uncle chuckled, seemingly satisfied. Though skeptical—knowing full well Choi Si-baek wasn’t exactly “kind”—he was pleased to see his niece looking brighter. 

Lately, my heart had been shaken by unexpected emotions, making his presence less comforting than usual. Still, having him by my side offered a unique sense of security that no one else could provide. 

We entered the dining hall and began the modest meal prepared for us. 

Could one eat meat-based dishes at a temple? As a child, I would’ve questioned it, but now I accepted it without a second thought, silently shoveling food into my mouth. 

While my uncle and Cha Kwon-seok stepped away for an urgent call, a brief silence settled over the table. I glanced at Kim Jong-seop, who was absorbed in his phone. 

The word “handsome” immediately came to mind. Certainly, he was different from Choi Si-baek sitting across from me. If Choi Si-baek was a cold beauty, Kim Jong-seop was bold and intense, exuding strength. Whether “beauty” was the right term for a man, I wasn’t sure—but if I had to define their differences, that’s how I’d put it. They were two entirely different kinds of handsome.

Humans are naturally drawn to beauty, so it was only natural that my gaze drifted toward him. I already knew from the few days Kim Jong-seop had guarded me just how much of a lunatic he was—so why did he have to be that handsome? 

Did my uncle hire his subordinates based on their looks? He seemed to surround himself with men you’d rarely see even once in a lifetime. As I absentmindedly stared, Kim Jong-seop slowly lifted his head from his phone and met my gaze. It seemed I’d been staring far too long without realizing it. 

“What are you looking at?” 

The smirk tugging at the corners of his lips was mischievous—a clear sign he was about to say something outrageous. 

“Nothing. Oh, how’s Song Ah doing?” 

At the unexpected name that slipped from my lips, the men who had been silently eating turned their heads toward me. Cha Geon-joo, who had already put down his utensils some time ago, was watching me with an amused expression. 

“The last time I called, he said they were working on having a second child. Wonder if they’ve made progress.” 

With that, I carefully smoothed the corners of my mouth, tidying up my expression, and resumed eating. 

Perhaps because my stomach had been churning all day with thoughts of Choi Si-baek, the warmth of the soup began to relax me. Without a word, I picked up a chili pepper and crunched into it. The sound of me chewing filled the silence—it was eerily quiet. 

Then, suddenly, a burst of laughter erupted. Cha Geon-joo covered his eyes with one large hand, laughing uncontrollably. 

That guy wasn’t normal either. 

My uncle returned and took his seat at the head of the table. As though nothing had happened, the atmosphere in the room returned to its usual state. 

I poured soju into my glass and was about to gulp it down when my eyes met Choi Si-baek’s. There he was, gripping his spoon like a dagger plunged into the pot, openly staring at me. His usually neat eyebrows now tilted slightly, as if mocking me. 

“Why…?” 

“Does Yoon Jae-yeon usually drink this often?” 

His sharp voice cut through the air, aimed directly at me. 

“Huh? Me…?” 

He looked at me as if to say, “Who else could I mean?” My glass, lost in indecision, hovered awkwardly in the air. Was this really something to get so serious about? 

“Ah… uh…” 

There had been quite a few drinking occasions this month, but it was all coincidental. There had been a class reunion, an unexpected drinking session with these men, a welcome dinner for work, the blind date, and today—the anniversary. Come to think of it, I had been drinking more than usual lately. But it wasn’t because I liked alcohol or sought it out—it just happened. And yet, here he was, calling me out. Aware of my uncle’s watchful gaze, I reluctantly set the glass back down. 

“There were suddenly several gatherings recently, so it just happened… unintentionally.” 

It was unclear whether I was explaining myself to my uncle or answering Choi Si-baek as I shifted my gaze between them. 

Glancing at both of them out of the corner of my eye, I grabbed a tissue to wipe my mouth, then forced an exaggeratedly pitiful expression. What was this guy’s problem? Was he deliberately trying to provoke me? Puffing up my cheeks like an indignant puppy, I glared at Choi Si-baek, but he simply set his spoon down without a word. 

