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“Then we’ll proceed with Jaeil Construction as you suggested.”
“Alright. Let’s do that.”
Kwon-seok, having emptied another glass with Si-baek, turned his gaze toward the man across the table who had been bothering him all evening.
“Jong-seop, are you dating sushi or something?”
Si-baek glanced at Jong-seop, who was sitting beside him, lost in thought, holding a sake cup as if it might slip from his fingers at any moment. His empty eyes were fixed on the neatly arranged sushi.
“Kim Jong-seop.”
He hadn’t touched his drink for a while, just swirling it in his hand. Si-baek silently took the cup from him and set it down.
“…Yes, sir.”
“What’s wrong with you? Call Geon-ju and go home to rest.”
“No, sir. I’m sorry.”
Jong-seop quickly understood as Kwon-seok picked up the tokkuri and accepted the cup with both hands. Damn it, damn it. Now I’m reminiscing about sex. If anyone who knew him heard this, they’d burst out laughing. The world of sex was truly boundless. He thought he knew most of it, but there were still uncharted territories of pleasure.
Poor Choi Si-baek, does he even know about this kind of stuff? That guy was almost like a monk, except for his enjoyment of killing. He had a decent-sized dick, but his sex life was always lukewarm. Not that he had erectile dysfunction or anything. They’d joked countless times that if he ever reached Nirvana, they’d make offerings to him.
As for the eldest brother, he’d often witnessed him and his young wife going at it in the office. Sometimes the sofa would be soaked from her squirting, other times the floor would be splattered with cum, making it easy to guess what had happened. But this guy…
When Jong-seop stared at him, he’d tilt his chin as if asking what he was looking at. A little longer, and he’d probably gouge his eyes out. Damn bastard, acting all high and mighty.
‘…Fucking hell.’
It was true that he’d been so shaken by the newfound compatibility that he’d started reflecting on all his past sexual experiences. He’d slept with countless women, not just Yoon Song-ah. But as he rambled curses under his breath, Yoon Song-ah had lost control and wet herself beneath him.
No, he thought she’d completely submitted, but when he grabbed her chin and turned her face back toward him, her eyes still held contempt for him.
‘Don’t touch me, ugh.’
At first, he just laughed. He thought it was just stubborn pride, her refusal to admit defeat.
‘Fine. Don’t touch me, just take my dick.’
He turned his head away, declaring he wouldn’t entertain her nonsense anymore, but he thought, Let’s see who wins this. All he wanted was to hear her say that she enjoyed their sex, just once. It was pitiful and laughable that he was groveling for just one compliment from her. Yet, the heat continued.
He’d clearly seen her body convulsing in orgasm, her eyes rolling back. He’d felt her pussy gushing as she eagerly sucked him off. He’d even seen her trembling in ecstasy, wetting herself. He thought she’d be satisfied and her mood would lighten. All the women he’d been with before would cling to him after a good fuck. The more he pleased them, the more they’d come back, spouting nonsense about love and whatnot.
They couldn’t distinguish between biological desire and psychological affection, blurring the lines and claiming that good sex meant love.
He hadn’t expected Yoon Song-ah to go that far, but her denial of even physical pleasure was strange to him.
“Please be careful on your way home, sir.”
Jong-seop, who had been quietly watching Kwon-seok disappear into the dark night from the back seat, pulled out a cigarette. As soon as the eldest brother was gone, Si-baek loosened the tightly buttoned collar around his neck and relaxed, staring at him.
“What’s wrong with you today?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been zoning out all evening while the boss was talking, and you didn’t even finish your meal. What, did you get erectile dysfunction or something?”
“You’re the one who’s been stuffing your face with hot rice. Why are you picking a fight, old man?”
“You.”
“Let’s go get drunk and pass out.”
Jong-seop slung an arm over Si-baek’s shoulder, intending to get wasted and collapse. If Si-baek didn’t move his hand, Jong-seop was ready to chop it off. Choi Si-baek was scary when angry, and Jong-seop didn’t want to get stung like a bee that had messed with the wrong hive. But the neatly tied blue necktie was too tempting. He felt like tearing it off would be satisfying.
“Your eyes are about to roll back. Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Move it, or I’ll bust both your balls.”
“Damn bitch. You talk so prettily.”
“You’re one to talk.”
Jong-seop removed his arm from Si-baek’s shoulder and lit a cigarette. A drunk man stumbled out of a bar across the street and suddenly ran into the road, causing a scene as a taxi screeched to a halt. A woman supporting him was sweating profusely.
“What a mess, what a mess. If you’re going to get drunk, just go home and jerk off. What are you doing out here causing a scene…?”
He felt inexplicably irritated. He couldn’t stop imagining grabbing someone and beating them until his stress was relieved. Or maybe grabbing a random woman, locking the door, and forcing her into all sorts of obscene acts while he watched. Of course, they’d have to be complete strangers. If he got turned on, he’d just jerk off. For some unknown reason, his insides were twisted.
