Chapter 83

Love confessions come in many forms, and Liang Daiwen’s were the scariest.

The audience was still cheering, pulling out their phones to record—although the “Antelope” club strictly forbids filming, they wouldn’t let go of this scene, which was more awkward than a marriage proposal. Gu Yi covered her ears and closed her eyes, while Liang Daiwen’s eyes were full of mischief, half-smiling, like he was toying with her. Gu Yi had no choice but to grab the microphone: “Everyone, the show is over, feel free to scan the QR code at the door, and we will draw a lucky winner for the ‘Antelope’ merchandise...”

They wouldn’t let this moment go: “Kiss her! Kiss her!”

There was no escaping. In order to end the farce quickly, Gu Yi grabbed Liang Daiwen’s collar and pulled him towards herself, intending to give him a quick peck to wrap it up. But she pulled too hard, and her nose bumped into his face. Tears immediately fell, sliding down her chin at five centimeters per second. Liang Daiwen, holding her, gave her a kiss that, although stiff as usual, seemed to carry more affection and comfort. The audience cheered even louder.

She finally understood—being involved with Liang Daiwen meant she was always the one ending up on stage, with no escape.

Many people complimented Liang Daiwen’s handsomeness. Gu Yi felt confused. The comedy club had some issues—there were so few handsome guys that as soon as he came, he became a star. Ridiculous. Some audience members even tried to approach her to take pictures. Gu Yi accepted, but still didn’t understand—were they treating her like some role model for chasing after a handsome guy? As she waved goodbye, one girl said excitedly, “Teacher Gu, ever since you took over the ‘Antelope’ and ‘Laugh Box’ public accounts, I’ve followed every issue. I was so happy to see you today! I also want to be like you. After I graduate, I’ll definitely apply!”

After speaking in a disjointed manner, the girl hurriedly ran out of the second floor, chattering excitedly to her boyfriend, telling him she had taken a photo and talked to her idol. At the end of the staircase, Gu Yi saw the excited canvas shoes, the little hurried steps were incredibly cute. Her heart felt tight—changing from “Lindsey” to “Teacher Gu,” there were still people who genuinely admired her, an unexpected joy that also came with a sharp ache.

Liang Daiwen only watched her from a distance.

On the way home, Gu Yi walked around Liang Daiwen, and every time Liang Daiwen took a step closer, she would jump two steps away. When she jogged, Liang Daiwen took large strides to catch up. The two of them ran across the road, just as Liang Daiwen was about to grab her arm, Gu Yi suddenly turned around, “When did you regain your feelings?”

“There wasn’t a specific time. This whole situation was a blow to me, every second I can’t sit still… It feels like I went through my entire emotional journey all over again.”

“Exaggerated. They’ve all impacted your life.”

“Kind of like me. The wheelchair part reminded me of my mother, and the retired police officer… although life situations are different, the feelings might be the same. Later, when I heard that part about mutual pursuit, it was really painful. I’ve been crawling, occasionally sprinting, while you’ve always been running toward me with such determination… Before, I felt like I had nothing, but tonight I realized there are many others feeling the same. I can’t disappoint you anymore—maybe my emotional disorder can only recover 50%, I won’t have normal human feelings, but even if I’m a robot, there will be a day when you’ll get tired of me. Right now… I want to stay by your side a little longer.”

“Oh.”

“That’s it?”

“Since you’ve recovered, I’ll move back in. Lately, I’ve been like a family member of a patient, always by your side. I’m so tired, I want to go back to my own place and be an independent woman again.”

“No way.” Liang Daiwen was clearly upset. “What if I sleepwalk? What if I don’t sleep well? Who knows, I might run out and direct traffic.”

“Your irresistible confessions are also part of your emotional disorder. Still not sure how to measure it. A man who understands love confesses like sprinkling salt, gently rubbing it to flavor the taste buds. You, on the other hand, pick up a shovel and bury me. Liang Daiwen, what about pickled vegetables? My body has dried up, there isn’t a drop left.”

“Sigh.” Liang Daiwen sighed. “You might be a little abnormal, only liking me when I’m sarcastic.”

