CS - 19

The scarf obscured Lin Zhe Xia’s vision.

Suddenly, she couldn’t see anything—only a blur of soft, fuzzy white surrounded her.

Her nose grew even more sensitive: “Can you really not see me?”

She couldn’t see Chi Yao’s face, only hear his voice close by: “You’re wrapped up like this—do you think I have X-ray vision or something?”

“But now,” she said, tears that had been circling in her eyes finally falling, “I look so stupid.”

She was already wearing an oversized coat, and now her head was completely wrapped in the scarf.

Anyone who saw her would think she was crazy.

Chi Yao’s lazy voice came again: “No one knows it’s you. The only person losing face here is me.”

“…”

It made sense.

After the tears fell, the rest of her words became easier to say.

She sniffled: “My mom… she’s pregnant.”

“She hasn’t told me yet. I overheard it by accident.”

“I’m happy for her too. Actually, I’ve thought about it many times before,” she paused mid-sentence, hiccuping through her sobs, “She and Uncle Wei will have their own child. I’ll have a little brother or sister… But all these years, they haven’t had a baby.”

“At first, I thought maybe it was my fault. Maybe they considered me and decided not to have a baby because of me. Am I… a burden to them?”

“So actually, I’m really happy.”

Lin Zhe Xia’s voice wavered as she spoke, sometimes pausing for a few seconds halfway through.

After sniffling, she continued: “Happy as I am, I still feel… a little selfish.”

“They’re really going to have a baby now, and I feel like I might become an outsider.”

“I’m afraid I’ll be left behind, that maybe between them, they’ll become the closest ones.”

Hidden beneath the scarf, she couldn’t see Chi Yao’s face or know what expression he wore now—or how he might be looking at her.

Would he also think she was being selfish?

But the next second—

She felt a light pressure on top of her head.

It was Chi Yao’s palm.

His hand rested gently on her head, petting her like one would a stray cat or dog.

“You’re not being selfish.”

She heard Chi Yao’s voice: “You’re just scared.”

His tone softened, even the usual sarcasm becoming faint: “Still claiming you’re not a coward?”

Sometimes, things were clearer to an outside observer.

And he was someone who understood Lin Zhe Xia perhaps better than anyone else.

He had long known the fear, insecurity, and unease hidden beneath her tough exterior.

“It’s not that they’re abandoning you—it’s that you’re too afraid to truly accept them. You’re scared they’ll leave you, but if you don’t open your arms to embrace them, how can you know you’re not already their closest person?”

When those words ended, Lin Zhe Xia suddenly froze.

Chi Yao continued: “When I went to your house before, I saw Uncle Wei bring you gifts a few times. Did you ever tell him you don’t actually like pink?”

Lin Zhe Xia opened her mouth: “I…”

She hadn’t.

She had always been “well-behaved.”

Never joked with Wei Ping, never made requests.

All along, she played the role of a “qualified” daughter, maintaining a careful distance.

At first, it might have been due to unfamiliarity, but later on, it was just her insecurity taking hold.

Because she had been abandoned before.

The thunder she could never forget, the pleading cries.

And the blurry figure of the man walking away without looking back.

What Chi Yao said was right—she was a coward.

She was always insecure, always running away, foolishly putting safe distances between herself and others.

“I don’t know,” she cried, “I don’t know why I didn’t say anything.”

Chi Yao’s hand was still resting on her head.

Though he didn’t say a word, the gentle pressure on her head seemed to give her a tiny bit of courage. She continued: “Maybe I was afraid that asking for something would make people dislike me, or reject me.”

As she cried, she stopped caring about her pride.

Finally, she admitted through tears: “I’m just scared. I… I’m just a coward.”

After saying everything, Lin Zhe Xia’s sobs gradually subsided, though she sniffled occasionally.

After a moment, she heard Chi Yao ask: “Are you done crying?”

The head wrapped in the scarf nodded.

“If you’re done, I’ll pull the scarf down.”

The scarf-wrapped head hesitated for a moment, then nodded again.

The scarf was pulled down, revealing Lin Zhe Xia’s clearly red-rimmed eyes, her nose red from crying too.

It was embarrassing.

But the person in front of her was Chi Yao.

Being embarrassed in front of Chi Yao had never been something she couldn’t accept.