The more he thought about it, the more chaotic his mind became. Without any restraint, he felt like a broken engine, unable to slow down, just racing forward. He wanted to pour alcohol or something into himself.
A car that had been swerving dangerously on the road suddenly slammed on its brakes, narrowly avoiding hitting the staggering man. The woman bowed apologetically and helped the man away.
“Let’s call Geon-ju and go drink…”
Jong-seop suddenly felt a breath brush past his ear, and a moment from the past flashed through his mind.
‘Ha, ha, ha…’
A body had slammed into the car. It was an early morning, or maybe late at night, when an unexpected accident had pissed him off.
The girl’s face was pale, almost bloodless, whether from shock or naturally, it was hard to tell. It was a much colder winter than now, and she wasn’t wearing any shoes. She stood barefoot on the ground, her black eyes crushed and scattered like a messy stew. Her feet were bright red as she gasped for breath.
“Why did you stop talking?”
“Ah, I remember now.”
For some reason, her eyes, filled with anger, looked more sorrowful than fierce. He didn’t remember people based on their emotions—whether they were angry or crying. Half the people dragged by their hair to him would cry, and the other half would beg. Emotions weren’t anything special.
But why did that pale face, with its sorrowful eyes and tearful expression, come to mind first?
Her shell seemed unbreakable, but her eyes looked like they wanted to cry. Damn it, why does everything become so vivid the moment I remember it? Those eyes looking up at him.
Si-baek looked at him as if asking what nonsense he was spouting now.
“No wonder, I felt like I’d seen that face somewhere before.”
Seeing Si-baek’s expression, which screamed what the hell are you talking about, made him even more certain. That was the face he’d seen after parting ways with her, on the way home with the boss.
“My brain hasn’t gone to hell yet. I was blaming innocent porn for no reason. Damn it.”
“What the hell are you babbling about?”
He reflected on the days when he’d carelessly blamed porn for his memory lapses. As he chuckled to himself, his phone screen lit up with a new message.
“It’s true, but thinking about how I said it myself made me burst into laughter.”
Well, I couldn’t exactly say that I had been saved in exchange for being taken advantage of.
“I’ll call Sera for you, so tell her to suck your dick while you’re drinking. If she hears your name, she’ll probably come running even if she’s in the middle of fucking someone. It’ll feel better than drinking with just the two of us.”
“Anything would be better than drinking with just the two of us.”
“Are you trying to use me to get what you want?”
Jong-seop smirked and shoved his phone into his pocket.
“I’d rather fry you up and eat you whole.”
Just then, Yoon-do’s car smoothly came to a stop. Jong-seop gestured to Yoon-do, who was about to jump out of the driver’s seat, to stay put, and then climbed into the back seat.
“Eat up and choke on it.”
As the window rolled down, Si-baek stood there with a slightly furrowed brow. His usual expression made it hard to tell if he was angry about being left behind, but he didn’t seem particularly upset. He wasn’t the type to get sentimental over such things. His slightly parted lips seemed ready to fire off a curse, but Jong-seop cut him off.
“That’s not it, my puppy. Don’t curse. Using vulgar language speeds up aging, you know.”
“When are you going to grow up?”
“You look pretty when you smile.”
“You damn…”
Si-baek closed his mouth, shaking his head as if Jong-seop’s wink was horrifying, and shoved both hands into his pockets. He looked disgusted. Damn it, you handsome bastard. Jong-seop suddenly felt amused. It was clear that the tingling in his crotch wasn’t because of Si-baek. Yoon Song-ah. The only plausible cause at the moment was that woman. He suddenly became curious. What kind of woman does Si-baek have sex with? What kind of woman makes that Buddha-like dick of his twitch?
‘Ahh! Ahh! N-no! Get away! Ugh, ahh!’
Grabbing Song-ah’s hair as she struggled to pull away, he shoved his glans, which showed no signs of stopping, between her teeth. Even as she whimpered, she managed to push the thick crown of his glans into her mouth and started sucking. Song-ah tried to bite his dick.
‘Suck it properly if you want this to be the last time, baby. You said you don’t want to get pregnant, so why are you being difficult?’
When he threatened to fuck her again if she didn’t swallow properly, she licked at his reddened urethra, already swollen from several rounds of creampies. Her pussy was already overflowing with his cum, so what was the point of pulling out now? At his laughter, Song-ah sucked his dick with a pale expression. Her fierce eyes betrayed the innocence swirling within them.
A facade of toughness hiding a fragile interior.
Fuck. I’m hard. It had been a while since his dick stood up from genuine arousal. Jong-seop unzipped his pants, grabbed his dick, and pushed up the dragon’s claw to reveal the dragon scales, stroking it without hesitation. The dragon’s fierce eyes soon glistened with pre-cum.
