Chapter 4: Like a fish slowly roasted over fire

Lei Shaogong stopped in front of the living room and walked from the cobblestone path to the duty room of the attendants. The duty room was receiving today’s newspapers and letters — sorting and checking them, preparing to cut and read. Although he held only a nominal position and didn’t need to do these tasks, he helped out anyway. In the midst of his busyness, he heard someone enter at the door; it was Wang Lida, the deputy director of the First Attendant’s Office, who was very familiar with Lei Shaogong but now only nodded at him. Lei Shaogong asked, “What exactly is the matter?” Wang Lida said, “Something happened at Mang Lake — a collapse.” Lei Shaogong immediately felt uneasy and asked, “When did this happen?” Wang Lida replied, “We received the call at around five o’clock and immediately called Song Mingli and Zhang You over — it’s bound to make him angry.” Lei Shaogong knew it was bad news but couldn’t say it outright.

Wang Lida added, “There’s one more thing.” Seeing his hesitation, Lei Shaogong walked out of the duty room with him. By this time, it was only a drizzle, lightly wetting their clothes. The bluestone courtyard had been washed clean by the rain. A sparrow hopped about in the middle of the yard; when the two passed by, it fluttered up to a tree branch. Wang Lida watched the bird take off, a trace of worry on his face, and said, “Last night, sir somehow found out about the third young master’s overdraft issue. His expression turned grim immediately. This is a private matter, and I shouldn’t be talking about it, but with the incident at Mang Lake this morning, sir is bound to get angry.” Lei Shaogong knew things were getting serious and broke into a cold sweat. After composing himself, he asked, “And Madam?”

Wang Lida replied, “She left for Sui Port with the eldest young lady yesterday morning.”

Lei Shaogong knew it was too late to rely on her help and asked, “Who else is here?”

“Those attending the meeting now are Tang Haoming and others.”

Lei Shaogong stamped his foot and said, “They’re useless. I’ll call Mr. He.” Wang Lida remarked, “It might be too late.” Before his words faded, an attendant came over and called from afar, “Director Wang, there’s a phone call for you.” Wang Lida had no choice but to hurry away. Lei Shaogong immediately went out to call He Xu’an, but the line was busy. Fortunately, as soon as the operator reported the incoming call, the other side picked up. He simply said, “This is Lei Shaogong, please let Mr. He know I’m calling.” The person on the other end didn’t dare to delay, repeatedly saying, “Please hold on.” Anxious, his hand gripping the receiver was sweaty. Finally, when He Xu’an answered, he only spoke a few sentences. The other party, well aware and quick-witted, immediately responded, “I’m coming over right away.” Only then did he feel slightly relieved, hung up the phone, and returned to the duty room.

The attendant’s office was deserted, and the eerie silence made him even more uneasy. Not knowing what was happening inside, he was worried when an attendant hurriedly came in and said, “Director Lei, you’re here — sir got extremely angry and has taken the family punishment tool in hand.” Hearing this, which he dreaded most, unable to avoid it any longer, he quickly asked, “Didn’t they try to persuade him?”

“A few people didn’t dare to intervene, and the third young master refused to plead for mercy.”

Lei Shaogong stamped his foot, “How could he plead for mercy? This little ancestor has suffered consequences so many times!” Knowing there was nothing he could do, he could only worry. After a while, he heard that the more they tried to calm him down, the angrier he became, eventually using such fierce methods that he even broke the family punishment tool, then grabbed the poker from in front of the fireplace — it was made of white copper. Jin Yongren, the director of the attendants’ office, rushed forward to block him but was pushed back, loudly saying, “All of you get out!” Jin Yongren was usually a highly capable person and knew this situation was serious, so he quickly told the attendant, “Why are you still standing there? Hurry up and call Madam.”

The attendant quickly went to make the call. Hearing Jin Yongren say this, Lei Shaogong realized it was beyond control. He could only walk to the corridor. From afar, he saw He Xu’an’s car arrive and hurried forward to open the car door for him. Seeing his expression, He Xu’an already guessed seven or eight parts of the situation and without asking further questions, briskly headed east. Jin Yongren, upon seeing him, also breathed a sigh of relief and personally opened the door for him.

Lei Shaogong paced in the corridor, walking back and forth several times, before seeing two people supporting Murong Qingyi out. He quickly approached. Seeing his ashen face and staggering steps, he promptly supported him and ordered those around, “Call Doctor Cheng.”

Madam Murong and Jin Rui returned in the afternoon and went straight upstairs after getting out of the car. Coincidentally, Lei Shaogong was coming out of the room and greeted Madam Murong, “Madam.” She waved her hand and went straight into the room with Jin Rui. Upon seeing the injuries, she naturally became anxious, angry, and pained, shedding tears while comforting her son. After speaking for a long time, she finally came out.

Upon seeing Lei Shaogong still there, she asked, “What exactly happened to make him beat the child so cruelly?” Lei Shaogong replied, “Because of the Mang Lake incident, unauthorized bank overdrafts, and a few other minor issues that just accumulated together.” Madam Murong wiped her eyes with a handkerchief and said, “Is it worth it for such public matters?!” She then asked, “How much did the third son overdraw? How much does he spend? Why would he need to overdraw?”

Seeing it was difficult to answer, Lei Shaogong hadn’t yet spoken when Jin Rui said, “Mother, Lao San likes to play around. Father teaching him a lesson is good, so he doesn’t end up acting recklessly.” Madam Murong retorted, “Look at those injuries, surely beaten with some iron object.” Her tears fell again, “So heartless, almost taking the child’s life.”

Jin Rui said, “Father was furious and used whatever he could to beat him.” Then added, “Mom, why don’t you rest in the room for a bit? You must be tired after sitting in the car all morning.” Madam Murong nodded, then told Lei Shaogong, “Xiao Lei, keep a close eye on Lao San for me.” With that, she left.

As dusk fell, it began to rain again. Outside the bedroom window stood an old locust tree, its branches swaying like an umbrella in the misty rain. Murong Qingyi woke up drenched in sweat. Seeing it was dark, he asked, “What time is it?” Lei Shaogong quickly stepped forward to reply, “Almost seven o’clock, are you hungry?” Murong Qingyi replied, “I don’t want to eat anything.” Then asked, “Where is mother?”

Lei Shaogong replied, “Madam is downstairs.” Then added, “This afternoon, Madam went to talk to sir. The attendants said that after all these years, this is the first time they’ve seen Madam get angry at sir.”

Murong Qingyi said weakly, “She feels sorry for me — my whole body hurts so much. Tell my mother that father is still angry, and talking more won’t help. It might only make things worse.”