As they reached the space between two buildings, the soft night air carried the heat of summer, with the warm breeze hitting them like waves. Gu Yi pinched one of Liang Daiwen’s fingers and walked forward without responding to his gratitude. She wasn’t always firm, after all, no one could always move forward courageously, getting hit by joy and sorrow head-on, without faltering. But she was grateful in her heart, realizing that she had reached the age where she understood human hearts—without calculation or consideration, just using her unyielding bravery to protect her lover.

Her phone kept vibrating with messages from friends she hadn’t been in touch with for a while, asking, “Do you know that celebrity Guan Xingxin from the variety show? She’s so charming!”

The first episode of the dating variety show aired, and Guan Xingxin became an overnight sensation. She was featured at the top of the platform’s banner, the promotional efforts were in place, and the show made the trending topics. The comment section was full of her name: “Guan Xingxin is so talented, definitely a fairy” “She’s so bitchy, but I still want to keep an eye on her” “Are there really such beautiful women among regular people? Why wasn’t she in the limelight before, she should have been in the front!” “She doesn’t look like she’s 29, how does she maintain her appearance…”

The two-hour long dating show featured her prominently, and among the regular contestants, she stood out. Her hair was thick and full, her face clean with a straight nose and a sharp jawline, and no other female contestants could compare to her on screen. Her eyes conveyed a deep understanding of others, yet there was a shyness in her voice, a soft, gentle tone, with smooth skin and filters enhancing her beauty. In the opening segment, the comments flooded in calling her a “fairy.” By the end of the first episode, the woman, who was about to back down, suddenly fed the man grilled meat, her smile subtly teasing him, silently alluring. In the final interview, she didn’t mention this change; she simply tucked her hair behind her ear, and the screen cut to black. In the preview for the second episode, four men were holding balloons in a mall, looking for their preferred woman to shop with as their first confession. One of the men ran through the scene with a balloon, another blocked him, and when Guan Xingxin turned around, the scene cut to an ad, the show ended.

Gu Yi watched it all, and in the comment section, some people dug up her past as the victim in a hotel video. Her popularity soared, and the discussion forum was full of Guan Xingxin’s name. Every contestant had a past, but people loved the independent, strong urban woman, the cute next-door girl type. The more they watched, the more they became intrigued by Guan Xingxin—flawless in appearance, dressed to attract men, and tangled in a controversial “third-party” situation... Everything about her could only be summed up in two words—men. What she excelled at was all related to men. These days, simple flower vases were rare. Just as Jacqueline had mentioned, tears were the weapon of the weak, and the power of being a victim shouldn’t be underestimated. Audiences adored successful independent women, but still discussed those whose relationships with men were murky in private, because they embodied contradictions. The secret to attraction between men and women lay in these adult-world entanglements—emotional awakening made one alluring. When one imitates often, they learn how to seduce men, and when they don’t succeed, they may say “deep in the craft,” but they can’t help but pay attention to, comment on, and secretly mimic these behaviors.

She wasn’t the most outstanding woman in the show, but she had hit the essence of weak power.

It wouldn’t affect her real life, but it was enough to be recognized on the street. After only the trailer and first episode aired, talent agencies and MCNs reached out to Guan Xingxin, asking if she would be interested in signing a contract. She was uncertain and sent the information to Gu Yi. While waiting for Liang Daiwen’s sharing session in the theater, Gu Yi scratched her head, “I’m not really sure about these things. Wouldn’t it be better to ask Uncle Lu or Yu Dule?”

After saying this, she realized she wanted to use herself to get Yu Dule to meet up. With the current popularity, Yu Dule played an important role, but they were no longer together. Yu Dule hadn’t deleted her from his WeChat, but never replied. Guan Xingxin was now soft-spoken in the show, yet cried, “I’m sorry to him, but back then, I did it for money and fame. It was a shortcut for me…”

“Did your parents agree for you to join the variety show?”

“They can’t control me anymore. I’ve already lost Yu Dule, what more can they do?” Guan Xingxin’s late-found stubbornness was written all over her face, hitting Gu Yi’s rather indifferent response: “I know, you’re thinking, if only I had tried harder earlier, right?”