“Huh.”
As he rubbed it with short breaths, Yoon-do glanced at him through the rearview mirror.
“What are you looking at? Haven’t you seen someone jerk off before? Don’t you masturbate?”
“Y-yes, sir.”
“Then do it now. It feels weird doing it alone.”
“Huh?”
“Do I have to say it twice, you bastard? Hurry up and take out your dick, you fucker.”
He kicked the driver’s seat with his shoe. Watching Yoon-do fumble with his zipper and pull out his dick with trembling hands, Jong-seop laughed. What should I do with our innocent little guy? But he wasn’t really going to make him do it. Masturbation was supposed to be done alone; doing it side by side would just be awkward. Better to face each other and do it.
“You crazy bastard. Put it back. What the fuck, pulling out your dick in front of me.”
“Y-yes, sir.”
“Hey, did you take care of Yeo-mun’s dick properly?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Are you sure?”
“Y-yes, sir.”
“Don’t stutter. It makes you look suspicious.”
He laughed as he watched Yoon-do, sweating profusely while stroking his own dick.
“What, did you already cum?”
“N-no, sir. I put it back in.”
“I told you to put it back, but did you really do it?”
“Y-yes?”
“Just drive. Unless you want to kill me.”
As his laughter subsided, the lust he had momentarily suppressed came rushing back in crimson waves. His masturbation companion was Yoon Song-ah, whose pussy was still plugged with his cum from last night. It had been satisfying.
Jong-seop slowly heated up, adjusting the pressure to delay his orgasm just enough to enjoy it. As they entered the alley leading to Song-ah’s place, he took out his wallet and slipped an extra-large condom over the tip of his dick. It was the same condom that even Geon-ju had laughed at, calling it a sock. Sera had bought a few from overseas, saying she found the right size for him. He chose to deal with the cleanup himself rather than listen to Si-baek complain about changing the sheets again.
“Huh, huff.”
His cum burst through the condom, tearing at the hole. The sock-sized condom overflowed as his cum shot out like a water gun. He thought the heat would subside after one round, but the orgasm only fueled another wave of lust. He wasn’t some newbie who had just discovered this. Why is this happening?
He felt strangely confronted by an unexpected dilemma.
Song-ah scratched at the denim clinging to her fingertips, her mind elsewhere.
The round stainless steel table bore the marks of time, a testament to the long-standing reputation of this neighborhood restaurant.
It was a place Chul-woo had recommended, with decent hours and an hourly wage that made her head spin.
When she first asked if the wage was high, Chul-woo had gone on a rant, making her sweat a bit to calm him down. She didn’t know much about the local rates and needed his help.
He explained that while restaurant jobs generally paid well, this place paid even more, so they could easily replace anyone who quit. The constant supply of replacements meant she wouldn’t have to worry too much about quitting. It was a somewhat cowardly tactic, but it worked. In short, it was a chance to make a decent amount before leaving. According to Chul-woo, there was no downside for her. Plus, it was close to home.
“The fact that you’re a student is a bit of a hurdle. Hmm. We also hire students for the morning shift. I’ll message you within three days.”
She left the restaurant after hearing they’d contact her. She didn’t have high hopes.
Early spring weather was unpredictable. One day it felt like winter, the next like a warm spring day. It was impossible to guess what each day would bring. Her mood was the same. The only difference was that her emotions changed moment to moment. One moment she’d pull herself together, the next she’d be terrified by the memories of last night, and then a hot cup of coffee would calm her down. But as soon as she opened a book, the function graphs in front of her would rise and fall chaotically.
“…Sigh.”
She stopped walking and stood still. Worried that Jin-han might wake up and knock on the door, she had sent him a message early in the morning.
Staring at the most recent message, Song-ah scrolled up through the chat history. It was filled with messages from Jin-han, all one-sided.
After scrolling for a while, she found the message she had sent that morning.
“The interview was only in the afternoon, but I didn’t tell him the time because I didn’t want him to come. My uncle helped me, so it’s fine. I stared at the message I had sent for a long time.”
She hadn’t even gotten a washing machine yet, and her ankles hurt from stomping on the blankets and mattress to clean them.
After hanging the blankets out to dry, Song-ah came out, wondering what on earth she was doing.
She had to spread the blankets wide in the living room to dry them, and now even making a cup of coffee felt bothersome and exhausting. Lying down in the living room as the sunset poured in, Song-ah noticed a dark, phallic shape drawn on the window.
Every time she closed my eyes, the grotesque image of that man’s genitals, which had tormented her, came to mind.
It was the first time she had seen a man’s genitals with her own eyes. It was unfair that her first experience was with that disgusting man’s. He even mentioned that he had originally planned to tattoo a red phoenix on his cock, roaring like a dragon. What a lunatic.