And after spilling her heart out, she felt an indescribable lightness—as if facing this issue wasn’t as difficult as it had once seemed.

Her eyes still red, she warned: “You can’t tell anyone that I cried today.”

Chi Yao: “Bribe me, and I’ll consider it.”

Lin Zhe Xia’s eyes widened, shocked that he would take advantage of her vulnerability: “You’re such a dirty person. I won’t stoop to your level.”

But after a moment, she extended two fingers from her sleeve and tugged lightly at the hem of Chi Yao’s sweater: “Um…”

“I just calculated—I have about 500 yuan saved up. Is that enough?”

“…”

“You’re trying to,” he lowered his head, looking at her two fingers, “stoop to my level now?”

Lin Zhe Xia stayed silent.

Chi Yao smirked: “I was joking. I’m not that bored. Even if you begged me, I wouldn’t say anything.”

Hearing this, Lin Zhe Xia said: “Then let’s pinky swear.”

She thought Chi Yao would ignore her.

He rarely pinky swore with her, thinking it was childish behavior.

But this time, Chi Yao looked at her hand, reluctantly bending his finger to hook hers for a brief second.

After the pinky swear, she noticed his collarbone exposed to the cold air, and the sweater that looked like it might let in the wind. Realizing belatedly: “Aren’t you cold? Should I give your coat back?”

Chi Yao put on a fearless act: “Not cold, no need.”

Lin Zhe Xia: “How could you not be cold in this weather?”

Chi Yao: “Don’t you think…”

Lin Zhe Xia: “?”

Chi Yao: “I look good like this.”

“…”

“I just like posing.”

He did look good.

But… he was ridiculous.

The sky grew completely dark, and there were hardly any pedestrians left by the lake.

Lin Zhe Xia suggested: “It’s late. Let’s go back.”

The two walked side by side.

When they reached the signpost for Nanxiang Street, Chi Yao stopped and called her name.

“Lin Zhe Xia.”

Hearing this, Lin Zhe Xia turned her head.

She saw Chi Yao pull a piece of paper from the pocket of his seemingly thin jeans.

He held the paper between two fingers: “That scrap of paper you gave me last time—is it still valid?”

On the paper were the words she had written: Wish Card.

“If it’s still valid,” he slightly bent his fingers, “coward, I’m making a wish now.”

“My wish is—go home right now and tell Uncle Wei that you actually don’t like pink.”

He added: “Go try opening your arms.”

Lin Zhe Xia stared blankly as she took the paper.

This wish was something she hadn’t expected.

Before jokingly giving Chi Yao the wish card, she had assumed he would use it to boss her around or tease her.

When Lin Zhe Xia pushed open the door and entered, Lin He was watching TV in the living room.

The woman’s hair was elegantly tied back, and she turned to call out: “Xia Xia, you’re back?”

She then frowned: “Why are you dressed like this? Where’s your coat? It’s so cold outside today.”

Lin Zhe Xia: “I was in such a hurry to leave that I forgot.”

Lin He scolded: “Why didn’t you forget yourself outside? At least you remembered to come home.”

Lin Zhe Xia made up an excuse: “I went to a café with my classmate as soon as I left, so I wasn’t cold at all. Really.”

Lin He initially didn’t believe her, but when she grabbed Lin Zhe Xia’s hand, she found her hands were indeed warm.

“Be more careful next time,” Lin He could only suppress her lecture, “Use your brain before doing anything.”

Lin Zhe Xia made a soft “Oh” sound.

Lin He looked at her again and asked: “Why are your eyes so red?”

Lin Zhe Xia: “It must be the wind. It was blowing really hard outside.”

At this moment, Wei Ping emerged from the kitchen.

In his hands was a freshly brewed cup of hot water, which he placed in front of Lin Zhe Xia: “Here… drink some hot water to warm yourself up.”

After this sentence, the living room fell silent.

Only the sound of the TV remained.

The news on TV reported that the temperature would drop sharply tonight, possibly bringing snow.

Lin Zhe Xia stared at the steaming glass on the coffee table, her hands tucked into the wide sleeves of her coat, tightly gripping the crumpled note Chi Yao had returned to her earlier. She tried to muster the courage to talk to Wei Ping.

But the air around her was so quiet that she hesitated to speak.

She clutched the note.

She recalled Chi Yao’s parting words.

—”Coward.”