Lei Shaogong said, “Sir mentioned sending you abroad. Madam is upset about that.”

Murong Qingyi gave a bitter smile and said, “I knew it. This time, father is determined to discipline me.”

Lei Shaogong said, “Perhaps sir is just momentarily angry.” As they were speaking, Madam Murong arrived. Lei Shaogong quickly excused himself. Murong Qingyi, seeing his mother still had tear stains, called out, “Mom,” which made Madam Murong even sadder. She took his hand and said, “I don’t know what your father is thinking, insisting that you go abroad. How can I bear it?”

Hearing her say this, Murong Qingyi knew the situation was irreversible. His mind calmed down, “Going abroad isn’t necessarily a bad thing.” Madam Murong nodded, “Your father wants you to study abroad for another two years. I’ve thought about it and will apply for a good school for you. Learning something useful will always be beneficial.” After a pause, she continued, “Although I don’t agree with your father’s methods, sometimes you are too headstrong. Going abroad will be different from being at home, and it might be good for your temper.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Father beats me half to death, and you pity me for a while, only to lecture me on behalf of father.”

Madam Murong said, “Look at you, does your father not care about you? When you make mistakes, admit them. Why provoke your father into such anger?”

Murong Qingyi knew she was biased towards him despite her words. Smiling mischievously, he changed the subject, “Which university will mother apply for me? Why don’t I go to mother’s alma mater?” Finally, making Madam Murong laugh, “You’re feeling better and now teasing. You know my alma mater is a church girls’ school.”

After recuperating for a few days, being young and without injury to his bones, he recovered quickly and was able to go downstairs. Feeling lighter after being cooped up for several days, he entered the small living room but stopped obediently at the entrance. Madam Murong looked up and smiled, “Why don’t you come over?” Murong Feng also looked up and, seeing him, only frowned. Murong Qingyi had no choice but to approach and call out, “Father.”

Murong Feng said, “I see you haven’t changed your frivolous ways. I placed you in the military hoping discipline would correct you, but it seems to have done no good.” Afraid he might get angry again, Madam Murong quickly interjected, “I’ve already discussed going abroad with Lao San, and he agrees to go study.”

Murong Feng snorted and said, “These few days, stay at home and review your English. Your companions, I’ve arranged for Jin Yongren to deal with differently. If you dare to cause trouble outside again, see if I don’t break your legs!”

Seeing Murong Qingyi look dejected, Madam Murong said to her husband, “Alright, Lao San is injured like this, how could he possibly go out?” She then told Murong Qingyi, “Your father is doing this for your own good. These few days, focus and review your English; it will be useful when you go abroad.”

Murong Qingyi had no choice but to agree. He was essentially under house arrest, his entire entourage reassigned. Every day, he stayed home feeling gloomy. When his injuries healed, Madam Murong personally sent him abroad to study.

Autumn passed, winter arrived, winter passed, spring came, time flew by swiftly and irreversibly. Days flowed like water, like hibiscus flowers, initially budding, gradually blooming luxuriantly, blossoming and wilting, only to bloom again, and in the blink of an eye, four years had gone by.

It started raining again. The soft sound of rain outside made the autumn night seem even cooler. Several girls in the makeup room were chatting and laughing, like a nest of birds. Su Su sat alone, tying the ribbons of her dance shoes. Mu Lan walked over and said, “Su Su, I’m really nervous.” Su Su smiled faintly and said, “You’re a big star now, are you still nervous?” Mu Lan replied, “It’s not stage fright. I just heard Madam Murong is coming, and now I’m all jittery.” Upon hearing this, Su Su, for some reason, froze. Mu Lan continued, “I heard Madam Murong is an expert in ballet, and I’m really afraid of showing off poorly in front of her.” After a while, Su Su consoled her, “Don’t worry, you dance so well and are so popular, that’s why she’s coming to watch you.”

The stage supervisor had already come looking for her, “Miss Fang, the makeup artist is waiting for you.” Mu Lan smiled at Su Su and went to her private makeup room. Su Su lowered her head and continued tying the ribbons, but her hands trembled slightly, pulling the thin satin ribbon taut like a tight string. After struggling for a long time, she finally tied the ribbon. People from the makeup room gradually went on stage, leaving her alone, sitting there hugging her knees. The sky grew darker, and the sound of rain outside became increasingly intense. From afar, she heard the music on stage, the poignant melody of “Butterfly Lovers,” the eighteen farewells, and Zhu Yingtai’s tender heart, startled and delighted. Life in the play, though tragic, always has moments of happiness. But in reality, even a fleeting moment of happiness seemed like a luxury.

On the makeup table, rouge, powder, eyebrow pencils, lipsticks... were scattered haphazardly. She stared blankly at the mirror; her reflection resembled a statue, unmoving. Her feet had gone numb, but she didn’t notice. Tiny needles seemed to pierce her temples, each prick causing her veins to throb violently. Wearing only a thin dance dress, she felt cold, waves of cold washing over her until her blood seemed to freeze. She sat there, biting her lower lip hard until it bled, never thinking of finding a coat to put on.

Suddenly, commotion arose from the corridor outside. Someone entered, calling her name, “Su Su!” Each call louder than the last. She didn’t think to respond until the person came in and called again, then she raised her head, somewhat bewildered.

It was the frantic stage supervisor, “Su Su, hurry, Mu Lan sprained her ankle! You’ll dance as Zhu Yingtai in the final scene.”

She felt a buzzing sensation, as if heaven and earth were spinning. She heard her tiny voice, “No.”

The stage supervisor said after a prolonged silence, “Are you crazy? You’ve danced the B role for so many years, and such an opportunity comes along, why wouldn’t you take it?”

She shrank back weakly, like a tired snail, “I can’t — I stopped dancing for two years, and I’ve never danced the A role.”

The stage supervisor was getting desperate, “You’ve always been Miss Fang’s B role. Saving the show is like putting out a fire. There’s only this last scene left, if you don’t dance, who will? What kind of pretense are you putting on at this critical moment?”

She wasn’t putting on airs; her headache felt like it was splitting open, and she kept shaking her head, “I can’t.” The director and teacher both came over, and all three urged her, but she just shook her head desperately. As time ran out, the stage supervisor and director, without further ado, pushed and shoved her onto the stage. The grand red curtain slowly rose; there was no time left.