Outside, I waited for the men who were smoking and enjoying the cool night air. Nursing a paper cup of instant coffee while nursing my sore ankle, I reflected: coffee from a café was truly the best. Sipping the sweet brew, I wandered out of the hermitage dining hall and gazed up at the pitch-black sky. 

As I sipped my coffee, I spotted Choi Si-baek smoking in the distance. Why did he look so good even in this dark night? 

A man with a buzz cut approached him, whispering something before handing over an envelope. With one hand still in his pocket, Choi Si-baek removed the cigarette filter from his mouth to free his hand and accepted the envelope. 

Our eyes met as he glanced in my direction. Pretending to admire the invisible black landscape, I turned my head and took another sip from my cup. Though my eyes were facing forward, I couldn’t help but notice Choi Si-baek walking diagonally toward me—my attention entirely consumed by him. 

Realizing that all my attempts to avoid the truth were futile, I decided to be honest with myself. 

I liked him. 

Drunk on love, I found myself easily intoxicated by his small acts of kindness—as if catching my first cold, defenseless against its symptoms. Everything about him felt easy. Easy to hurt, easy to heal. My emotional responses had become embarrassingly porous. 

This unsolvable problem—by the time I came to my senses, I was already face-to-face with the greatest challenge of my life. 

I liked him. 

My current unrequited love might not be elegant or sophisticated, but I liked Choi Si-baek. 

“Damn it.” 

Cursing, something I’d rarely done in half my life, had now become habitual. 

There was no other way to express this turmoil within me. Whoever coined this curse had truly crafted a masterpiece—it fit my feelings perfectly, clinging to my tongue like an onomatopoeic echo of despair. 

Even after admitting it, my mind remained tangled. 

Making a firm resolution felt monumental, but nothing had changed. If anything, I was even more uncertain about what to do next. 

Acknowledging my feelings was a step forward, but the reason unrequited love was so bitter was precisely because I couldn’t express them. Each time I realized this, despair was all I gained. Ironically, I also came to appreciate the freedom of being able to express one’s feelings—it was among the most precious forms of agency. 

Banging my head against the car window, I writhed in agony. 

Watching my absurd behavior, Choi Si-baek checked on me through the rearview mirror. 

I replayed his voice in my mind, over and over, like a movie stuck on loop. 

“You’re such a handful.” 

“Who asked you to take care of me?” 

“If your ankle gives out, who do you think will clean up the mess?” 

“Don’t worry. I’m not asking you to carry me.” 

“Oh, so you were thinking about it?” 

“No! That’s not what I meant!” 

“Fine. Why are you getting so defensive? You’re making it worse.” 

“Ugh, seriously.” 

“Relax. Unless you plan to crawl home tomorrow.” 

Choi Si-baek knelt halfway, placing my slender ankle on his knee, and skillfully wrapped it with a bandage. Between his fingers, a faint red glow seemed to emanate, and smoke enveloped us like mist. Watching him touch my ankle, my heart smoldered quietly, like the ember of a cigarette. It would burn me if I tried to touch it, yet there was no hiding it anymore. 

“How did you know about my ankle?” 

“Do I have anything else to do all day but watch you?” 

It was the kind of remark that could easily be misunderstood, but guarding me was literally part of his job. Not all day, but during commutes and after work hours—he monitored my schedule. I knew some lunatic had hacked into the hospital’s CCTV to keep tabs on me even during work. Orders were orders; nothing more, nothing less. 

“Having fun?” 

“Huh?” 

“You look like you’re having fun. Being ridiculous.” 

And whose fault was that? I swallowed the retort rising in my throat and quickly turned my head toward the car window. 

After inspecting the house, Choi Si-baek paused midway through opening the front door and turned back. 

I stood waiting to lock the secondary bolt when he faced me. 

“Go wash up. I’ll order sweet and sour pork—you like that, right?” 

“…No thanks. I’ve quit late-night snacks.” 

