Chapter 50: Birthday (1)

Less than a thousand miles from Nanling Commandery, Jiankang remained untouched by the fires and bloodshed of Shicheng, its tranquility undisturbed. The city retained its peaceful and prosperous appearance.

By late February, spring had fully blossomed across the city. People began to shed their winter clothes in favor of lighter, brighter spring attire. Though a chill still lingered in the air, the unmistakable presence of spring drew nearer with each passing day.

It was amidst this beautiful season that Shen Xiling waited for Qi Yin to return.

If there was one thing Shen Xiling excelled at, it was waiting. She had spent her childhood in a small courtyard with her mother, day after day awaiting her father’s return. At first, she had no experience with patience, only knowing how to sit idly—making the wait unbearable. Over time, she devised strategies to cope: practicing calligraphy, reading books, or finding other tasks to occupy herself. These distractions helped ease the burden of waiting.

Now, she employed the same methods while waiting for Qi Yin.

However, for reasons unknown, the techniques that had worked so well when waiting for her father seemed less effective now. She felt more anxious than she ever had as a child, and the days dragged on endlessly. Each morning, she counted the hours, yet the 24th day seemed to mock her, refusing to arrive.

Despite her growing unease, Shen Xiling remained diligent in her studies. She continued to rise early and work late into the night, not only completing the assignments given by Master Wang but also seeking out additional texts to read. Her peers were astonished, remarking that she studied harder than even Qi San and Qi Si, the two young masters of the household. They joked that if they could match her dedication, they would surely secure top honors in the imperial examinations.

Shen Xiling harbored no grand ambitions, nor did she particularly love studying. However, beneath her gentle demeanor lay a quiet strength. Though she never sought to surpass others, she refused to be looked down upon. Life had dealt her many uncontrollable circumstances, but studying was different—hard work yielded tangible rewards. She cherished this sense of achievement, finding it both gratifying and novel.

Master Wang was quite pleased with Shen Xiling. Initially, he had assumed that this young girl relied on her ambiguous connection with Qi Er to idle away her days in the Qi household, viewing her with some disdain. To his surprise, she proved remarkably industrious, outshining Miss Zhao and even surpassing Qi San and Qi Si in diligence. During daily recitations, even Fu Rong had made mistakes once, yet Shen Xiling never faltered, earning his respect.

The days passed one by one, and finally, the 24th arrived—but Qi Yin did not return.

Shen Xiling didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t heartbroken, exactly, but an emptiness settled in her chest, leaving her adrift. When she used to wait for her father, she could at least seek comfort from her mother. Now, she was truly alone, unable to ask anyone about Qi Er’s return. She worried that his mission might not be going well and feared that he had forgotten his promise to return for her birthday.

What Shen Xiling never expected was that on her birthday, Qi Yin wouldn’t come back—but she would unexpectedly receive a harsh punishment from Master Wang.

The blame for this incident did not entirely rest on Shen Xiling’s shoulders.

On the 24th, Master Wang conducted a recitation test, handing out exam papers for students to complete. Zhao Yao, who had already been scolded and beaten twice by Master Wang, grew increasingly anxious whenever she saw a book. Even at home after class, she couldn’t focus, making it harder to memorize anything.

This time, when Master Wang handed out the test, Zhao Yao panicked. Despite reviewing the material the previous day, she found herself unable to write most of the answers. In desperation, she resorted to cheating and enlisted Shen Xiling, seated behind her, to help.

Zhao Yao tossed a crumpled note to Shen Xiling. Initially focused on her own paper, Shen Xiling looked up when the note landed before her. Catching Zhao Yao’s furtive glances, she immediately understood the situation. Unfolding the note, she saw fragmented sentences written on it—the missing parts presumably being what Zhao Yao couldn’t recall.

In truth, Shen Xiling didn’t want to assist in cheating. It wasn’t that she bore ill will toward Zhao Yao; she simply believed such actions were wrong. However, faced with Zhao Yao’s nervous and pitiful expressions, Shen Xiling struggled to refuse. If she declined, Zhao Yao might lash out later, and she’d likely face another beating from Master Wang. Zhao Yao had already been punished multiple times, her hands still swollen from yesterday’s caning. Another round of punishment would surely be unbearable.