He was the kind of man who did all sorts of things to his genitals, leading a promiscuous sex life. He wasn’t worth dealing with, and Song-ah didn’t want to think about him, but he had left a deep scar on her most vulnerable part, and now he haunted her mind at random times, tormenting her. Every time she walked, the soreness between her legs reminded her of what he had done.
She couldn’t ignore it or just let it go.
Since Kim Jin-han and her lived in the same building, Song-ah was bound to run into him again. But it felt unfair to move out after less than a month of living here. Even if she moved, there was no way to fix what had already happened, and it didn’t seem like things would get any better. To cut ties with Kim Jong-seop, she’d have to avoid Jin-han too, which meant changing academies and, more importantly, considering her financial situation. There was no easy solution. With the priority being to buy a washing machine, what else could she do?
“……”
Song-ah ruffled my hair in frustration. People say your twenties are the best years, but here she was, turning twenty, and nothing was going right. Seventeen, eighteen, and even nineteen had been hellish, and now twenty was shaping up to be the same.
The present is the result of countless past choices. So, what was the critical mistake in her decisions that led her to this point?
Choosing Kim Jong-seop over Lee Sang-heon? No, that was just one of many choices shaped by past mistakes, not the root cause of this mess.
Even if she had chosen Lee Sang-heon, pain would have followed. The real mistake was something else.
When Yoon Hyung-woo and Lee Sang-heon started living together, should she have moved out? Or run away from home? No, that wouldn’t have solved anything either.
Song-ah would have faced a different set of troubles.
Overcoming one obstacle only leads to another.
No matter how much she dwelled on the past, it was clear that nothing would change.
No matter when it started or what choices she made, the past was a quagmire. It was the worst.
If nothing would change significantly no matter what she did, then her current regrets and worries were utterly meaningless.
A car was parked arrogantly at the entrance, its black surface gleaming.
For a while, Song-ah didn’t even want to look at anything black.
“Why is this car parked here? Is the driver a resident?”
As she stared at the sedan, a light turned on in the hallway above. The sound of footsteps descending echoed. Since she lived on the third floor, Jin-han on the second, and a young couple on the first, the person coming down was likely Jin-han.
Song-ah didn’t really want to see his face right now, but thinking about it, there was no reason to feel awkward. Jin-han and her had nothing to be awkward about—they were just schoolmates and academy peers. It wasn’t like he was the only one in that category.
The only awkwardness came from the fact that she had slept with his uncle.
“Hey, Song-ah!”
Behind Jin-han, who was coming down the stairs, she saw another familiar face. Thick eyebrows, a straight nose, a sharp T-zone, and unusually red lips. Without realizing it, she took a step back as the two faces approached.
As she retreated, his gaze immediately shifted to her sneakers. His eyebrows twisted, losing their neatness, but the corners of his mouth curved softly.
“Hi. We meet again.”
“Song-ah. We’re going out for dinner. Come with us. My treat.”
“No, I…”
“Come on. You should at least say hello to the person who helped you yesterday. Right? I’ll introduce you to my uncle too.”
Song-ah had made up an excuse about being helped, but hearing Jin-han’s words made her feel absurd.
Jin-han smiled, wrapping his words around her like a noose. She had already repaid him—no, more than repaid him—but saying that would be like admitting defeat even if a knife were at my throat.
“I’ll thank him separately. Right now, I…”
“But I want to hear it now.”
This madman was doing mad things. Song-ah hadn’t even come up with a strategy for dealing with him yet, and here she was, facing him unarmed and unprepared. It was a dangerous situation.
“Trying to skip out? I didn’t think Jin-han’s girlfriend was like this. What a thug.”
He frowned as if she had actually stolen money from him, and Song-ah almost cursed out loud. Kim Jong-seop, who had been watching her intently, chuckled.
“Ah, Uncle. Our Song-ah isn’t like that.”
He was completely insane.
It was the same Korean restaurant Jin-han and she had visited before.
The owner greeted them warmly and led them to a table. She even asked Jin-han how he was doing.
“Army stew and two bottles of soju.”
They ordered army stew, but since it was a Korean restaurant, a ton of side dishes came with it. It seemed like they gave them extra because we were regulars.
Jin-han naturally sat next to Song-ah, and Kim Jong-seop sat across from them.
“Let’s start with two bottles. If you can’t handle it, don’t force yourself. Swallowing it straight is better than holding it in your mouth—it’ll make you less drunk.”
Jin-han spoke as if he were explaining how to use a new product. Song-ah already knew that, but she didn’t bother correcting him. If she were to point out what was wrong, the real mistake was sitting at this table in the first place.
There was no way she could eat properly in such an uncomfortable situation. So, her eyes drifted to the soju glass.
She had drunk with Chul-woo before, but alcohol wasn’t something she was familiar with or enjoyed.
Song-ah hadn’t exactly lived as a model student, but she graduated without ever properly rebelling like everyone else. Looking back now, it felt a bit unfair.
