Chapter 70

A secret given to someone you’ll never meet again.

Just as she was about to leave, Jacqueline came out of the bedroom and handed Gu Yi a notebook. “Take this with you and have a look. It’s some career notes I made when I first arrived at Weekly. I don’t need them anymore.”

“You’re really this nice to me?” Gu Yi couldn’t believe it.

Jacqueline was in a good mood. “When a teacher sees a good student, they can’t help but nurture them. But in Weekly, I haven’t encountered many employees who are worth my time. In your eyes, I’m a big bad wolf, Medusa, but that doesn’t mean I’m really that bad.”

If you love your work and encounter a boss who is quick to give feedback, it is indeed something to cherish. But right now, Gu Yi wasn’t going to go along with the flattery. This woman had too high emotional intelligence, and who needed her black leather notebook when she could just give me a raise?

Jacqueline, feeling rare warmth from a friend, seemed eager to drink with Gu Yi. “When I was first promoted to editor-in-chief, my first nickname was ‘Black Mountain Demon.’ Back then, tanning was just starting to trend. I thought maybe a healthy kind of beauty would have authority, but... damn it.”

Since it didn’t seem like Jacqueline was ready for her to leave, Gu Yi couldn’t resist asking, “Why did you break up with Xu Guanrui back then?”

After a brief pause, Jacqueline shook her wine glass. “Had my fun.”

“I only just found out the other side of Xu Guanrui. He’s not at all like I thought. I always thought he was a deeply romantic guy, maybe I was wrong.”

“He is romantic, but he can’t only have one person in his heart. His father left to wander the world for love, you know? His whole family is a bit neurotic about romance. His mother is the type who watches too many Qiong Yao dramas, always sighing over spring and autumn. He used to lean against the window and watch the rain. The raindrops would slide over the glass, and you could see it in his eyes, like he was about to cry—he was really cute.” Jacqueline finished her wine. “But that doesn’t stop you from getting tired of his elusive nature.”

“You’re exactly the same,” Gu Yi said.

“I don’t know where your hostility toward me comes from, but if it’s because of Xu Guanrui, there’s no need for it. When he and I were lying in bed and he proposed, saying he wanted to marry me, I answered ‘I’ll think about it.’ After that, he didn’t show up for a week. It’s true that there’s something to hate about pitiful people, but you’re still too young. Just like your friend, after only a few minutes of meeting, I could tell she’s got some intentions.”

Jacqueline drank with a rare restraint and looked at Gu Yi seriously. “People who can easily find love are always more successful in society, both men and women. Beautiful women know exactly how to use the easiest methods to resolve conflicts and make others serve their needs. A woman who once used a hotel video to escape trouble, now forced to go to a marriage corner—do you think a video editor could control such a woman?”

Gu Yi shuddered. There was the sound of a bathroom door opening behind her, and Jacqueline picked up her phone to send a voice message to Pony. “You need to contact the agency. The award-winning actress on the cover of Weekly looks like a flowerpot. The light on her face is like a flyswatter. The magazine will be criticized, so we need to redo it.”

Guan Xingxin, of course, wouldn’t stay at Jacqueline’s place for long, but she still needed to pay for a place to live, and Chen Ma hadn’t sent the living expenses this month. Her parents were still out in People’s Park looking for a boyfriend, and while Lu Ming was in Shanghai, she went to Rong Mao Theater during the day.

The weather was getting warmer, and Lu Ming was arranging chairs. In the evening, students rented the venue for rehearsals. The typhoon had damaged some things, and two wooden chairs had been newly added, looking slightly different in color. Guan Xingxin reached out to help but was stopped. “This kind of heavy work, you shouldn’t do it.”

As always, he was gentle. Guan Xingxin felt encouraged. “At times like this, only Uncle Lu treats me this well.”

Lu Ming changed the subject. “What did you and Yu Dule argue about?”

“Do you remember the script you wrote with me as the background? I was raised by two families who showered me with love because of a corneal donation. At the time, I lied and said the donation was real, but the two families were fictional. The truth is... I now have four parents. Yu Dule told me he couldn’t accept that I wasn’t upfront. That I should have told him from the start. But... I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.”

Lu Ming paused in his work. “So, did your parents disapprove of you two being together?”

Guan Xingxin laughed. “I thought we’d be unstable because of it. But I didn’t expect the reason for the instability would be... not being open enough. Four parents isn’t a big deal; he’s overreacting.”

Lu Ming fell into thought. “Not necessarily. If it were me, I’d also be worried about how your parents might react. After all, you’ve received a corneal donation, and your parents might be concerned that this could be a drawback for a man.”

