Chapter 42

A Snowy Night in Su Lian

It was another bitterly cold winter day, and the snow never seemed to stop falling. Nearly twenty years ago, on a night just like this, I had witnessed my parents’ death and had even dreamed of them coming back to life. But between sleep and wakefulness, I had never waited for my brother’s final appearance.

Now, wide awake and surrounded by the chilly, damp air, I had finally accepted the fact that my brother was gone. However, the clearer my mind became, the greater the pain in my chest. Thinking about the long life ahead of me, that I would be alone for centuries, filled me with a sense of meaninglessness.

I sighed and lay back down, but I couldn’t sleep. Hearing the commotion, my second sister parted the curtain and came in, bringing the imperial physician and a group of palace maids to serve me medicine.

Seeing the maid’s slow movements, my second sister snatched the medicine and fed it to me herself. “Weiwei, I know you’re heartbroken, but now you’re carrying two lives, so you must take good care of yourself.”

I was momentarily confused. “Two lives... what do you mean?”

“The imperial physician said you’re three months pregnant,” she wiped the tears from her eyes and said to the imperial physician with relief, “Quickly, examine her again.”

The imperial physician responded, stepped forward, and took my pulse. “Your Highness, the little princess’s body is still a bit weak, but her pulse is steady and both mother and child are safe. Now you just need to take good care of yourself.”

In fact, I had suspected something when my period was late. But because I was so anxious, I thought it was due to my emotional state. I never expected... I stared blankly ahead, feeling neither joy nor sorrow.

My second sister sat down beside me and gently stroked my hair, whispering, “For the sake of this child, you must be strong, understand? Now, all we have to do is wait for Divine Lord Yinze to return, and everything will be fine.”

I said, “Don’t wait.”

“...What do you mean?”

“Yinze won’t be coming back,” I lowered my eyelids and lay back on the bed. “Second Sister, don’t ask any questions, just leave me alone. I feel very tired and want to rest for a while.”

My second sister was speechless. She wanted to say something but ultimately patted my shoulder and left with everyone else, leaving only one maid to attend to me. Suddenly, the empty bedroom became quiet. I asked the maid to get a book from the bookshelf, and she took out a book I used to love, “The Records of the Gods.”

Thinking back, it was from this book that I discovered Yinze’s feelings for me, and later I had the courage to confess my feelings to him. In the end, I had to thank this book. Now, with the passage of time and the heavy snowfall, a solitary plum blossom branch reached into the window. I, who had once cared so much about the gods in the book, was now left alone. In the end, he had influenced my entire life, but I had left no trace in his. As for the author of the book, he had put so much effort into it, but he had already passed away.

I held my stomach and looked at the book for a while, but I couldn’t read a single word. Tears blurred the ink. Fate was cruel, taking away my brother and allowing that person to reunite with the one he loved, yet leaving me with this child, who was perhaps a punishment for my coldness towards my brother. After crying for a long time, I felt very tired, and the clothes draped over my shoulders slipped off. Then, I had a dream.

In the dream, it was night, and the snow had stopped. I could hear the sound of ice falling from the tree branches. I opened my eyes and found myself sitting in a courtyard covered in snow. The shadow of a plum blossom branch fell on the snow, creating a white, desolate scene. A familiar figure walked silently through the snow, and when I looked up, I saw that it was Yinze.

He was still the same as when he left Su Zhao, with black hair like night and a green robe dragging on the ground. He was holding the ink-painted umbrella I had given him, and the water on the soles of his boots reflected the snow, making it sparkle. He stopped a few meters away from me, waved his hand, and used magic to drape my clothes over my shoulders, but he didn’t come any closer. “Wei’er, it’s been months. How have you been?”

Tears welled up in my eyes. I turned my head away. “I don’t want to see you.”

“I know. You blame me for betraying you and for accidentally killing Chen Zhi. But things aren’t as simple as you think. Chen Zhi’s death was inevitable from the moment Shang Yan decided not to let him become a demon. The immortal realm cannot tolerate demons, it’s an ancient law. Even if he hadn’t died on the battlefield, he would have been killed by the gods of the upper realm for exposing his demonic nature.”

“You mean to say that this is the Heavenly Emperor’s fault and has nothing to do with you?” I stood up, but due to my weakness, I had to support myself on the plum tree. “If you hadn’t taken him back to save Shang Yan, he wouldn’t have died so young! Even if he was killed later, that would have been later! You turned him into what Shang Yan wanted him to be, have you ever considered his feelings?”

Yinze was stunned and didn’t reply.