After much deliberation, Shen Xiling reluctantly gave in, opening the note and discreetly helping Zhao Yao fill in the blanks.

She hadn’t written more than a few lines before Master Wang caught them red-handed.

Known for his strictness and intolerance of misconduct, Master Wang showed no mercy. That day, both Zhao Yao and Shen Xiling were punished. Zhao Yao burst into tears as Qi Si pleaded repeatedly on her behalf, but Master Wang remained unmoved. Not only did he deliver every stroke of the cane, but he also berated her harshly: “Such deviousness at such a tender age! What kind of place is this academy? You think you can desecrate it like this! Ignorance is one thing, but fostering such crooked behavior is absolutely unacceptable!”

Enraged, Master Wang delivered increasingly severe blows until Zhao Yao, usually composed as a highborn lady, broke down sobbing uncontrollably.

Still seething, Master Wang turned to Shen Xiling next.

Though Shen Xiling’s own test answers were impeccable, making her complicity minor, Master Wang administered five more strokes to her than Zhao Yao, each blow delivered with full force.

This was Shen Xiling’s first taste of the cane. Watching Master Wang punish Qi San and Qi Si before had been frightening enough, but experiencing it firsthand revealed just how excruciating it truly was. By the time Master Wang finished, her palm throbbed numbly.

She fought back tears, though Pei Shui beside her wept incessantly. Irritated by the crying, Master Wang’s tone grew even harsher as he barked at Shen Xiling: “Stay behind after class! This isn’t over yet!”

His stern words left all the students trembling, including the typically mischievous Qi San and Qi Si, who paid rapt attention throughout the day, fearing further reproach from their irate teacher.

By dismissal time, Shen Xiling’s hand was grotesquely swollen—first red, then turning purple. Even without moving, waves of pain coursed through her body, intensifying whenever she accidentally shifted.

Pei Shui was heartbroken seeing her in such a state, tears brimming in her eyes all day. Yet Master Wang showed no pity, keeping Shen Xiling behind while dismissing everyone else—even Zhao Yao, the instigator. He called Shen Xiling to stand before his desk.

Seated in his armchair, Master Wang scrutinized Shen Xiling with a grave expression. Head bowed, she heard him ask after a prolonged silence: “Do you resent me for punishing you?”

Still looking down, she replied meekly, “I dare not, Master. Your teachings are correct; I made a mistake.”

Her obedient response elicited a derisive snort from Master Wang, who rebuked her: “Insincere! You must be thinking that despite your diligence and not being the instigator, you ended up bearing the brunt of the punishment, receiving more strokes than the culprit herself—am I right?”

Shen Xiling remained silent.

Watching the girl lower her head in mute submission, Master Wang sighed deeply, his severity softening slightly. “Do you understand why I was so harsh with you?”

Her eyelashes quivered as she glanced up at him, hesitating before shaking her head.

Master Wang offered her a surprisingly gentle expression, speaking earnestly: “As a teacher, my role is to impart knowledge, skills, and wisdom—but more importantly, to cultivate virtue and integrity. You’re a good child, diligent in your studies, yet I’ve always felt you impose too much hardship on yourself.”

Shen Xiling’s heart stirred, her eyes reflecting confusion.

Master Wang gazed at her, his eyes clear with the wisdom of years: “Take today’s incident, for example. You didn’t want to help Zhao Yao, so why did you relent in the end? Knowing it violated the rules and feeling unwilling yourself, why did you still do it?”

He observed her, stirring feelings of bewilderment and uncertainty within Shen Xiling.

Why indeed? Why had she ultimately chosen to comply with Zhao Yao’s request?

Seeing her perplexed, Master Wang didn’t press for an immediate answer. Instead, he smiled faintly and said: “Everything in the world follows certain principles, from the sun, moon, and mountains to the smallest blade of grass or insect. Humans are no exception; our principle is called conscience. Today, I punished you not because of anything else, but because you failed to uphold your conscience.”

Shen Xiling furrowed her brows, her thoughts wavering. His words touched something deep within her, though it still felt intangible and elusive.

