Chapter 68

Fortunately, Song Muchen patiently waited for Nan Yi and did not rush her to speak.

“I encountered Xie Que Shan and almost got killed by him...” Nan Yi steadied her emotions, leaving out some of the more difficult parts of the story, speaking partly truthfully, partly with some embellishment. “Then I overheard him planning to annihilate the Yucheng army, so I injured him and found a way to escape in order to send a warning. Mr. Song, I will never be able to return to the Xie family, and there is no place for me in the Lidu Prefecture. Even if you send me to Jinling, with my current abilities, I’ll struggle to make a living. That’s why I truly want to learn some self-defense skills, which is why I said I wanted to stay with the Yucheng army.”

In the dim light, Song Muchen looked at Nan Yi. He realized that in just a few short days, she had changed immensely. The girl he had sent off from the painting boat was timid and uneasy, like a fragile wildflower, clinging to something vague and drifting forward desperately. He had tried to send her to a safer place, but he had overlooked the fact that no matter where she went, she was like a drifting reed with no roots.

But now, some of the fear in her eyes had disappeared, and he wasn’t sure whether this was a good or bad thing. The good part was that she had become fearless. The bad part was that whatever had once supported her seemed to have collapsed.

He remembered the time she had asked him if he had anything he wanted to do in the future, and he had answered affirmatively. Her expression had been pleased.

In her heart, a person could only live if they had something they wanted to do.

Had the thing in her heart already faded away?

He didn’t dare to ask further. He was afraid that it might be a wound for her. But he wanted to give her a place to go, a sense of belonging.

“Madam, have you considered joining the Bingzhu Division?” he asked.

By saying this, he was openly revealing his own identity to her.

Nan Yi widened her eyes in shock. “Me?”

“Yes,” he replied firmly.

“How could I be worthy?” Nan Yi blurted out in surprise.

“How could you not be worthy, Madam? You saved Lord Xie, uncovered the spy in Wangxue Valley, helped Xie Liu countless times, and even saved the Yucheng army today. All of these things make you far more capable than any agent in Lidu Prefecture. Perhaps you’ve never realized it, but you are like a piece of uncut jade. Once or twice might be luck, but every time you’ve been able to turn danger into safety, it shows that your strategy, wisdom, and even your intuition and judgment are no less than anyone else’s.”

Nan Yi felt as if Song Muchen was speaking about someone else, but each point he made was exactly about her, wasn’t it?

She had never viewed herself from that perspective. She had always thought of herself as that wandering little thief, but when had she started... to find her footing?

She had made friends she had never imagined she would have connections with, and she helped these people, who, in turn, helped her.

Each time she had narrowly escaped death, she gained new insights and understandings. Each time she had survived in tight situations, she had taken another step forward from her ignorance, slowly starting to see the complexity of the world and human nature. Unconsciously, she had undergone certain transformations.

Xie Que Shan, the mere thought of his name made her shiver. But his presence was everywhere in her growth. The storms he brought into her life had become the nourishing rain that allowed her to take root and sprout. And when she finally grew a sturdy trunk and stretched her branches, she suddenly realized she might not be a mere grass, but a tree.

Now, she no longer needed to kneel and beg. She could negotiate with the Yucheng army on equal terms. If they didn’t make her kneel, she would never kneel again. She walked confidently in this chaotic world.

She hated him, but her feelings were complicated. She couldn’t fully describe them. Though she had escaped, she always felt like the ropes he had bound her with were still tied to some part of her body. Just thinking of him made her heart twist in pain, as though it was being pulled in all directions.

She was lost in thought for a while before looking at Song Muchen.

“I don’t want to join the Bingzhu Division either,” she said. “The people there treat death as nothing, but I’m not sure. I may not be willing to sacrifice myself for that cause.”

Song Muchen didn’t immediately respond. He simply looked at her gently, not avoiding her confession nor showing any displeasure. It was because of his broad mind that she felt bold enough to continue speaking.

“Sir, I only see the small benefits in front of me, not high ideals.”

“Everyone in the world lives differently. It would be too harsh to expect everyone to have high ideals. If you don’t want to join the Bingzhu Division, would you consider helping me occasionally?” he asked.

Nan Yi was somewhat confused. “How can I help?”

“Miss Liu must have told you that sending Prince Ling’an out of the city is urgent. The situation in Lidu Prefecture is unpredictable and ever-changing. There will always be times when help is needed. If you can assist, once we safely send His Highness to the new capital and help him ascend the throne, I can ask the court to reward you. Even if it’s just a small piece of land, it would be your support from the court, a foundation that will give you a place to stand, wherever you go.”

Nan Yi’s eyes gradually lit up.

That was exactly what she had been desperately searching for. When the jade bracelet broke, she had already given up on asking Zhang Yuehui for help. Relying on others would never last. The person walking must rely on their own two feet.

