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“Starting the shoot.”
At the staff’s call, Hee-soo instinctively stood up.
The May afternoon was languid and warm.
Sunlight heavy with the promise of early summer poured into the ballet studio where the first scene was set to be filmed.
On the night she fled from the theater, Jae-hyuk had called her several times, but Hee-soo hadn’t answered.
In the days that followed, she occasionally checked her phone, half-expecting another call, but the waiting didn’t last long. Thankfully, her film shooting schedule had kicked in, keeping her busy.
It was for the best.
Hee-soo spent all day at the ballet studio, sculpting her body to fit the role of a ballerina, and used the remaining time to memorize her lines and practice her character. She immersed herself in work, leaving no room for distractions. Any moment of idleness brought back memories of that night—Jae-hyuk’s cryptic words, his piercing gaze, and the emotions that overwhelmed her.
Wasn’t Lee Jae-hyuk resentful of me?
Where had Kwon Chaewon been that night? Why had Jae-hyuk suddenly acted like a madman, declaring he would leave her?
None of it made sense to Hee-soo.
Above all, she couldn’t forget the fiery intensity in Jae-hyuk’s eyes as he glared at her. No matter how firmly she told herself it was over, her mind kept drifting back to that night.
‘Enough.’
Shaking her head to dispel the thoughts, Hee-soo slowly walked toward the camera setup. As she did, a group of children in tutus rushed past her. They were young actors scheduled for a brief appearance in today’s shoot.
Unconsciously, Hee-soo stopped in her tracks.
In their faces, she saw glimpses of her younger self—and the child she had lost before she could even hold them properly. A ghostly image of what might have been flickered in her mind.
Every year around this time, when spring winds blew, a chilling sorrow swept over her.
If she had carried the child to term, how old would they be now? Would they be in kindergarten? Would they call her “Mom”? Would Jae-hyuk have been by their side?
Could I have had a family?
After the miscarriage ten years ago, Hee-soo had refused every project involving child actors. Even seeing children made her tear up, and years later, the pain still lingered.
She had only made one exception: The Fall of Paradise.
Watching the bright-eyed young dancers stretch with their rods, Hee-soo couldn’t bear to look for long. Turning her face away, she focused on her script, repeating her lines over and over to steady her trembling heart.
Her mind was flooded with unwanted thoughts. Maybe if someone slapped her a few times, she’d snap out of it.
“Do you know there’s a scene today where I slap you?”
Jin Yuna approached, her tone smug, perhaps planning to inject some personal vendetta into her performance. But Hee-soo paid no attention to her words, pretending not to hear as she continued reading her script.
Lost in thought, she wondered if a physical blow might help clear her mind.
“Are you ignoring me right now?”
When Hee-soo didn’t respond or even lift her head, Yuna snapped irritably. Finally, Hee-soo slowly raised her head and gave Yuna a meaningful look, her tone earnest.
“No, I’m not. I’m counting on you today. You can hit me as hard as you want.”
“What… what did you say?”
Yuna blinked in disbelief, caught off guard by the unexpected response.
“Starting the shoot!”
At the crew’s shout, Hee-soo reiterated to Yuna:
“As hard as you can. Got it?”
It was a reminder not to hold back.
Thanks to her recent ballet training, her practice pointe shoes fit snugly. Hee-soo tested a few movements in front of the camera, adjusting her breathing.
Standing before the camera, she glanced around. Several cameras were positioned, with crew members standing behind them.
Thump, thump.
Her heartbeat thundered in her ears like distant drums.
Though she had auditioned countless times, this was her first official shoot in three years.
As she scanned the room, every fleeting glance and whisper seemed to pierce her. It felt as though everyone was gossiping about her, judging whether she would drop out again.
‘Will she quit halfway through again?’
A voice seemed to whisper in her ear.
“No!”
Without realizing it, Hee-soo blurted out the word.
“What? Is this an impromptu ad-lib for the first line?”
Kang Jaemin, who had been waiting to give signals from behind the camera, shot Hee-soo a sharp look. His nerves were already frayed as they prepared to shoot the opening scene.
“S-sorry.”
Hee-soo tried to steady her mind and recall her first line, but nothing came to her.
The crew signaled for the scene to begin with hand gestures.
Scene 1 – Seo Eun, the principal ballerina, glances at her junior, Hae-so, during practice. Accidentally bumping into her, Eun causes Hae-so to sprain her ankle, leading to an argument between the two.
Hee-soo played Seo Eun, while Jin Yuna played Hae-so.
Hee-soo recalled the scene description from the script, but her lips refused to move. Across from her, Yuna, who had been waiting for Hee-soo to speak, frowned and gestured impatiently with her eyes.
‘What’s taking so long?’
Despite Yuna’s urging, Hee-soo could only manage a faint smile, unable to utter a word.
“Seo Hee-soo, is there a problem?”
Kang Jaemin, losing patience, stood up and approached Hee-soo.
“N-no, it’s fine.”
