Chapter 41: Heartache

“Beep—”

As she stood in line to check her ticket and exit the station, her heart was already flying ahead. Her eyes were glued to him, eagerly following his every move. He had noticed her too—his beautiful eyes lit up faintly as he waved at her from afar. That small gesture made her even more impatient, and she began to silently grumble about how slow the people in front of her were moving. After what felt like an eternity, it was finally her turn to pass through the gate. The barrier opened, and she was free to go.

Just as she took a step forward with her suitcase, a girl from the neighboring ticket gate ran past her, her high ponytail swaying happily. In an instant, the girl leapt into the arms of a boy waiting for her outside. They were probably a young couple who hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Unbothered by the crowd watching, they hugged tightly—and then… they even kissed…

Yin Mengxi blushed furiously, her heart pounding wildly. After a moment of staring, she realized how impolite it was to gawk at them and quickly averted her gaze, lowering her head as she continued walking forward. Xiao Zhi was already waiting for her not far away. As she approached, he naturally took the suitcase from her hands.

He hadn’t changed much—he was still as handsome as he had been a month and a half ago. Many girls passing by couldn’t help but steal glances at him. Her cheeks were still flushed—not just from the excitement of seeing him, but also from wondering whether he had noticed that couple’s public display of affection…

You know… hugging and kissing and all that…

She secretly speculated, though she didn’t have any concrete expectations. A girl’s modesty and reserve kept her from expressing her hidden desires, but she did yearn for some kind of acknowledgment from the person she liked. After all, she had traveled such a long distance back to City A just to see him sooner…

“Are you tired?” Those were the first words he spoke to her after their reunion. “I’ve called a car. Let’s go.”

Well…

What could she say?

Of course, he was still gentle and considerate. While talking to her, he even reached out to block a large bag from another passenger that might have bumped into her. But perhaps because of the contrast with that couple earlier, she suddenly felt a sense of dissatisfaction. She even thought he was being overly polite toward her—almost indistinguishable from how an ordinary senior would treat her…

The feeling of disappointment surged within her like a rising tide. Her palms, which had been warm, cooled slightly, but she still managed to nod and smile at him, obediently replying, “…Alright.”

As they walked toward the exit, there wasn’t much conversation between them. She trailed behind him by a step, her heart feeling strangely empty. It wasn’t until a while later that she noticed the back of his shirt was darker in color—it was likely because he had rushed to meet her in the heat, working up a sweat along the way.

This realization made her feel a little better, but her emotions were still complicated. Thankfully, when they got into the taxi, he chose to sit with her in the back seat. If he had sat alone in the front, she feared she might have burst into tears on the spot.

“Why did you suddenly come back on your own?” he asked as he sat beside her. His voice was neither loud nor soft. “You didn’t tell me in advance.”

She turned her head to look at him. Outside the car window, neon lights flickered, occasionally casting colorful reflections across his face, making him look mesmerizingly beautiful.

“It’s nothing,” she said, concealing the subtle feelings in her heart. She didn’t mention the forum post or the sense of disappointment she’d felt earlier. “I was just bored at home, so I thought it’d be nice to come back a little earlier…”

He was looking at her too. In the dim light, his expression was hard to read, but the sound of his sigh was unmistakable—the same familiar tone of resignation, like an adult dealing with a child.

“Next time, let me know in advance, alright?” he said. “If I’m unable to pick you up, it wouldn’t be safe for you to return alone.”

This was exactly what left Yin Mengxi feeling most lost.

If you called him her boyfriend, his attitude toward her didn’t seem passionate enough. But if you considered him just her senior, he had undoubtedly shown her care and concern beyond the level of a normal friendship—neither too close nor too distant, leaving her stuck awkwardly in limbo. She couldn’t climb higher, nor could she retreat lower. It wasn’t sweet enough to bring comfort, yet it didn’t make sense to feel wronged either.

“Okay,” she replied obediently. “I’ll be sure to let you know next time.”

After hearing her response, he frowned slightly, as if he wanted to say something. But just as he was about to speak, his phone started lighting up with notifications. She stole a glance—it seemed to be a QQ group chat, with messages flooding in nonstop.

He glanced down at it, then turned to her and said, “Sorry,” before asking, “Do you mind if I reply?”

Did she mind?

Actually, she did.

At least tonight, she wished he would only focus on her.

“No, not at all,” she replied instead. “Go ahead, Senior.”

Her tone sounded sincere, without a hint of reluctance.

He smiled at her, perhaps thinking how understanding she was. Then he picked up his phone and scrolled through the group messages for a long time. She didn’t know what he was reading, but it was rare to see him typing so many characters in his replies. Each message was seven or eight lines long, and he sent four or five in quick succession.

She pursed her lips and turned her face toward the window, watching the scenery blur past.