She listened as Master Wang sighed again: “When one adheres to their conscience, they can act freely without transgressing boundaries, as the sages say. Most people emphasize the latter part—’without transgressing’—but the former—’acting freely’—is equally important. You excel at ‘not transgressing’ but neglect ‘acting freely.’ As a result, you’ll remain trapped in constraints, rarely finding joy throughout your life.”

At these words, the fog in Shen Xiling’s mind suddenly lifted, leaving her with a profound sense of clarity.

Master Wang was right. She truly… lived within constraints.

Though she loved her parents dearly, she now viewed herself as the child of sinners. Though sheltered by Qi Er and residing in the Qi household, she didn’t consider it home. Many around her treated her kindly—Pei Shui, Feng Chang, Zi Jun, even Qi San and Qi Si—but she constantly felt unworthy, fearing that her current stability was fleeting, like a mirage destined to vanish.

She lived in endless loneliness and fear, always appearing overly compliant. Though she sometimes despised this aspect of herself, she felt powerless to change.

It was her inner demon.

She hadn’t recognized this until Master Wang pointed it out.

She had always thought of him as rigid and stern, yet here he was, perceptive and compassionate, unraveling the knots in her heart and offering guidance. Gratitude and admiration welled within her, transforming her view of him from cold and distant to kind and approachable.

He truly cared for her, which was why he spoke to her thus.

Shen Xiling understood. Seeing the clarity in her eyes, Master Wang smiled, his tone lightening: “Though you grasp the concept of upholding your conscience today, you may struggle with it in the future. It’s something you must remain mindful of. Should you feel confused again, perhaps you can consult Jingchen. In this regard, he has always excelled.”

Qi Er?

Shen Xiling paused, thinking of Qi Yin and his calm, composed demeanor. She agreed with Master Wang’s assessment: “Acting freely without transgressing.” She realized she had much to learn from him—a long journey ahead.

At this moment, Master Wang glanced at Shen Xiling’s battered palm, crisscrossed with wounds, and felt a pang of guilt for his harshness. Flustered, he cleared his throat and said: “Well, cheating is a grave offense. I’m sentencing you to three days of confinement for reflection. Do you accept?”

Clever and sensitive, Shen Xiling understood his true intent. Though outwardly punitive, this sentence allowed her time to rest and heal. She was deeply grateful.

Bowing respectfully, she said: “Thank you, Master.”

Master Wang stood, feigning severity and aloofness with a dismissive hum, then promptly ignored her and left.

Back in her room, Zi Jun was startled to see Shen Xiling’s punishment. How could their diligent young mistress still be disciplined? Hurrying to prepare medicine, she returned to find Pei Shui and Feng Chang flanking Shen Xiling, tears streaming down their faces as they stared at her injured hand, too afraid to touch it.

Zi Jun scolded them for being useless and took charge of applying the ointment herself. Though the cream was cooling, the wounds were so painful that even Zi Jun’s careful ministrations caused Shen Xiling immense discomfort. Clenching her teeth to suppress cries of pain, Shen Xiling broke out in cold sweat, layer after layer soaking her clothes by the time Zi Jun finished bandaging her hand. Her garments were nearly drenched.

Zi Jun, too, was visibly tense, beads of sweat forming on her forehead as she meticulously wrapped the wounds. Once done, she exhaled deeply in relief but couldn’t help venting her frustration: “What’s gotten into Master Wang? Yes, he’s a great scholar of the Hanlin Academy, but does that give him the right to treat people this way? Our young mistress is just a frail girl—how could he bring himself to be so merciless?”

After a pause, she added indignantly: “Our young mistress works harder than anyone else and still gets beaten like this! Meanwhile, Third Master and Fourth Master are always gallivanting around causing trouble—how have they not been beaten to death yet?”

Before Shen Xiling could defend Master Wang, Pei Shui, wiping away tears, interjected: “Our young mistress is smart and hardworking—she wouldn’t get punished if it weren’t for that Zhao family girl! She couldn’t write her answers, so she dragged our young mistress into cheating. And then Master Wang caught them red-handed—it’s all her fault!”