Seeing the beads of sweat forming on Hee-soo’s forehead, Jaemin asked again.
“If you can’t do it, just say so.”
At that exact moment, a sharp snicker echoed in the room. Hee-soo’s head snapped up, but no one among the crew appeared to be laughing.
The first shoot was already proving to be a challenge. After a brief moment of contemplation, Hee-soo asked Jaemin:
“Could we start with Scene 2 instead?”
Jaemin studied Hee-soo’s pleading face for a moment before nodding and returning to his position behind the camera.
Scene 2 – Unable to tolerate Seo Eun’s insulting words, Hae-so slaps her across the face.
“I’m sorry.”
At Hee-soo’s words, Yuna’s lips twitched slightly. She was clearly trying hard not to look pleased.
“You said to hit you as hard as I could, right?”
As if absolving herself of any responsibility for what was about to happen, Yuna confirmed once more, then adjusted her expression and delivered her first line.
“Repeat what you just said. Senior.”
Thud.
The sound of Hee-soo’s own heart pounding in her chest drowned out Yuna’s voice. Her lips still wouldn’t move, but Hee-soo forced herself to squeeze out the words.
“The way you dance as the White Swan… it’s truly pathetic.”
“What did you say?”
“It looks vulgar. Maybe it’s because your usual behavior has seeped into your movements. Just like your mother…”
Slap.
The moment Yuna’s hand struck her cheek, Hee-soo instinctively shook her head. She had hoped that being slapped would clear her mind, but it didn’t help at all.
“Again.”
True to form, Jaemin signaled for another take. Sensing her chance, Yuna swung her hand toward Hee-soo’s face once more.
Slap.
Slap.
Slap.
After several repeated takes, Yuna’s breathing grew noticeably heavier.
“Director, I’d like to try again.”
Multiple retakes followed, and each time, Hee-soo called for yet another. Her cheek felt like it was on fire, but the physical pain oddly helped sharpen her focus.
“Yuna, hit me harder, please.”
“What?”
At Hee-soo’s request, Yuna’s eyes widened in disbelief. The repeated takes continued until Yuna’s hand began trembling, struggling to lift properly.
Slap.
Hee-soo didn’t even turn her head to lessen the impact when struck.
As Hee-soo endured blow after blow without resistance, Yuna’s initially amused expression gradually twisted into one of discomfort and exhaustion.
“Enough.”
Finally, Jaemin raised his hand, signaling the end of the shoot.
“Director, let me try one last time.”
When Hee-soo spoke to Jaemin, Yuna was on the verge of tears, looking utterly drained. Hee-soo, however, calmly addressed her.
“You worked hard. Thank you for hitting me.”
“…You’re insane.”
Jin Yuna muttered under her breath, glaring at Hee-soo with a mix of frustration and disbelief. But Hee-soo paid her no mind, offering a curt nod before turning away. Yuna’s presence didn’t bother her in the slightest.
Lee Jae-hyuk. Lee Jae-hyuk. Always Lee Jae-hyuk.
She felt like she was losing her mind, unable to focus on the shoot.
Ah, what am I supposed to do with you?
Sighing deeply, Hee-soo furrowed her brow as she stood there lost in thought. Kang Jaemin, after reviewing the footage, walked over to her.
“Seo Hee-soo, your cheek is too red right now.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not about whether you’re fine—it’s about how it looks on camera. The redness is too noticeable. Take a moment to calm down.”
While the shoot was temporarily paused, a coordinator rushed over and handed Hee-soo an ice pack.
Hee-soo pressed the ice pack to her cheek and stood in front of the inactive camera. She figured it would be a good idea to practice her lines a bit more in front of the lens.
Taking a deep breath, she picked up the script and began reading. Just then, Jin Yuna approached cautiously, glancing around as if checking for eavesdroppers. After hovering uncertainly for a moment, she finally spoke.
“…I only hit you because you told me to. Don’t go making some weird story out of this later, okay? Got it?”
Her words were sharp, but the unease flickering in her eyes betrayed her concern. Hee-soo calmly responded without looking up from her script.
“It was my request.”
At her indifferent reply, Yuna’s frustration bubbled over, and she raised her voice.
“Ugh, seriously! Your face is all red because of me hitting you!”
“Oh.”
Hee-soo finally glanced at her reflection in the camera lens.
“It’s redder than I thought,” she murmured to herself. Watching her, Yuna hesitated before blurting out a question.
“…How deep do you have to immerse yourself to get slapped that much and not feel anything?”
The sarcastic tone grated on Hee-soo’s ears, but she kept her response even-keeled.
“It hurts. I feel it.”
“What?”
“You heard me. It hurts.”
Yuna’s eyes widened in shock.
“Wait, so you endured all that even though it hurt?”
“I couldn’t immerse myself properly. That’s why I did it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought getting hit might help clear my head. My emotions weren’t coming through.”
At Hee-soo’s explanation, Yuna’s face flushed bright red. Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, she scrutinized Hee-soo before blurting out:
“Are you some kind of masochist?”