“You’re still so selfish, you never consider other people’s feelings. Yes, you’re a god, and in your heart, you naturally see demons as enemies. But my brother is half-demon! He was caught between the gods and demons, and he didn’t belong anywhere. Now that he’s dead, he’s even been sent back to Su Zhao. Do you think he would consider himself a true immortal? He saved Zi Xiu on the battlefield, which means he still loved his father, right?”

Yinze was silent for a long time, but he didn’t argue.

“I understand now. You never cared about me. It’s just that you’re so good at pretending.” I smiled bitterly. “I already know what you think of me. Even if you don’t come to say goodbye, I won’t be surprised.”

Yinze was silent for a long time, but he no longer insisted on arguing with me. He just looked at the lotus pond behind me and said, “I’ve noticed that you like that lotus flower very much. No matter where you go, you always carry it with you.”

“Yeah,” I replied reluctantly. I really didn’t want to talk about such trivial matters.

He stretched out his hand, and the lotus bud in the pond slowly rose into the air and landed in his palm. Then, a golden light enveloped the lotus, penetrating it. The lotus looked like a lotus lantern, emitting a brilliant golden light from its translucent petals. He pushed it forward, and the lotus returned to the pond, with golden stars falling into the water. He looked at me and said, “You like things that shine, don’t you?”

“No,” I turned my head away.

“You looked like you were about to cry a moment ago, but now you’re spacing out,” he walked closer to me and smiled faintly. “The lotus flower nourishes life. Since I won’t be by your side from now on, let this lotus keep you company. Remember to eat more lotus seeds. It’s good for our child.”

At the last sentence, I was stunned. So he knew I was pregnant... I almost rushed forward and slapped him hard, calling him a heartless bastard for treating me like this after knowing I was pregnant. However, in front of him, I always cared about my dignity. I forced back my sadness and resentment, instinctively covering my stomach and biting my lip to prevent myself from crying.

In an instant, something light fell on my eyelashes. Looking up, I saw it was a snowflake. It was going to snow again. He quickly walked over and held the umbrella to shield me from the snow. “I have to go. Go back to your room and rest. Be careful not to get sick.”

“Get lost!”

Finally, I burst into anger, reaching out to push him, but my hand passed through his body, and I missed. I stared at my hands in surprise, then looked up at him. “What... what’s going on?”

The snowflakes flew sideways, passing through his body as well. He smiled without saying a word. I said, “Yinze, what kind of trick are you playing?”

“I’ve wronged you too much in this life,” he smiled slightly, his eyes filled with an unprecedented gentleness. “Wei’er, I only hope that we can meet again in the next life.”

With that, just like in the illusion twenty years ago, his body turned into a shower of golden light and dissipated with the wind and snow.

“Yinze... Yinze, come back!”

Waving my hands, I woke up from my dream, sitting up on the bed and looking around my chamber. The night outside was cold and dark, and the snow had stopped. Xuan Yue was curled up at the foot of the bed, rubbing against my knees. The maid who had been attending to me came in after hearing my call. I covered my chest and panted, my heart still racing. There were tears in the corners of my eyes, and my lips were cracked and felt foreign to me. It was just a dream.

It seemed that because my brother died on a snowy day, it reminded me of the night my parents died, and also of the illusion of Yinze I had seen before. I remembered that both times I saw Yinze’s illusion, he was holding an umbrella. I couldn’t remember what the umbrella looked like, but I vaguely remembered that he didn’t seem to have the jade ring on his finger... I touched the ring that Yinze had given me, but I still couldn’t understand the connection.

Seven days later, we held a prince’s funeral for my brother and buried him in the royal tomb behind the altar. Before the burial, according to the funeral rituals of Su Zhao, every important figure in the royal family had to take a last look at him. My second sister went first, glanced at the coffin, then turned her head away, closed her eyes, and wept.

Then, I went over and looked at the body in the coffin. Since I had held his cold body last time, I didn’t dare touch his skin again. However, my brother’s appearance was still so familiar, it made me miss him. At that moment, everyone in the altar was crying. Seeing that I had been standing there for a long time, my second sister quietly persuaded me a few words.

But I smiled and waved her off, saying lightly, “Brother was so handsome, no wonder so many girls were infatuated with him.”

Everyone laughed through their tears. Knowing that my brother was actually a bit vain and always liked to pretend to be older than he actually was, I straightened his clothes and placed a bouquet of plum blossoms in his arms. “Brother, when spring comes, I’ll go to the Fahua Cherry Orchard and pick some fresh cherry blossoms for you. I know you like cherry blossoms more than plum blossoms. This is our little secret.”

After taking a few more looks at him, I followed my second sister to the side.

As the coffin was lowered into the soil, I felt a deep sense of loss.

After that, I rarely cried, but my mood was always low. Every day, besides helping my second sister with the affairs of the state, my only pleasure was playing the qin and drinking wine under the pavilion by the lotus pond. Whenever I played the qin, the sound was like jade, and my heart would feel calmer.

