Chapter 40

She and the Sea

“What did Concubine Lu do to Nan Yi?”

Xie Que Shan asked this question as a probe, but his expression was so inscrutable that no one could tell whether he was genuinely inquiring or if he already knew the full story and was interrogating her.

Concubine Lu, who had never faced this kind of pressure before, immediately felt her legs weaken. But she still clung to a shred of hope, forcing a smile as she said, “Master, what are you asking about?”

Her reaction only confirmed Xie Que Shan’s suspicions. His tone grew stern as he responded sharply, “What do you think I’m asking about?!”

“It’s just a misunderstanding, I was afraid it would trouble Master...” Concubine Lu stammered.

Xie Que Shan was done with her excuses. His gaze shifted to the maidservant standing beside her. “If she won’t speak, then you will. If you can’t explain yourself, go and accept your punishment.”

His words were harsh, and the maidservant immediately fell to her knees in fear, no longer daring to hide anything.

“Master, please spare us! One night, the concubine mistook the young madam and thought she had... had an affair with you...” The maidservant struggled to speak, her eyes flicking nervously to the thunderous expression on Xie Que Shan’s face, but she steeled herself and continued, “She feared this scandal would tarnish the reputation of the Xie family, dishonor the late eldest son, and so she brought poison to secretly... execute the young madam. But the young madam refused, and later called for a midwife to prove her innocence. Only then did we realize it was all a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding?” Xie Que Shan’s anger flared. “If she had not resisted and died from your arbitrary judgment, would you still call it a misunderstanding?!”

Concubine Lu collapsed to the ground, crying uncontrollably, “I made a mistake by not investigating properly, but I did it for the Xie family’s honor... Please, Master, forgive me!”

Nan Yi sat in the dark bedroom, no longer crying. She listened calmly to the conversation outside the screen, momentarily feeling as though she were eavesdropping on someone else’s affair.

She hadn’t expected Xie Que Shan to cover up the theft for her, let alone to dig into Concubine Lu’s mistake and even become angry over it.

This was the first time Nan Yi had seen Xie Que Shan angry.

“Honor of the Xie family?” Xie Que Shan sneered. “If you truly thought she had an affair with me, why didn’t you come to question me, to punish me?”

Concubine Lu was caught off guard, unable to respond, her sobs stifling her words.

“To bully the weak and fear the strong, and yet still try to flaunt their ‘honor’ and ‘rituals.’ Even in court, one must ask who the victim is and who the perpetrator. Women are inherently weaker than men, and it is not rare for them to be forced into submission. But if you judge it like this, should every woman who suffers be condemned to die for her misfortune, regardless of the truth? What kind of world is this, that even a woman cannot be tolerated? What rule of the Xie family is this?!”

Concubine Lu’s mind rang with a buzzing sound as she finally realized what she had run into—Xie Que Shan’s anger wasn’t just about Nan Yi, but also about his mother’s past!

Concubine Lu trembled, unable to even utter a plea for mercy.

Xie Que Shan’s face was cold as he spoke, “The maidservants involved will receive twenty lashes and be sold out of the manor; Concubine Lu, you will receive twenty lashes and be confined to your room. Without permission, you may never leave.”

...

After Concubine Lu and the maidservant were dragged out of Zhe Yue Pavilion, crying and begging, the room fell silent for a long while.

“Thank you.”

He sat alone, suddenly speaking in a deep voice.

After a moment, there was a rustling sound behind the screen, and Nan Yi stepped out. She stood awkwardly in front of him, unsure of what to do.

“Thank me for what?”

“Thank you... for not letting me die.”

Memories from his youth rushed back. It was when he and his mother had been kidnapped by bandits during their flight. His mother refused to submit to the bandits and chose to die in defiance. He cried, begging her to live for his sake, but she said that once a woman’s purity was lost, there was nothing left to return to but death. That was when he first killed someone.

At fifteen, he had been a young boy, dressed in fine clothes, living a carefree life, once lamenting over the spring flowers and autumn moon, once drawing his sword to wander the world. But in that moment, he became a bloodstained demon. Yet, he was thankful—the bandits died, and his mother survived.

Their escape had been filled with fear, sleeping under the stars, eating little. He hated his father for abandoning them, but his mother always urged him not to hold a grudge, reminding him that no matter what his father did, it was right, that the family was everything, and that they should always be grateful for the protection of that family.