It wasn’t until just before they got out of the car that he finally put his phone away. He apologized again, and she, once again, said it was fine. When it came time to pay the fare, she insisted, but ultimately, she lost the argument and ended up letting him cover it.

“Thank you for treating me today, Senior,” she said sheepishly, touching her nose as they walked through the school gate together. “Let me treat you to a meal next time.”

A way to repay him.

He was still pulling her suitcase for her. Hearing this, his brows furrowed slightly. The lampposts on campus cast their shadows together, intertwined in a way that looked more intimate than they actually were.

“You don’t need to be so formal with me,” he said, his tone carrying a strange, indescribable feeling. “I should have gone to pick you up anyway.”

Should have?

So was he treating her according to some kind of rule?

Like other couples… but maybe deep down, he didn’t really want to.

The sense of disappointment grew stronger, slowly evolving into sadness. She suddenly felt like she had made a mistake. Perhaps she shouldn’t have impulsively rushed back to City A. Now, going home again would be difficult.

She forced a smile at him and didn’t say anything more. An awkward silence crept between them. Maybe both of them felt uneasy at that moment—why was that? They had been talking regularly over the summer vacation, so why did meeting in person feel so unfamiliar?

She didn’t understand. Everything about her first love was so obscure and overwhelming. Perhaps because she cherished it so much and wanted to protect it, she became more pessimistic and insecure. At that moment, she was already pondering deeply—were they fundamentally incompatible from the start?

The one stroke of luck was that her dormitory wasn’t far from the school gate. After about ten minutes of walking, they arrived.

The campus was nearly deserted during the summer break, and the area around the dormitory building was eerily quiet. They stood under the bright lamplight, about to say a bland goodbye.

She had expected reluctance, but instead, she felt a strange sense of relief. This trip back to school hadn’t turned out anything like she imagined. The emotional gap was too much for her to bear, and she was eager to escape to her dormitory and hide. Her hurried farewell was almost too obvious to conceal.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

She had already turned and started dragging her suitcase toward the dormitory entrance. For some reason, the scene felt vaguely like a breakup. She felt confused and powerless, her mind suddenly flashing back to the end-of-term drama club dinner last semester when he asked if she wanted to try being together. Back then, he had also walked her to her dormitory at a similar hour, but the atmosphere had been warm and hopeful—so different from the awkwardness now.

“Try…”

So… had their attempt failed?

A heavy cloud loomed above her, and rain began pouring in her heart. Her eyes stung, and she felt certain she would burst into tears the moment she was out of his sight. But just as she was about to leave, his cool hand gently caught her wrist from behind, stopping her escape.

Stop.

Turn.

Look back.

She looked at him, feeling as if she were staring at the final question of a college entrance exam—a math problem so incomprehensible she could only write a tentative “solution:” at the beginning, knowing she wouldn’t get any further.

And indeed, he was just as enigmatic. Moments ago, he had made her doubt herself completely, and now here he was, drawing closer again. His striking good looks gave him an unfair advantage, easily placing others at a disadvantage. She couldn’t fathom anything he couldn’t achieve—or why he had seemed so awkward earlier.

He moved closer and closer, his loose grip on her wrist feeling like it was squeezing her heart. She was completely frozen as he slowly pulled her into his embrace. His warmth was like a mixed cocktail—sweetness mingled with a touch of bitterness.

“I don’t know if this will scare you…”

His voice was right by her ear, his breath so close. Her cheek rested against his chest, and she could feel the faint vibrations as he spoke.

“…If you feel uncomfortable, tell me.”

Uncomfortable?

What did he mean?

Was it this restrained hug that hinted at hesitation?

Or was it the warmth of his palm slowly enveloping her hand?

She didn’t know. The rapid beating of his heart in her ear stopped her from thinking further. Amid the torrential rain, a sudden bolt of lightning split the clouds apart—but the rain fell even harder.

There was no way to speak, no words to say. All she could do was shake her head repeatedly, her meaning unclear. He wasn’t sure if this meant rejection, but just as he hesitated to let go, he felt a sudden warmth in his chest. The quiet girl in his arms was crying, tears falling drop by drop, her eyes red like those of a real little rabbit.

He was startled, completely unprepared for her tears. No matter how mature someone was, first love always left them flustered. Even he couldn’t be the exception.

“What’s wrong?”

He visibly panicked, his hands no longer daring to hold hers. Instead, he carefully wiped away her tears.

“…Did I scare you?”

What nonsense.

He was the gentlest person in the world. Who could be afraid of his embrace?

She was drowning in the rain, on the verge of being swept away by the floodwaters. Her only way to save herself was to hug him back, burying her tear-streaked face deeply into his chest, her arms clutching tightly around his waist.

“I missed you so much…”

She told him, overwhelmed with sorrow, every word conveying the turbulence of her heart.

“…I like you.”