When I was bored, I would talk to Xuan Yue. When Xuan Yue was not around, I would even talk to the lotus pond. The lotus was truly a sacred object of the six realms, and it was very spiritual. Every time I finished speaking, the lotus in the pond would glow, as if it could understand human language, and its light would flicker. Its red petals were as red as fire, and its golden stamens were as golden as the sun. It was incredibly beautiful. Moreover, this lotus was a bit like a shy maiden. Whenever I reached out to touch it, it would close up like a mimosa.

In my dream, Yinze had told me to eat more lotus seeds. Although it was just a dream, it was true that lotus seeds had the effect of nourishing the body. So, I ordered people to make some lotus seed soup, and after drinking it, I felt much calmer.

Because I was alone for too long, my second sister was worried and would often come to see me and chat with me. One afternoon, she brought Kong Shu with her. When Kong Shu saw my qin, he asked if he could play a piece. Of course, I happily agreed. Then, he sat down and his fingers danced across the strings, creating a mournful sound in the courtyard. As the snow fell, the plum blossoms looked lonely and desolate.

Seeing him with his head bowed, I thought of that person again. Although I had just seen him in my dream, it felt like it had been a lifetime ago. I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. Without realizing it, I was lost in thought until Kong Shu finished playing and looked up. Our eyes met, and I quickly looked away and started talking to my second sister. After chatting for a while, I sent my second sister and Kong Shu away and went for a walk in the courtyard.

At that moment, a young man in a red robe stood in the pavilion by the lotus pond. He had slightly curly black hair, and when he heard my footsteps, he turned around and smiled at me. There was a yellow mark on his forehead, and his smile lit up the entire courtyard.

“Your Highness?” I was stunned. “Why are you here again? And why are you dressed like this?”

The young man said, “Your Highness and I have been together day and night, and you don’t even recognize me anymore.”

I touched my chin and looked him up and down. At first glance, it was indeed Kong Shu, but upon closer inspection, this young man was talking casually, with a hint of flirtatiousness in his eyes and eyebrows.

In comparison, Kong Shu was introverted and reserved, dignified and serious, and he would never give such a flirtatious smile or wear such a brightly colored robe, let alone wear it open like that. Of course, Kong Shu didn’t have such curly black hair.

“Looking at this handsome little face, I’m a bit confused,” I said. “Young Master, you look exactly like my brother-in-law. May I ask your name?”

“I’m Su Shu,” he replied.

“So you’re Young Master Su, nice to meet you.” Is there any difference between saying that and not saying anything? I sighed inwardly, “Young Master Su, even your name is the same as my brother-in-law’s. It’s too much of a coincidence.”

Su Shu smiled, “I just came up with this name. Seeing Your Highness staring at Lord Kong, I thought that Your Highness might have some feelings for Lord Kong, so I transformed into his appearance and used his name as well. If Your Highness doesn’t like it, I can easily change my name and appearance.”

Hearing him say this, I was even more confused. But when I heard the word “Su” and glanced at the lotus pond, I was shocked - the lotus was gone. The lotus was originally red with a golden heart, and looking at Su Shu’s appearance, I couldn’t help but twitch the corner of my mouth. “Are you the lotus?”

He didn’t answer directly, but smiled faintly, “Seeing that Your Highness is pregnant, I transformed into human form to take care of you. If Your Highness doesn’t mind...”

I couldn’t hear what he said after that. I only remembered what Yinze had said to me in my dream, “From now on, I won’t be by your side, so let this lotus keep you company.”

Could it be that the dream was real? I panicked and said, “Why did you suddenly appear now? Who sent you?”

Su Shu thought for a moment and said, “Isn’t it because Your Highness and I have been together day and night that you summoned me?”

Although the answer had nothing to do with Yinze, I was already anxious and turned around and flew out of the palace, ignoring his calls. I found a giant bird and rode it straight into the sky, flying towards the Celestial Realm. This was probably the most impulsive trip of my life, especially while pregnant.

It was just that, thinking about what Yinze had said to me in that dream, I trembled with fear. If that dream was real, what did that sentence “I only hope we can meet again in the next life” mean? I had loved him so much, and now I hated him so much. Every day, I wished he would suffer greatly, hoped that Shang Yan would leave him heartbroken, and hoped he would suffer for killing my brother.

But I couldn’t imagine a life without him. Even if we never met again in this life, I still hoped he would live a good life... No, I hoped he would live a miserable life.

When I arrived at the Cangying Mansion in the Heavenly City, I was so exhausted that I almost fell off the giant bird.

It was night, and I knocked on the door for a long time before someone opened it. It was a servant I knew. He said, “Miss Luo Wei, you’re actually back?”

