WNST - 110

The pale moonlight from ancient times shone, and the person stood silently as if time could last forever.

So this is what it was like.

Nan Yi’s mind was in turmoil.

Most people’s death is just a fleeting moment, but for some, death is a prolonged, torturous process that spans over years.

He must have fantasized about the moment when he could return home in glory, seeing the light of day again. In times of a crumbling kingdom, a young man accepts a dangerous mission, infiltrates the enemy camp, and steals intelligence to help his country. But night is still night, and as one fights it, they too are consumed by it. Gradually, even the heroic passion of youth is worn down, leaving only a heart burdened by guilt.

He no longer wants to see the dawn. He doesn’t need anyone’s pity; it would only make everyone uncomfortable. He just wants the suffering to stay in the darkness with him, while those in the light walk confidently toward tomorrow.

It finally dawned on Nan Yi that he had lost the will to live.

She had known this day would come—he would eventually abandon her. But his abandonment left her with no room for anger. What could she do to help him? She couldn’t help at all. How can one face such helplessness?

Nan Yi lowered her gaze to the empty floor, the water from her drenched clothes pooling into a small patch of shallow water. Each drop of water falling felt like a fracture, and everything she saw seemed unbearably cruel.

She gave up on thinking. She was running away from it.

Suddenly, she looked up at him and muttered absently, “I’m so cold.”

Xie Que Shan paused. The river breeze was indeed chilly, and he hadn’t noticed she was standing in the wind.

In this dreamlike night, it felt as though a phantom, born of sorrow, lurked, releasing all sadness. He was mesmerized, drifting aimlessly in mid-air. Then her simple words acted as a spell, pulling him back from the void of despair. His senses returned, and he realized he was still alive, with the person he loved standing before him.

At that moment, he truly snapped back to reality and observed her.

He was helpless, thinking he shouldn’t have allowed her to stay, but in the vast river, under the dim night, where else could he let her go? He understood she was asking for warmth, seeking proof that he was still human, still full of life. Her trivial gestures clouded his vision.

Xie Que Shan said nothing as he took her hand and led her into the room. He felt as though she was leading him, step by step, into a beautiful dream.

They closed the door, and he lit the charcoal fire.

She had no spare clothes, so she had to wear his.

He lowered the curtain for her to change, and this clumsy action made them both flustered and slightly embarrassed.

The rustling of clothing continued, and the sense of reality grew stronger. It was as though the heart-wrenching confession just now was but a passing breeze, gone as soon as it arrived.

Xie Que Shan unconsciously looked at the silhouette faintly reflected on the curtain.

A vague, yet honest, wave of tenderness surged within him.

People are strange. Unless their heads are severed and their blood drained, they somehow keep on living. Even in such a hopeless situation, he still felt a flicker of unwillingness and desire.

They still had to endure the love, hatred, and pain of this world in order to complete this life.

But he didn’t want to drag her down anymore.

Nan Yi stepped out from behind the curtain, her delicate figure hidden beneath an oversized robe. Xie Que Shan glanced at her but quickly turned his gaze back to the stove, feeling guilty.

She skipped over to the stove, her feet bare against the thick felt mat.

Earlier, she hadn’t felt the cold due to the tension, but now, with real warmth, she began to shiver. She stretched out her hands and feet to warm herself by the fire, looking somewhat like a small turtle stretching out its claws, which made her appear a bit comical.

Xie Que Shan glanced at her absently, still tending to the stove.

“Does Zhang Yuehui know you’re here?” he asked.

The water boiled, and he poured her a cup of hot tea.

Nan Yi replied with confidence, “Of course he knows. How else would I have found this place?”

“When the meal delivery comes tomorrow, you should return with them,” he said.

“I’m not leaving!” Nan Yi immediately expressed her strong opposition.

Xie Que Shan remained indifferent.

“I made a bet with Zhang Yuehui. He said you would drive me away. I said you would definitely want me to stay with you,” Nan Yi began to fabricate. “If he wins the bet, I have to marry him. You wouldn’t mind, would you?”

“Boss Zhang, that guy...” Xie Que Shan seemed very calm, his voice slightly heavy as if sighing.

Nan Yi felt like she was losing her mind. She wanted to catch that sigh. She listened carefully, hoping he would continue.

“...He’s not so bad. At least he has gold and silver mountains, and you wouldn’t have to worry about food. It seems like he’s going to win this time,” Xie Que Shan said.

Nan Yi quickly took over the conversation, “I can’t lose!”

“Well, you don’t have a choice,” he replied flatly.

Nan Yi, furious, slammed the teacup onto the floor. The cup rolled across the felt mat but remained undamaged. She crouched to pick it up, but the cup kept rolling ahead, and she awkwardly chased it. Finally, she managed to grab it, throwing it angrily at the wall and picking up a shard to stuff into Xie Que Shan’s hand.

Nan Yi, with a determined expression, said, “Xie Que Shan, didn’t you want me to die in your hands? Didn’t you want me to stop thinking of escaping? Why are you going back on your word? If you want to die, then kill me first. Let’s die together.”

