SELA - 32

Sa-hee sat quietly beside Ji-Hyuk, listening carefully to their conversation. Thanks to Ji-Hyuk’s articulate explanation, she began to understand his situation to some extent.

The prescription was much the same as before: medication for insomnia and advice on lifestyle habits to aid sleep. In truth, there was no way to physically enter his dreams and fight off whatever haunted him, so this was all they could do.

“What might be at the end of those dreams?”

“Who knows.”

Jun-Young’s question, almost a murmur to himself, was met with Ji-Hyuk’s quiet reply. Even he didn’t know.

“Secretary Yoon, if we meet again soon, let’s catch up.”

“Yes, take care.”

“If you don’t mind, may I have your number?”

“I’m leaving.”

Ji-Hyuk opened the door, brushing off Jun-Young’s flirtatious remark. Sa-hee hesitated briefly, unsure if ignoring it entirely was appropriate, but eventually smiled awkwardly and followed him out of the consultation room. The waiting area was still crowded with patients awaiting their turns.

“See? It’s nothing serious.”

Ji-Hyuk gave a faint smile to Sa-hee, who had been fretting over what she assumed was a grave matter. His expression seemed to say, ‘You can stop worrying now.’

“Yes.”

“Let’s move somewhere else to wait.”

With that, Ji-Hyuk took the lead, walking ahead. Sa-hee watched his back for a moment before slowly following behind.

“Sit down.”

“Yes, Vice President, you too.”

Once Sa-hee settled into an empty seat, Ji-Hyuk soon joined her. Though not particularly hunched or withdrawn, Sa-hee’s figure seemed unusually small next to him. It felt as though she could disappear entirely within the shadow of his silhouette if he so wished.

Meanwhile, Sa-hee’s mind wrestled with complex thoughts. This man, who sat upright and appeared flawless, untouchable in every way—how could he be tormented by bizarre nightmares every night, unable to sleep properly? Though Ji-Hyuk joked that it was nothing serious, his words only fanned the flames of Sa-hee’s concern. She knew better than anyone that Ji-Hyuk rarely showed pain or weakness, even when struggling.

I’m worried about you. Is there nothing I can do to help? The words hovered at the tip of her tongue, ready to spill out as she faced him. But Sa-hee held herself back, knowing that her unease would only burden him rather than help.

“You’ll wear yourself out.”

“Huh? Yes.”

So he noticed after all. Sa-hee’s repeated glances, heavy with worry, hadn’t escaped Ji-Hyuk’s attention. His lips curved slightly upward, seemingly without reproach, but Sa-hee couldn’t shake the weight in her chest. The realization that there was nothing she could do for him pressed down on her like a stone.

As the two sat silently, guarding each other’s presence, the hum of murmurs around them filled the air. Time slipped by unnoticed, with Ji-Hyuk and Sa-hee seated side by side.

________________________________________

On the way back from the hospital to the office, a drizzling rain began to fall. The sky had been ominous since they left, and now it poured steadily.

“Even though I’ve served you for some time, I can’t believe I didn’t notice until now. I’m disappointed in my abilities.”

At Sa-hee’s self-deprecating comment, Ji-Hyuk glanced at her. Her delicate profile looked unusually fragile against the dim light.

“I only started visiting recently, so it’s understandable that Secretary Yoon wouldn’t know. Don’t belittle yourself.”

“Still…”

By now, the road surface was slick with rain, reflecting the red taillights of the cars ahead more vividly. As their car approached a traffic light, it slowed to a stop. Coincidentally—or perhaps not—it was the exact spot where Ji-Hyuk had mentioned experiencing déjà vu.

“Have you ever lived through a scene you saw in a dream?”

“You mean déjà vu? I experienced it a few times as a child, but not since then.”

Drip, drip—the rain tapped gently against the car windows. Ji-Hyuk stared straight ahead.

“I see the same scenes in my dreams every night.”

Sa-hee turned to look at him.

“It’s strange, isn’t it? Even though you weren’t there, Secretary Yoon feels familiar, like you were part of the dream.”

“…”

What did he mean by that? Just as Sa-hee began pondering his words, the traffic light changed, and the car ahead started moving. Realizing the moment, Sa-hee quickly returned to reality and resumed driving. Their car slid smoothly forward into the darkening landscape.

________________________________________

“Have you ever experienced déjà vu?”

“Déjà vu?”

Juri looked up at Sa-hee as she opened the freshly delivered box of warm fried chicken.