“Where’s Master? Is he in the mansion? Is he alright?” Seeing his confusion, I said anxiously, “Hurry up, tell me, where is he, how is he now?”

“This... the Divine Lord returned to the Divine Realm three days ago and is not in the mansion.”

Three days ago. So, he was fine. I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the door, panting. “That’s good. That’s good... as long as he’s safe.”

The servant looked at me awkwardly and whispered, “Miss Luo Wei, you shouldn’t come back.”

“What do you mean?”

“To be honest, I know a little about what happened between you and the Divine Lord. But the Divine Lord has already given orders that if Luo Wei or anyone from the Su Zhao clan comes to visit, he will not see them. It’s true that Zhaohua Ji is a stunning beauty, but Your Highness’s feelings for him are sincere, heaven and earth can bear witness. But he keeps changing women, first Qingwu Divine Maiden, then Zhaohua Ji. In my opinion, none of them are as good to the Divine Lord as you are. To be honest, I think the Divine Lord is blind. Since he is so heartless, you shouldn’t come again...”

“He... he said he wouldn’t see me?”

“Yes, everyone in our mansion thinks you are the best. But you know the Divine Lord’s temper. Since he likes Zhaohua Ji so much, none of us dare to persuade him.”

I was speechless for a long time. “It’s okay, I just had a nightmare and thought something had happened to him. Since he’s safe, I’ll leave.”

To be honest, the servant’s sympathetic look made me feel like a pitiful creature. I slowly left the main gate of the Cangying Mansion and walked down the thousand-step staircase. As I looked back at the tall building under the starlight, I suddenly remembered the poem I had written: “Gazing at the lonely peak and the magnificent building, my master’s family is in the heavenly realm.” Now it seemed that it was indeed a heavenly family, far beyond my reach.

Because I had exhausted my spiritual energy, I was too tired to use magic and could only walk down the steps. However, after a few steps, I saw a pair of figures flying down from the sky and landing at the gate of the Cangying Mansion. When I saw the back of that person, I stood up abruptly and forgot to control myself. “Master!”

Yinze turned around and stood on the jade steps, looking at me. He was completely stiff. Then, Shang Yan, who was standing beside him, also looked over curiously. Yinze said something to Shang Yan, she nodded, and then she entered the Cangying Mansion with her skirt lifted. He walked down the steps and stood in front of me. “What are you doing here?”

It turned out that the Yinze in my dream was indeed an illusion. At this moment, he looked no different from before, still with the same aloof expression. How could he have become so gentle? I clenched my fists in my sleeves and tried to stay calm. “I had a nightmare and thought something had happened to you, so I came to see how you were. Since you’re fine, then I’ll leave.”

Before I could turn around, he said, “Luo Wei.”

I turned back to look at him. He took a step forward and, under the moonlight, looked at me coldly. “Before, you told me to come back and give you an answer. Now I have an answer.”

“I don’t need to hear it. I know. You chose Shang Yan.”

As the saying goes, it’s better to leave some room for future encounters. We had already said enough. From beginning to end, it was he who had wronged me, and he should at least feel a little guilty. At the very least, he should be afraid to face me. But unexpectedly, he didn’t think this was cruel enough, and he added lightly, “I never loved you.”

“I know.”

“I feel guilty for mistaking you for Shang Yan. If you want any compensation, I will give it to you.”

“No need.”

“If that’s the case, don’t come looking for me again.”

“Got it.” Enough, I really can’t take this anymore... don’t say any more.

“Find a good man to marry in Suzhao and don’t come back to the celestial realm.”

His tone was so indifferent, as if we had never had any relationship at all. Thinking of his child growing inside me, I felt like a laughingstock. But what else could I do besides endure the pain?

I choked out with difficulty, “I know all of these things... there’s no need to emphasize. I know better than anyone what kind of person I am. It was my fault for being presumptuous, for insisting on being with you. If I had known it would turn out like this, I would never have gotten close to you or clung to you every day...”

He interrupted me, “You know it was you who clung to me?”

“Yes, I clung to you.”

“And you know you caused me trouble?”

“I know.” Tears were about to fall. I lowered my head, “Yinze, please, stop. I’ll be sensible and leave today, and I’ll never again...”

Before I could finish, my chin was lifted, and a shadow fell over my eyes. A pair of lips pressed against mine. I opened my eyes in surprise, but Yinze held my head with both hands and kissed me fiercely, taking away even my breath. This kiss was more intense than the first, but more desperate. Just like what he had said before, it was cruel and merciless, as if he wanted to drain all my remaining strength...

But halfway through the kiss, he suddenly pushed me away and looked away, “It’s the same as always. Bland. No matter how many times we kiss, I can’t feel anything for you.”