—”Try opening your arms.”

Wei Ping sat across from Lin Zhe Xia, about to ask, “Why aren’t you drinking the water?” when he suddenly heard her call his name.

“Uncle Wei.”

Wei Ping responded: “Hmm? What is it?”

Lin Zhe Xia’s fingers tensed unnaturally as she said: “I’ve actually wanted to tell you this for a long time—I don’t like pink. If you’re buying me gifts, could you please not buy those pink stuffed animals?”

Wei Ping was momentarily stunned, and even Lin He beside him froze.

Then he laughed with relief and joy: “Alright, Uncle understands. So what do you like? Uncle will take note of it.”

Lin Zhe Xia’s tense hands loosened a bit: “If you’re asking me now, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.”

“Anyway, I’m a very tough girl.”

“Alright,” Wei Ping nodded, “Tough.”

“…”

Wei Ping asked again: “Do you like toy guns? When I was young, I liked tough toys like that.”

Lin Zhe Xia: “That’s a bit too tough. Not suitable.”

They had lived together as a family for so many years.

This was the first time she had chatted with Wei Ping with a completely unguarded mindset.

The conversation was ordinary, nothing particularly special about it.

But Lin Zhe Xia knew that beneath the surface of normalcy, something had quietly changed.

It was like a little girl who had always wanted to open the door and talk to the people outside finally opening it for the first time.

Before opening the door, the girl thought the outside world would be full of dangers.

But after opening it, she realized she had always been embraced by the world beyond.

And the key to unlocking this door was simply the sentence: “I actually don’t like pink.”

The atmosphere that night was so good that Lin He coughed softly and said: “Xia Xia, there’s something I want to tell you… I’m pregnant.”

Lin He explained: “We just found out recently. I’ve wanted to tell you before, but this baby came so unexpectedly. Your Uncle Wei and I never planned to have a child, and we’ve always used contraception.”

For so many years, they had indeed never mentioned having a child to her.

“The main reason we didn’t tell you,” Lin He continued, “is that we weren’t sure whether or not we wanted this child.”

Wei Ping chimed in: “This is something that requires careful thought. We also needed to consider your feelings—adding another child to the family isn’t something to be taken lightly. Moreover, the doctor advised us to think carefully. Your mom is older now, and having a child at her age is risky—it could be very hard on her body.”

The wind outside was strong that night.

The winter was bitterly cold.

But Lin Zhe Xia felt the chill around her dissipate completely.

Finally, she heard herself say: “If it’s possible to have the baby, then I hope it’s a little sister—I can braid her hair.”

Lin He, who was pregnant, needed to rest early.

After chatting for a while, everyone returned to their rooms.

After washing up, Lin Zhe Xia climbed into bed, rolled around under the covers twice, and then picked up her phone to send Chi Yao a message updating him on the situation.

-I, Lin Zhe Xia, am always a person of my word.

-The wish you made—I’ve already fulfilled it.

-[Picture of someone appearing with a rose in their mouth]

-[Cool sunglasses emoji]

After sending these messages, she remembered something and climbed out of bed again.

Before coming home, she had returned Chi Yao’s coat, but the scarf was still wrapped around her neck.

However, Lin He had been so focused on noticing that she wasn’t wearing a coat that she hadn’t spotted the scarf.

The scarf now lay quietly on her desk.

She picked it up, flashes of memories running through her mind.

There was the scene of her asking Chi Yao to help knit the scarf at his house.

And then there was the moment earlier by the lake when she had cried hidden beneath the scarf.

The scarf was soft.

It had been painstakingly knitted stitch by stitch by a boy who seemed indifferent to everyone.

Suddenly, she didn’t want to give the scarf away anymore.

“Besides, I was planning to change the gift anyway,” she whispered to herself. “And it wasn’t even something I knitted myself—it wouldn’t feel right to give it away. Plus, I’ve already worn it, and it has my tears on it… So keeping it secretly doesn’t count as going too far, right?”

She folded the scarf neatly and placed it solemnly in her wardrobe.

Then she carefully smoothed out the crumpled wish card and tucked it between the pages of her favorite fairy tale book.

When she finally lay back under the covers, she saw the two messages Chi Yao had sent in reply.

The first one:

-Lin Zhe Xia is still somewhat honest and trustworthy.

And the second:

-Go to sleep early, coward.