She poured just enough soju into the small glass for a sip and downed it in one go for her own sake.
Who would have thought I’d be sitting across from that lunatic, sharing a meal after what happened yesterday? Song-ah debated getting up and leaving dozens of times in her mind.
While Song-ah was lost in meaningless thoughts, the man in front of her filled his beer glass with soju. He drank more than half of it without his complexion changing, only slightly furrowing and then relaxing his brow.
He had eyes, a nose, and a mouth like hers, and his heart was in the same place, but there was nothing similar between them. It was strangely fascinating.
The ethanol smell lingered in her mouth, making her nauseous. Thinking it might be because she was drinking on an empty stomach, she quickly ate a piece of ham from the stew. She didn’t even like ham, but chewing it after swallowing the bitter soju soothed her tongue.
Song-ah held out my empty glass to Jin-han, who couldn’t hide his smile as he poured her another drink.
Song-ah swallowed another glass in one go, closing and opening her eyes. Kim Jong-seop came into view. Since he was sitting across from me, it was natural to see him unless I deliberately avoided his gaze. Unlike yesterday, when his eyes were filled with lust, now he just watched me quietly, his thoughts unreadable.
“I’ll be right back. Going to the restroom.”
Jin-han got up and left, his belly full from the stew.
With Jin-han, the only one who had been chatting away, gone, the table fell silent. Well, the other tables were noisy with chatter, but ours felt like it was surrounded by a wall of silence.
A few glasses of soju gave her courage, and she thought she might as well say the things she hadn’t been able to earlier. Song-ah made eye contact with Kim Jong-seop, who had been staring at her.
She wasn’t so naive that she couldn’t look a man in the eye after having sex, but doing so sober and directly felt strange. It wasn’t pleasant—if anything, it was uncomfortable, but labeling it as just discomfort felt too simplistic.
Song-ah rested her arms on the table and propped hermy chin on her hand, looking at him. He thought she was about to curse, but she was still holding the words in her mouth. Sure enough, those annoying lips curled into a smirk.
“You’re going to get fucked up.”
“Why are you here? Planning to rape someone else?”
At the word “rape,” his smooth skin twitched as if he’d heard it all before. He just scratched his ear.
“Look at the way you talk. I didn’t even get a thank you, and here you are scolding me.”
“A thank you… Are you out of your mind?”
“You were all teeth with Jin-han, saying he helped you and all that.”
“That’s...”
How could she, without being insane, tell Kim Jin-han that she had sex, like rape, with his uncle for a series of reasons?
“I practically wore my dick out for you, and this is how you repay me? You’re making your dick’s owner upset. I’m still sore from all the service.”
A wave of hot drunkenness rushed to her face. It was unclear whether the heat was from the alcohol or the escalating anger.
“...Fuck.”
So, she expressed her anger under the guise of drunkenness. The impulse to slap him, pretending to be drunk, was brief but intense.
“Yeah, fuck you too.”
The man laughed and poured soju into an empty glass. Then, he tilted his head back and emptied the glass. Even the way his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down was arrogant and conceited.
She had to suppress the sudden surge of impulse. Otherwise, she might get slapped in return. Her labia were already swollen and sore from peeing; she couldn’t afford to have her cheek swollen too.
Staying here any longer would only lead to her getting entangled with this man in some way.
“I have to go, so I’ll leave first. Tell Jin-han oppa when he comes.”
The man, who had been watching with his arms crossed, simply nodded with a smile. Even the tattoo on his unruly neck was irritating. She briefly considered hitting him if he followed her out, but dismissed the idea. This kind of violent emotional release wasn’t her style. That was something people like Kim Jong-seop did. To quell her frustration, she needed to leave this man as soon as possible.
After calmly paying the bill and opening the door, she ran into Jin-han, who was returning from the bathroom outside the building.
“What? Are you leaving already?”
“Yes. I wish I could have bought you something more expensive, but I hope this is okay. I’ll buy you something next time.”
“Why are you buying? Oh, is it because of what I said earlier? I was just kidding.”
“Thinking about it, I have a lot to thank you for. You found me a study center, and the house too. I know I could have found them myself, but you still took the time for me.”
She knew how much effort it took. As he said, it wasn’t a selfless act, but from his perspective, it was a waste of his precious time.
“I did it because I wanted to help you. You’re too calculating.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m just grateful...”
“I know, man. A pretty girl like you couldn’t have missed my feelings.”
“That has nothing to do with anything, but why does it sound so natural?”
As she smiled weakly, Jin-han’s smile deepened.
While fiddling with her bag and looking down at his neatly tied sneakers, Jin-han led her to the side. As they approached the entrance to an alleyway, she smelled Jin-han’s cigarette. It seemed everyone came here to smoke after leaving the restaurant. As proof, cigarette butts were scattered at their feet.