No time left, the music filled the theater. She looked out, seeing a sea of black heads, suffocating. Almost mechanically, her toes slid out into the first rond de jambe. Years of practice had ingrained an instinctive response: arabesques, fouettes, jetés… smooth and graceful. Fine beads of sweat dampened her forehead, her arms swept like wings. Lights and music filled the world, thoughts in her brain reduced to mechanical movements. Time became an endless ocean, her spinning body like a floating puppet. This scene lasted only forty minutes, but it felt like forty years, four hundred years… just torment. She felt like a fish, out of water, slowly roasted over a fire, her skin tightening inch by inch, breathing becoming more labored minute by minute, unable to escape. The end seemed like an unreachable luxury. She remembered, recalling that terrible nightmare, as if torn apart again. Each touch of her tightly pointed toes on the ground felt like landing on sharp blades, slicing her heart slowly.

The final trembling note of the music faded, and all around was silent. She could hear her rapid breathing, too afraid to look at the audience below. The lights were scorching like the sun behind her, sweat droplets slowly falling.

Finally, thunderous applause erupted, and she forgot to bow. She hastily turned around, leaving Zhuang Chengzhi, who played Liang Shanbo, stranded mid-stage. The stage supervisor by the side was pale with anxiety. Only then did she remember to turn back and bow together with Zhuang Chengzhi.

After the performance, everyone surrounded her like stars around the moon, praising her with various comments, “Su Su, you danced exceptionally well today.” She was nearly at the edge of exhaustion, allowing others to drag her back to the makeup room. Someone handed her a towel, and she weakly covered her face with it. She needed to leave, to get away from here. Among the vast crowd, someone filled her with near-despairing fear, and she just wanted to escape.

The excited director came over, “Madam Murong is here.”

The towel fell to the ground. She slowly bent down to pick it up, but someone was quicker and picked it up for her. Slowly raising her head and standing up, she saw Madam Murong smiling and walking over, saying to those beside her, “Look how beautifully this child dances, and she’s even more beautiful.”

She clutched the edge of the makeup table tightly, as if letting go would cause her to collapse. Madam Murong held her hand and laughed, “Truly lovable.” The director introduced her from the side, “Madam, her name is Ren Su Su,” gently pushing her from behind.

Only then did she snap out of it and softly say, “Madam, hello.”

Madam Murong nodded with a smile and went on to shake hands with other actors. She stood there, feeling as if all her strength had drained away. Finally, summoning up courage, she lifted her eyes and saw him standing far away, still poised elegantly like a fragrant orchid by the wind. Her face turned pale instantly. She had thought she would never see him again, his world forever distant from hers. Meeting unexpectedly, he was still the suave gentleman, his attire as straight as ever.

She took a hasty step backward, overwhelmed by despairing terror.

In the small makeup room, crowded with people and noisy chatter, she felt only silence, a silence that made her heart race. Journalists were taking photos, someone brought in flowers, she couldn’t breathe, as if suffocating. Her companions were excitedly chatting and laughing. Mu Lan, supported by others, came over, holding her hand and talking to her, but she didn’t hear a word. She lowered her eyes, but her whole body was tense. When people shook hands with her, she extended her hand; when they took pictures with her, she posed, like an empty puppet, only a shell moving mechanically.

Finally, Madam Murong left, followed by a large entourage and journalists, and everything truly quieted down. The director wanted to treat everyone to a late-night snack, and everyone excitedly discussed where to go. She claimed discomfort and left alone through the back door.

The rain was pouring heavily, and a cool breeze made her shiver. An umbrella shielded her from the rain, and she looked rather confused at the person holding it — he courteously said, “Miss Ren, long time no see.” She remembered he was surnamed Lei. She glanced at the car parked in the shadows across the street. Lei Shaogong simply said, “Please, Miss Ren, get in the car to talk.” Inside, however, he was a bit worried. Though delicate-looking, this Miss Ren had a stubborn streak, and he feared she wouldn’t want to meet Murong Qingyi. Unexpectedly, after hesitating briefly, she walked towards the car, and he quickly followed, opening the car door for her.

The ride was silent, and Lei Shaogong was internally worried. Though Murong Qingyi was young and had many girlfriends, he had never seen him like this. Even after four years, his gaze remained focused on her once he saw her. This Miss Ren, after four years, had grown even more beautiful — but this beauty subtly caused concern.

Duan Mountain’s house had just been newly renovated, everything pristine and exquisite. Su Su hesitated before getting out of the car; the living room was still arranged as before. Knowing it was inappropriate, Lei Shaogong closed the door for them and retreated. The corridor was lit by a small lamp, its yellow glow illuminating the newly poured cement floor. Outside, the rain continued. Having accompanied Madam Murong, they wore formal military uniforms, the thick fabric making them feel hot after pacing a few rounds. Annoyed, he circled again. Faintly, he heard Murong Qingyi call, “Xiao Lei!”

He quickly responded and walked to the living room door, only to see Su Su leaning on the armrest of the sofa, seemingly crying. Under the light, Murong Qingyi’s face was as white as snow. He had never seen him like this and was startled, quickly asking, “Third Young Master, what happened?” Murong Qingyi’s expression was complex, his gaze somewhat vacant, as if encountering a great surprise. Even more alarmed, he reached out to hold his hand, “Third Young Master, what happened? Your hand is so cold.”

Murong Qingyi glanced at Su Su and then walked out with him to the corridor. The remaining light from the living room chandelier cast obliquely, highlighting his face, which still looked dazed. After a while, he said, “Go and do something for me.”

Lei Shaogong replied, “Yes,” but after a long silence without hearing the next part, he grew concerned and called again, “Third Young Master.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Go — go find someone for me.” After a pause, he added, “Do this personally, don’t let anyone know.”

Lei Shaogong replied again, “Yes.” Murong Qingyi paused again and then said, “Go to Sheng Ci Orphanage and find a child born on July 7th, three years old this year.”

Lei Shaogong replied, “Yes,” and asked, “Third Young Master, what should I do once I find the child?”

Upon hearing his question, Murong Qingyi seemed to freeze, and after a long while, he countered with a question: “If found—what then?”

Lei Shaogong sensed something was amiss but dared not make wild guesses. Hearing Murong Qingyi say, “Once you find them, report to me immediately. Go now,” he could only respond affirmatively, get a car, and leave right away.

Murong Qingyi returned to the living room to find Su Su still motionless, leaning there with a dazed expression. He reached out slowly to touch her hair. Instinctively, she pulled back, but he wouldn’t allow it, lifting her up. She struggled to push him away, but he forcefully pulled her into his arms. She kept struggling, but ultimately couldn’t break free. Sobbing, she bit down hard on his arm, yet he didn’t let go. She clamped down with all her might, as if using every ounce of strength in her body. He remained still, letting her bite until it drew blood, merely enduring with a furrowed brow. Eventually, she released her grip but continued crying, soaking his shirt completely, leaving it cold against him. He patted her back, but she stubbornly pressed against his chest, still crying.

