Chapter 18

The Youth’s Journey

Nan Yi and Xie Sui An stood under the covered corridor, helplessly watching the Qi soldiers blatantly walking through Wangxuewu. It was now a foregone conclusion that Xie Que Shan had taken control of the Xie family.

Xie Que Shan emerged from the Xuan Ying Hall, and Nan Yi couldn’t stop Xie Sui An. She rushed forward immediately. Nan Yi, not daring to face Xie Que Shan directly, hesitated but chose to remain in an inconspicuous corner.

Xie Sui An blocked Xie Que Shan’s path, glaring at him with eyes filled with anger. In a corner of her heart, she still hoped, hoping that Xie Que Shan would say something to explain his betrayal, but instead, he just stood there silently, looking at her with a calm, self-assured gaze, completely indifferent.

Xie Sui An could no longer tolerate it. With a loud “slap,” she slapped Xie Que Shan across the face.

The Qi soldiers were startled and moved to stop Xie Sui An, but Xie Que Shan raised his hand, halting their movements.

“Xie Chao En,” Xie Sui An struggled to control the trembling in her chest, but as soon as she spoke, tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t help it—her tiny bit of suppressed anger was also a sign of her helplessness. “How much hatred do you hold for the Xie family? Can’t you direct it all toward me?”

No one saw, but under Xie Que Shan’s wide sleeves, his hand was tightly clenched into a fist. He had to grip harder to keep his composure.

He was born the same year the former emperor ascended the throne and granted a general amnesty. The name “Chao En,” which means to appreciate the grace of the court, had become a joke since his betrayal of the country.

His real name felt like a curse. Every time it was spoken, it was like a knife twisting in his heart.

Xie Que Shan paused for a moment, ignoring her, and made to leave. Xie Sui An, her eyes red, stubbornly blocked his path.

“Kill me if you must. I will give my life to atone for my mother’s. Stop hating, please. Spare my third uncle, spare my father, and don’t destroy the Xie family. Please.”

Xie Que Shan’s face was as cold as ice. It seemed he was angry too, but he didn’t even glance at the pleading Xie Sui An. “Xie Sui An, this has nothing to do with you. Just stay quiet and do nothing. If you dare to die, I will have your mother buried with you.”

With a flick of his sleeve, Xie Que Shan left, leaving Xie Sui An standing helplessly in place.

Xie Sui An stared blankly at Xie Que Shan’s retreating figure, not even noticing when Nan Yi came up beside her.

She murmured to herself, “That year, my father should not have made that decision... It would have been better for the entire Xie family to die in Lanzhou than to end up in this situation—neither family nor foe…”

Year 15 of Yongkang, Thirteen Years Ago in Lanzhou

That year, Xie Que Shan was fifteen, and Xie Sui An was only ten.

The news of the Qi forces preparing for a heavy attack on the city was secretly delivered to Longning Duke Xie Jun. The court had already decided to abandon Lanzhou and defend Dading Pass, while the people inside Lanzhou remained blissfully unaware, continuing their revelries.

After much hesitation, Xie Jun decided to relocate the entire family south.

But the decision to abandon Lanzhou was top secret. The army had already been redirected to Dading Pass, leaving only a few elite soldiers behind in Lanzhou to wear down the Qi forces, with the main force fully committed to protecting the pass.

If the Xie family made a large move, it would be impossible to hide it, causing panic among the citizens and soldiers, which would give the Qi forces the opportunity to learn that the city was empty and lead them to attack Dading Pass.

In the end, Xie Jun borrowed the excuse of a family outing and took only his closest relatives, leaving behind all servants to maintain the appearance of normalcy in the Xie household.

This action effectively abandoned the citizens of Lanzhou and the Xie family servants, leaving them to face the Qi forces’ weapons and blades. But Xie Jun truly had no better choice.

When the world is at peace, people can show sympathy even to beggars on the street, but in times of turmoil, when life and death are at stake, relationships of distance and closeness become clear.

On the day they left, the Xie household was in disarray. Everyone assumed they had notified the less favored third concubine’s courtyard, but in fact, no one had. By the time they realized that Xie Que Shan and his mother were missing from the carriage, they had already traveled over a hundred miles from Lanzhou.

It was impossible to turn back. Xie Jun could only send trusted guards to retrieve Xie Que Shan and his mother, but by the time they reached the outskirts of Lanzhou, the Qi forces had already surrounded the city.