“This is the ninth time, and I’m serious this time. Not that the previous times were a joke.”
“If you’re going to say something weird again...”
“Let’s date. I’ll treat you well.”
Come to think of it, all eight of his confessions were like that. He would suddenly say it while eating, or without warning on the way home. He never seemed to get tired of it. It was so presumptuous that it was unpleasant.
No, thinking about it, this was normal. It wasn’t strange to confess to someone you liked. But why did she keep thinking about that man even in this situation? Was a relationship based on lust, not love, justified?
‘How can you do that with a woman you barely know?’
‘What’s the problem?’
How could there not be a problem? Even though he was presumptuous, Jin-han, who was trying to win her heart, was expressing his feelings much more healthily. If the woman felt the same way as that man, a relationship based solely on physical intimacy might be okay.
“I’ve done everything I could to win you over, and I meant it all. Can’t you give me an answer today?”
“...Jin-han oppa.”
“You don’t have to like me. I’m confident I can make you like me while we’re together. Man, I don’t know how to convince you.”
Jin-han scratched the back of his head, looking troubled. It was a familiar expression, but this was the first time she heard his trembling voice in a serious appeal.
“When I saw you getting your hair pulled by some random guy yesterday, I almost lost it. I might not be much help, but is it selfish of me to want to be by your side?”
“Why? Because I’m pretty?”
“If I liked you just because you’re pretty, I’d be a king with a thousand wives by now. Of course, you’d still be the prettiest even if there were three thousand of them. You said it yourself, remember? That loneliness is nothing, that humans live alone. But when you said that, I wanted to be by your side. My high school life was shitty, but you were the only reason I went to school. I was wondering if I could become someone important to you. Man, this is embarrassing. I’m not saying this out of pity.”
What was he talking about? She tried to recall the past.
Ah, it was during gym class, wasn’t it? She was sitting on a bench, watching her classmates get excited about a boring soccer game, when Jin-han approached. He asked if she was bored and suggested they have lunch together, two lonely people not being lonely. That’s when she said those sharp words, thinking he was pitying her. But he had been thinking this all along.
“My life isn’t that great either. Do I have the right to pity you? Maybe it’s more like a sense of kinship. I feel so excited and happy when I’m with you. I can give you more reasons, but will that give me extra points?”
“Not really.”
“Man, Yoon Song-ah.”
He pouted, but quickly looked anxious, afraid she might reject him outright.
She didn’t feel excited, but could she still stand at the starting line with him? As he said, maybe they could grow to like each other if they walked together. She smiled self-deprecatingly.
She didn’t have the luxury to date. She was busy juggling part-time jobs and studying, living, no, surviving, day by day. Did any of this even matter?
Then, she suddenly felt resentful that she had graduated high school without ever having a common teenage rebellion.
In a situation where she didn’t even know if she could sleep soundly tomorrow, was dating really that difficult? Thinking like that, her heart became infinitely generous.
Sensing her hesitation, Jin-han moved closer.
“...Yoon Song-ah.”
But unfortunately, she wasn’t impulsive enough to make important decisions on a whim. Humans were animals that repeated the same mistakes and regrets.
Her one act of rebellion with Kim Jong-seop was enough. It was already driving her crazy.
“...I’ll think about it.”
“Until when?”
“Before the next mock exam... maybe?”
“That’s two weeks away.”
He looked disappointed and twisted his body, but he was grinning, so he must have liked her answer. Considering her past responses, it was understandable. Ignorance, ignorance, ignorance, ignorance. It wasn’t intentional, but that’s how it must have seemed. She hadn’t even realized Jin-han was confessing.
Last night, after showing her first-ever unsightly behavior in front of that thug-like gangster, she closed her eyes, wondering if she should bite her tongue. But then the man rubbed his glans and said something. She asked again, thinking she had misheard.
‘What do you mean, keep going?’
‘What are you asking? You heard me.’
‘Why are you asking for my opinion now, after raping me?’
‘Since we’re going to do it anyway, wouldn’t it be better for both of us if it’s consensual sex? It’s a win-win for both of us.’
Win-win my ass, it’s a draw at best, you psycho.
Swallowing the curse born of resentment, she paused, trying to figure out how to insult him without using profanity, but he spoke first.
‘I’ll take care of Yoon Hyung-woo, just like you said. But on these conditions.’
‘I’d rather die by Yoon Hyung-woo’s hand.’
The man smirked, knowing her, or rather, Yoon Hyung-woo, too well. She must have looked ridiculous, revealing who Yoon Hyung-woo was in front of someone like him. He probably thought, “That’s what you get for talking like that at your age.”
‘If you just die quietly, it’ll be a good death. You know it all, don’t pretend you don’t, Yoon Song-ah.’