“But isn’t this dinner? You barely ate earlier. Just come. It’s too much for one person anyway.” 

“How is sweet and sour pork too much?” 

“I’m ordering yangjangpi too. Too much food for one person.” 

My throat tightened as saliva pooled. Both dishes were my absolute favorites—weekly staples for my drinking nights. Though I didn’t particularly enjoy meat, sweet and sour pork was the exception. My taste buds, inherited from my uncle, demanded regular indulgence to relieve stress. 

His question was technically a yes-or-no matter. Like or dislike—just pick one. 

But for me, it wasn’t that simple. I wanted to go, but I couldn’t bring myself to accept so easily. Strictly speaking, I didn’t dislike the idea either. To choose an answer, I wracked my brain. I knew the implications of eating alone with a man at this hour—but logically, he probably didn’t mean anything by it.

“…Then I guess we can just order one dish.” 

“But I want to eat both, so why not?” 

“Ugh, seriously.” 

To be honest, I really wanted it—a lot. But being alone with this man in an enclosed space felt dangerously tempting. What if I lost control and pounced on him? Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could keep myself in check around him. Was I sexually frustrated or something? 

“We’ll probably end up throwing the leftovers away.” 

Fine. I’d just quietly eat and leave. 

Besides, technically, I hadn’t insisted on coming—it was him who repeatedly invited me. He probably just needed someone to share his late-night snack without any ulterior motives. 

It was like visiting a neighbor—if we didn’t finish everything, it would just go to waste anyway. I’d eat my fill and leave. 

I tried to keep things simple. But the more I resolved to do that, the more my insides churned with nervous energy. 

Come to think of it, this was the first time I’d ever been to his place despite living in the same building. This was the moment I needed maximum calmness and audacity. 

I rang his doorbell about 40 minutes after leaving my apartment. 

If I arrived exactly at the 30-minute mark, it might look like I’d been eagerly waiting, so I added a little buffer for the sake of my pride. 

Not long after, the door cracked open, revealing his pale face framed by damp hair. He must have just showered—his wet strands hung loose, paired with a white t-shirt and sweatpants. Seeing him so relaxed, free from his usual perfectly pressed suits, made my heart flutter. Without the rigid structure of formal wear, his naturally delicate features stood out even more. Choi Si-baek’s appearance shifted subtly depending on his outfit and hairstyle, but somehow every version of him looked good. Life truly wasn’t fair. 

Thankfully, I’d come dressed casually in a hoodie and comfortable pants. If I’d gone all out trying to impress him on my first visit to his home, I’d have died of embarrassment just thinking about it. My spine tingled at the mere thought. 

“Oh, you’re here?” 

“But don’t you usually skip dinner at night?” 

I slipped off my shoes and followed him inside, where the dining table was already set with sweet and sour pork, yangjangpi, and kung pao chicken. 

“But you’re eating, aren’t you?” 

“Huh?” 

“Do you need a spoon?” 

“Yes, please. But how are we supposed to eat all this? It’s way too much.” 

“You can take what’s left.” 

I sat down as he unwrapped the food and handed me a spoon. Asking whether he preferred pouring sauce over his sweet and sour pork or dipping it felt oddly unnecessary, so I quietly poured sauce onto the portion on my plate. Sauce was the lifeblood of sweet and sour pork, and this one was pleasantly sweet and tangy. Sucking the sauce off my fingers, I shoved a piece of fried meat into my mouth and chewed. 

The combination of salty fried oil and sweet sauce was perfection itself. As I savored the pork, I glanced around his kitchen—it was impeccably clean, just like him. The kind of person who’d die if even a speck of dust settled anywhere. 

“I knew it. Your girlfriend must be exhausted. She probably spends all day sweeping and wiping things down. It’s obvious.” 

I shook my head as I eyed the neatly lined-up white dishes on the tray against the wall. When I turned back, our eyes locked. He hadn’t even picked up his chopsticks yet, just silently watching me chew. 

“…What?” 