The Qi soldiers took only three days to break through the city gates, discovering that Lanzhou had become a “ghost town” with only a name left. They were even more enraged and carried out a brutal massacre.

Xie Sui An never learned what happened within the city.

Everyone thought that mother and son had perished in the chaos of war, and they even prepared to build a tomb in their honor. However, a year later, Xie Que Shan and his mother appeared in Lidu’s Wangxuewu.

The once-dashing young man of a prestigious family, clad in fine clothes and living luxuriously, had endured hardship. His clothes were tattered, and though he said nothing about the struggles of that year, the wounds on his body told the tale of his suffering.

At this point, there was still room for redemption.

Xie Que Shan, though still youthful and full of pride, harbored resentment toward his father. However, his mother’s repeated counsel not to bear hatred for his parents and to consider himself fortunate to have survived helped him hold back. With the mediation of the venerable Xie Tai Furen, Xie Jun was forced to apologize to his son, and father and son reluctantly reconciled.

However, Xie Que Shan could never feel comfortable in the Xie family. The escape had broadened his views and ambitions.

During his flight, he had received help from Shen Zhi Zhong, who was then the Chief of the Imperial Secretariat. After returning home, Xie Que Shan joined Shen Zhi Zhong’s ranks and began to fight against the Qi forces.

He served in the army for three years, earning military merit and becoming renowned as a young military talent. But when the court reached a peace agreement with the Qi forces, Shen Zhi Zhong was recalled to the capital. The century-old Yu dynasty favored civil officials, and military officers were often sidelined. As a result, Xie Que Shan planned to follow his mentor to the capital and take the imperial examination to become a civil official.

At this time, rumors began circulating in the Xie family that the third concubine had been captured by bandits during the fall of Lanzhou and was no longer pure. As rumors spread, they became more and more exaggerated. One fine spring day, the third concubine swallowed gold and took her own life to prove her innocence.

Xie Que Shan, upon receiving the news, returned home for her funeral, only to find the coffin of his eternally gentle mother. Those who committed suicide were not allowed to be buried in the ancestral tomb and were instead interred in a solitary grave in the wilderness.

That year, Xie Que Shan was only nineteen. In his fury, he slashed the plaque of the Xie family ancestral hall with his sword and severed all ties with the Xie family.

That same year, Xie Jun, exhausted and aware of his deep sins, resigned from all his official posts and retreated to a monastery to devote himself to Buddhist practice.

At that time, Xie Sui An still leaned toward Xie Que Shan. She even secretly traveled from Lidu to the capital to visit her brother, swearing that he would always be her third brother. Xie Heng also repeatedly made the arduous journey between the capital and Lidu to drink and talk with Xie Que Shan.

During these years in the capital, Xie Que Shan formed close friendships with two friends, Pang Yu and Song Mu Chuan. The three of them often gathered under the misty rain on the bridge to drink and compose poetry, their fame spreading across the capital, earning them the title of “The Three Talents of the Misty Rain.”

Though Xie Que Shan had broken ties with his family, during those three years in the capital, surrounded by his mentors, friends, and siblings, he remained a passionate and ambitious youth.

Everyone thought that as time passed, he would gradually forget his hatred.

But with the Qi forces returning, Xie Que Shan, who had just completed the provincial examination, was unable to wait for the results and was urgently called to defend Yudu from the Qi forces.

A month later, the shock of the Spring Rebellion occurred. News spread that Xie Que Shan had defected to the Qi forces, and his name was personally erased from the examination list by the emperor. No one knew how the talented young man, who excelled in both civil and military affairs, had performed in the exam. If he had safely returned to the capital, no one knew what kind of life he would have led.

The tumultuous early years of the young man’s life unfolded in just a few brief words before Nan Yi, leaving the listener shocked and heartbroken.

Nan Yi looked up in a daze, and the sun had already set behind the mountains.

In the story that Xie Sui An told, she heard the name Pang Yu. It was a story of camaraderie, of cherished friends, so different from the tragic scene of estranged friends turning into enemies that she had witnessed.

A nameless bitterness stirred in Nan Yi’s heart. No one knew what Xie Que Shan had truly thought during those three years of drunken revelry and lofty ambitions. How could he have abandoned everything he once had, leaving it all behind to become a traitor to his country?

“Could... could he have had his own reasons?” Nan Yi asked uncertainly.