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“It’s grown quite long.”
As her thoughts swirled chaotically, his voice reached her from close by. His cool hand pushed through her hair, cradling the nape of her neck. Hyun-soo tensed instantly.
His large hand held her firmly, preventing escape. Her breathing grew ragged, and her heart began to race uncontrollably.
It wasn’t that she disliked this. She couldn’t bring herself to protest. But was this the right thing to do? What should she do?
“When you’re stuck on a difficult problem, what did I tell you to do?”
By the time she realized it, Guk’s nose was nearly touching hers. Unable to meet his gaze, Hyun-soo looked down, her breaths shallow and uneven.
“Ask... ask you for help...”
“You’re struggling now. Should I kiss you or not?”
Hyun-soo hesitantly nodded.
“Want me to help you with the answer?”
His deep, sweet voice sent shivers down her spine. She hadn’t known Guk could sound like this. Mesmerized, she nodded again.
“Open your lips. Let my tongue in.”
Before she could process his words, Guk pulled her into his arms with his free hand. In an instant, Hyun-soo found herself enveloped in his embrace—something she had only ever admired from a distance. It felt surreal.
She felt the soft, slippery pressure of his lips parting hers as his tongue confidently pushed its way inside. Unsure how to respond, she squirmed slightly, but his other hand gently rubbed the back of her neck, calming her. Whether because of that or something else, Hyun-soo relaxed just a little.
With great difficulty, she swallowed the pooling saliva once, then let him guide her. Not knowing what to do, she allowed his clever, slick tongue to explore every corner of her mouth.
“Mm... uh...”
The embarrassing sounds filled the air, and heat surged through Hyun-soo’s body. Each time their lips parted and came back together, the exchange of breath felt scorching.
Meanwhile, Guk kept pressing forward, causing them both to tilt toward her side. Hyun-soo struggled to maintain balance. Sensing this, Guk grabbed her wrist and guided it around his neck. Instinctively pulling him closer, Hyun-soo smiled faintly at the pleasant sensation of his hair brushing against her fingers.
The kiss continued. They focused intently, swallowing the overflowing saliva between them. Dizzy with rising emotions, Hyun-soo cracked open her eyes to find Guk still concentrating, his own closed. For some reason, watching him so absorbed made her feel a strange pressure and tingling between her legs.
Minutes passed before they finally broke apart with a soft, final peck. Guk gazed down at Hyun-soo’s swollen, reddened lips. Too embarrassed to look anywhere properly, especially not into his eyes, Hyun-soo avoided eye contact altogether.
“As expected. I was right.”
“...”
“I enjoyed it. What about you?”
“I... I...”
“Yes, you.”
“It felt strange.”
Guk chuckled.
“Want to try more strange things?”
“No, no. We need to study.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I finished my homework, and also...”
“And also what?”
Flustered, Hyun-soo averted her gaze and noticed the gifts and chocolates scattered on the desk. That reminded her of something nagging at the back of her mind—a lingering concern.
“I can’t stop thinking about Yoo Hyun-jung’s face.”
“What about her?”
“I don’t want to feel guilty.”
“Is that all that’s bothering you?”
“For now, yes. But isn’t that the most important thing?”
“Lucky for you.”
Confused by Guk’s casual response, Hyun-soo tilted her head.
“What do you mean? What’s lucky?”
“We broke up.”
“What? When?”
“Just now. So, we’re good to continue, right?”
“Don’t say such nonsense!”
Despite Hyun-soo’s protests, Guk ignored her and pulled her in for another kiss.
In the end, the two spent the entire tutoring session exchanging kisses instead of studying. The fact that they could dedicate such a long stretch of time solely to kissing left Hyun-soo astonished.
When she finally came to her senses later, Guk was gone. The box of chocolates and the letter were crumpled and tossed into the trash bin. Skipping dinner, Hyun-soo lay blankly on her bed when she noticed this and chuckled softly. There was no doubt who had done it. The more she learned about him, the more unpredictable he seemed.
The kisses they shared that day felt like a dream. Tentatively tracing her lips with her fingertips, Hyun-soo pulled the blanket over her head, overwhelmed by embarrassment.
---
That day was unusually quiet. The world seemed suffocated under a thick layer of pristine snow.
Lost in thought while staring at the falling snow outside her window, Hyun-soo snapped out of it when her phone rang. It was Guk.
“Come out for a moment.”