Suddenly, tension filled the air. I swallowed hard, pretending to focus on chewing my food. 

“Why?” 

My voice trembled so much I sounded pathetic. 

“Did some sauce get on you? Just ignore it. You can clean up after you’re done eating.” 

Already struggling to act nonchalant in front of him, I felt like I was burning through a year’s worth of energy. Did he notice my inner turmoil? His gaze remained fixed on my face. What was going on here? I’d only just walked in and taken one bite. 

At this rate, my heart was pounding so hard I might as well have been falling in love all over again. 

Just as the taste of the sweet and sour pork began to fade, the doorbell rang. After two more rings, he finally shifted his gaze past my shoulder toward the door. Rising from his seat, he headed toward the entrance. 

“What were you doing that you didn’t pick up the phone? Seriously…” 

As Cha Geon-joo entered the kitchen, our eyes met. I gave an awkward nod, but his lips curled into a sly smirk, as if he’d stumbled upon something unexpected. 

“I told you to stop dropping by uninvited.” 

“Don’t give me that crap. If you don’t want visitors, answer your damn phone. Ever since Kim Jong-seop got a girlfriend, he’s been MIA, and now it’s your turn?” 

“Why are you here?” 

Despite Choi Si-baek’s subtle irritation dripping with annoyance, Cha Geon-joo ignored him entirely and plopped down in the seat next to him. His face radiated blatant curiosity and amusement, like an ex-boyfriend who couldn’t care less but was obsessed with how you lived your life. 

“Long time no see.” 

“We saw each other earlier.” 

“Oh, right.” 

I rolled my eyes as I shoveled a large forkful of yangjangpi into my mouth. His gleaming, trouble-seeking eyes were exhausting. Even Choi Si-baek seemed equally irritated, glaring at Cha Geon-joo with thinly veiled disdain. Choi Si-baek slumped back into his seat, clearly annoyed at whatever nonsense Cha Geon-joo had come to spout. 

“It’s weird, man. I’ll admit Choi Si-baek is insanely handsome, but why do women keep flocking to him? Sure, Kim Jong-seop’s a seasoned pro with skills, but this guy? His performance isn’t exactly stellar, is it?” 

What nonsense was this? Even after two years, I vividly remembered how insane this man could be. If that was considered subpar, then Kamalasutra was just toilet paper, and master potter Seo Gwang-su was an old fart making poison. Cha Geon-joo’s words were laughable. Spreading baseless rumors like this was unacceptable. 

“He’s probably better than you think.” 

“…” 

“I mean… I think he’d be good.” 

Muttering sarcastically under my breath, I suddenly choked as a slippery piece of sea cucumber slid down my throat. 

Cha Geon-joo still wore that infuriating smirk, while Choi Si-baek stared at me with unreadable depth. Unsure whether they wanted me to eat or stop, I shot uncomfortable glances at both of them. 

“No way. He’s not exactly huge, is he?” 

“…Unless he’s completely lost his mind.” 

The muttered comment slipped out before I could stop it. 

This was utter nonsense. Even someone like me, who hadn’t watched much porn, knew that size was rare even in adult films. So why was I sitting here speculating? And why was Cha Geon-joo badmouthing Choi Si-baek when he clearly didn’t know anything about him? 

Now irritation bubbled up inside me. I chewed the yangjangpi aggressively and glared at Cha Geon-joo. 

He didn’t even bother hiding his smug grin anymore. 

Sure, Choi Si-baek was handsome. If he hadn’t already claimed every inch of my heart, I might’ve considered seducing him. Of course, I lacked the courage to turn such fantasies into reality. 

“Why do you keep staring at me like that? If you were planning to come, you could’ve at least brought a bottle of gaoliang liquor.” 

“What’s so hard about it? Just call the guys and have them bring one over. Should we crack open a bottle tonight, bro?” 

Bro, my ass. Normally, I’d have brushed it off as harmless banter, but with the owner of my heart sitting right there, even light flirting felt unwelcome. 