She cried until she was utterly exhausted before finally quieting down with intermittent sobs. Outside, the mournful sound of rain persisted, drop by drop, the fine patter of eaves continuing until dawn.

As dawn broke, the rain had not stopped. The attendant received a call and tiptoed into the living room. Murong Qingyi was still sitting there, his eyes slightly bloodshot, while Su Su was asleep. One hand cradled her, half-reclining on the sofa. Seeing the attendant enter, he raised an eyebrow.

The attendant then whispered, “Director Lei called, asking for you to take the call.”

Murong Qingyi nodded slightly, shifted a little, but frowned—half of his body had gone numb and lost sensation. The attendant also noticed this and stepped forward to hand over a soft pillow. He took the pillow, placed it behind Su Su’s neck, and then stood up. His legs were numb, and it took a while for blood to circulate again before he went to answer the phone.

Lei Shaogong was usually composed, but his voice carried a hint of anxiety this time, “Third Young Master, the child has been found, but is very ill.”

Murong Qingyi’s mind was in turmoil, asking, “Very ill—how so?”

Lei Shaogong said, “The doctor says it’s encephalitis. They can’t be moved now, and the situation doesn’t look good. Third Young Master, what should we do?”

Murong Qingyi turned around, looking at Su Su from the gap in the screen. She was still sleeping heavily, her delicate brows lightly knitted even in her dreams, like a wisp of smoke. His heart was blank, and he simply said, “Keep a close eye on the child and call me anytime.”

He hung up the phone and paced back and forth twice in the corridor. After returning home, he held multiple positions and had complex official duties. The attendant glanced at his watch, torn inside. Seeing his appearance, it seemed he had something difficult to decide, making him even more reluctant to disturb. But as seven o’clock approached, he had no choice but to muster the courage to remind him, “Third Young Master, there’s a meeting today at Wuchi.”

Only then did he remember, feeling even more agitated, saying, “Call them and tell them I have a headache.” The attendant had no choice but to agree and left. Breakfast was brought up from the kitchen, but he found it hard to swallow, waving his hand to have it removed untouched. He went to the study and picked up a book randomly, but hadn’t turned a page after half a day. Waiting until just past ten o’clock, Lei Shaogong called again. After finishing the call, his head was covered in cold sweat, his heart feeling increasingly hollow. Walking back into the living room distracted, he tripped over the carpet’s seam, nearly falling. Fortunately, the attendant rushed up to support him. Seeing his ashen face and tightly closed lips, the attendant was greatly startled. Collecting himself, he pushed the attendant’s hand away and turned the screen. He saw Su Su standing by the window, holding a teacup that she hadn’t sipped from, biting the rim absentmindedly, lost in thought. Noticing him, she put down the cup and asked, “Did you find the child?”

He spoke softly, “No—they said someone adopted him, and without an address, it will be hard to find him again.”

She lowered her head, ripples forming in the water in the cup. With difficulty, he said, “Don’t cry.”

Her voice dropped, “I... I shouldn’t have sent him away... but I really... had no choice...” Finally, only faint sobs remained. His heart felt as though it was being cut by a knife. He didn’t understand why he felt such pain. For over twenty years, his life had been full of success, getting whatever he wanted. But today, he suddenly realized his helplessness. Even her tears were beyond his control. Those tears were like salt, cruelly sprinkled on his wounds, causing a deep, hidden pain.

Lei Shaogong returned to Duan Mountain in the evening. Upon entering the gate, the attendant greeted him with relief, “Director Lei, you’re finally back. Third Young Master said he had a headache and hasn’t eaten all day. We asked whether to call Dr. Cheng, but he got angry.” Lei Shaogong made a sound of acknowledgment and asked, “What about Miss Ren?”

“Miss Ren is upstairs, and Third Young Master is in the study.”

Lei Shaogong thought for a moment and went to see Murong Qingyi in the study. It was already dark, but the lights weren’t on. He sat alone in the darkness. Lei Shaogong called, “Third Young Master,” and said, “You need to return to Shuangqiao. You’ll be late for tonight’s meeting.”

Yet he remained seated, unmoving. As Lei Shaogong approached, he asked, “The child… what does he look like?”

In the darkness, Lei Shaogong couldn’t see his expression, but hearing his hoarse voice made him feel a pang of sorrow. He said, “The child was very well-behaved. When I arrived, he couldn’t speak anymore, and didn’t cry until the end, just fell asleep. The nuns at the orphanage said this child was always obedient, and even after falling ill, didn’t cry or fuss, just called for his mother.”

Murong Qingyi muttered, “He... called for his mother... didn’t call for me?”

Lei Shaogong called, “Third Young Master,” and said, “Although this matter is distressing, it’s over. Don’t be sad. If others find out and word gets to Mr. Murong, it might cause a huge disaster.”

Murong Qingyi remained silent for a long time before saying, “You handled this matter very well.” After a moment, he added, “Don’t let Miss Ren know a single word about this. If she asks, just say the child wasn’t found and was adopted by someone else.”

He went upstairs to change clothes. Su Su was already asleep. The food delivered from the kitchen had barely been touched, still sitting on the dining table. She curled up in the corner of the bed like an infant, clutching the edge of the blanket. Her long eyelashes fluttered slightly with each breath, making him ache deeply, as if the trembling reached the depths of his heart.

Su Su woke up in the morning to find the sky clear. The curtains hadn’t been drawn, and sunlight streamed through the tall windows, filled with countless dancing golden specks, like stage lights. Such beautiful weather was rare in autumn. Outside, the wind rustled the already brittle leaves, creating a soft rustling sound amidst the vast sky and sparse clouds. A faint scent of lily and a trace of minty tobacco lingered on the blanket. The smooth satin was still cool against her face. She lay there, drowsy, staring off until she noticed the elaborate ivory-white lace curtains fluttering gently by the carved windows, reminding her where she was.

The room was quiet. She washed her face and loosely tied up her hair. Opening the bedroom door, the corridor was equally silent. She walked downstairs and met an attendant who politely greeted her, “Good morning, Miss Ren.” She replied, “Good morning,” and upon seeing the clock, realized it was nearly nine o’clock, exclaiming, “Oh no.” The attendants were adept at reading expressions, asking, “Is Miss Ren in a hurry?”