He wanted her to meet him in the garden. Though hesitant, unsure why she felt reluctant, Hyun-soo eventually grabbed her coat and headed downstairs.
As she slipped her arms into the sleeves, the house was eerily silent. Young-ae was still hospitalized, Kim Hyun-seo had left early in the morning, and Kim Hyun-sung’s whereabouts were unknown. It felt like an empty house. Hyun-soo hastily put on her sneakers and opened the front door.
The swirling snowflakes had already accumulated significantly, leaving footprints with every step. Glancing back repeatedly to check her tracks, Hyun-soo stopped when she saw a familiar figure ahead. Strangely, Guk turned around immediately, even though her footsteps shouldn’t have been loud enough to hear.
Facing him, Hyun-soo felt her heart tighten painfully. Despite the cold, sweat dampened her palms—she was clearly nervous.
The snow continued to fall silently.
“...Why?”
Hyun-soo finally managed to croak out the question. Why had he called her out here?
Without a word, Guk raised his hand as if to touch her lips. Startled, Hyun-soo took a step back. He furrowed his brow briefly before withdrawing his hand.
“I wanted to see your face and confirm you’re okay.”
“Did you really need to...”
“If I’d asked over the phone, you’d have lied. You always do.”
He was absolutely right. As usual, he saw right through her. If he had called to ask if she was fine, she would have laughed awkwardly and brushed it off.
Caught, Hyun-soo pretended to brush snow off her coat, avoiding his gaze. But Guk approached her again, brushing the snow off her hair and pulling the hood of her coat over her head.
“I only slept two hours last night.”
“...”
“I couldn’t fall asleep.”
“Why?”
“Because I kept thinking about yesterday—the kiss. I wanted to keep going.”
Hyun-soo panicked, lowering her head. She tried to calm her racing heart by staring at the snow accumulating around her feet. Just then, she noticed his sneakers moving closer to hers. Her heart escaped her grasp once again.
“Why are you saying these things...? Why are you telling me this?”
“I wanted to ask. How did you feel about it?”
“...”
“Was it something you wanted to erase completely, or were you craving more too?”
Hyun-soo looked up to meet his gaze. Through his damp hair, Guk’s eyes were clearer than ever, piercing straight into hers.
“How could I possibly act like nothing happened?”
“That’s right. Of course not.”
Guk exhaled deeply, his warm breath forming a long trail of white mist in the cold air.
After a brief silence, Hyun-soo spoke again.
“What happens to us now?”
“...”
“After what happened yesterday, how can we pretend everything’s normal?”
It wouldn’t make sense. Surely, he felt the same way, didn’t he?
Guk gently lifted her chin with his finger. Their eyes met naturally.
“Nothing changes.”
Hyun-soo’s expression crumbled, feeling as though something inside her had shattered.
“Nothing... changes?”
“No, nothing. We’ll go on as before.”
“How can we? How can we act like nothing happened? Pretend everything’s fine?”
“I want to keep seeing you for a long time.”
“Exactly! I want to see you for a long time too! But what does that even matter!”
Hyun-soo’s voice rose in agitation, contrasting sharply with Guk’s calm demeanor.
“Let me ask one thing.”
“What?”
“Suppose we take responsibility for what happened and start dating. If we break up later, do you think you’ll be able to handle it?”
After a breakup, she’d lose him entirely—not just as a friend or lover, but as a presence in her life. Could she endure that kind of loss?
No. She couldn’t. Like anyone else who has experienced heartbreak, she’d cry endlessly, crumble, and yearn for him. Eventually, she might even delude herself into believing countless invisible wounds had pierced her body, letting everything slip away through those cracks until she became incapable of holding onto anything—or anyone—ever again. It was inevitable.
“No.”
Her answer was painfully concise and clear. Hyun-soo shook her head.
“That’s why, Hyun-soo. Do you understand now?”
“...”
For some reason, she felt utterly wretched. It wasn’t as if she had confessed and been rejected. Or maybe, in a way, it was. After kissing him so passionately, they had to pretend nothing had happened just to avoid losing each other. What greater irony could there be?
“I’m not forcing you. If that’s what you want, I can’t stop you.”
Hyun-soo’s eyes reddened, signaling the surge of intense emotion welling up within her alongside the biting cold. She wanted to scream, to let it all out. But...
“No. You’re right.”
She didn’t want to lose Yoon Guk. Somewhere along the way, without realizing it, Hyun-soo had given him far too large a space in her heart.