“You haven’t gotten dental implants, have you, Cha Geon-joo?” 

Bursting into laughter, Cha Geon-joo doubled over, only for Choi Si-baek to kick him sharply in the leg. 

“This lunatic never stops, does he? Does your body itch if you don’t stir up trouble every day? Can’t you control yourself?” 

“Ah, this is hilarious. I’m losing it.” 

“Stop messing around and leave already.” 

“But it’s fun. Why should I go? Can’t I stay a bit longer?” 

“Why do you always leave your perfectly fine house to come annoy people in theirs?”

“Right? I thought we were in the same boat, but turns out I was wrong. It was just my misunderstanding.”

Cha Geon-joo finally stood up after being kicked again, his reluctance to leave evident on his face.

I grabbed a piece of kung pao chicken, chewing slowly as I shot him a glance that said, Don’t go too far.

“Congratulations, Choi Si-baek.”

“For what?”

“On getting a girlfriend. She’s really pretty, huh?”

“Yeah, thanks. Now get lost. And step on Kim Jong-seop on your way out.”

“Sure thing.”

As I focused on scooping yangjangpi onto my plate with a ceramic spoon, I glanced up at the two of them hurling insults at each other. Were they really close friends? Then again, if they weren’t, Choi Si-baek wouldn’t have even given Cha Geon-joo the time of day. For Choi Si-baek, boundaries weren’t there to be crossed—they were there to kill anyone who dared approach.

Meanwhile, Cha Geon-joo’s congratulatory words about Choi Si-baek’s girlfriend pierced me like thorns. 

So she was pretty, huh? Even though I didn’t want to know, I’d just gotten way too much information. I tried to convince myself not to care, to act as nonchalant as possible. I pinched my thigh so hard in an effort to suppress my feelings—how pathetic would it be if Choi Si-baek found out? Just thinking about it made my head spin.

“Kim Jong-seop’s love life is such a mess—it’s hilarious. Can you imagine how much I’d tease him if I knew more?”

“Just leave already.”

Cha Geon-joo burst into laughter as he was chased out of the house, leaving the kitchen in silence.

By now, I was full and sipped water while watching him run his fingers through his hair, looking tired.

“That guy will never die, will he?”

“You mean Cha Geon-joo? Why? He’s funny, isn’t he?”

Though our senses of humor were a bit different.

“Handsome men are supposed to spread their genes far and wide, while ugly men should just disappear. What would we do if Cha Geon-joo died? Wouldn’t that be a national loss?”

I popped a piece of pickled radish into my mouth to cleanse my palate, but I noticed the kitchen had grown icy cold. The corners of his lips, which I adored so much, were twisted strangely.

Something had changed in me since I admitted to my unrequited love.

The old me, who didn’t care about anyone’s opinion and did whatever I wanted, was now trying hard to figure out why the atmosphere had turned so heavy. 

Hiding the fact that I was in love wasn’t as easy as I thought. No matter how he felt or what kind of mood he was in when facing me, I had to ignore him and look away every single moment.

“Flirting is his hobby. Why, does it suit him?”

“I’ll pass on the bickering. If you’ve got some gaoliang liquor, bring it over. Do you have fruit cheese? Mango flavor?”

“You’re shameless, you know that?”

I casually picked up a fallen chopstick from my hoodie and quipped without missing a beat.

As I watched him leave to fetch the liquor and cheese with a small sigh, I noticed his phone buzzing on the table. Since I’d left mine behind, it had to be Choi Si-baek’s. The caller ID read Yoon Seong-hoon—one of the men who always stayed by my uncle’s side.

“Director Choi, you have a call.”

He answered immediately, holding both the liquor and cheese in one hand. The calm ripple in his eyes had vanished, replaced by something darker, like waves retreating into the deep. I sensed an odd unease.

“Yeah. Got it. I’m heading there now. No, I’ll go right away.”

I tried to decipher the cause of the tension from his shadowed voice, but he kept his emotions hidden, even his gaze.

At the time, I had no idea what this was a prelude to.