She said, “I have a training class this morning, and it’s quite far from here to downtown...” Her voice trailed off, surprised at how deeply she had slept after being so overwhelmed, waking up so late. The attendant reassured her, “It’s alright. I’ll arrange for a car to take Miss Ren to town.” Without waiting for her response, he went to arrange the car. Su Su worried about being too late, but fortunately, the car was fast, taking only fifteen minutes to reach the destination.

She changed into her dancewear and walked to the practice hall. Everyone else was focused on their practice, except Zhuang Chengzhi, who noticed her quietly entering and glanced at her but said nothing. At noon, everyone routinely ate together at a small restaurant, cheerfully enjoying a hot pot, noisily chatting and grabbing dishes. She had no appetite, merely going through the motions. After the meal, walking out, she spotted a shiny black Chevrolet parked across the street. Someone waved at her from the car window, calling, “Su Su!” It was Mu Lan.

Delighted, she walked over and asked, “How’s your foot?” Mu Lan smiled, “Much better.” Then added, “Nothing serious, so I came to find you for coffee.”

They went to their usual café, where Mu Lan liked the ice cream. Su Su didn’t enjoy Western food or sweets, but to avoid sitting idly, ordered a chestnut cake. Picking up the small silver spoon, it took a while before she scooped a tiny piece and carefully tasted it. Mu Lan asked, “Where did you go yesterday? We couldn’t find you anywhere.” Su Su didn’t know what to say, only sighing faintly. Mu Lan laughed, “Someone asked me to invite you to dinner—the same Mr. Zhang we met at the jewelry store.” Su Su said, “You know I’m not good at socializing.”

Mu Lan laughed, “I told them it wouldn’t work, but the director begged me repeatedly, insisting I ask you.” She added, “This Mr. Zhang wants to sponsor our production of ‘Giselle.’ The director’s eyes lit up at the money—you don’t need to pay attention to that.”

Su Su slowly ate her cake, but Mu Lan said, “I don’t want to dance anymore—I can’t keep up. After so many years, I’m actually a bit reluctant.” Surprised, Su Su asked, “If you stop dancing, what will happen? The director counts on you.” Mu Lan smiled, “You danced so beautifully the other night; the director now counts on you.”

Putting down the spoon, Su Su asked, “Mu Lan, are you mad at me?”

Mu Lan shook her head, “You’re my best friend. I want you to succeed. How could I be mad at you? After all these years, I feel worn out and truly don’t want to dance anymore. I want to go home and get married.”

Hearing her say this, Su Su was both surprised and delighted, asking urgently, “Really? Does Mr. Xu’s family agree? That’s wonderful news!”

Mu Lan smiled again, albeit with a hint of worry, “They still refuse, but I have some confidence with Changning.” She drained her coffee cup, set it down, and said, “Let’s not talk about unpleasant matters. Let’s go shopping at the department store.”

Su Su spent half a day shopping with her, and both of their legs were sore from walking. Mu Lan bought many new clothes and shoes, rectangular boxes and paper bags filling the back seat of the car. Suddenly remembering, “A new, extremely expensive restaurant opened. I’ll treat you.” Knowing Mu Lan was upset, but unable to console her, Su Su could only go along. Getting out of the car at the restaurant entrance, Su Su thought the parked cars looked familiar, but before she could recall where she’d seen them, she unexpectedly bumped into Lei Shaogong coming down the stairs. Seeing her, he was somewhat surprised, calling, “Miss Ren.”

Mu Lan, seeing him, was also surprised and instinctively looked at Su Su. He said, “Third Young Master is inside—just having people search for Miss Ren all afternoon.” Su Su didn’t expect him to say such things, feeling bewildered. Lei Shaogong led them inside, and the waiter opened the private room door, revealing a large suite. Seeing her, Murong Qingyi dismissed the others and stood up, “Ah, they found you?” He added, “I had a meeting last night that ran late, so I didn’t return. In the future, don’t wander off; they searched for you all afternoon and couldn’t find you.”

None of the guests had ever heard him explain his whereabouts to a woman, so they were all taken aback. After a while, someone behind him chuckled, “Third Young Master, we’ll vouch for you. Last night, you were indeed in Shuangqiao for the meeting, nowhere else.” Everyone burst into laughter, joking around. Another person chimed in, “Thanks to us speaking up for Third Young Master, this potentially disastrous banquet will surely turn into a joyful one.” Su Su didn’t expect such misunderstandings, her cheeks flushed red as she lowered her head. Murong Qingyi turned and laughed, “Stop your nonsense, showing no respect for your elders.” Taking her hand, he introduced her to everyone present. Since they were all older predecessors, he addressed her, “Say hello. This is Uncle Yu, Uncle Li, Uncle Wang, and Uncle Guan.” His tone treated her like a child, prompting the four men to stand up straight, saying, “We don’t dare.” Though he had many girlfriends, he had never introduced any like this before, typically meeting discreetly. For a moment, the four men were filled with doubt. Murong Qingyi paid them no mind. Su Su, naturally reserved, was even quieter among strangers. Mu Lan, usually fond of lively gatherings, was also silent this time. Only their banter could be heard, discussing topics Su Su didn’t understand.

After the meal, when they walked out, Murong Qingyi, educated entirely in Western etiquette, took Su Su’s handbag but casually handed it to the attendant. He asked, “You said you went shopping. What did you buy?”

Su Su replied, “I accompanied Mu Lan. I didn’t buy anything.” Murong Qingyi smiled, saying, “Next time you go out, tell Xiao Lei so a car can take you. If you need to buy anything, several foreign firms have accounts under my name. Just mention it, and they’ll note it down.” Su Su lowered her head, saying nothing. Mu Lan was a perceptive person and, seeing their intimate conversation, excused herself and left first.

Su Su followed him downstairs, hesitating by the car as the attendant opened the door. Finally mustering her courage, she said, “I want to go home.” Murong Qingyi responded, “We’re going home now.” Naturally, he wrapped his arm around her waist, making her flustered and unable to utter the words she had been holding back. She reluctantly got into the car.

Once in the car, he didn’t release her. She stared at the rapidly retreating scenery outside the window, her mind in chaos, feeling as if she couldn’t grasp anything, the complexity terrifying her. He always frightened her, from the beginning until now, this fear deeply rooted without reason.

Back at Duan Mountain, he went to the study to handle official matters, leaving her to return upstairs. The bedside lamp had an ivory white chiffon shade, casting a milky glow that sweetly permeated the walls like honey. Tonight, a perfect moon rose slowly among the eastern tree branches. She watched the moon, round like a copper mirror, its light misty as if through gauze. The lamplight and moonlight seeped dreamily into the room, spreading like pervasive mercury, flooding everything. She fell asleep in this haze.