“Yes, it’s when you experience something in real life exactly as you dreamed it.”

“I don’t believe in such things. Never happened to me.”

“Oh, really? What about recurring dreams?”

“Nightmares.”

“Hey.”

“But you can’t dismiss everything. Sometimes dreams are literal struggles—your subconscious trying to tell you something symbolic or important.”

“Struggles?”

Sitting beside Juri with drinks and cups, Sa-hee echoed the word.

“You’ll understand eventually. Dreams can reveal memories you don’t consciously remember.”

“That makes sense, kind of.”

As Sa-hee tilted her head, placing plates in front of them, she remained puzzled yet intrigued. Sensing her confusion, Juri raised her voice impatiently.

“The unconscious. The subconscious. It’s about uncovering memories you don’t recall.”

“So… could it be related to actual events?”

“Finally getting it, huh?”

Nonchalantly nodding, Juri finally picked up a piece of chicken. Meanwhile, Sa-hee, lost in thought with a towel draped over her damp hair, barely registered the act of eating.

“I’ll take one can of beer for myself.”

She merely watched as Juri swiftly grabbed a beer.

‘The unconscious. The subconscious. It’s about uncovering memories you don’t recall.’

Juri’s words swirled chaotically in Sa-hee’s mind. Did that mean Ji-Hyuk’s dreams were somehow connected to reality?

“What are you doing? Eat already.”

“Huh? Oh.”

Splitting her chopsticks, Sa-hee stirred the chicken absently, her thoughts drifting far away.

________________________________________

In the early hours of dawn, Sa-hee woke from a restless nap and found herself unable to fall back asleep. Glancing at the clock, it was 5 AM. Eventually rising, she began preparing for work earlier than usual.

Thanks to her early start, the morning unfolded leisurely. Sa-hee enjoyed a long shower, dressed slowly, and even prepared breakfast for Juri.

Before she knew it, it was nearly 8 AM. Realizing it was time to hurry, Sa-hee reached for her phone. Unable to find it immediately, she began searching the room when suddenly, a notification chimed.

“Who’s messaging me this early?”

[Not feeling well, thinking of resting today.]

[I’d appreciate it if you could bring the documents related to next year’s duty-free store project.]

[Sorry, but could you also pick up some painkillers from the pharmacy?]

The sender was none other than Ji-Hyuk. Him, sick? That robust, sturdy man?

After requesting the documents from Chief Choi in the annex office, Sa-hee changed course instead of heading to work. Her first stop was the pharmacy. After purchasing the painkillers, she made her way to Ji-Hyuk’s house. It was still early, not yet 9 AM, but knowing he was unwell, she hurried along, determined to get the medicine to him quickly.

Using the password he’d sent, she unlocked the door easily. Though she expected it to open, stepping inside still startled her. The room was dark, curtains drawn tight. Only thin streaks of sunlight filtered through the gaps, dividing the space like golden threads, while a few dim lamps provided the only illumination.

Clearly, Ji-Hyuk had intended for her to simply drop off the items and leave, but Sa-hee hesitated. How could she just leave without checking on him when he was unwell?

Pausing at the entrance to the living room, she slipped on slippers and moved cautiously. She knew the direction of the bedroom from her previous visit.

Knock, knock. Sa-hee tapped lightly on the door.

“…”

Silence. No response.

Biting her lip, Sa-hee hesitated before turning the knob and peeking inside. There, sprawled on the large bed, was Ji-Hyuk’s tall silhouette.

“Vice President, it’s me, Secretary Yoon.”

Her soft greeting elicited no movement. Was he still asleep?

Approaching closer, Sa-hee realized his condition was worse than she anticipated. His skin was clammy with cold sweat, yet heat radiated faintly from his body.

“Vice President, are you in much pain? Perhaps you should go to the hospital…”

“…I’m fine.”

His voice, low and raspy, came unexpectedly. So he wasn’t asleep after all.

“That’s enough. You can go now.”

Even weaker than usual, his tone was thick and heavy like summer morning fog. Where exactly did he expect her to go?

Sa-hee’s heart ached as she reached toward his forehead, then withdrew her hand. Unlike before, given their current dynamic, she couldn’t dare touch him freely.

“Just a moment. I’ll bring a damp cloth.”

She couldn’t possibly leave him like this.

Setting her bag beside the bed, Sa-hee hurried out of the room. Her footsteps were quick as she crossed the living room and headed toward the bathroom.