Before that, what might Yoon Hyung-woo do to you? Rape? Gang rape? Kidnapping for prostitution? That bastard isn’t someone who would stop at anything if it meant ruining you, right? If Yoon Hyung-woo were such a simple and easy person, you wouldn’t have run away from home like this, right? Let’s say you somehow managed to escape him.
You’d probably get gang-raped by some guy named Sang-heon or Ha-hyun. With your legs spread wide open, do you think the guys coming after you would stop there? With their dicks hard and ready, who knows how many more will come. Haha, damn, how can you even focus on studying?
If that’s the case, since you’ve already gone this far, why not sleep with me a few more times? Wouldn’t it be better for you to deal with just one risk, me?
He calmly outlined the path of his crumbling life as if advising a high school senior to retake the college entrance exam after failing it. I wanted to shout back, “What do you know about my life?” But doing so would be like trying to cover the sky with the palm of my hand—pointless.
Moreover, every word he spoke was a fact, making me realize anew how tragic it was that someone like Yoon Hyung-woo was my only blood relative.
Even if I tried to explain or justify myself now, he was someone who already knew everything.
Such excuses might work on someone who’d listen. Arguing over pointless things wasn’t worth it, especially with the aftermath of my first sexual experience still heavy on my mind. Under extreme conditions, my brain felt more rational and logical than ever.
Thinking back, I was the one who went to him in the first place, asking him to ruin Yoon Hyung-woo’s life. Of course, at the time, I had no idea Kim Jong-seop was this kind of person. Thugs aren’t exactly known for having great character or manners, but I never imagined he could be this despicable. He was unlike anyone else I had categorized as human.
Overwhelmed by regret, I slowly turned the corner of the alleyway with Cheon-cheon, arriving under the awning of a small restaurant where I spotted Kim Jong-seop smoking a cigarette.
The man in the pink shirt that suited him perfectly, with an exterior impossible to ignore, had made me feel uneasy from the moment I first laid eyes on him, regardless of the setting. Sometimes physically, sometimes mentally, and now, it seemed, mentally again.
Judging by the length of the cigarette, he must have been here for a while. Perhaps he overheard my conversation with Jin-han. But it didn’t really matter.
“Oh, Uncle. Sorry for leaving you drinking alone. Let’s go to my place for round two. Song-ah, you should come too.”
“I think I’ll go home and rest. I have some things to take care of tonight.”
He clearly forgot that he was supposed to be a repeater student. Even if Jin-han remembered, he wouldn’t normally let someone stay out late like this.
Since he had dragged me along once, he didn’t insist a second time.
“Since we’re going in the same direction anyway, let’s walk home together. I won’t ask you to stay longer.”
As Kim Jong-seop puffed on his cigarette filter, exhaling faint smoke, I stood motionless, inhaling the acrid fumes. His eyebrows didn’t twitch once, betraying no emotion. The only one unsettled here was me. I swallowed my frustration, hoping he wouldn’t say something trashy in front of Jin-han.
But then, alongside the cigarette smoke, Kim Jong-seop muttered something peculiar.
“She’s your girlfriend, huh?”
“Ah, well, Uncle…”
Jin-han scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to do.
Jin-han, who had been floating like an excited cloud, suddenly deflated like soaked cotton. He looked like someone whose tail was on fire, glancing nervously at me.
“Well… Song-ah.”
Just as Jin-han swallowed dryly and began to speak, his phone rang—or maybe it was Kim Jong-seop’s. The latter stopped blowing smoke and answered the call. For some reason, I found myself more focused on the words slipping past Kim Jong-seop’s lips than on Jin-han’s stuttered excuses. I was in a somewhat sensitive state.
“Yes, hyung-nim. No, I’m nearby. Yes, I’ll head there right now.”
It was the first time I’d heard this man use such polite speech. Though it carried a hint of arrogance and defiance, it also conveyed respect. Though I didn’t know him well, he didn’t seem like the type to act insincerely just to lower himself. This politeness likely stemmed from genuine respect.
Thunk—the cigarette dropped to the ground and was mercilessly crushed under Kim Jong-seop’s shoe.
“Oh, Uncle. Do you have to go now?”
“You’ll rip your mouth apart if you keep talking.”
“When did I ever say that?”
“Eat moderately and go home. Don’t drink until your head explodes. I’ll pay for damages, but I won’t stitch up a busted head.”
“Ah, Un-Uncle! That was ages ago. Why are you still bringing it up? Don’t worry, just go inside.”
“I’ll see you later, Jin-han’s girlfriend. Oh, thanks to you, I ate well yesterday.”
Kim Jong-seop flicked away the nearly burned-out cigarette butt and walked off. It was clear he was someone intent on shattering whatever peace remained in my life.
“Yesterday? Not today?”
“Well, but what’s this about a girlfriend? I thought I hadn’t given an answer yet.”
“Oh, that. Sorry.”