The moonlight remained as lovely, faintly illuminating the bedside. Half-asleep, she turned over, suddenly startled awake. In the darkness, she felt his hand gently stroke her cheek. Her face instantly burned hot, as if on fire, instinctively pulling back. He grabbed her shoulder, not allowing her to escape. The heat of his lips scorched her, and she instinctively resisted, but he dominantly claimed her breath, pressing so hard she almost suffocated. She tried to push him away, but his hand slipped through her loose sash, trying to remove the barrier between them. Her body went limp, and he tightened his embrace, murmuring softly, “Su Su.”

A gentle breeze stirred the lace curtains, rippling like spring water.

At dusk, the wind picked up. Winter in Wuchi wasn’t particularly cold, but the north wind still carried a biting chill. Emerging suddenly from the heated rooms, they were struck by the wind, involuntarily shivering. The sound of hurried footsteps echoed down the corridor, and Murong Qingyi couldn’t help but smile. Sure enough, the newcomer arrived with a radiant smile, her fair complexion flushed from rushing. He deliberately slowed down, saying, “Wei Yi, act like a proper young lady, or Mother will see.” Wei Yi tossed her head, smiling, “Big Brother, stop laughing at me. Your meeting is over?”

Murong Qingyi replied, “Not exactly a meeting, just Father recalling a few things and calling us to inquire.” Wei Yi said, “I heard you’ve been promoted recently. Treat me to dinner today.” Among the familiar crowd, someone joked, “Fourth Miss, don’t let Third Young Master off easily. Make him treat you to a big feast.” She had been studying abroad for years and was the youngest child, so the whole family doted on her. Murong Qingyi adored this younger sister and, hearing her request, only smiled, “Who doesn’t know your little tricks? Spit it out if you have something to say.” Wei Yi made a face, saying, “Big Brother, you’re getting sharper, truly something within something and something outside.” As the siblings conversed, those around them gradually dispersed. Wei Yi then said, “Today’s Minxian’s birthday.” Murong Qingyi laughed, “I really have something today, just instructed by Father. You all go eat yourselves, and charge it to my account later.” Wei Yi tugged at his sleeve, saying, “That’s no fun.” Her big eyes darted around mischievously, “Could the rumors be true?”

Murong Qingyi said, “Don’t believe what others say. What rumors?”

Wei Yi replied, “They say you’re infatuated with a dancer, stunningly beautiful.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Nonsense. You believe such gossip. If it reaches Father’s ears, I’ll hold you responsible.”

Wei Yi pointed a finger at him, “That’s called protesting too much. Are you really not going today? If not, I’ll tell Mother about your affairs.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Stop causing trouble. Why do you have to speak for Minxian?”

Wei Yi exclaimed, “Last time we ate together, you two seemed strange. You definitely argued, so I’m kindly helping you.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Thank you very much. Don’t meddle with Minxian and me.”

Wei Yi said, “From your tone, it’s clearly your fault. Mother’s right; you need to suffer once to understand women’s power.”

Murong Qingyi said, “Look at you, is that something an unmarried girl should say?”

Wei Yi curved her lips, smiling, “You’re just like Father. You officials can start fires, but commoners can’t light lamps.”

Murong Qingyi said, “You’re talking more nonsense.” Turning to leave, Wei Yi asked, “Are you really not going?”

He simply replied, “I have official business.”

Indeed, he had official business. By evening, there was a semi-official, semi-private banquet with seven or eight people who could drink. The wine was huadiao, with a lingering aftereffect. The alcohol quickly showed on their faces, flushed and feverish. Driving back with the windows down, the wind blowing, they still didn’t feel better. Arriving home and stepping out of the car, he noticed a familiar vehicle parked there. Glancing at Lei Shaogong, he raised an eyebrow. Lei Shaogong understood and signaled the attendants, who quietly dispersed. Murong Qingyi entered alone through the back door on the veranda, tiptoeing past the small living room entrance. Unfortunately, Madam Murong saw him and called out, “Lao San.” He had no choice but to enter, smiling, “Mom, it was lively today.”

Indeed, lively—a room full of female guests. Seeing him enter, they instantly fell silent. Amidst the crowd, a pair of eyes glared at him, both accusatory and resentful. After greeting Madam Murong, he intentionally turned to speak with Jin Rui, “Sister, your new cheongsam looks beautiful.” Jin Rui pursed her lips, saying, “Today’s affair won’t be brushed aside with jokes. How will you apologize to our birthday girl?”

The alcohol was making Murong Qingyi drowsy, but he had to handle the situation at hand. Suppressing his impatience, he said, “It’s my fault. I’ll treat Miss Kang to dinner another day to make amends.” As soon as the words “Miss Kang” left his mouth, Kang Minxian’s expression changed instantly. Jin Rui, seeing that things were going awry, quickly interjected, “Lao San must be drunk out of his mind. Go upstairs and rest for a bit; I’ll have the kitchen send up some hangover soup.” Murong Qingyi was more than willing to oblige, seizing the opportunity to excuse himself. “Mother, Sister, I’ll take my leave now.”

Seeing him walk away so nonchalantly, Kang Minxian struggled hard to hold back her tears, which were on the verge of spilling over. Fortunately, she was an extremely considerate person and immediately acted as if nothing had happened, changing the subject with Jin Rui. She stayed and chatted with Madam Murong for a while after all the female guests had left before taking her leave. Once she was gone, Jin Rui sighed. Wei Yi, always straightforward and unguarded due to her youth, remarked, “Big Brother is being so heartless, it’s disheartening.” Her comment made Madam Murong laugh. “Why are you standing up for justice here?” After a pause, she added, “Minxian is a very considerate girl. It’s just that Lao San has always been indifferent towards her.” Jin Rui responded, “Lao San’s faults are all indulged by you.”

Madam Murong replied, “These are minor issues now. As long as he doesn’t falter in major matters, it’s fine.” Her voice suddenly dropped. “I dare not force him in this matter because I fear what happened to Qingyu might happen again.” At the mention of her eldest son, her eyes immediately reddened. Wei Yi felt a pang of sadness, and Jin Rui consoled, “Mother, why bring that up out of the blue?” Tears glistened in Madam Murong’s eyes as she sighed softly, “Your father may not say it, but he regrets it deeply. If only Qingyu hadn’t... how could such a thing happen?” Her voice trembled slightly at the last sentence. Jin Rui’s eyes also teared up, but she tried her best to comfort her mother: “Mother, it was an accident. You shouldn’t blame yourself anymore.” Madam Murong lamented, “I can’t help feeling terrible whenever I think about it. Yesterday, your father went to Liangguan and stayed locked in his study for a long time when he returned—he must feel even worse than I do. I can avoid looking or thinking about it, but he still has to attend the flying exercises every year.”