“That’s not it,” Gu Yi said sadly. “Yu Doule is more than good enough for you. I still don’t understand... why your parents look down on him so much. But their views aren’t easy to change, and not defying them can be a kind of filial piety too.”

“I hate it, little bunny, I hate it. I don’t want all these parents, and I’m not interested in that four-million-yuan house. If I could just make money, maybe my folks would shut up... That’s why I’m sick of this world. Why do so many people pin their hopes on me? With those variety shows and their cameras everywhere, I have to smile at each one, put on my best face. Those round black holes are the stares of internet users—I’m utterly fed up with it all...”

Gu Yi stopped arguing. She didn’t go into the living room; even when Liang Daiwen was doing his sharing session, she stayed out—saving a seat wasn’t necessary; there’d be plenty of chances to see how he promoted himself during editing. She only asked one more question: “When you mentioned your childhood blindness, why didn’t you talk about having four parents?”

“They’re not worth mentioning. Not all parental love is something to be proud of.”

Half a month later, as the summer heat gradually subsided, Guan Xingxin became the hottest topic on social media. Her outfits, makeup, and every subtle move she made during variety shows were all people talked about.

Her long black hair gave her a cold look, but she rarely wore dark lipstick. Instead, she drew attention with full lips and natural-looking false lashes that curved downward, making her seem more approachable. She always wore dresses in light colors—long or short—in a way that highlighted her feminine features. During conversations with guys, she would casually touch their shoulders or lean in close before stepping back after a few words, leaving them feeling both connected and distant. When the four men played basketball together, she’d invite her European-American friend along. From the sidelines, they cheered for the players and discussed work stress, helping each other relax. After the game, she handed out bottled water. If she couldn’t open one, she’d frown and pass it to a guy instead. She knew the VC guy had a crush on her, so she praised his basketball skills constantly, pointing out specific moves like layups and feints. As he proudly wiped sweat from his chest, she turned to her friend and said, “But I think Xiaojin is pretty good too—young and still studying, yet he plays just like an experienced player.”

After returning to her rented place, Gu Yi was dumbfounded by what she saw on her iPad. In a post-show interview, Guan Xingxin said that at the time, he just thought everyone played great; he didn’t mean to favor anyone. Sitting in the afternoon sun, Guan Xingxin added softly, “The most basic desires for men—hunger, sex, and possession. What do you think is the ultimate desire? It’s possession. You can satisfy hunger by ordering takeout, and there are plenty of ways to fulfill sexual needs. But possession stems from a man’s hunting instinct. So during the flirtatious phase, what you should do most... is make him feel like he can’t have you. Even after breaking up, he’ll still hope you’re the one and only in his heart, worth remembering forever.” With those words, Guan Xingxin popped a grape into Gu Yi’s mouth. “Why are you so stunned?”

She didn’t tell Guan Xingxin about meeting Yu Doule earlier. The line “only I can make her famous” was Yu Doule’s ambition. Guan Xingxin seemed to enjoy filming shows and had quickly gotten used to spending two weeks a month with men and women. It didn’t matter that she had no real friends there. To others, it looked like she was hanging out with investors. After each shoot, someone would pick her up in a fancy car. The “friends” on the show all exchanged contact info, but staying in touch wasn’t important. One guy was a venture capitalist who saw hundreds of projects a year but only invested in three that never made money. Another was a student who might not even graduate on time despite being good-looking. The third was a clothing brand manager who was just using the show for marketing. The woman doing European makeup was a true expert, but she picked the wrong place to try finding work... Everyone was exhausted after the show. The dorm room looked cozy, but they rushed to leave as soon as filming finished because it was just a set. But Guan Xingxin needed to get famous as fast as possible. She read announcements during the show, and if she could earn enough money and attention, she’d be able to break free from her parents’ control.

Gu Yi leaned back on the sofa, feeling lucky to have an open mic next week with Yu Doule. She sat at her computer writing jokes. Guan Xingxin asked, “Bunny, are you eating dinner with Liang Daiwen tonight?”

“He’s in a phone meeting at work,” Gu Yi said. “I’m going to find Yu Doule for some meat crab hotpot. I figure if I’m eating junk food, might as well share it with him.”