“You all measure me based on whether I’m suitable for marriage.” Guan Xingxin’s smile became a bit awkward.

“That’s because we’ve reached the age for it.” Lu Ming used to add “Guan Guan” to every sentence when he first met her, but now that suffix was subtly gone. Guan Xingxin noticed. She adjusted her scarf. “I’ve been staying at a female friend’s house lately, so I won’t be staying at Rong Mao’s. I just came over because I’m out of work and wanted to help.”

“Staying here is fine. I’ve been living in hotels recently. The air conditioning on the second floor isn’t working too well.”

“Yu Dule and I argued the other day. He said if we really wanted to buy a house, his family could come up with 1.5 million, which could buy a small place, or something farther out in Jiading or Qingpu. He’s saved up some money over the years in Shanghai, around 500,000, so we could buy a small house. He said we could work hard together. But there was a time when you fought for me. That period of time was my lowest point, yet I still look back on it with some fondness.” Guan Xingxin was washing green plums in the yard. Her white dress and slender fingers reflected the sunlight as it glinted off the water. She was still beautiful.

Lu Ming seemed to have been holding something in for a long time, silently finishing arranging the chairs, and then he began hanging curtains in the living room. “My family’s first bucket of gold came from my mom. She was a floor manager at a five-star hotel and knew a lot of leaders and people in the business world. My dad was just a technician at a small factory, working on the assembly line. Once, during a dinner with upper management, they mentioned that hexagon screws were out of stock. My dad’s factory was making them, so my mom volunteered to supply them. That’s how they secured the order. They didn’t make money, but later, my dad and some old colleagues started their own businesses, though most of them eventually went bankrupt, leaving only ours. Orders and connections are the hardest resources to build. My mom kept working at the hotel until she was 40, and the money flowed out quickly. But my dad was the type who was content with small success, spending time and money on cultivating me—snowboarding, diving, swimming, and studying art. When I was young and reckless, I always wanted to do something big, get into finance and investments, but I got burned by P2P. After the divorce, when I met you, I was grateful. My ex-wife actually looked down on our factory, but the orders were good, and the debts were almost paid off. I wanted to reconcile with her because I still have a daughter. Women can have their own careers, and it’s not always about relying on men. I... had a dream, woke up, and felt happy, but I’m no longer your choice.”

Guān Xǐngxīn laughed, “What are you talking about, Uncle Lù? I just want to talk. Don’t forget to eat the green grapes. It’s getting late, my friend is waiting for me for dinner.”

She stepped backward out of the yard, and the curtain Lù Míng had pulled down fell. He was focused on tidying it up and didn’t see her. The sound of her heels clicking on the ground was quite pleasant, with her slender calves and the sound all giving an impression meant for men. Her face flushed red, then pale again. She nearly twisted her ankle when an express delivery bike zoomed past her, but the delivery man didn’t look back, and the pedestrians blocking the way paid no attention to whether she was pretty or not. Not all men will look at beautiful women without reason. She had nothing to do now, no contact for Jiékuí lín, couldn’t go home, and the air conditioning in the convenience store gave her a headache. Sitting on a bar stool eating bread, her appearance looked bleak — a beautiful woman falling to the ground, almost mocking herself. She put down the bread and sent a message to Yú Dū Lè: “Let’s have dinner tonight, let’s talk.”

“I’ll be working late editing the show, things are quite busy recently.” He wasn’t lying. The episodes of the show were airing one by one, all edited by him and his team.

“I don’t know where to go.”

“Don’t you have any friends?”

The words in front of her seemed cruel.

“Right now, I care about you.”

“If you really care about me, at least tell me what difficulties you’re facing. If you don’t say it, it’s just that you haven’t made room for me in your life plan. Don’t deny it.”

She didn’t reply further. She couldn’t keep bothering Gù Yì. If this continued, she’d lose all her friends. She used to be tired of crowds, disliked places with many people, and even the slightest noise made her anxious. When she was six or seven years old, every Wednesday was her primary school’s extracurricular class, and her classmates would switch to their respective classes. Her mom would parade the old Yamaha piano that Aunt Chen had given her in the hallway, always making sure to display the “YAMAHA” logo. But she hated that life. The sound of the piano keys was unpleasant, and she preferred when she could only sense black and dark red, listening to fairy tales on the radio at home, hearing the sound of her mom pouring hot water into a thermos — those sounds of quiet sadness and peace filled her home with a sense of safety. When she hit her teenage years, the milk from Aunt Chen was often left unfinished, and sometimes she’d poke a small hole in the carton and pour it out on the floor. That was one of her few acts of rebellion. The boy behind her was a delinquent, a rare occasion where he talked to the top student like her. Guān Xǐngxīn, give me your milk, I’ll take you somewhere.