Jin-han’s endless apology began with “The reason I said that was…”
By now, the mattress must have dried completely. All Song-ah wanted was to go inside and rest.
“Well, go rest. I have an appointment, so I need to leave.”
“Did you bring me home on purpose?”
“Oh, my friend is throwing a drinking party before enlisting in the military. He’s been pestering me to come. Got to go. They always make a fuss about enlistment. I’ll humor them a bit and come back. Oh, and there’s a killer pig’s feet place on the way. I’ll bring some back. Knock when I arrive, okay?”
“There’s no need…”
“Prepare your chopsticks!”
Jin-han waved goodbye, holding up his phone, and quickly disappeared around the corner.
The car parked conspicuously in front of the building was gone. It must have been Kim Jong-seop’s car, perhaps taken by one of his subordinates. He had walked away earlier after drinking, so this was the most plausible explanation.
Lost in trivial thoughts, I climbed the stairs.
As I entered the door lock code, I realized something was wrong. Opening the door, I instinctively glanced below the shoe rack. Even though I had left home, the trauma I couldn’t shake still bound me like a noose. Seeing those familiar brown shoes felt like having my heart stomped on.
“...Grandpa. How did you get in? How?”
I swore never to let anything related to my past enter this space again, but promises like that are often just wishful thinking. There sat Yoon Hyung-woo, mocking me with his presence. The apartment smelled pleasantly due to fabric softener he’d used to wash clothes by hand.
This scent was absent from the house where I lived with Yoon Hyung-woo. That place always reeked of strong perfume.
“You thought running away would solve everything? Did you think I wouldn’t find you?”
The man sneered openly at her attempt to create her own territory here.
“You’ve enjoyed luxury with my money all this time. How long do you think you can last in this tiny room?”
Tsk. Yoon Hyung-woo clicked his tongue and looked down on her with disdain. That gaze—it was both familiar and nauseating. Luxury? Never for a moment did I enjoy taking his money, knowing he’d eventually demand repayment through threats.
“I invested so much in you. Paid for your schooling, provided meals, bought your textbooks. After raising you well, you dare betray me like this?”
“Well-raised? You raised me as a puppet for your business schemes. What are you even trying to say now?”
“Sang-heon came here, didn’t he?”
The name I didn’t want to hear slipped out. My face froze, and Yoon Hyung-woo’s eyebrows twitched.
“He did come.”
“That dirty thing you’re imagining—he didn’t—”
A slap sent me flying to the floor. Kim Jong-seop was right. If he were a simple man, I wouldn’t have survived living in Yoon Hyung-woo’s house this long.
Slap, slap. As I raised my hands to shield my face, he grabbed my hair and yanked my head up.
“How you resemble your mother. If only she hadn’t seduced my son. Your actions are no different. You think I tolerated you because I cared?”
“Don’t talk about my mom. She doesn’t deserve to hear such things from you.”
My mother lived a respectable life and had no reason to endure insults from someone like Yoon Hyung-woo. Though memories were hazy, that much was clear.
Finally, Yoon Hyung-woo revealed the hatred he had bottled up toward me.
“You shouldn’t defy me like this, Song-ah. When did Sang-heon come? Answer me.”
The man, despite his age, was consumed by an obsession with virility. His abnormal sexual desires, fixation on his lover, and contempt whenever his partner showed lustful interest—all intertwined with his inferiority complex toward his granddaughter. These festering wounds were beyond healing.
“The blood that runs through me, did you think I wouldn’t know? I suspected something was going on. The way you behave, I figured it was only a matter of time.”
“I...”
Song-ah wiped the tears that spilled uncontrollably from her eyes, overwhelmed by the shock. She raised her head.
“I resent it, I curse it. The fact that your blood flows in my veins—it’s shameful, humiliating.”
With great effort, she steadied herself on her knees and stood up.
“I never did those filthy things with your lover. That’s why I left that house. My life is already a mess.”
“So one wench runs away while another thief lays hands on my safe?”
“No, no! I didn’t do anything!”
“Do you think a fire starts for no reason? If you hadn’t been shaking your ass around, flaunting yourself, I told you to stay quiet like a dead mouse. A young girl like you, already touching what doesn’t belong to you, without a shred of fear—how dare you.”
A trap, a hell, impossible to escape without dying. What more could she do to get away from Yoon Hyung-woo? Enough already. It was all so maddening, nauseating. Living side by side with Yoon Hyung-woo, hating each other every step of the way—it was unbearable.
When Yoon Hyung-woo raised his hand again as if to strike her, Song-ah pushed him back with all her strength and ran out of the house. And then she ran. Just like that winter morning in her first year of high school.
She still felt cold, frozen inside. She ran like a madwoman, just running and running.
Song-ah climbed the building stairs two at a time. Passing by the boxing gym, she collapsed onto the steps near the darkened Shinwon Financial office. Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms tightly around them.
In the end, she had come back here again.
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