________________________________________

It wasn’t until the next day that Xie Que Shan learned from Wan Yanjun about what had happened at Huguishan.

Previously, Gusha had been domineering in military affairs, blocking Wan Yanjun’s path. He had only a few merits, and everyone wanted to claim them. No one could get the most significant credit, so Gusha was essentially handed over to Wan Yanjun to be used as a pawn. The message had come from Xie Que Shan, who had his people deliver it to Wan Yanjun.

Song Muchen’s letter laid out his plans clearly, not only hoping that “Yan” could help sow discord but also hoping to persuade Wan Yanjun to use explosives. However, Xie Que Shan never mentioned the idea of explosives. First, Wan Yanjun was already someone who loved using gunpowder for surprise attacks. Second, the only way to quickly trap both sides in the tunnels was through this method. Letting Wan Yanjun come up with it himself was far more discreet than him pointing it out.

Now that Wan Yanjun had won, of course, he had to return the favor to Xie Que Shan, promising not to pursue Lady Gantang’s fault.

After all, the Yucheng army was already destroyed. For Wan Yanjun, a woman from the back courtyard posed no threat, while Xie Que Shan was someone he wanted to win over. He was much more useful than Gusha, the brute.

Xie Que Shan’s joy was partly genuine.

A heavy stone had finally fallen to the ground.

He knew that his risky move had paid off, and he had successfully extricated himself, cleared his name, and regained Wan Yanjun’s trust. Every step had to be precise, and the final success could only be attributed to great luck.

He had placed all his bets on Nan Yi. He had relied on her strong will to survive, shattered her jade bracelet, and gave her a chance to escape. He gambled that she would go and warn the Yucheng army. Only if this step succeeded would there be room for things to change.

And she had never let him down.

In the end, it was him who had disappointed himself.

He was selfish, petty, domineering, and dictatorial. Perhaps it was because he had nothing of his own in his life, and he had developed possessiveness toward her. He had immersed himself in the little moments he shared with her and wanted to keep her by his side.

He used one secret after another to pull her into his schemes, making her sink deeper and deeper, trapping her in his world with no escape. How pathetic he was—he thought that by doing this, she would naturally stay.

When he found out she wanted to leave, he was filled with rage. How could she betray him? How could he allow the blade he had forged to point at him?

He should have killed her—to cut off the threat or to eliminate the root of the problem. But he couldn’t do it.

Because none of this was her fault. She was a living, breathing person, with her own desires, emotions, and thoughts. What moved him were these vivid, alive aspects of her. What right did he have to control them, to force her to become his puppet?

At this moment, he made the decision to let her go, to let everything return to its rightful place.

But some mistakes had already been made. He couldn’t simply let her go.

Even if she were to leave, he had to ensure her future and safety were secure. She had exposed herself when saving her third uncle, and when secretly helping her second sister gather supplies. If someone noticed the smallest clue, she would surely be in danger. And she had no idea where she stood. She thought of herself as an ordinary person, but she could never go back.

Outside of Lidu Prefecture, the Bingzhu Division, at most, would follow Song Muchen’s orders and assist Nan Yi at the dock. Beyond that, no one would take care of her. The agents all had their own worries, and she was not an important figure.

Moreover, when she reached the south, how would she stand on her own? A woman alone with money, wouldn’t she be a prime target in these chaotic times? Was she supposed to rely on her unreliable, intangible fiancé? Or on the self-absorbed Song Muchen? He feared she would fall victim to some smooth-talking scoundrel, losing everything.

The intelligence about the Yucheng army was a favor Xie Que Shan had given Nan Yi. She saved the Yucheng army, and they protected her. The Bingzhu Division respected her, and Song Muchen would recognize her value and protect her more comprehensively. For an ordinary person, the Bingzhu Division was not a good place—it’s a blood-stained battlefield filled with danger. But for someone already entangled in the game, it was a reliable backing.

In this ruthless world, there would be no waiting for her to slowly grow and face the storm. The crisis was everywhere. He could only use extreme measures to force her growth. He wouldn’t let her remain like a floating reed. He would help her find her roots, so he could finally let her go.

She was nothing more than a passerby in his long life. They traveled together for a while, and that was all. The fleeting emotions between them would quickly dissipate with the passage of time. He had become accustomed to being the villain, so he didn’t need her gratitude. In fact, hatred and fear would be preferable.

Such a farewell was the right one.

He had always regarded himself as a dead man, a shell of a body. Only by seeing himself this way could he continue to live. The human emotions of love, hate, and desire were inverted within him—he had to hate those he loved and love those he hated in order to move forward, step by step. Everyone wants the love of family, friends, and lovers, but he deliberately pushed all of these things away.

The slightest greed or attachment would destroy everything.

This was the last time he thought of her. He hoped that her future would be bright, and that one day she would live the life she had long dreamed of.

And then, forever, never to encounter him again.