She skipped her extra tutoring session, sat on the boy’s bike’s back seat, and went to play. The boy, who often wore his school uniform untucked and had a fierce expression, took her to climb a hill — something she had never done before. Her palms were cut by the rocks, and her school uniform knee was torn, but the rare tranquility under the sun made it feel as though she could hear the rays of sunlight hitting the ground; they had a sound. He took her to rent comics, two yuan for a CD, one yuan for a book, a week’s rental, with a 20 yuan deposit. Guān Xǐngxīn paid, and the two of them would hide in the soundproof room to watch Hunter. After finishing, they’d climb over the school wall to go back, and he would carry her on his shoulders, patting her knees for being clumsy but clean. On afternoons when they had self-study, the boy would drink the milk she gave him, riding his bike to take her to her great-grandmother’s house, where they would play cards. Guān Xǐngxīn would smell the air — the old sofa and bed, and the paint smell from the metal bed. These were the smells that her mom called “poverty,” but to her, they felt like home.

Being with that boy was pure joy. Everything was unexpected — shy, sincere, passionate. Behind the teachers and “brotherly loyalty” were these simple moments, all given to her. Until one day, four parents stood in the corridor, yelling at the boy, “Give my daughter’s innocence back! She still has a future, what do you amount to?” They had done nothing, but no one believed it, after all, the boy had many fights, too many broken promises with rented books, and had even asked girls to the video halls. He still wanted her milk every day, the nutrition her father prepared for her. But the boy, who rented a small house for breakfast with water-soaked rice, didn’t deserve it.

Branded with the label of early love, the boy transferred soon after. Three years of private school fees worth six thousand yuan could be easily paid by Chen Dad and Chen Mom, but the boy could not. After she got into a top high school, Chen Mom bought a house near the school, just a five-minute walk away, with strict discipline; a life full of fatherly and motherly love — boring and oppressive. No matter how much she liked someone, she kept it in her heart and would never say it aloud. As long as she obeyed, the benefits always outweighed the difficulties. For example, now, finding someone her parents liked and marrying him meant she would at least receive a four-million-yuan house as a gift and enjoy the dowry from Chen Dad and Chen Mom.

But she wasn’t worthy. Her first two years had been extended by her parents, only because Chen Dad and Chen Mom were superstitious, believing that marrying in the rooster or dog year would affect family luck.

Now, the only friends she could think of were the ones at the bottom of her help list, robotic and emotionless. She called Liáng Dàiwén, but the call was quickly hung up, a message replied: “In a meeting.” The whole world suddenly seemed to ignore her.

Being abandoned meant returning to the starting point. She had felt this when she was alone in the dark.

Returning to Jiékuí lín’s house, Guān Xǐngxīn saw a man standing at the door, playing with his phone. The man spoke first, “Do you live here?”

“Just temporarily.”

“Friend of Jiékuí lín?” Huáng Wéndá laughed as he said this, “Zhang Jùnjié also has friends?”

“Because of the security,” Guān Xǐngxīn said awkwardly. “I had a fight with my boyfriend and am hiding from my parents. Who are you?”

“Her ex-boyfriend. Do you have her password?”

“No.”

“Too bad. I tried using my birthday, all the anniversaries, but none worked.”

He seemed refined and well-dressed, but in her bad mood, Guān Xǐngxīn thought this person was a bit unpleasant, trespassing into private property. She almost wanted to call security. But Huáng Wéndá waved his hand, “Don’t misunderstand, I’m just looking for her. I moved my company to Shanghai, and I’m seriously pursuing her. I’m Huáng Wéndá, you can search for me, I’m definitely not a bad person. I’m even on Forbes under 40, though I paid for it...”

There was a bit of depth, but it also felt humorous. Guān Xǐngxīn relaxed her tense shoulders, “If she doesn’t want to see you, maybe you should leave first. Try again when the time is right. Women don’t want to deal with men who pester them.”

With that, she turned to leave. Behind her, Huáng Wéndá called, “Where are you going? I’ll give you a ride.”

Since she wasn’t about to be polite, she got into his car after getting her clothes from home. Her parents still weren’t back, but the house had been ransacked — her real parents weren’t as controlled as Chen Dad and Chen Mom. The flowers had wilted, and no one had even changed the water for them. Guān Xǐngxīn straightened up, threw the dried flowers away, and as she got into Huáng Wéndá’s car, Yú Dū Lè was just walking past from the subway. His words “Right now, I only care about you” made him feel sad. She had grown used to being accompanied, and loneliness bothered her. He had run out of the server room, facing the burning sun as he walked downstairs. The luxury car made a turn during the evening rush, leaving behind ordinary cars afraid to get too close.