Jin Rui forced a smile. “Wei Yi, it’s all your fault for upsetting Mother.” Wei Yi held her mother’s hand and said, “Mom, don’t be sad. It’s all Big Brother’s fault. Tomorrow, punish him by making him water all the flowers for you.” Jin Rui agreed, “That’s a good punishment. He probably won’t finish watering them even by nightfall.” Wei Yi added, “That would be perfect. He’s always busy and never around. Spending a day with Mother is the least he can do.” Jin Rui retorted, “Counting on him to accompany Mother? Forget it. As soon as he gets a phone call, he’ll disappear again.” They continued chatting aimlessly, trying to change the subject. Madam Murong said, “I’ll go check on Lao San. He really seems drunk today.” She went upstairs to her son’s bedroom, where Murong Qingyi had just come out of the shower. Madam Murong said, “How can you sleep without drying your hair? You’ll catch a cold and get a headache.” Murong Qingyi replied, “I’m not a child anymore.” Then he added, “Mother, there’s no future between Minxian and me. Tell Sister not to deliberately push us together like today.” Madam Murong said, “I thought you two got along well before, and since you returned from abroad, you’ve often been together. Why are you saying this now? Your father likes her very much and says she’s very proper.” Murong Qingyi yawned and said, “Father likes her—Mother, you should be careful.”

Madam Murong lightly scolded, “How can you speak so disrespectfully?”

Murong Qingyi responded, “Anyway, I don’t like her.”

This made Madam Murong frown. After a long while, she asked, “Is there someone else in your heart?” There was no response for a while, only the sound of steady breathing—apparently, he had fallen asleep. Madam Murong smiled faintly, covered him with a blanket, and quietly left.

Since it was the off-season at the end of the year, performances at the troupe had stopped, though training sessions were still held four times a week as usual. The practice hall had no heating, but everyone worked up a sweat once they started dancing, so they didn’t feel the cold. Mu Lan hadn’t trained since her foot injury healed, but that afternoon, she practiced in her dance attire for three hours and was drenched in sweat. As the time was almost up, she sat in a corner wiping her sweat with a towel while watching Su Su practice.

Su Su seemed somewhat distracted, her movements a bit stiff. After a while, she stopped practicing altogether and came over to drink water and wipe her sweat. Her beautiful face glistened with translucent beads of sweat. Seeing that everyone was far away, Mu Lan whispered, “What’s wrong with you?”

Su Su shook her head without speaking. Mu Lan, however, knew the reason and intentionally asked, “Did you have a falling out with Third Master?”

Su Su softly replied, “How could I argue with him?” Hearing this, Mu Lan guessed seven or eight parts of the truth. “I heard from Changning that Third Master has a bad temper, which is understandable given his status.” Su Su remained silent. Mu Lan continued, “I haven’t seen him these past few days. He must be busy.”

Su Su finally said, “I don’t know.” From her tone, Mu Lan guessed they were indeed having a disagreement. She sighed softly and said, “There’s something I don’t know if I should tell you.” After a pause, she added, “I still want to advise you not to take this too seriously. I heard he has a girlfriend he’s very close with—the sixth daughter of General Kang. They might get engaged by the end of the year.”

Su Su listened silently. Mu Lan continued, “I think Third Master is genuinely fond of you. But what kind of family is Murong? Over these years, I’ve seen the cold and warmth clearly. The Xu family has only risen to power in the last decade, yet everyone looks down on others. Even though Changning treats me well, we still can’t talk about marriage, let alone Third Master.”

Su Su remained silent. Mu Lan sighed again and gently patted her back. “Today is your birthday. I shouldn’t have said such things. Let me treat you to dinner later?”

Su Su shook her head. “Auntie invited me to dinner.” Mu Lan said, “Are you going? Better not go, or you’ll come back upset again.” Su Su replied, “No matter what, she did raise me. If she wants money, I’ll give her my salary from the last two months.”

Mu Lan said, “I won’t meddle with you anymore. Anyway, you won’t listen.”

After changing clothes, Su Su went to her uncle’s house. The road was long, and the rickshaw moved slowly. By the time she arrived, it was already dark. She got off at the grocery store in front, where her cousin Yinxiang was minding the shop. Seeing her, Yinxiang called into the house, “Mom, Su Su’s here.” Her aunt was the same as ever, wearing a floral-patterned blue cotton-padded jacket that accentuated her stout figure. Seeing Su Su, she beamed, “Su Su, come in quickly. Last year, we didn’t celebrate your twentieth birthday, so we’ll make up for it this year.” She then said, “Yinxiang, pour tea for your sister and keep her company while I finish cooking a couple of dishes. We’ll eat soon.”

Yinxiang poured her a cup of tea and struck up a conversation, “Is this dress new? The fabric’s color is lovely. Did you buy it at a foreign firm?” She added, “Last time, A-yu from next door and I saw one at a foreign firm for eighty dollars a foot.” Su Su replied, “This was a gift from Mu Lan last year. I didn’t know it was so expensive.” Yinxiang asked, “Miss Fang is so generous—does she keep rich men as concubines?” Hearing this, Su Su felt a surge of anger but didn’t respond. Yinxiang continued, “Being pretty sure has its advantages. Being noticed by the wealthy, even if becoming a concubine sounds bad, getting money is what really matters.”

Feeling angry, Su Su was relieved when her aunt came out. “Dinner’s ready.” Taking her hand warmly, she led her into the house. “Look at you, child, so thin you’re all skin and bones. Come over more often when you have time, and Auntie will fatten you up.” She then said, “Jinxiang, call your sisters-in-law to come eat.” Jinxiang responded from inside the room, and two half-grown children rushed out, clamoring and crowding around the table. Jinxiang then came out, barely glancing at Su Su. Her aunt said, “Why aren’t you greeting her?” The children both called out, “Sister,” reaching for chopsticks. Their cotton-padded jackets were made from their older sisters’ old clothes, with worn-out cuffs exposing the cotton inside. Su Su’s heart ached, remembering how she used to wear hand-me-downs too—first Jinxiang, then Yinxiang, and finally her. Over the years, the cotton inside the jackets had become clumpy. After sweating during dance practice, the cold wind on such weather chilled her to the bone.