She gestured toward her neck with his hand, then hesitated and moved to her wrist.

The pause in her actions broke the rhythm, and Nan Yi herself felt guilty.

“...Where would it hurt more to die?” she asked.

“Stop being foolish,” Xie Que Shan scowled, tossing the shard away and pulling his hand back.

He stared at her, and she defiantly glared back.

“Sit down,” he commanded, giving her a stern look.

Nan Yi pouted but reluctantly accepted this less-than-ideal solution and sat back down.

“Paper tiger,” Nan Yi muttered under her breath.

The conversation faltered again, and the atmosphere grew silent, as if an unspoken order had been issued to expel her.

This silence drove Nan Yi crazy. She was afraid the conversation would end, afraid that Xie Que Shan wouldn’t argue with her. If he called her unreasonable or troublesome, it would be fine—at least that way, she could hold onto him and stop him from drifting further away. She was like a fool desperately trying to pick flowers from a mirror or fish the moon from the water—she was aimless and stubborn.

She added fiercely, “Let me tell you, if you don’t kill me, don’t even think about dying—don’t even think about trying to get rid of me. If you push me too far, I’ll jump into the river.”

“Do as you like.”

Xie Que Shan put down the tongs used for tending the charcoal, stood up, and turned to leave, leaving behind a cold, indifferent remark, “There’s another room next door. Find a place to sleep.”

No sooner had Xie Que Shan covered himself with the blanket and lay down, than a nimble figure burst into the room, skillfully stepping over him to the other side of the bed and crawling into the blanket.

Her cold body brought a chill with it. Then her arms casually wrapped around him, and she boldly said, “Let’s sleep together.”

Xie Que Shan instinctively tried to push her away, but she clung stubbornly, “I’m cold, and there’s no charcoal in the next room. The wind by the river is so cheap, it could kill a person.”

Xie Que Shan was speechless. He wanted to say something but didn’t want to get entangled, so he simply closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

Although he always wore a cold expression, his body was very warm. The temperature of a person is honest.

Nan Yi felt a sense of calm wash over her. She just wanted to hold onto this warmth and have him stay forever burning hot.

She knew he wasn’t asleep, so she began to chatter, “If you want to kill me, you can’t let me freeze to death, right?”

He ignored her, restraining himself from giving her hope, as he didn’t want to give himself hope either. She could curse him for being heartless and unfaithful, and he would endure it. But when she kept talking about life and death, Xie Que Shan couldn’t help but reply, “When did I ever say I wanted to kill you?”

His response seemed to open a door for Nan Yi to seize the opportunity. Even in the dark, he could feel Nan Yi suddenly become alert, as she swiftly sat up on the bed.

“When did you not want to kill me? When we were at Tiger Kneeling Mountain, the five words you wrote for me were all ‘death,’ and you made me choose a life! Are you determined to have me die?”

“When I stole the city defense map, you wanted to kill me!”

“When I wanted to leave Lidu Mansion, you even strangled me! What if you really strangled me to death?”

Xie Que Shan: ...

Fine, let her rant.

She cursed him, and with each word, his heart felt a little more complete. Thankfully, it was dark, and no one could see his eyes misting over.

She stormed into his life, lively and bold, swinging her tiny fists, but she always struck the most vulnerable parts of him, shattering his defenses in one blow. His lifeless existence had gained color and warmth because of her presence.

He was so lucky to have met someone like her. But she seemed so unlucky, for he was a terrible lover. He even hated himself a little for dragging her into this mess, this entangled relationship. Now, it seemed, he had nothing to offer her.

“What did you mean by leaving me the contraceptive pills?” she suddenly asked.

Xie Que Shan was taken aback, “What else could it mean?”

“Heartless bastard!” she cursed through gritted teeth. “Look, you’ve just murdered our future child! You’re so cold-blooded!”

Xie Que Shan: “...It wouldn’t take effect right away.”

Her eyes gleamed with mischief as she suddenly leaned down, her nose brushing against his, her breath hitting his face, “Then how about a few tries?”

Her hair brushed against his cheek, sending a slight tickle.

Xie Que Shan took a deep breath, pushed her shoulder, spun her around, and wrapped the blanket around her, forcing her to face the wall.

“Go to sleep—” Feeling her still moving, he threatened, “If you move again, I’ll throw you out.”

After a long while, their breathing gradually evened out. Nan Yi, like a thief, cautiously turned toward him, drew closer, and seeing he made no move, her arm finally wrapped around his body, holding him tightly.

“Good people need redemption, but bad people don’t. You’re a bastard, so you’ll walk straight into the dark, never looking back,” she whispered softly into his shoulder, but her words were clear, “And then, you can come to me.”

Xie Que Shan heard it, but he didn’t dare respond. He even held his breath.

“I know all your secrets, so here, you don’t need to feel guilty or sinful. You can be happy if you want, sad if you want, and I’ll keep your secrets.”