The two people, both somewhat lonely and meeting for the first time, went to a bar to drink. Guan Xingxin, who rarely ate fried food, surprisingly ordered chicken tenders and onion rings—she was famished and clearly agitated. Huang Wendà only drank juice. When he saw Guan Xingxin picking up an onion ring without even washing her hands, he frowned.

“You’re not eating?”

“I don’t eat poor people’s food.”

Guan Xingxin laughed and picked up a chicken tender, pinching Huang Wendà’s face and stuffing it into his mouth. Huang Wendà had no choice but to chew and swallow, his expression as if he had eaten trash. “Fried food doesn’t deserve respect.”

“Underestimating this? You don’t have any friends, do you? Normally, you pretend to talk about business, women, life, but no one tells you anything heartfelt. Do you think just waiting in front of Jacqueline’s house in a suit makes you seem passionate? Come on, tell me, how much do you love her? A man who dislikes junk food, but your character collapsed the moment you didn’t build it properly.” Guan Xingxin proudly licked her fingers, which had pinched the chicken tender and Huang Wendà’s cheek. Her habitual coquettish move was stunning. Huang Wendà couldn’t hide his annoyance, looking more like a wild girl than when he first met Jacqueline. He seriously wiped his fingers and the corner of his mouth, “Why should I tell you?”

“You and I, this is the only time we’ll meet. If Jacqueline sees you, she’ll definitely call security. I’m being forced into an arranged marriage by my parents, and I’ll leave after a week. You tell me, I won’t go around spreading it. Isn’t this the perfect way to vent? Read and then burn.”

After saying that, Guan Xingxin just poured more alcohol into her stomach. She drank so fast, her ethereal image was completely at odds with her behavior, and she didn’t expect Huang Wendà to tell her any stories. The way she ate was not graceful but stiff, like she had broken her lady-like image for the first time. As they turned the car back to Jacqueline’s house, Huang Wendà couldn’t help but say, “Since we’ll never meet again, why not chat a bit more? You won’t tell Jacqueline, will you?”

“No.”

“We were in the same city back then, came to Shanghai together. I worked in a PR firm handling crisis management. It was during the peak years of explosive dramas, and advertising and PR were making a lot of money. The boss’s daughter liked me and tried to marry me several times. Jacqueline learned all her PR skills from me, even reshaping her worldview. She loved me, but because she didn’t want to lose, she switched to my rival company, and we spent time blackening each other’s reputation. At that time, we were really at each other’s throats, angry all day, but naked in each other’s arms at night—truly unforgettable. I really loved her, loved her to the point I couldn’t let go. But do you know who my rival was? It was damn—my career. Can you believe it? A woman, around twenty-seven or twenty-eight, stubbornly wanting to stand on the same level as me.”

“Forgive me, but you still look down on her.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I wanted to give her happiness. PR work is tough, carrying the blame for celebrities and brands. The signing fees are seven to eight figures, and the pressure from losses is huge. You spend every year thinking about scheming with others. Having one person in the family doing this is enough.”

“Stop thinking about controlling other people’s lives.”

“Sorry, I forgot you’re being pressured into marriage by your parents. You look decent, marrying a man with similar conditions and raising kids is fine. After all, a stable life doesn’t have any standout moments, right?”

“Have you seen the video proving my innocence in the hotel room? A shallow man like you must have seen it—yes, it’s me. It was Jacqueline who taught me crisis management.” Guan Xingxin drank more alcohol, her face cold and her teeth clenched. “You want to protect the person you value, helped me escape public opinion, surprised? It’s time to take off your tinted glasses and look at women. Driving a luxury car doesn’t make you impressive. What car is it?”

“Maserati.”

“So what? I—” Guan Xingxin said, getting excited, the first time in her life referring to herself as “I” like this. “I don’t care.”

She got out of the car and walked away, closing the door. Her white, fairy-like dress flowed, and her heels made her slender ankles seem to sparkle. After drinking, she finally cursed a man for the first time. It was all his fault—he was only fit for living in Gu Yi’s jokes. Jacqueline was really unlucky to have met him. Though Huang Wendà said they would never meet again, after being lectured, he was still a bit annoyed. He thought Jacqueline had really gotten old, being so tolerant that she would be friends with anyone. Like this woman, who seemed pretty but was completely useless.