Gu Yi knew what she wanted to ask next.

“Can I come along?” she pleaded. “I just want to see him again...”

She asked hesitantly, knowing that persistent questioning could be annoying. This showed how much she cared about this matter. With a sigh, Gu Yi agreed, “Sure.”

Yu Doule wasn’t at the office on weekends. The creative district where the server room was located seemed somewhat deserted when approached from the subway station. It took about ten minutes to walk there. The wide road was congested with cars stuck at intersections. As they turned, electric scooters darted dangerously close, narrowly avoiding collisions.

The office building looked worn down. Guan Xingxin clutched her knit sweater tightly around herself. “Once, I really enjoyed reading Shitai’s novels. She didn’t care for people trapped in cramped cubicles, thinking wealthy socialites were more respectable instead. I used to dismiss such ideas, believing personal freedom is ultimate freedom. But now I understand—it’s not easy to make money. Even Liang Daiwen couldn’t earn enough in his lifetime to match the value of his dad’s Van Gogh museum purchase. No matter how many ads I take, I can’t afford to rent the same loft apartment I had before. A few days ago, I dreamed that my parents no longer objected to me dating. So Yu Doule and I got married, and we put that fortune cookie note above our bed. When I woke up, I was crying—but saying all this makes me sound fake.”

The phone rang, and Gu Yi checked it. “Yu Doule is in a meeting. We might have to wait.”

The two stood outside the office building. Below the escalator was an old food street with greasy stains on the ground. Their reflections showed in the glass—Gu Yi in canvas shoes, jeans, and loose-fitting shirt, blending perfectly with her surroundings; Guan Xingxin’s cat-heeled shoes were spotless, her dress neatly belted at the waist, the skirt’s pleats pressed smooth. She refused to let life’s routine dull her appearance.

A breeze picked up, and she smoothed down her bangs. “It’s been two months since I’ve seen him,” she said. “I wonder how he’s doing.”

They often saw Yu Doule drinking at Antelope Bar. He had long hair then, and there was always a scent of despair around him. If girls struck up a conversation, he’d talk to them, but whether that meant he was good or not, even Gu Yi couldn’t tell. All she asked was this:

“Actually, I’m really curious about your ‘parents,’ Mr. and Mrs. Chen... After all these years, haven’t you ever rebelled against them?”

“Yes. Of course I have. But they’re too rich, and my parents wouldn’t allow me to. Mrs. Chen loves me almost obsessively because she feels responsible for her daughter’s death—the girl was hit by a car, and while most of her organs were damaged beyond repair, her corneas were fine, so the doctors urged her family to donate them. Mrs. Chen suffered nightmares every night until she found me. It’s the kind of heartwarming story that makes everyone cry, so naturally, I can’t bring myself to reject it.”

Guan Xingxin was a woman of few words. She wouldn’t reveal why Mrs. Chen’s daughter had died.

Yu Doule called her on the phone. “Where are you?”

“I’m downstairs.”

Guan Xingxin’s eyes lit up. She could hear his voice through the receiver—I’ll be there in two minutes.

Her heels clicked nervously as she paced back and forth. Even her own phone startled her when it rang—it was Huang Wenda. She frowned. “What do you want?”

“The production team told me there are eight people now, but they’re not halfway through filming yet. They say it’s too boring and want to switch someone out. Where are you? Hurry over to Jing’an Temple. I’m meeting them for dinner soon.”

“Does it have to be tonight?”

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. But that’s why I called you—the others all have backgrounds, so they obviously want to get rid of you.”

“What kind of joke is this? My popularity is still high. There’s no way.” Guan Xingxin scanned the street. When a taxi drove by, she instinctively reached out her hand, then stepped back inside after getting in. She turned to look at the elevator in the office building. “It’s coming. Send me the address.”

She got into the car and closed the door. Guan Xingxin glanced sadly at Gu Yi as the car pulled away. The elevator opened inside the building. Yu Doule, cigarette dangling from his mouth, asked, “What are you standing around for? You usually go upstairs. Why are you waiting here?”

Gu Yi watched the taxi turn the corner and said mildly, “It’s nothing. Just getting some fresh air.”