He believed it, and he endured. But later, rumors spread, and his mother had died upholding an honor that had proved useless, her last thoughts filled with gratitude toward the hypocritical noble family that had given her shelter.

But that was what she deserved. The nobility didn’t just bestow riches and honor upon those women. These women, bound by the three obediences and four virtues, also upheld the nobility’s pride. They complemented each other, and they should have been equals.

That was why Xie Que Shan admired Nan Yi. He admired her resistance, her refusal to be bound by those useless and harmful rituals, sparing him the sight of another dead body.

“As long as I’m here, I won’t let you have nothing.”

He was responding to the words she had said before Concubine Lu had arrived.

The events that followed had made Nan Yi fall into extreme anxiety and pessimism. She felt like everything she had was controlled by others, and at any moment, she could lose it all.

Tears fell silently from Nan Yi’s face. She tried to control them but couldn’t shut off the flood of emotions. She hated Xie Que Shan, hated him deeply, but it was also this man who had given her a promise she had never received in her life.

Nan Yi shook her head. “I don’t believe you. You only see me as a pawn.”

He understood what she was afraid of. All he had to do was threaten her with life and death, like he always did. He had reminded himself that a single misstep could lead to disaster.

But instead, he took a step toward her, breaking his own rules.

“Don’t betray me. After this is done... I’ll let you go and allow you to live the rest of your life in peace.”

He was a solitary person, a demon who didn’t need anyone’s trust. But still, he lowered his gaze, pitying a small blade of grass.

This promise, for someone like him who was supposed to be ruthless, was deadly.

The best distance should have been for her to always fear him.

Xie Que Shan watched as Nan Yi walked toward him, tears still in her eyes. Her gaze was like a foggy sea.

The waves cautiously brushed against his robes.

“Is it true?”

“Yes, it’s true.”

He stood still, letting the sea come to him.

“Can I confirm it?”

He paused, not knowing how she would confirm it.

Nan Yi stepped forward and hugged him. Her arms wrapped around his waist, and her warmth enveloped him.

She was like a wild beast born in the wilderness, with the instincts of an animal. She didn’t understand language, nor could she read expressions. She knew nothing of the human heart. In a complicated world, she only trusted what her body could feel.

So, she hugged him. She closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat pounding in his chest, gradually growing faster, like distant drumbeats, until they finally reached her ears. The drumbeats were warm, gently embracing her, completely different from his usual coldness.

After a long time, Nan Yi let go of Xie Que Shan.

She finally stopped avoiding his gaze. He noticed that the unease in her eyes seemed to have faded.

It was like a drifting feather, finally landing on the ground, quietly resting there, pure and spotless, without any charm.

“I believe you now. I won’t steal anything anymore.”

Xie Que Shan didn’t know what strength this hug had given her, or what she had been thinking when they were so close. What was her logic?

He didn’t know. He had encountered a problem.

Compared to Nan Yi, who seemed to have no distractions, he felt flustered.

When he couldn’t understand her in that moment, it felt like something had deviated from its expected course.

Xie Que Shan tried to hide his stiffness, but a faint blush unintentionally appeared on his face.

He tried to speak but found the words stuck in his throat. In the end, he didn’t say anything and quickly left.

Later that night, Xie Que Shan still felt inexplicably restless. He had been writing for a long time to calm himself but eventually gave up, leaving his room to clear his mind.

He Pei, following him, also noticed that his master was not quite right.

“Master, is something bothering you?”

“No.” Xie Que Shan immediately denied it.

After walking a few more steps, Xie Que Shan stopped, turned, and looked at He Pei.

“He Pei, why do people hug?”

“To express affection?”

Xie Que Shan immediately denied it, “Impossible.”

“Is that an exchange of trust?”

Xie Que Shan thought for a moment; this did make some sense, but it still didn’t fully explain the strange feeling inside him. After considering it, he waved at He Pei.

“Come here.”

He Pei obediently walked over. Xie Que Shan tried to hug He Pei, but the feeling was completely different from the warmth and softness he had experienced before. He immediately pushed He Pei away in distaste.

He Pei looked aggrieved. “Master, what’s with that expression?”

“You should change into different clothes,” Xie Que Shan shook his head, then turned and left. “It seems not everyone I trust can be hugged.”

He Pei sniffed the smell on his clothes but didn’t find anything unusual. He looked confusedly at Xie Que Shan’s retreating figure, completely puzzled—what on earth had gotten into the master today?