The youngest child, Dongwen, was eating while saying, “Mom, school wants exam fees again.” Her aunt replied, “Why do they need more money? I don’t have any.” She then cursed, “Even this lousy school bullies us widows and orphans!” Su Su put down her chopsticks, took a stack of money from her handbag, and handed it to her aunt. “It’s almost the New Year. Auntie, take this to buy the children some new clothes.” Her aunt beamed, saying, “How can I keep taking your money?” But she accepted it anyway and asked, “I heard you’ve become famous recently. Did you get a raise?”

Su Su replied, “The troupe gives extra money based on performances.” Her aunt served her some dishes and said, “Becoming famous is good. As a star, you’ll meet more people and find a good match. You’re twenty-one this year. You can’t dance forever. A girl should get married.” Jinxiang, who had been silent, finally spoke, first sneering, “Mom, why are you worrying about this? With Su Su’s beauty, countless wealthy young masters are waiting for her.” After a pause, she added, “But be careful. Don’t let anyone dig up the fact that she’s a bastard!” Before she finished, her aunt scolded, “Jinxiang! Say another word, and I’ll slap you!” Seeing Su Su’s pale face, she consoled her, “Good child, don’t listen to Jinxiang’s nonsense. She means no harm.”

This meal was difficult to swallow. Leaving her uncle’s house, it was already deep into the night. Her aunt had arranged a rickshaw for her, showing unusual enthusiasm and repeatedly urging, “Come over for dinner when you have time.”

The rickshaw traveled through the cold night, the streetlights casting a cold glow. She wasn’t particularly upset, just feeling waves of irritation. Her fingers were icy cold, clutching the rhinestones on her handbag, each one scraping her fingertips slightly.

When she reached home, seeing Lei Shaogong surprised her. He was as courteous as ever, saying, “Miss Ren, Third Master sent me to pick you up.”

She thought they had argued last time, although she hadn’t spoken, he had gotten extremely angry. She assumed he wouldn’t see her again. After some thought, she still got in the car.

The heating at Duan Mountain was warm, and condensation fogged up the glass windows, obscuring the view outside. He paced back and forth in the living room with his hands behind his back. Seeing her, he frowned and asked, “Where did you go? The troupe said you left at four o’clock.” She hesitated and said, “I went to a friend’s house.” He asked, “What friend? I called Changning, and Mu Lan was with him.”

She bowed her head without speaking. He asked, “Why aren’t you talking?” Her mind was blank, and she instinctively turned her face away. He asked, “Why didn’t you quit the troupe when I told you to last time?” This was the very issue he had gotten angry about and stormed off over, yet he was bringing it up again today. After a long pause, she finally said, “I need to work.” He pressed her, “You have everything you could possibly need now. Why do you still need to work?”

Everything she could possibly need? She thought hazily, what does that mean? She had already lost everything, including the last shred of self-respect, trampled underfoot by him.

Lei Shaogong happened to walk in and smiled, “Third Master, shall I light the candles?” He opened a paper box on the coffee table—it contained a cake. She was startled, looking at him with surprise and bewilderment. He said, “You go out first.” Lei Shaogong had to put down the lighter, glanced at her, and walked out, closing the door behind him.

She stood there motionless as he picked up the cake box and threw it to the ground. The cherries on the cake fell onto the carpet, red and bright like broken coral beads. She took a step back and softly said, “I didn’t know you knew today was my birthday.” He sneered, “So in your heart, I don’t even need to know your birthday.” Her voice dropped lower and lower, “You don’t need to know.” He asked, “What do you mean by that?” She remained silent, and this silence made him angry. “What do you mean by this? Haven’t I treated you well enough?”

Treated her well? The standard of kindness was merely keeping her like a caged bird—giving her money, jewelry, letting her charge items at foreign firms. He was buying her with money, and she was selling herself without dignity. What was kind about that? A bitter smile appeared at the corners of her lips. How was it different from soliciting? If not for accidentally having a child, she might not even qualify to sell herself to him. He did treat her differently, but did this special treatment require her gratitude?

Seeing the look in her eyes, he inexplicably became agitated and coldly asked, “What more do you want?”

What more did she want? Her spirit crushed, she lowered her head and said, “I don’t want anything.” He retorted, “Don’t act like you’re sulking with me.” She said, “I’m not sulking with you.” He grabbed her wrist. “You’re being hypocritical. What do you want? Is there anything I haven’t satisfied you with?”

Her voice was faint and weak. “I’m satisfied with everything.” But her voice was distant and powerless. His grip tightened. “Don’t play games with me. Speak your mind.” Her gaze drifted far to the window behind him, where condensation dripped down the glass. Her life was already ruined. There was no difference between tomorrow and today, nor did it matter how he treated her. Yet he refused to let her be, pressing her further: “What more do you want?”

A faint, sorrowful smile lingered at the corners of her lips. “What right do I have to ask for anything?” His patience finally snapped. “If you want it, I’ll give it to you—houses, cars, money—I’ll give you whatever you want.”

She gently shook her head. He stared directly into her eyes, pressing her relentlessly. “Look at me. Anything—you just need to say it, and I’ll give it to you immediately.” As long as she didn’t smile like that, as long as she didn’t look at him with that haunting smile that haunted him like a nightmare, stirring an inexplicable pain within him.

She felt suffocated under his intense gaze, his eyes piercing into her like sharp swords. Steeling herself, she closed her eyes and spoke in a tiny, barely audible voice, “Then... I want to get married.” The lump in her throat almost choked her. Since he was pressing her so hard, she only wanted him to leave her—but he wouldn’t. So she said this, hoping it would finally make him back off.

Sure enough, he released her hand and took a step back. His face was grim as he asked, “You want me to marry you?”

She was almost terrified but somehow found the courage to nod slightly. What would he say? Would he scold her for being delusional, give her a sum of money to send her away, or fly into another rage? Whatever it was, she had sought what she desired.

His face turned ashen, unreadable. But she knew he was angry because his entire body was tense. She began to feel afraid, for the look in his eyes seemed almost like sorrow—she couldn’t be sure. His demeanor frightened her, and her mind was in turmoil. Long-term pain was worse than short-term pain. She had already said the most terrible thing, so adding a few more words wouldn’t hurt. She said, “That’s all I want. If you can’t give it, then there’s nothing more to say between us.”

His breathing grew heavier until it erupted. Reaching out, he grabbed her shoulder and shoved her far away. “Get out!” She stumbled a few steps, her knee hitting the sofa, the pain almost bringing tears to her eyes. Grabbing her handbag, she turned and left, hearing him call for the attendant inside the room.